Chapter Eleven - Recuerdos

Waking up to pee, Liv hops out of bed. She looks at the time on her phone. Midnight. Brian was still not home. Suddenly, she hears a creaking noise coming from the living.

"Bri?"

Liv jumps as she hears someone enter Brian's apartment. She goes to the chest and grabs one of Brian's guns. It's dark. It's very dark. She tries to creep into the living room but her footsteps are too loud. She notices two tall figures standing by the door. Who are they?

Liv squinches her eyes and realizes what she's actually seeing. "You killed him." The frighteningly familiar voice throws Liv and all she can think of is No.

"You don't remember do you? I bet you do bitch. You killed him... You beat him with that bed post. He's dead now detective."

Liv tries to make out the faces of the two figures. "Who's dead," Liv asks above a whisper, her body trembles in fear.

"I am." The second figure's voice is finally heard. This time, Liv feels the urge to run.

"No no no it? It can't be..." Her voice is inaudible. The two figures step into Liv's sight and her skin begins to crawl with ants and maggots. Literally. Taking her eyes off of the two men, she looks down at her body. She's naked. Maggots and ants are oozing out of her skin.

The fear in her eyes are not so much caused by the insects but caused by the two men cornering her, Lowell Harris and William Lewis. She opens her mouth to scream but only her bloody underwear comes out.

"Liv? .. Liv wake up. Liv come on you're having a nightmare. Come on." Brian sits on the bed aside Liv, lightly shaking her as his ears sting from the screams she lets out. He watches as she scratches her skin until it bleeds. Not wanting her to hurt herself, Brian now begins to shake her more forcibly. "Liv no stop it..." Brian's tone tries to match the pitch of Liv's screams, "Liv wake up, it's just a bad dream, you're safe-Liv?"

Liv pops up. Her eyes wide open. She lets out a deep breath. For several seconds, she's hyperventilating, trying to take in her surroundings. Brian backs away to give her space, although, he's still sitting on the bed. He wants to be close enough to hold her if she cries and far enough to give her room if she cries.

"It's ok." Brian whispers as Liv calms herself down. "It was a bad dream right? Come on you're ok."

"Sorry." Liv voice is breathy. Brian moves in closer to her and is surprised when she hugs him. She's so soft. She smells heavenly. Lavender and vanilla fragrances consumes Brian's nostrils. He doesn't want to let her go. Out of all the people in her life, she's choosing to lean on him. He's thankful.

Pulling back before Liv feels overpowered by his hug, Brian asks his girlfriend about the dream. "I uh?" Liv shakes her head confusingly. "I don't remember." Brian gets up to turn on his bedroom lamp. "Are you just getting home?" Liv flips on the television.

"No. I got here after six. Rush hour right. Sorry I know I was late but don't be mad... I didn't wanna wake you when I got here so I've been busy cooking a late dinner." Brian slouches in his bed. His back pressed up against the head board and pillow.

"How was your first day back?" Liv places her head on Brian's lap. He begins to brush her hair back. She tries not to flinch.

"Same old story. You know? Boring." Brian continues to caress Liv's hair. "What about you? Hm? What'd you do all day?"

Liv closes her eyes as she remembers Lewis caressing her hair on several occasions during her captivity. She tries to fight that violent reaction, that she feel is coming, by lifting her head. Brian looks at her, puzzled. He knows he's done something wrong.

"What's wrong?" He tries to read Liv's face.

"Simon found me. My brother? He was here earlier." She gets out of bed and begins to stretch her stiff limbs.

"How'd he find you here?"

"Simon is like me. He's resourceful."

"Well? You ok? I mean, did he want something?"

"No." She sits back on the bed. "He only wanted to know if I was ok." Liv tries to muster up a smile but it comes out fake.

"Oh ok... Speaking of family?" Brian stands up and grabs a small note pad from his pocket. "My ma wanted me to give this to you."

Liv is both flattered and suspicious. She grabs the note pad from Brian. "What is it?"

Brian chuckles as he remembers his mom demanding that he give the note pad to Liv before he headed to work this morning. "Her infamous cook book. Just a list of ingredients, recipes, and what nots."

Liv is confused but grateful. "You told her I cooked?"

Brian sits next to Liv and waits several seconds before answering his girlfriend. "No. I never told her you cooked but... Look my ma takes pride in her recipes right. My pop's mom-my nana, gave these same recipes to her. "

Liv agrees. "And she gives her recipes to me? Bri come on? She doesn't even know if I cook or not."

Brian looks into Liv's eyes. "Look. She doesn't have to know if you cook or don't cook.. I mean she knows I cook, she taught me how to cook. She wants you to have this because it's a tradition to her... And she's proud of me for.. [Her words right?] finding a leannán... She wants you to have this because you're the only woman I've ever told her about and she considers you apart of the family." Brian gets up to go into the kitchen with no idea of how better he's made Liv feel.

The next morning, Brian left the apartment without waking Liv. She feels empty waking up alone. Brian made sure to leave a message for her and placed it on his pillow. Hey Liv. For a second I thought I would sleep in and bail on work but who am I kidding. I need the money right. Plus I don't have the balls to skip a day. See you in a few. She grabs her phone from the charger, next to the bed. 100% charged.

Liv gets up, puts the coffee on, and head to the bathroom to shower and brush her teeth. After she's done, she orders breakfast from Buttermilk Channel's. Liv places her phone on the end table. She sits on the sofa, anxiously debating if calling and checking in on her job was something she's ready for. She wants to know what's going on and, at the same time, she doesn't want to place herself in that world again. Not yet, at least.

Maybe I call the Captain? To check in? Liv begins to dial Cragen's number. After two rings, Liv's mind goes rigid with fear. A vision. An illusion? A specter of her unaccountable time with Lewis manifests its way violently inside of her memory. Her hearing is lost. The only sound she hears is her own voice repeating lines from Brian's note who am I kidding. I need the money right. Plus I don't have the balls to skip a day.

She's losing self control once more. She's being yanked back inside of that beach house. Her body becomes paralyzed. This wasn't an illusion or a vision. This happened.

"You're out cold aren't ya? I haven't called anyone yet... I think I want you to suffer."

A look of bewilderment paints Benson's face. What is she seeing? Was this how Lewis ended up so pulverized?

"I want to shoot you in the head right now. Watch you bleed out. Maybe that's too easy. My old partner, he'd know what to do. He wouldn't question himself, after what you've done. He would kick your teeth in. Break your legs, break your arms, break your back, break your face."

The memories are overwhelming Liv. She's cowering on Brian's sofa trying to block out the memories and invite the memories inside of her head.

"One day, my dad got wasted. He passed out, right? She comes out of the room. She asks me if I want to play. She puts me in her mouth. God, it felt good. Then my daddy came out, he slaps her in the face. She's bleeding from her nose and mouth. He grabs her, pulls her pants down, does her on the floor..."

Liv manages to get up off the sofa. Am I catching a heart attack too? It appears as if she's writhing in pain. Struggling to stand straight and struggling to walk.

I knew it... You don't have the balls.."

She hears the sound of her own screams during her ordeal. She can vividly see herself grabbing the bedpost. She catches herself from falling when she flashes to a part of her ordeal she's been suppressing. It's horrible. She hears the sound of the post hitting Lewis repeatedly. The sound is so visceral. So harrowing.

"Oh my God." Liv falls to the floor. "What did I do?"

To Be Continued...