Chapter 22 - Repression, Obsession, & Transgression

PART TWO

"I desire to be with you. I miss you. I feel lonely when I can't see you. I am obsessed with you, fascinated by you, infatuated with you. I hunger for your taste, your smell, the feel of your soul touching mine."-Jack Llawayllynn

The stare on her face sparks Lewis. Her expression is unreadable. Lewis, however, feels that the look is a look of doom. He crawls into the bed, taunting her... "You thinking about someone you'll never see again... Someone you'll do anything to see one last time. You're gonna call his name out? At some point... They always do." Liv has to think quickly. What to do? What to do? How to prolong his taunting and how to delay his penis jamming into every shallow part of her body? She has to use a tactic. She has to finally put her skills at use, and successfully.

"I'll just try to put him out of your mind..." Lewis voice ventures off as Liv shuts every one of her intensifying emotions down. She knows what she has to do to him. She has to bait him.

"You know what? You might want to keep me around... I know what you like." The sound of her own, yet foreign, voice makes Liv a little uneasy. She continues to degrade herself to spare her life by seducing Lewis. However, her brilliant tactics come back to bite her when he gets upset.

"No," Lewis screams before he shoves the gun into Liv's mouth and makes her surrender. "Now you say..."

"I wanna live. I'll do anything. I'll do anything ok." She lets out a weak and squealing cry. "I'll do anything."

Lewis is satisfied. His nature has risen. He begins to undo Liv's belt. She's sweating. She's not prepared for the pain and the torture. She looks up at him with pleading eyes. She wants to beg him not to do this but she knows it won't help. He's got her. The suddenly..

Lewis's head pops up as a knock on the door interrupts his anxious plans to ravish Detective Benson. Liv is also alert as the person continues to knock on the door. She lets out a loud scream and Lewis clocks her in the head with her gun. Surprisingly, the blow to her head isn't as bad as the others. Liv isn't out cold, but she pretends to be...

Lewis watches her for a while before he answers the door. She lies there with her head tilted to the right and her eyes close shut. Lewis smiles. "You're out cold, are you?" He leaves the room wearing a sick grin on his face. When he gets to the door, Liv struggles with the choice of breaking free or staying 'unconscious'. Not wanting to see Lewis take anyone else's life, Liv decides to stay quiet.

She hears Lewis talking to whoever it is at the door.

"Can I help you." Lewis asks as he stares down two teenage boys on bicycles. Both boys wear backpacks. They appear to be no older than fourteen and no younger than twelve. One boy, Hispanic (Carlos), is very short but chubby. The other boy, African-American (Levi), is tall and slender.

"Hey is this where Lori Francis stay?" Carlos asks as Lewis steps all the way outside, leaving the door wide open.

"Nah man. Wrong beach house boys." Lewis begins going through Carlos's backpack.

"Hey what are you doing?" Carlos cries.

Levi holds onto his backpack tight. Lewis opens the backpack to find loads toilet paper inside. "There's no Lori Francis is there boys?" Lewis realizes the teenage boys real intentions. "Listen I was your age not so long ago so I get it, right. But? TP-ing an abandon beach house guys? Really?" He laughs, almost impressed.

"We were bored... You're going to call to cops?" Levi asks.

Lewis smirks and tilts his head back. "Ya know as it happens? I'm a cop killer so no. No cops. Just go and never come back here." As the boys leave, Lewis calls them back. "Hey," he yells. Lewis stares down both of the kids for several seconds. The two boys appear frightened. Lewis takes a deep breath. "You boys come out here often?"

"Almost every day. Why?" Carlos answers, thinking he could trust that Lewis wouldn't sell them out to the house owner or police.

Levi, however, is less trusting. "Carlos chill man."

"No it's ok it's ok Carlos." Lewis says with an assuring smile and soothing voice. "No cops. I just wanna know something."

Levi appears to be accepting as he nods his head at Lewis. "Ok."

"How many people come by? Besides you two crooks?" Lewis says with a psychotic chuckle.

"Just the maid." Carlos answers.

"She's Carlos's step mom and he hates her so everyday we get here faster than her and we trash the yard." Levi smiles as Lewis hi-fives Carlos. Both boys laugh.

"Hey." Lewis takes out his wallet and hands the boys a bunch of 20 dollar bills. They're beyond excited. "Take this. You boys stall the maid for me and I'll double this later, k?"

The boys agree, thanking Lewis relentlessly. After a while, they speed off.

It has been two weeks since Liv was rushed to Mercy. Since then, she's been sleeping. Liv is finally sleeping without nightly nightmares. Melinda 'up the dosage' on her sleeping medication but now, Liv is beginning to binge on the pills.

She sleeps like a newborn baby. She's in her own little bubble. The memories and the bad dreams are always no where when she's on the pills. She's up for about three hours in the day. She attempts to go to therapy, kick boxing classes, and church but never makes it because she's become very use to the way the pills make her feel. When she's on the pills, everything is slow. Nothing matters. Instead of taking, as prescribed, one a day, Liv intakes two sleeping pills.

Five a.m, she takes her first pill and sleeps until two p.m.

Five p.m, she takes her second pill and sleeps until two a.m.

Brian has been working overtime so he never notice the excessiveness. He's worried but by the time he gets home, he's knocked out, right next to Liv.

The bad dreams are not completely gone. There are some nights and days where Liv wants to tear her head off, just to rid herself of the memories. Some days and nights Liv finds her eyes open wide and shut tight, trying not to see his face. There is no escaping the nightmares. There is no escaping Lewis.

The last therapy session she attended, Dr. Lindstrom suggested that Benson confront Lewis. Lindstrom, of course, didn't mean that Liv should head down to Rikers and physically confront the beast. Lindstrom meant confrontation by expressive therapy. Write a letter. Get down all your feelings on a sheet of paper. Olivia? Are you hearing me? Liv heard what Lindstrom meant yet she couldn't help but hear what her mind was screaming. I need to see him. Before the trial. Face to face. It's my only shot at even a piece of closure...

A letter? How would that help? Writing down her anger, fear, depression, and heartache on a piece of paper? What would that solve? What Lewis put her through wasn't some breakup or first experience that you run home and write down in your diary. This was her life. A life that was currently turned upside down, abandoned, and not at all easy to return to.

There were questions that Liv needed Lewis to answer. Millions of questions she needed Lewis to answer, starting with why me and ending it with did you rape me while I was out.

Lewis raping her or not raping her was the heart of everything that's been killing her about the ordeal. Some days, she is sure he did rape her while she was out. Other days, she is dead sure he didn't rape her while she was out. Everyone around her believes Lewis raped her but that didn't bother Liv. It bothered her a little bit that people saw her as a rape victim, but not as much as it bothered her own self. She would have to look into the mirror everyday and see who she is now. A rape victim.

She dreaded this her entire career. It wasn't the fact that she was afraid to go from victim to survivor. She's seen many of her victims triumph from victim to survivor to advocate. A bitter-sweet transition. But no, it was not that. It was the fear that she would go fro victim to Serena Benson.

Rikers.

His cell has her pictures all over the walls. Pictures that came from private investigators, his fanatic pen pals who tailed Liv, newspaper clippings, and his own sketches of Detective Benson. The picture that he prides the most isn't viewable for some of the inmates and guards. The picture of Olivia's nude body tattooed right below his belly button.

Lewis has become insanely obsessed with Liv. Night and day he works on his master plan to finally beat Benson. The trial would be coming up in some months. He yearns at the thought of being able to see her again. The one victim that got away. The one victim that stopped him. He's in awe. He breathes, his heart beats, he eats, he lives for Olivia. She's become everything that matters to him. He has big plans.

As he lies awake in his cell bed, Lewis recalls the last day they were together. The moment when Olivia Benson broke him. No, not the moment she beat him with that rod, no. Another moment. A moment he believes that Liv is still not completely aware of. The weakest moment in William Lewis's sick and tormented life...

To Be Continued...