Chapter Eight - Incredible Loss

"Actually.. It's Kathy."

"Kathy." Liv shakes her head, feeling both puzzled and alarmed.

"I heard on the news about your kidnapping. How are you."

Agitated and stunned, Liv replies. "What's going on Kathy?" Liv's words come out unknowingly cut and dry. She was not at all concern with any pleasantries. She answered her cell because she thought the call was from Elliot. She wants to hang up but decides to anxiously wait it out.

Kathy Stabler knows that calling Liv out of blue seems is a very dicey move. Still, Kathy knows how important Benson was to Elliot and since he's unavailable, Kathy wants to step up. Kathy knows very well that Elliot and Liv parted ways on painfully unspoken terms. Kathy feels, now more than ever, that Liv needs to either hear from Elliot or hear about Elliot. Because hearing from him was no longer in the cards, Kathy decided to make that uncomfortable call. "You were hoping I was Elliot weren't you?"

Liv hesitates then takes in a deep breath, "Yes."

"I don't know why I'm calling. I guess, I just wanted to?" Kathy senses that Liv can hear the nervousness in her voice.

"Thank you for calling." Liv clears her throat.

"You've been his partner for as long as he and I have been.." Kathy holds her thought.

There is an awkward silence that last more than ten seconds. Liv breaks the ice. "Where is he?"

When Kathy pauses, Liv senses something's wrong. "Elliot and I are divorced Liv. We ended our marriage Valentine's Day, this year." Kathy lets out a pitiful chuckle, "The kids are all grown up. Dickie's at NYU but he never really comes home anymore. Maureen's pregnant with her second child. She and her husband are partners at a law firm in Chicago. Elizabeth's in Europe. She's a brilliant artist. She sends me one of her paintings every time she hosts a galleria. I'm still living in Queens with Eli and uh?" Kathy waits seconds before continuing, "Elliot moved to L.A."

"Oh?" Liv is speechless.

"Look I got your number from your captain last week and I just wanted to? I don't know. I'm glad you're alive Liv... I don't think he could handle another loss."

"Another loss?" Benson's heart races. She can hear Kathy's sobs through the phone.

"Kathleen." Kathy sniffs her nose.

"I didn't know I. I'm sorry Kathy. I am so sorry."

"So am I."

The conversation with Kathy left Olivia shaken. It was bittersweet. While the conversation left her no longer numb, it also brought back her feelings. She feels so badly for Kathy and her old partner but it explains a lot of things that puzzled her mind. All this time. All this time...

She gets out of bed and the smell of exotic spices hits her nose. Brian's cooking again. Brian sits on his sofa, sipping beer, while staring at the two plates of food on the end table. He looks up and is surprised to see Liv sitting next to him. Brian smiles, glad to see his girlfriend up and out of the bed. He studies her face. She's unreadable.

"Hey... Thought you might get up when you smelled my ma's spices."

"Is your mother coming over?"

"No. I keep her recipes when I feel like eating a home cook meal."

"Oh." Liv pauses when she captures the sadness in Brian's eyes. Secretly, Liv envied Brian's closeness with his mother. She yearned for maternal love her entire life.

"You hungry. There's your plate." Brian chuckles as he takes a spoonful of clam sauce covered noodles. "My word for it? It's pretty damn good if I say so myself."

Liv is sick to her stomach. Her appetite is foreign. "Maybe later."

"Good to see you out of bed. Hey who was that calling you... Heard your phone ring so."

Her eyes begin to tear up and her voice comes out small. "That was Kathy."

"Who Stabler's wife?"

"Yea."

"Oh you're taking calls now." Brian's voice comes out a tad hostile. He glares at Liv and realizes that comment was too soon. "Sorry."

Liv brushes it off. "Elliot and Kathy's daughter, Kathleen? She was in a car accident."

"She ok?" He nibbles on his food, seemingly not moved by this information.

Liv shakes her head. "Turns out this happened on New Years Eve. Of this year." Liv shakes her head. "It's almost a brand new year. No one told me this. But she's in a coma-but they had to move her to L.A. There's a facility there that may help her? Um... wake up. Elliot's with her. "

"Oh sorry to hear that." Brian shows no emotions. Liv suspects that this wasn't Brian's first time learning this information.

"Wait a minute. You already knew." She rolls her eyes, annoyed.

"Yea." Brian says sharply.

"Wow. Okay. Thanks Brian." She gets up. "Thanks for telling me."

"I sense some hostility Liv."

"Well you could have told me."

"I just found out myself. Capt called Kathy when he couldn't get a hold of Stabler. He wanted him to know about you. Capt thought Stabler should be on board. I gotta tell ya Liv for a while there? We didn't know if Lewis had raped you or kill you or both." Brian drops his fork, reminding himself of the fresh wounds Lewis placed upon Liv. He watches as her face goes white. Her attitude becomes perturbed. "I should just shut up." Cassidy lets out a sigh.

"He didn't rape me Brian." Liv is about to storm off when Brian hops up and grabs her arm. In an intense moment, Liv is thrown back into her time as Lewis's captive.

"No no no.. Let me see your beautiful face." Lewis grabs her chin roughly. He forces her to look into the camera, "Hi," he says. She takes a small and short breath before looking Lewis in the eyes. He lets her chin go. Smiling, Lewis asks, "now I'm going to ask you a few questions and if you answer me, you get to live a little longer... but if you don't?... you get your own gun shove up your ass and believe me I will do it... " Liv submissively nods her head.

Nodding her head in that same gesture, Liv begins to lose control over her actions. She becomes physically defensive. "Get off me." Liv screams as she instinctively knees Brian in the groin. He lets out a small cry. She continues to blindly defend herself by hitting him twice in his chest.

"Liv. Liv stop." He grabs both of her hands to avoid further blows. She takes a breath, forcing herself to calm down. She's at war with something. A powerful force. Tears pouring down like rain with a gust of wind. Brian isn't sure if he should let her hands go. He fears for both of their safety.

Luckily, Liv's body stands still. Brian carefully lets her go. He watches as Liv stares right through him. She stands there, frozen. "What are you doing here. What are you doing in my apartment" Liv's flashbacks continues to haunt her.

He points the gun at her and warns her not to be brave. Liv scans her apartment for anything, an escape, another weapon, but her eyes ends up right back on Lewis and the gun. "Be a good girl detective". Within seconds, Lewis rushes towards Liv and slams her into the wall. In this process she hits the back of her head and the impact is so huge it causes blood. This time, Detective Olivia Benson succumbs and falls lifelessly onto the floor.

"He? He knocked me out. I reached for my gun right? I mean I would have. I should have.. But he still got me... Did I reach for my gun?" Liv says, barely above a whisper. Brian is horrified as Liv snaps back into the now. Tears stream down her beautiful face.

"It's ok. You alright? Huh?" Brian tries to grab her again. He wants to hold her in his arms, but Liv backs away.

She blinks the tears away and confusingly shakes her head. She has no control of her own mind anymore. It's a familiar feeling she knows all too well. Out of breath, Liv replies, "I'm fine."

"Are you?" Brian asks as Liv gets closer to the bathroom door.

"Yea. I'm good. Sorry." She escapes into the bathroom, her body is visibly shaken.

Brian sits back on the couch and drinks every sip of beer he has left. His back is against the walls. He searches his mind for solutions. He has gotten her to open up about rape. He didn't know if she was lying or being honest. She says he didn't rape her but he knows how much Liv's pride means to her. How can he help someone who isn't letting him in. Should he be grateful that she's alive and safe inside his home? Should he sit idly by and partake in Olivia Benson's downfall? Or should he ask someone for help?

Inside the bathroom, Liv is puking up an emptier stomach. She turns on the shower water to mask the sound of her vomiting. When she's done, she strips off her clothing. Stepping into the shower, Liv breaks down in tears.

To Be Continued...