CHAPTER 15 : TO STATE ONE'S LOVE

Merlin felt something touch his face he smiled, he was dreaming and it was the little dragon from the crack in the corner but the dragon had lips and slowly Merlin relaxed into a kiss which he knew belonged to Arthur. He smiled, opened his eyes, shocked that the bedside lamp was on and a travel weary Arthur stood beside the bed.

"Sorry, I had planned to be here when you came downstairs last night but the eight twenty five was delayed and I finally phoned as we landed in Orly. Didn't want to interfere with your beauty sleep!"

Merlin's heart clenched; hoping that it was just a figure of speech. He knelt up in the bed and threw his arms around Arthur, "This is the best reason for having a disturbed night's sleep. Honestly! Are you hungry, do you want a drink?"

"No, Merlin, I really only want to go to bed." So saying, Arthur sat on the end of the bed and got undressed. Finally in only his briefs, he walked to the bathroom.

Merlin lay back in the bed and moved over. This was very different from the last time the two of them had shared a bed, Arthur had been fast asleep. Now, he was wide awake. Merlin turned away as Arthur came out of the bathroom. He felt weight on the bed and then Arthur slipped in beside him. He froze and lay there like a log.

Arthur propped himself up on his elbow turning to Merlin. Smiling, he said softly, "Can I have a kiss?"

Merlin turned and looked at him, he could see his chest and he felt his heart bouncing around in his own. Merlin turned toward him and Arthur slipped his arm under his neck and raised his head so they could kiss. He placed his hand on Merlin's chest and soon the kisses were migrating away from his mouth. Merlin couldn't help himself and reached to put his free arm around Arthur's shoulders, unconsciously making little circles on his neck.

They drove Arthur crazy and he shifted so that Merlin's hand was now on his chest. He smiled, realising that Merlin would blush if he knew what had happened to his hand. Merlin was realising just how much he needed to be with Arthur. His kisses drove him wild and his hand on his back could set him tingling. He opened his eyes and smiled, Arthur smiled back and said, "Merlin, this is something I have only dreamed of…sharing a bed with you, shutting out all the sounds of the world, I think nothing has pleased me so much in my whole life."

Merlin whispered, "I know that I am hopeless with this loving thing but, Arthur, I do really love you. I want us to stay like this for always, nobody disturbing us, no work, just lying next to you in bed forever." He thought that skin against skin was so much nicer that clothes to clothes, it was more sensual and he felt as if his skin was able to radiate messages of its own. Suddenly he realised that Arthur's kisses had become more demanding, they had a different affect on him and he found himself responding in the same manner. Merlin thought, 'This is kissing…'

He loved him, he knew that he did and suddenly the idea of learning to love someone besides himself became interesting. Arthur was holding him close and Merlin's body was experiencing things, he moaned softly. Arthur ran his fingers across Merlin's lips and as he went to say something deepened the kiss and they broke apart when breathing was a necessity.

Arthur's hand was now around Merlin's waist and Merlin's hand was splayed on Arthur's chest. Merlin wanted to cuddle closer and he did as Arthur moved so that they were touching. Suddenly Merlin realised that there was a hand on his thigh. He panicked and glanced at Arthur who smiled at him. Merlin looked deeply into his eyes and realised that he was doomed, he would be unable to refuse Arthur whatever he wanted. He would be Arthur's for life.

Arthur said, "May I?" and all Merlin could think of was Leon saying that he'd know when the time came to take the next little step, so he nodded. He felt Arthur touch him, he hung on as long as he could whimpering, he heard Arthur say, "It's all right, I have you, you're safe, Merlin"…and he must have slipped away as he came to wrapped in Arthur's arms. He felt relaxed and satisfied. He glanced at Arthur and could see only love in his eyes. He whispered, "One step at a time, Merlin!" Merlin had smiled; he was beginning to understand things which he'd only heard in passing. Arthur continued, "You are so beautiful, watching you filled my heart with joy." He gently kissed him saying, "I love you…from the tip of your head down to the soles of your feet. We're in no hurry we will grow steadily in loving each other."

Merlin suddenly thought of Arthur, he now wanted to show him that he also loved him. He blushed and said, "Arthur, can I…you know…?"

Arthur kissed the tip of his nose, saying, "Give me your hand…"

Later as he watched Arthur return to the present, he realised that sometimes receiving was overrated as giving certainly had its merits. They lay cuddled next to each other and fell asleep.

Arthur woke to a weight across his thighs and he realised that Merlin had shifted during the night. One of his legs was across his and his head was on his chest. He lay there and sighed. He had never expected that sharing such a basic thing would have given him so much pleasure. He realised that Merlin was firmly entrenched in his heart and he marvelled at all the wonderful things that he still had to share with him. He was going to take his time and wait until he knew that Merlin was comfortable. He knew that love grew slowly and racing into something was not always the best way to approach things. He felt Merlin's breath on his chest and he smiled as he blew softly in his dark hair…

-0-0-

Breakfast was a quiet time, Merlin at first had been unable to look at Arthur as thoughts of what he'd done last night kept floating through his mind. He had to acknowledge deep down that he was really looking forwards to tonight but they had a day ahead of them which had started with Merlin sneaking out of bed to make some breakfast. He'd found a tray and taken boiled eggs and toast back to Arthur.

Arthur had woken to Merlin calling him, he'd turned half asleep to hold him and realised he was in the bed alone. He'd opened his eyes and Merlin was standing with a tray. "Come on, lazy bones, get up. I was hungry so I made you some eggs as well."

"Come back to bed, we'll have breakfast in bed."

Merlin balancing the tray, managed to lay it on the bed between them. He had almost sent it flying as Arthur managed to run his foot along his thigh as he settled down next to him. "Arthur, you'll have to behave if you don't want to be cleaning up egg yolk and marmalade." Arthur grinned; Merlin had a certain spark of confidence about him this morning. Previous to last night, he would have jumped up and run away if he had dared to touch him like that. Continuing Merlin said, "Did you sleep well?"

"Not as well as I enjoyed what we got up to before falling asleep," Arthur said. There it was that blush again so he added, "Merlin, you were wonderful." Merlin shrugged unable to say anything, so Arthur continued, "You really were. You made me realise how lucky I am that I met you. My life before you…" Merlin smiled softly as Arthur continued, "…was nothing compared to what it is now. It's as if a light has been turned on and everything is more intense because I get to share it with you."

"Arthur, listen to yourself, you'd think that it had been my idea to start this whole thing. It wasn't, I was just blown away the first day that I met you and didn't really know what to do about it and then you found me again and look at us now, sharing not only a bed but a wonderful breakfast. Thank you Mr. Pendragon!"

"You're welcome, Mr. Emrys!" Arthur beamed at him with happiness. "Do you think that after you have done the dishes and tidied up, we could…?"

"Sorry, I have plans for lunch. I'm meeting someone," said Merlin placing the tray on the bedside table.

Arthur's face dropped, he'd stupidly thought that Merlin would now be his alone. He'd forgotten that Merlin had his own life. "No, that is perfectly all right. Maybe, we could meet up for supper?"

Suddenly, Merlin was in his arms kissing him. "Arthur, you taste of marmalade. Don't get bent out of shape. You and I are meeting up with Lance and Libby to see their flat. Lance won't mind if I being you along and then çe soir, we're going to Jack's so you can have your shepherd's pie and if I feel brave enough, I might try the falconer's equivalent."

"Merlin, you're brave enough…but come here, I can think of something nice to do in the meantime. Merlin loved Arthur; he loved that there was no pressure from him. They felt comfortable with each other's bodies and respected each other.

-0-0-

Merlin was dressed, waiting for Arthur to empty his suitcase. "Look's like you'll be doing a wash tonight."

Arthur laughed handing him a paper bag, "Didn't forget you while I was in Switzerland."

Merlin grinned he loved presents, "Arthur you shouldn't have. Your coming back was a present enough."

"Open it!" Merlin opened the bag and at first grinned there was a red foil covered chocolate cow with a Swiss flag on its side and a lovely six inch high, wood carving of a Swiss herdsman with an alpine horn, then his eyes filled with tears. "Hey, it wasn't meant to make you cry. I had so much fun choosing them and I thought that you would like to have them. I'm sorry, Merlin, I didn't mean to upset you." He put his arms around the sobbing figure and held him close, running his fingers through his hair and shushing him as you might a child.

"I'm not upset, it's just that I have only ever received gifts from my Mam and Gaius as well as Leon and his parents. No one else has ever thought about me…"

"Well, that's changing as wherever you go, I will always be thinking of you. I will make it my life's work to keep you happy. I will love you forever and even after that if it is possible. But, go and clean up your face, if we are going to visit Lance, we should be leaving soon."

Merlin stood in the bathroom looking at his tear-stained face. He felt stupid, however Arthur had never said that he was, just that he would love him forever. Maybe he should think about telling someone else whom he loved very much that he had found someone to love and that his name was Arthur. He smiled, he knew that his mother would be happy for him. Life was sometimes difficult but with Arthur beside him, he knew that those days were past and that the future held promise.

-0-0-

Arthur had invited Lance and his girlfriend to join them at Jack's but they had other plans. "Just as well…" Merlin had told him in the car, "…as I really wanted you to myself." The novelty of having a real boyfriend was too new and he wanted to relish it.

Arthur was welcomed back by the pub staff. Dougie came out to tell him that he was putting a shepherd's pie in the oven right now and smiled when Merlin said that he would try the falconer's pie. They took their usual table near the fireplace and sat close to each other, knees touching. Arthur looked at him and smiled and Merlin's face lit up. He was happy and Arthur's smile had set off a myriad of flutters near his heart and in his stomach.

"Wait till I get you home, Mr. Emrys!" he'd said with a grin.

Merlin filled with confidence had responded with, "Bring it on, Mr. Pendragon!"

Arthur had reached over and took his hand and brought it to his lips. Merlin entwined his fingers in his and their hands then rested on the table. If someone saw it, they no longer cared. The drinks came to the table and soon the meal was put in front of them. Merlin less adventurous than Arthur looked at the dish in front of him. He carefully removed the pastry lid, the aroma was delicious and he could see some carrots and possibly potatoes. Arthur had already started his and glanced at Merlin.

"I'm sure there are no merlins in there. I don't think Dougie could afford them."

Merlin smiled and speared a piece of meat with his fork and tasted it. He nodded, "It's good. Tastes like strong chicken. The sauce is lovely and the veggies melt in your mouth. Try some, Arthur."

Arthur tried another piece of meat. "That tastes like grouse and I should think those little eggs halves on the side are quail."

Dougie appeared at the table, "So, Merlin, are you enjoying the falconer's catch." Merlin nodded. The owner continued, "I used, pheasant, grouse, a small amount of partridge and to supplement it just a little turkey. I figured maybe one of the falcons flew over a farmyard and spied a turkey." Merlin grinned; he mimicked a falcon trying to catch a turkey. Gawaine entered at that moment and wanted to know what all the fun was about.

Dougie continued, "I have one more pie like that," he said pointing to the pie Merlin was eating." So if you want it, Gawaine, it's yours, complements of the management for being one of the larger beer consumers in the house."

"Sounds good and a pitcher of beer with that. Either of you need fill ups?" They shook their heads. "So, what did I miss while I was away?" Merlin felt Arthur run his hand along his leg and jumped slightly but Gawaine missed it.

"Nothing really, as I only got in late last night? How was Geneva?"

"Good, we worked hard but I also managed to play hard. Met a nice girl from Ireland, lives no more then ten miles from my parents. Small world, isn't it? But less about me…Merlin, what have you been up to without Arthur or me?"

"Working hard just generally keeping myself busy. It was bedlam at the office for a couple of days. The heads now seem to be walking around without too many glances over their shoulders. Guess there'll be meetings later this week. Now that those who were out of town have returned."

Gawaine nodded saying, "This is good, he should keep it on the menu," as he finished his pie.

Arthur who had been eating the few pieces of meat which Merlin hadn't liked, said, "Doubt that he'll be able, the ingredients are too expensive. Anyway, you wouldn't order it again would you, Merlin?"

Merlin shook his head, "I loved the sauce, the veggies and some of the meat but other pieces were too strong tasting for me."

"He has a very sensitive palate," said Arthur. Merlin shoved him but Arthur continued, "Can't see him eating andouilette can you, Gawaine?"

"Not once we explained the ingredients," laughed Gawaine. "Anyway, I'm on my way, a few things to tie up before tomorrow."

Merlin really out of character said, "…and might one of them be your Irish friend." Arthur completely lost it and grabbed Merlin and hugged him. Merlin then burst out laughing and as Gawaine tried to allay their fears, others in the pub turned and smiled at the trio.

Arthur never really left go of Merlin after that and he just cuddled into his side. Gawaine bid them goodnight, smiling at Merlin and adding, "Don't do anything that I wouldn't!" with a broad wink. Merlin could feel the heat spreading across his face.

Arthur gallantly stepped in and said, "That certainly gives him carte blanche, doesn't it Gawaine?" Gawaine bowed with a flourish from the waist and left laughing.