Something was obviously weighing on his mate. He could tell that much, but their bond had been frustratingly silent other than the almost five minute checks that he was still there. He hadn't talked about what it was that the crystal had shown him, but whatever it was, it had left his Angel with the need to check that he was still there far more often than could be considered healthy.
On the one hand, he wanted his Angel to talk to him, to tell him what had happened to cause this, but on the other hand, he thought he could probably guess. It wasn't something he wanted to think about, let alone experience, but it wasn't really about him. His Angel was suffering. If talking about it helped, then he'd just have to suck it up and do it.
A light tap on the other side of their bond sounded in his head and he sighed. He just didn't know what he could do for the other man that would help. There was a sneaking suspicion at the back of his mind that whatever damage had been done was permanent. Or at least, it had left a mark. Just the thought of summoning his grace left the Angel shaking, and staring at his hands in utter horror.
But the most obvious mark it had left on the other man was the way it had affected his wings. The very tips of his flight feathers, the long feathers that edged his wings, looked like they'd been dipped in tar. No longer, were they the pure white that they'd been since he'd gotten them back. It was just as beautiful, if only to him, but Haylen froze up every time he caught sight of them.
If he ever found out whose fault it was that his Angel had been reduced to this shell of his former self, it wouldn't be pretty. And he wasn't alone in that thought. He'd seen it on each of his companions faces once they'd found out just how affected Haylen had been. Amy hadn't surprised him in the least, she'd always been overprotective, but that had nothing on what she was like now.
Likewise, River wasn't a surprise. But she was ultimately more dangerous than Amy, since she carried at least one gun wherever she went. Between the two of them, he'd found himself half ducking every time they raised a hand. He really didn't want to get slapped again.
She hadn't been able to leave, either. When she'd said that she should be getting back, Haylen had turned terrified eyes on her and she'd caved immediately.
The one who had surprised him, though, was Rory. It really shouldn't have. The man had told him that Haylen was like a brother to him. Of course he would be protective of the innocent Angel.
It just wasn't fair.
Haylen had never been like this before. Sure, there had been moments where he'd been afraid, times where his own power scared him, but never had he been so utterly terrified to be left alone. If any of them were gone for any length of time, he started to get anxious and would go looking for them. It wasn't something that was going to work long-term, but for the time being, each of them was more than happy to let the Angel hoard them to himself.
He was sure that the sight of Haylen laying limp and still on that infirmary bed was going to haunt each one of them for a good long while.
A long white tail wound itself through the air in front of him, bringing him out of his despairing thoughts. It darted forward, wapping him in the face gently and leaving him sputtering and trying to spit white hairs out. Why did his tongue feel like it was coated in cat fur, he hadn't even had his mouth open when she'd done that!
'What was that for?' he demanded, giving the overgrown cat a reproachful look.
Your thoughts were bothering me, she replied haughtily.
He couldn't help himself. He laughed helplessly, surprised by the tone of voice she'd used. He didn't think Shadow had ever sounded more full of herself, and he knew she'd put it on to make him smile.
She sat with a smug self-satisfied look on her mouth, winding her tail around her feet as she did.
The Doctor stood, sighing as he reached out to give her an absentminded scratch behind the ear. He supposed he should go and find his mate, make sure the other man was still alright. He had been sitting in the console room moping for a while.
Rustling feathers had his head snapping up, scanning the room quickly for the source. He spotted his Angel standing by the stairs, just watching him pet Shadow with worryingly empty eyes.
He sighed again, and moved over to the other man. It took a moment, but Haylen blinked slowly, his eyes eventually focusing on him properly. His brow furrowed, a vaguely confused look on his face as he took in the somber look on his mate's face.
'I think it's time we talked about what you saw in that crystal,' he said gently.
Haylen reared back, his eyes going wild at just the suggestion. The Doctor nodded. That was about what he'd expected, and while it hurt him to see the Angel this way, the only way they could get through this was to talk about it. He clearly wasn't getting past it on his own.
There was silence for a moment, but that was alright. He could give his Angel as much time as he needed, as long as he eventually talked to him. Although it just about killed him to see the way the other man struggled against the onslaught of memories.
You died, his Angel whispered mentally. It was hollow, a deadened feeling creeping into his side of their bond that didn't help the icy fingers that were wrapping around his hearts one bit.
And then they died, he continued blankly. I killed them.
Well, that wasn't ideal, the Doctor thought slowly, swallowing the pain that threatened to crash over him. No wonder he hadn't wanted to let them out of his sight.
He could picture it too. All that power, guided purely by emotion. What else could it do in the face of overwhelming pain but destroy everything around him?
It killed me, too, Haylen continued. But that was good. Then I didn't have to keep feeling.
He didn't like the broken little smile that came across his mate's face one bit.
The Doctor held out his hands, more than grateful when Haylen automatically responded the right way, and took his mate's hands in his. He rubbed calming circles into skin that still felt too-cold.
'We all die eventually, Haylen,' he said gently, holding on tighter when his mate tried to pull away. 'But I can promise, that I will always be with you. Even when I'm gone, and so will Amy, and Rory, and River, too. We'll always be here.'
He used one of the hands that was still connected to his mate's, to splay out over the man's heart.
'We'll be right here,' he said, a sad smile coming to his face as he finally felt a real emotion coming from his mate again. Tears had built up in the Angel's eyes as he spoke, and pure grief was radiating from inside him. 'Guiding you through the rest of your life.'
'I won't die,' Haylen got out between gasps, but the Doctor was already shaking his head.
'We all die, eventually,' he reiterated.
'How will I survive it?' Haylen asked, tears falling unheeded down his cheeks.
'It's never easy,' he replied sadly. Memories of each of his companions came to mind, not to mention the people he'd known before the Time War. His children, his spouse, his family. All dead, and he'd had to continue on. No, it was not easy.
'I don't want you to go,' his mate whispered brokenly.
'I'm not going anywhere any time soon,' he answered, trying to be soothing despite how shaken he was at the idea of his Angel having to see his death.
The uncomfortable look on the other man's face was not promising.
Instead of dealing with that, he pulled his Angel into his arms. The feeling of their hearts beginning to beat in sync with each other was all he let himself feel.
The first trip that he'd suggested had been postponed immediately at the wild eyed look his mate had given him, but he'd managed to convince him to leave the safety of the Tardis when he'd mentioned Asgard. Maybe it was the fact that nothing bad had happened to any of them the last time they'd been there. Or maybe it was because he knew that his mate's death wouldn't happen there, but whatever the cause, the Doctor was glad to see that not all hope was lost.
He could admit to an ulterior motive, though. Oh, he wasn't planning to tell Haylen that, but he had mostly thought of it because he wanted answers. If anyone knew about that crystal, it was the queen of the people who had descended from them. His Angel might have told him what he'd seen, but he was willing to bet that there was more, and he didn't want to force his mate to relive what was surely the worst moment in his entire life, yet again.
They'd only just gotten him back to a semblance of his former self. So if he wanted answers, he'd just have to look elsewhere.
He shot a look over the console at where his Angel stood, arms wrapped around himself, watching him pilot the Tardis to their destination. Amy and Rory were standing on either side of him, eerily similar concerned looks on their faces. They'd both thought it was too soon, but Haylen had agreed with him so here they were.
He felt vaguely guilty about using that to his advantage, but there was very little chance of any of them getting into anything serious while they were there. Which would be a nice change, for once, he thought with a huff.
'River,' he called, pretending he was having more trouble with their journey than he was. He didn't want to worry his Angel, but he also didn't want the other man to be there when he spoke to Queen Gaes, and he needed to know that he'd be safe.
'Don't worry,' she said lowly as she moved to stand next to him, flicking a switch and tapping a few buttons that had them flying a bit more gently. He frowned at that. He hadn't actually wanted her to touch the controls of his Tardis. 'I'll keep an eye on him. Just go do whatever it is that you have to do.'
He might not like the fact that she was from his future, but that didn't mean he couldn't use it to his advantage when needed. She clearly cared for Haylen just as much as he did, and the other man was just as clearly comfortable in her presence. He had been from the moment he'd met her, which was a little strange now that he was thinking about it.
His favourite sound in the entire universe rang through the Tardis as she materialised on Asgard. It really was an excellent sound, he thought to himself with a smile as he moved back around the console to where his companions stood together.
'Right,' he said brightly, 'Asgard here we come!'
He threw the doors open with his usual relish, and came face to face with the end of a very pointy looking spear.
Not exactly the welcome he'd been expecting, but he'd had worse.
'Take me to your leader,' he said, delighted in ways that he shouldn't have been to be able to say that again. He couldn't help it, it was just such a fun thing to say!
The spear lowered, and an exasperated face met his bright eyes. He grinned as he recognised the woman as the same one who'd met them last time, back when they'd come here with the princess. Now if only he could remember her name.
'You've come back,' she said, stating the obvious. He couldn't blame her, not really. It did tend to surprise people, having a big blue box appear out of nowhere. 'The healer who became the mate of the Angel.'
Well, that was one way of putting it, he thought, mulling over the new term. It made sense that that was the way they remembered him. It wasn't like he'd done anything particularly interesting while they'd visited last time, other than manage to convince Haylen's grace that he was the best possible choice for mate.
And it was far better than some of the monikers he'd been given in the past.
'Yes, that's me,' he said, smiling at her somewhat irritated expression. 'And I brought my mate with me!'
That got her attention, he thought smugly. She perked up, shifting to try and look over his shoulder for a glimpse of Haylen. He could understand, given that he knew they hadn't thought they'd ever see another Angel, but his mate was a bit fragile for that kind of attention at the moment.
Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea after all.
'We were hoping to see Queen Gaes, if possible,' he said, watching in satisfaction as her eyes snapped right back onto him, all thoughts of Haylen disappearing as quickly as they'd come.
'I can ask, but the Queen rarely sees people without an appointment,' the Fairy replied sternly.
'Oh, I think she'll see us,' he said, smiling wanly at her suspicious look. After all, if his reputation had reached them, then the fact that he had come back could only mean that it was dire. And it was. He needed answers, and his Angel needed familiar faces who might know more about what he was going through.
He'd parked the Tardis much closer to the palace this time, not wanting to go through the whole long journey rigamarole when they already knew them. So it was a much shorter trip, though they got just as many stares this time as they had the last time, especially when the guards spotted Haylen's feathery wings.
'Enough!' the Fairy they'd been following snapped as the whispering turned into curious calls. The flinty cast of her eyes had every one of the guards straightening up and returning to their posts with wide eyes.
It was an impressive display of authority, but he could tell that it was new to her. Not that new, since a single word was enough to rein them in, but new enough that it still sat heavily on her shoulders.
'Congratulations,' he offered, nodding as her back stiffened up and she shot him a pointed look.
'Congratulations?'
That was a dangerous tone if ever he'd heard one, but he was sure she'd misunderstood him.
'You've obviously been promoted,' he said, shrugging as she gave him a frown. 'New since the last time we visited?'
'Not that it's any of your business,' she said stonily, 'but yes.'
They came to a stop outside the doors that he knew opened onto the throne room, and she bade them stop with all of a single look before moving up to speak with one of the Fairies guarding them.
Like he'd thought, they were ushered in after just a moment. Of course, Queen Gaes would want to see the Angel she'd looked after for several years. She'd thought him dead for so much longer than he'd even been alive at this point, so seeing him alive and well was something that she'd yearn for. Not that he was all that well.
She was standing when they entered the throne room, wearing a dusky blue dress this time, instead of the golden one she'd worn last time. There was some sort of thin material over the top that left him with the impression of the white at the crest of a crashing wave.
He smiled, not at all surprised when her eyes flickered over each of them and came to a stop on his Angel. He was also distinctly unsurprised at the way she frowned delicately as her eyes trailed across the shiny black that now coated the tips of his wings.
She managed to wipe most of the expression away by the time that his Angel met her eyes, he was relieved to see. There was no need to upset him even more.
'Haylen,' she said warmly, arms wide in invitation. 'How are you, my dear?'
The Doctor's hearts clenched in his chest at the lost look that came over his mate's face. He'd been so very vulnerable since whatever that crystal had done to him, and no wonder. It had driven him literally out of his own mind, and left nothing but fear and pain behind.
Queen Gaes moved toward him, gathering the Angel up in a loving embrace that she probably reserved for her children alone. It was obvious to see that she thought of him as one of her own. All they had to do was look at the sheer strength of emotion in her eyes, and it was more than clear.
His Angel melted into the warmth of her hug, and he had to push away memories of his own mother holding him the same way. It had been a long time since he'd thought of that, but the memories weren't bothered by such a small fact.
He had to look away from the sweet display, the Fairy Queen humming softly and swaying them back and forth in an effort to comfort the young Angel. It was too much, especially when he'd been at fault for letting the other man go off on his own.
If he'd just listened to the way his instincts had been screaming at him, then this wouldn't have happened. Haylen need never have experienced that kind of pain, let alone been affected by it. He knew just how utterly something like that could destroy a person.
He couldn't help but look at each of the others, a part of him so completely sure that they blamed him as well. It didn't matter that none of them were looking at him, not when he was sure he knew where their thoughts lay.
That was alright, though. Them blaming him hurt, but it had nothing on the way he felt about himself for causing this, or at least not stopping it.
'Hmm,' Queen Gaes hummed, a more considering sound than the tuneless hum she was using to comfort his Angel a moment ago.
He turned back to see her holding Haylen out at arms length, looking deep into his eyes as though she could tell what he needed with only the strength of her willpower.
'I think we'll have Nuwis take a look at those wings of yours,' she said, finally coming to a decision. Why she'd want her daughter to look at his mate's wings, the Doctor couldn't even begin to wonder.
She nodded to one of the guards stationed at yet another door that stood off to the side, and handed Haylen off to him when he moved over. The Doctor wasn't the only one confused by this, judging by the protests of Amy and Rory, but Haylen just followed along behind the other Fairy with a vaguely confused expression.
That is, until he realised that his mate hadn't moved to accompany them like all three of the others had. He paused, turning back to look around for the Doctor, a small hurt look furrowing his brow as the man gestured for him to go on without him.
The look in his eyes was tiny compared to the way the pain ripped through their bond, but he couldn't make it worse by letting the Angel latch onto him and never let go again. Eventually, they had to get to a point where they could be in separate rooms without falling into a panic attack. It just wasn't healthy.
There was also the little matter of the conversation that he wanted to have with the Queen of the Fairies. He wasn't sure that Haylen was ready to think about, let alone talk about, what happened on Vita Aeterna.
The look in those bright blue eyes as he was ushered gently from the room by River was yet another that was going to haunt him.
He scrubbed his hand over his face, unable to keep the troubled look from his eyes as he turned back to the waiting Queen. She could tell that there were questions he needed to ask her, much like he could tell that she wanted answers about what had upset Haylen, but it looked like she was prepared to wait him out.
'There are some things I need to know,' he started seriously, 'and I can't asked Haylen.'
He paused, considering his words carefully. If wouldn't do to make her defensive, not when he knew it wasn't her fault. He was so completely exhausted, but there was a part of him that lay just beneath the surface of his calm. It was the part of himself that roared at injustice, the part that refused to let innocent people die, the part that chose violence if it would stop others from doing worse things. And it wanted to chose violence. It had wanted to be let loose the moment he'd realised just how close he'd come to losing his mate yet again.
He might be nigh on invulnerable to most things, but that didn't mean that his mind couldn't be destroyed. And he honestly didn't know what he'd turn into if that happened to the Angel.
'Tell me about the final test,' he said, sure that she'd recognise the term. He'd gotten it out of his mate, and then promptly wished he hadn't for how long it had taken to calm him back down.
He'd been right.
All her royal calm went out the window in a second, her eyes snapping to his with an intensity that he'd expect from a lioness who'd just spotted someone sneaking up on her cub. She knew exactly what he was talking about, and it wasn't good.
'Where did you hear about that?' she asked stiffly.
'Haylen,' he said darkly. Though it was never far from his thoughts, he didn't like to think about how he'd found his mate that day. 'He had a dream, and the spirit of his mother came to him. That's where he first heard about it, and then his father backed her up, so he asked to be taken home.'
He felt the fight drain right out of him. There wasn't anything he could do about it now. He couldn't even go back and destroy that damn crystal, since he'd had to home in on his mate to even get there in the first place and it would be a cold day in hell before he let his Angel go back there.
'I took him to the entrance, and let him go,' he continued, unable to meet her eyes any longer as the guilt flooded through him. 'I never should've let him go. But I did, and I don't know what caused it, but when I found him again, he was broken. We nearly lost him.'
He looked up, knowing his own eyes were burning with the cold fire that had been sitting in his soul since he'd looked into empty eyes back in that room. 'So I need to know everything you know about that crystal. Now.'
She was silent for a long moment, just watching him with the kind of rage that only a mother could generate. Her hands were fisted by her sides, shaking slightly as she fought with the urge to attack him he could only guess.
'That test,' she spat angrily, 'is proof of how far the Angels had fallen.'
The Doctor felt his hearts sink in his chest. He'd known it was bad, but this was promising to be even worse than he'd thought.
'That crystal was a gift from the Goddess of Time,' Queen Gaes continued, a dark,brittle tone that told him just how she felt about the whole thing. 'It was supposed to help them harness their foresight, allowing them to see further into the future with better clarity. But some of the Angels saw what else it could be used for, and they perverted it.'
She took a deep breath, purposefully unclenching her hands and smoothing them down the front of her dress. 'They designed a mesh of sigils that would force it to locate the moment that an Angel's mate died, and trap them in that moment, reliving it over and over. The idea was, that the mate bond was a weakness, and removing the emotional attachment would remove the weakness. They would be trapped in that moment in time, reliving it until they no longer felt anything at all.'
The air wouldn't move. It was still, and refusing to be pulled into his lungs. The respiratory bypass was the only reason he hadn't passed out from a lack of oxygen. Just how long had his mate been trapped, watching him die over and over? How many times had he felt his grace rip out of him and destroy the entire Earth, let alone his sister, Rory, and River? No wonder he couldn't seem to bring it out again, he was worried that the next time he did, it would kill them all.
'It was decided that only the healers had need for such utter ruthlessness,' she said, struggling for an even tone. 'The warriors could use that berserk state to their advantage. If their mate died on the battlefield, then that was only to the good of the Angels. What is the loss of a few of their own to friendly fire in the face of victory?'
She met his gaze, her eyes burning with a rage that would no longer be repressed.
'They prioritized the ability to heal over the lives of those Angels, turning them into little more than machines,' she spat. 'With so few healers, they couldn't allow them to grieve the loss of their mates, not when it would ultimately end in the healer being put down.
'And they were wrong,' she said fiercely. 'Healers, more than anyone, should feel things deeply. There is something to be said for a certain amount of professional distance, but not at the cost of all emotion. Our healers don't have their emotions removed, and they manage just fine!'
She paused, gathering herself again, much to his surprise. The sheer rage that was thawing the cold fire inside him wasn't something that he thought would ever be banked.
'I, myself, have lost my mate, and yet I remain perfectly sane,' she said, pain just about radiating off her in waves. 'It was thanks to our healers that I did not lose myself to the pain, or the need to avenge her.'
She gave him a small smile, one that spoke of pain, but also of pride. 'That was when Nuwis decided she wanted to become a healer.'
Well, that answered one question, but it was only something that he realised distantly. It was all his fault that his Angel had gone through such an ordeal. If he'd just kept the other man by his side, then it wouldn't have happened.
River had been right.
Haylen doesn't go off on his own.
He was sulking. He knew that, but it didn't stop him from feeling the way he was. Sure, his sister had demanded to be allowed to stay, and both River and Rory had protested pretty loudly, but the Fairies hadn't let them. Something about patient privacy.
He hadn't been paying attention, not when all he'd been feeling was a swelling panic that was telling him that they'd finally realised what he'd wished they never would; that he was dangerous. They were leaving him behind, and he'd be on his own for the rest of eternity.
'Haylen!' a voice chirped as the gossamer curtain pulled itself back to reveal a familiar face. 'How are you? Oh, that's a silly question.'
How was it a silly question, he wondered, completely confused. She nodded to his wings, or more accurately, the newly black tips. The feathers rustled uneasily as she stepped up closer to have a better look at them.
He wasn't sure how he felt about that. He hadn't liked people staring before, but now that they weren't the pure white that they had been, it was so much worse. He felt like what they were doing was declaring to the world that he wasn't pure anymore. That he was a killer.
It didn't matter that it hadn't really happened. He'd still done it, and what was worse was that he knew that when he finally found himself in that moment, he'd most likely do it again. He wouldn't be able to stop himself.
'Don't worry,' Nuwis said, a sweet smile on her face that he thought might be hiding more than a small amount of pity, 'we can have you fixed up in just a moment. I'll just go grab my supervisor.'
She disappeared before he could respond, the thin curtain shutting behind her with a near silent shushing sound. He didn't much care, though. They could fix him? He'd just assumed that the black feathers were there to stay, just like his newly fearful feelings. Maybe they could even fix that, he thought, the smallest tendril of hope blooming inside his chest.
The woman that Nuwis came back with had leaves for hair. That was the only thing that seemed to register in his mind. Her features were just as fine as every other Fairy that he'd come into contact with, but there was a softness to her that just made the nervousness drain right out of him.
'Hello,' she said, smiling so widely that her eyes closed briefly. 'I see we're here for a cleansing.'
He didn't know what that meant, but apparently an answer wasn't required. She turned back to Nuwis and gestured for her to move toward him. 'Nuwis is my apprentice, she's been training under me for five decades. Is it alright if she does your cleansing today?'
He nodded, confused but not worried. If it was anything like back in Leadworth, then this was how new doctors got their experience. If they could fix him then he didn't care how long she'd been training, or how many people needed to work on the problem.
Nuwis sent him a bright smile and lifted her hands. A soft green glow spread out from her palms, and she brought them up to his head much to his surprise. Was all of this a problem with his mind, and not just his wings?
Perhaps the change in colour was psychosomatic, he thought with a frown. It would make sense in a strange sort of way.
That was as far as his thoughts got before they went all fuzzy, and a calm feeling drifted through him like creeping fog. Whatever she was doing felt great. He hadn't been this relaxed since he'd first sat in front of that crystal.
He waited for the now familiar feeling of terror that the thought should have called up, but it didn't come. Sure, he could feel it, but Nuwis' magic was standing in between the feeling and his mind, seemingly stopping it from getting to him.
'Oh,' she said softly, so many emotions dripping from the single sound that he had no hope of understanding any of them.
A thought occurred to him then, and he brought his own hands up in front of him. His grace lit the area between his hands and his face, the bright golden-white shot through with shadowy wisps of darkness. He wasn't sure that was something that could be fixed. Azrael had said that his experiences would change the colour, and if that was true, then the only way to remove the black was to remove the memories. But would that be enough?
Nuwis hummed, her fingers flexing as she held the magic in place at the sides of his head, and he felt something shift inside him in response.
The grace pooling in his palms shifted, flaring brighter for a moment before settling back down. It pulsed and swirled in the air before finally flaring once more almost angrily. Once it settled at last, it was a bright lively green that hummed with a strange energy.
'You're a healer, too!' Nuwis said, delight running through her words.
He flinched, the memories of his mate's death swamping him as her attention slipped. If she was right, then he'd have to go back and try that test again at some point, and he never wanted to see that happen again.
'Focus, Nuwis,' the other Fairy chided gently.
Her fingers flexed again, and the calm came back, pushing those memories back and standing guard between them once more.
'Sorry,' she whispered.
It was an hour later that they finished up, and much to his surprise, his wings were back to their pure white selves, or at least the ends were. They still had that dusting of gold at the top that faded to white the further down they got.
They'd left him sitting on the soft bench that served as the seat in the giant ring that hung down from the ceiling. It was a good idea, since the majority of their patients had wings. It let them stay seated comfortably, but that wasn't what was on his mind.
He might have been distracted by trying to call the green healing version of his grace back up on his own, but he'd still heard the hushed conversation that Nuwis had had with her supervisor once they'd left the room. She'd obviously seen the memories that he'd been struggling with while she was healing him, and he didn't like the things he'd learned because of it.
He didn't want to lose all of his emotions, and it didn't look like the Fairy healers did, so why did he have to? His mother had said that he'd been born a healer, and his father had said the same thing, but could he really do it if it meant giving up the emotional ties to everyone he loved?
How much was he hurting himself by using his grace the way he had been? What was the trade off? How much could he hurt himself before it was too much, and he had to give it up? For that matter, was he really hurting himself?
He hadn't felt any sort of pain for the way he'd been using his grace, not to mention, the grace that Nuwis had called up in him had been a different colour. That was what she'd recognised as healing grace, so was he really just the one thing? Maybe his mother had been wrong. After all, he was the product of a warrior and a healer, so was it so strange that his grace would take after the both of them?
He still had so many questions, but the only thing that he knew for sure, he thought as he stared, entranced by the almost magical quality of the playful green grace he'd finally managed to call up on his own, was that he wasn't looking forward to the next time he had to sleep.
He'd disappointed his mother by failing the test, he knew that. But while he didn't want to hurt anyone again, he didn't want to lose his emotions to do it.
It took a week, but he'd finally been able to let River go back to her cell. It was a massive step forward, but even if he was ready to let the rest of them out of his sight, they wouldn't let him. Amy had refused point blank to go home when he'd tried to offer it, and Rory had just nodded, supporting her silently.
He didn't understand. Maybe he wasn't doing as well as he tried to make them think, but he really was doing better. After their visit to Asgard, he was down to only checking on his mate every few hours, as opposed to every few minutes like he'd been doing a week ago.
Whatever else the healing might have done, he'd found himself much calmer. His mind didn't feel as raw, like it was catching on shards of his broken heart with every single breath that he took anymore, and he could look at his mate without being haunted by the sight of his empty eyes or his lifeless body.
Perhaps most impressive, was the fact that he no longer thought they should run screaming at the very sight of him. He might not be able to control his grace perfectly, but he'd put a lot of time into working on it in the last week, and who knew how long it would be until he actually had to live that moment.
Once Amy had found out that his grace could heal, and he wanted to learn to do it, she'd taken to turning up with random injuries. He knew she was doing it to herself so that he had someone to work on, but it was worrying that she thought he'd prefer a patient over her well-being. The dramatic way that she acted like each wound was life threatening would have clued even his old self in, he thought, shaking his head at yet another memory.
She'd even come to him with a paper-cut once, but he knew that one hadn't been on purpose. Not with the way she'd been glowering at the very walls like it was their fault.
What was amusing, though, was the way his mate would slink up to him with a pout and hold out fingers that were burned or bleeding. He got the feeling that the Tardis wasn't impressed with all the messing around that the other man did with her wiring. On the other hand, it did let him get a fair bit of practice with his new healing abilities, and at least the Time Lord wasn't doing it on purpose like Amy was.
The best part, he thought privately, was that after he healed his mate, the man would pull him into a hug that felt like it pressed his soul back into his body.
He lived for those hugs.