[Cover: A scene of Sayaka charging at Madoka with her sword drawn, while Madoka (dressed in her magical girl costume) prepares to fire an arrow in retaliation. A caption reads "NOT A DREAM! NOT AN IMAGINARY STORY!" Below that, another caption reads: "You asked for it, we're giving it to you! For the first time in history, Madoka Kamine and Sayaka Miki will FIGHT*!" The asterisk leads to a message that says in small text "*Actually this is a complete lie. The pictured scene does not happen."]

"Doctor? What are you doing up there?"

From his vantage point on a thick tree branch, Dr. Summers took a peek at the ground below. There, he saw Shinji looking back up at him with a puzzled look on his face.

"That is an... excellent question." Dr. Summers responded. He began to inch down at a methodical pace. "Erm, sorry. It was the supervillain attack. I'm powerless and slightly out of shape; not the kind of person built for spontaneous heroics."

Shinji nodded silently.

"Now then..." the doctor brushed brushed his hands against his shirt. "How was your patrol?"

"Well... one of the new girls went crazy and tried to kill someone, but I didn't really make it over in time to do anything." Shinji eyes drooped, likely in anticipation of the speech he was sure to get.

"Ah." Dr. Summers tried to come up with something comforting to say. "...That's okay; it's probably best if you just watch for now." He coughed. "Did you... erm, make any friends?"

Shinji thought back to that afternoon, back to the blue and pink-haired girls he had spent most of the day with. "...maybe?"

"Ah, thats good!" said the doctor. "Tell me about them."

Shinji scratched the back of his neck. "Well, Madoka is nice, and Sayaka is kinda nice too..." Just then, he remembered why he had sought out Dr. Summers in the first place. "...oh! That reminds me! That girl Electra tried to kill is kind of... off."

"Off? What do you mean?"

"It's kind of hard to explain. Here, I'll show you..."

"So, Ino. What can you remember?"

The raven-haired girl looked behind her back. "Who's Ino?" she asked.

"...Isn't that your name?"

"Oh! I guess it is." Ino blushed. "Sorry, almost forgot."

"Uh-huh..." Lightning remained unamused. "Tell me, what do you know about Electra?"

"Who?"

"The girl who attacked you."

"I was attacked?"

"...yes. We spent the better part of the afternoon trying to rescue you."

"From what?"

"From Electra. Remember? The girl who tried to kill you?"

"Someone tried to kill me?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I don't know, that's what we're trying to figure out."

"Why?"

"Because after all the trouble we went through, I think it's only fair that we learn why."

"Why what?"

"Why we had to rescue you."

"...I had to be rescued?"

"Thank you, Farron, that will be enough." Dr. Summer adjusted his spectacles, and turned to the assembled heroes. "At this point it's clear that Ino suffers from something that we like to call 'Anterograde Amnesia'. And before you ask, it's when the mind has trouble forming new memories, leading to poor short-term memory."

"Well even I knew that..." Simon lied.

Nia spoke up. "And there's no sign of head trauma, nor are there any signs of unusual toxins in her bloodstream. So whatever it is it's probably not recent. "

"And it's not being caused by nanomachines or a mind probe or whatever." said Shirley. "...I checked."

"And I can't get a good scan in with the Monado, so it might be magical in nature." said Shulk. "Problem is, from everything else I've seen this girl is downright anathema to magic; one touch was able to drain most of the mana from Lightning's system. I shudder to imagine what prolonged contact would do..."

Milly took a nervous step back.

"I'll just get a pair of gloves." said Lightning. "Sayaka carried the kid around everywhere, and she was just fine. Skin contact has to be the vector."

"Still, be careful in the future." said Shulk. "Your body needs every drop just to stay alive, and now that we know how badly you react to anti-magic-"

"[Hey mom, this is boring. Can we go now?]"

Everyone looked at the little drow girl tugging on Nia's dress.

"Um... Nia?" said Simon. "Who is that?"

"Oh, this is Hon'kale!" said Nia, her face flustered with embarrassment. "She's a... what do you call it? An 'Orphan', I think?" She bent down and put her hand on the girl's shoulder before launching into a hastily constructed pitch. "She's from a tangent dimension where her parents were killed by a dragon isn't that sad? And you know we don't even know yet if our biologies are remotely compatible, and you know she's rather taken with me so maybe I was kind of hoping that maybe we could possibly adopt her? Please?"

"[Pweeeeeeeeze?]" said Hon'kale, her eyes tearing up in the most saccharine way she could manage.

"Eh-heh..." Simon's face froze. He felt everyone's stares peircing him like so many red-hot knives. "If I say no, she'll be devastated. If I say yes, we might regret it later. So the only solution is to say... 'maybe'?"

"Um... well... I'm not sure a kid is in the cards right now..."

"But Si-mon..." Nia's lower lip quivered as she gave Simon her own puppy-dog eyed expression.

It was a face that Simon found impossible to say no to. It reminded him of the day they first met, when he found a young, vulnerable girl locked up in a big metal crate, jettisoned by one of the Spiral Kingdom's cargo freights like she was common trash, abandoned by the father she once worshiped...

"...buuuuuut I guess she could stay for a little while..." Simon conceded.

"[YAAAAAAAY!]" Hon'kale bounced up and down, ecstatic to hear the news. "[He did say 'yes', right mom?]"

"[He's giving us a... I think it's called a 'trial run'.]" said Nia. "[And I'm not quite your mother just yet...]"

["Awwwwwww..."] Hon'kale pouted.

"Now hold on just a second." said Lightning. "First of all, I've never heard of any such thing as a 'Tangent Dimension'. Second, how do we know she's telling the truth, and not just some kind of runaway?"

"Well first, you've never heard of Hypertime either and I can tell you first hand that it exsits." Simon replied. "So maybe there's tangent dimensions, too."

Lightning looked unconvinced. "...'Hypertime'?"

"It's a bit of a complicated subject…" Shulk explained. "Some of the higher-ups don't like talking about it, but I can assure you that 'Hypertime' isn't just something Simon made up. Nor is it something he saw in an old B-movie."

Lightning shook her head.

"As for your second point…" Nia cupped her hands togeather. "If Hon'kale's parents are alive and it's easy to go between here and whenever her home is, then they'll probably come looking for her very soon. If getting here is hard, then she needs a caretaker until they come to pick her up, assuming they ever do..."

Just then, Ino decided to speak up. "Um..." she began, "...I don't really have a place either. Do you think you could... I dunno... maybe let me stay, too?"

"Sure, why not?" said Simon. "[The more the merrier] I think the saying goes...?"

"[Awesome! That means we're going to be sisters!]" Hon'Kale wrapped her arms tight around Ino, and squeezed her tight. "[You can understand what I say, right?]"

"[Mostly.]" Ino replied.

"[THAT'S EVEN MORE AWESOME! We're gonna play video games, and eat sugary cereal until we explode, and watch youtube videos, and have pillow fights, and...]"

As hope continued down the list of things she and her new "sister" would do together. Simon began to wonder where they put the spare futon. This was going to be a long night.

"We'll take it from here, thanks."

Shirou backed away as the paramedics lifted the guy in the viking helmet onto the stretcher, and slowly raised it into the ambulance. Immediately, the high-tech autosurgeons inside the ambulance got to work sewing up the wounds Shirou had previously bandaged. Of course the autosurgeons couldn't do everything, but a few days bedrest and Super Cosmic Viking Man would be back to his old self.

Shirou reflected on how hard it was for a relatively ordinary guy to help out in a situation like this. He had magic, true, but nothing that had any obvious application when it came to saving lives. Projection magic only goes so far when all you have is a high-school education. He couldn't even begin to describe how an autosurgeon worked, or what kind of chemical compounds made up an anesthetic. But a bandage? That was easy. Even a defibrillator wasn't all that complicated when you came down to it; it was just a battery controlled by a simple circuit board. And a bit of first aid training always came in handy, especially when the most the Ashford students knew was what they saw on TV. Rivalz in particular had a rather skewed view of how CPR worked.

Just then, as the ambulance was speeding off into the distance, Shirou felt a faint buzzing in his pocket. It was Ms. Fujimura, his stepmom, likely calling to see how he was doing.

"Heeey, Shirou." slurred the voice on the other end of the line. "Howzit goin' over there in Tokyo 'n stuff?"

"Um... Taiga? Are you drunk again?"

"Waa? Me? Naaaaawwwww... you know me, I js' had a little drink 'isall." Shirou felt as if he could smell the sake on Taiga's breath."So whenya comin' back anyway? You've been missin' school ya know. Are ya still in the hospital? I always thought you healed faster than that..."

"Aha, well... It's just that I got a job with the new Justice Society." it was a half-lie, to be sure. Shirou had only been volunteering up until now, but he figured he could probably get a full-time job if he asked Simon politely. Simon seemed cool that way.

Taiga laughed "Always figured you'd end up in tights one day! So what are ya? Kendo-Boy?

'Wrench-Lad'? Hope the costume doesn't suck..."

"...actually I'm not a costumed hero, I'm just part of the support team."

"Oh." Taiga sounded slightly disappointed. "Well that's still cool; you still get to save lives n' stuff. Bet 'yer dad would be proud."she hiccuped. "So, you quittn' school or do you want me to keep sending your homework?"

"Erm... I'm not sure really. Call me in a few days and we'll see."

"Okay great. G'night Shirou!" he was about to hang up when Taiga blurted out one more sentence. "Oh, and if you ever meet Booster Gold, get me his autograph!"

"...who's Booster Gold?"

"Oh, you know. The green guy, with the ring. 'In brightest day, in blackest night', that sorta thing."

"...you mean Green Lantern."

"Yeah, thats the one!" Taiga hiccuped again. "Okay, I need beauty sleep. Buh-bye!"

There was then a clattering noise in Shirou's, most likely the sound of Taiga failing to hang up the phone properly. Shirou saved Taiga the trouble by hanging up on his end, and pocketing the phone. He then looked at his watch.

"10:30" he thought. "Not much more I can do here. Better get some rest myself. Then I can worry about long-term employment..."

Kallen struggled to keep her eyes open as she stared at the pile of dusty tomes before her. To the left were the books she had already looked through that she found to be unreadable, useless, or both. Like much of the idle rich, Gregor Stadtfeld had his hobbies that he obsessed over but lacked the conviction to focus on any of them long enough to actually accomplish much of anything.

Kallen's childhood memories of her father followed a familiar pattern: first Gregor would disappear to search for a lost city or some ancient artifact. A month later, he would arrive back home without finding the object of his quest, but nevertheless brought with him with a pile of new books. Then he'd lock himself in his study for weeks at a time, only pausing to brag about his findings at the dinner table (which is why Kallen's stepmom made it a point not to invite company while Gregor was around). Eventually Gregor would announce his intentions to set off in search of whatever his latest obsession was, and would then spend the next couple days making travel arrangements before finally departing.

And then one day, on Kallen's tenth birthday, Gregor left to find Shangri-la and never came back.

Kallen didn't know what to think at the time. Gregor wasn't a particularly caring father, but unlike Kallen's stepmom he wasn't particularly spiteful, either. He was fairly nice to his servants all things considered; he thanked them for the work they did and only rarely got them involved in his obsessions. The only reason that he had the affair that Kallen was born from was that his wife was sterile, yet insisted that he produce an heir.

But as Kallen looked back on things, she realized that there was no love between them. At best, Gregor regarded Kallen as a conversation partner. At worst, she was a captive audience for his lectures. And they weren't even very good lectures; Gregor had this rambling way of speech that seemed to jump between topics with very little warning. He spoke like a man who was certain about everything up until he was inevitably proven wrong.

Though looking at the books that filled his personal library, it wasn't hard to see where he got the habit from. Rather than the fonts of forbidden knowledge that Kallen expected, she found herself swimming through volumes of lore that was apocryphal, if not downright contradictory. At one point she even read that Atlantis was on the Moon, under Japan, and on Ireland all in the same sentence.

The only reason she pressed onward was that for every few dozen books purporting that aliens invented the printing press, she came across something that seemed more plausible (at least as far as weird magic stuff was concerned). An Encyclopediae of The Faerie, for instance, was a highly-detailed hand-written notebook that meticulously chronicled dozens of bizarre creatures, and contained detailed instructions for everything from taming a Kelpie to rooting out a Fetch.

Sadly, nothing in the book even remotely described anything Kallen was experiencing. So she moved onto one of the more promising tomes; Daemonology: The Current Studey and Classification of The Moderne Daemon, Year of Our Lord 1679. She turned to the book's preface, and began to read:

"[The Daemon is the most wicked and deceitful of creatures. They are innumerable in forme, and unparalleled in craftiness; only by the grace of God Almighty are we not over-run by their endless numbers. But 'tis foolishness to think that faith alone will protect thee. While steadfast adherence to dogma is enough to thwart Neron, Shabranigdo, or even Lucifer himself, the 'Moderne Daemon' has little respect for the ways of olde. Scratch, Femto, Mundis; these are the names that you must commit to memorie, as their ways are more subtle than their kin. While their disciples are few in number, they remain yet hidden, working in the shadows to slowly corrupt our world in hopes of creating an infernal paradise on Earth.]"

Just then, there was a knock at the door.

"Come in." Kallen said, not wanting to risk anything given how much trouble she was having with doorknobs.

Shortly afterwards, the doorknob turned, and Miyu Kozuki stepped into the room. She was a demure Japanese woman with light brown hair that was tied into a short ponytail, and wearing a nightgown in lieu of the french maid outfit she usually wore. She walked into the darkened room carrying a plate of milk and cookies in one hand, and a flashlight in the other.

"Kallen?" she said. "What are you doing up so late?"

Kallen's family life was complicated, to say the least. One of the few stipulations that Mrs. Kozuki had when she let Kallen be adopted by the Stadtfelds was that Miyu would be employed as a maid so she could watch her daughter grow up. In fact, late-night was probably the only time Kallen felt safe to even acknowledge her birth-mother let alone speak freely. Kallen figured she had a right to know that everything was going okay even though it wasn't.

"Oh, hey mom." Kallen put on a 'sullen teenage look' to try and scare her off. "Big paper due tomorrow. Can't talk. You know how it is."

"I see..." Ms. Kozuki continued to approach, only to stop a few feet away. "Are you... wearing colored contacts?"

"Frig, forgot about the eyes..." Kallen thought to herself. "...yeah. It's this new style Milly wanted me to try. She says they go well with my hair." she pointed at her left eyeball. "Just be glad I didn't take her first suggestion; she wanted this one to be green..."

Kallen's mom nodded. "She is a very strange girl, isn't she?" she then put the tray down next to Kallen. "Well, I'm sure whatever you come up with will be just fine." She gave Kallen a quick peck on the cheek. "Just try not to get any crumbs on your father's old books."

"Yeah..." Kallen felt her skin crawl whenever she heard mom refer to Gregor as 'your father'. "Goodnight, Mom."

"Goodnight, Kallen." And then Ms. Kozuki left the room.

Kallen looked at the tray of cookies her mom left behind. "Hm... chocolate chip." She imagined how the freshly-baked confections would taste in her mouth, especially when rounded off with a nice, tall glass of milk. "Well I am getting hungry..."

Very carefully, Kallen reached out to grab one of the cookies on the tray. She gripped the edge of the cookie by her forefingers, taking great care not to crush it with her newly-enhanced strength.

She was somewhat less successful with the milk: the moment she wrapped her hands around the glass, it exploded in a shower of pointy shards. The milk got everywhere, but the demonology book seemed to get the worst of it. The milk soaked straight through the center of the worn pages, leaving only a pulpy blob of ink and parchment in its stead.

"Great..." Kallen looked over the mess. She figured she could get things cleaned up in about thirty minutes, fifteen if she was lucky. But despite the numerous tomes she had yet to sort through, the incident discouraged her to much to try anything else.

"Ugh, I'm overthinking this." she thought. "At this point, the best thing to do is go to school, let the rest of the council know what happened, and then get Nina to build me some kind of... I dunno, a strength-dampening exoskeleton or something." She then left for the kitchen to grab some paper towels. "Hell, they've probably been sitting around twiddling their thumbs while I was gone. At least now they'll have something to talk about..."

Madoka and Sayaka were lucky to catch the last train out of Tokyo. Even with Kyubey's warning, they really had to hoof it in order to make it to the station on time. It was only once they were on the train that they began to relax. They handed their tickets to the teller, and made themselves comfortable on their cushioned, metal seats.

Madoka looked up at the sky. Even as the countryside sped past them at frightening speed, it was comforting, to see the stars hanging in place. Today was an interesting day, but it was also very stressful; it was hard to see her friend go off to fight when Madoka herself was helpless to change anything.

Unlike Shinji. Thinking back, Madoka figured he might have stopped all of this before it started, but he just wasn't fast enough. The poor kid probably beat himself up about that all the way back to the park. The most Madoka could do was be strong, like Sayaka.

Speaking of Sayaka, Madoka had worried how they were going to explain how they were so late coming back home. Kyubey tried to ease her fears by explaining that he was sending psychic signals into their minds keeping them from worrying about the girls' absence, but now Madoka was worrying about exactly how much power Kyubey actually had. After all, he could grant wishes and give people superpowers, why he doesn't just go out and hunt witches himself?

This train of thought was interrupted by a loud yawn coming from Sayaka's direction. "Aw man, I'm beat..." she said. "If I wasn't scurrying around like a frightened insect, I was healing every Tom, Dick and Harry that scraped his knee fighting Deathstroke." She stared at the inky presence swirling around her Soul Gem. "...and I'm down to my last Grief Seed, too." She reached into her backpack, and pulled out what looked an onyx gem trapped in a metal cage, with a pointed spire running straight through. Impossibly, the gem stood on it's tip as Sayaka held it out in her palm. "Looks like I'm gonna need to borrow from Mami again..."

Madoka looked thoughtfully at her friend. Kyubey did say it was rare for Puella Magi to use their powers to fight ordinary crime. Perhaps the lack of Grief Seeds was the problem? "How many do you owe her, anyway?" she asked.

"Well, there's the one she gave me right off the bat to show how they worked, the one from the time I wore myself out searching all those abandoned labyrinths..." Sayaka held up her Soul Gem to the Grief Seed, drawing the darkness in her gem into the seed like a magnet. "Plus there's the one I'm gonna owe her friend for taking care of that blonde weirdo..."

"What did you say her name was, again?"

"I dunno, Kyoko... something. She's part of a death cult or whatever, I wasn't paying attention."

An image flashed through Madoka's head of a dominatrix-themed magical girl tying Electra to an inverted cross surrounded by a pentagram, with a bloody pendulum suspended overhead. "Um, when you say 'take care of her'..."

"Don't worry, she's just going to bring Electra to the police. Mami says she's long since gotten over that cult stuff. She'll probably rough her up a bit, but probably nothing too serious."

Now Madoka was picturing the slightly-less frightening scenario of the dominatrix girl strangling Electra while she was bound and gagged.

"Hey, don't worry. Mami says the girl is trustworthy as long as we actually pay her."

"Well... if that's the case... I guess that'll be fine." Madoka tried to change the subject. "So, did you get the concert tickets for tomorrow?"

"Yep! Three front-row seats to see Hatsune Miku, live on stage!" Sayaka grinned as she held out a trio of aqua-blue tickets. "You have NO idea what kind of hell I had to go through to get these. Fighting Witches has nothing on Ticketmonster." She put the tickets back in the bag. "With any luck, Kyousuke will give me his first kiss, and you'll be there to record it!"

Madoka raised her finger in nervous objection. "Are you sure that's such a good idea? Don't you think he'd rather prefer privacy?"

"Oh he's not gonna notice; He's gonna have his eyes closed all romantic-like." she snapped her fingers. "Be-sides; worst case scenario Kyubey can just make him forget all about seeing the camera. Right, Kyubey?"

"Of course!" said Kyubey. "After all, it is a fairly minor thing to do, and it is a continuation of the spirit of your wish..."

"Well... I guess if nobody knows about it I guess that's fine." Madoka tried to ignore the sinking feeling in her gut for the sake of her friend. "And I guess if it gets out I could just say it was an innocent mistake..."

"There ya go! Problem solved!" Sayaka snapped her fingers. "Man, you guys are great. This really means a lot to me, you know..."

Madoka nodded. She still didn't quite understand why Sayaka would spend her wish to heal the arm of Kyousuke Kamijou, the world-famous violin prodigy, but then again Madoka had never fallen in love before. Presumably she would understand when she got older.

Her thoughts flashed back to Shinji, and how lonely he seemed to be. "Think you could get another ticket?" Madoka asked.

"This close to the concert? I doubt it…" Sayaka closed her eyes and rubbed her chin, as if she was thinking hard about something. "Unless Kyubey has something up his sleeves."

Kyubey shook his head. "Sorry, I just checked the listings. At this point it would take a miracle to get another seat, let alone one in the front row. And I don't think something as temporary as concert tickets are worth spending your wish on..."

"I was afraid you'd say that…" Madoka sighed.

Electra Pendragon was not having a good day.

Her first problem was the approaching end of the world. That was still a thing, at least according to the Apoco-scope, and despite her best efforts Electra had made virtually no progress in the matter. Her second problem was that was still stuck in… well, whatever this weird baseball dimension was called.

It's not as if she hadn't tried to escape. But one could only whack an invincible portal with a magical baseball bat for so many hours before descending into a fit blubbering hysteria. And as it turned out, blubbering hysteria wasn't very productive either.

But after hours of trying to bribe, threaten, seduce, sweet-talk, strangle, humiliate, and blackmail the portal, Electra found herself in a more lucid state on the other side of madness. A state that most of us would call "boredom".

Electra leaned back in the L-shaped lump of metal. It had been straight once, but a few hours of whacking it with a club had fixed that. She stared into the void above, and began to daydream about what she would do when she escaped.

She wouldn't quit; that was for sure. Considering the lengths she went to in order to go back in time in the first place, Electra would be a laughing stock if she returned without accomplishing anything.

Instead, she thought about starting over, finding a new group of heroes she could manipulate into helping her. Ones that would show her more respect.

Perhaps Super Young Team? They were gullible enough, but Electra wouldn't trust those idiots to polish her armor, let alone attempt any kind of multifaceted plan. Big Science Action? Traditionalist simpletons stuck in their ways; trying to convince them of anything would be like talking to a boulder. The Justice Leagues? Well, she had nothing but contempt for the main league and the JLA, and based on what she heard about the so-called "Justice League Dark" she'd, probably get roped into to helping John Constantine exorcise a piss demon from Green Lantern before she got anywhere close to earning their trust. Not to mention the fact that all three of them would probably mistake Electra's father as a common villain, despite his most noble of intentions...

And then a thought struck Electra. Perhaps she was going about this all wrong? What if instead of looking for "heroes" (and Electra used that term loosely) she sought the aid of villains instead? Normally Electra would never associate with such vagabonds and thieves, Electra's father had done just that in times past.

Electra rattled down the list of directionless fools she could easily draft into her "Injustice Society", before settling on an imaginary team consisting of Felix Faust, Vash the Stampede, Bolphunga the Unrelenting, Albert Wesker, and a Doomsday clone (she figured that Lex Luthor had one lying around somewhere). True, they'd probably betray each other once the job was done, but It was only a means to an end. If they weren't done killing each other by the end of things, electra and her father would simply dispose of them personally. It was a foolproof plan, if she did say so herself.

Of course, this all led back into her main problem; Electra still had no idea how to escape.

She got up and walked over to the edge of one of the pathways and stared at the void below. For a second, she wondered what would happen if she jumped. She ran through the possibilities: She could, for instance, fall forever through an endless void untill she starved to death. Or perhaps the world looped in on itself like in a video game and she would just end back started, albeit at terminal velocity. Or maybe there was something down there she couldn't see. But whatever would happen, Electra concluded it wouldn't be pleasant, so she pushed the thought out of her mind.

Just then, the incessant droning of the crowd was broken by what sounded like a pair of sharp scissors tearing through paper. She turned her head towards the source of the noise and found that a second, irregularly-shaped portal had appeared. It was very much unlike the ones she was familiar with; it appeared to be a glistening pool of molten silver suspended in mid-air.

Electra walked up to the portal, and prodded it experimentally. A wave of cascading ripples emanated from the point of contact. She felt a chill sweep through her spine. It felt… wrong, somehow. Though she couldn't quite put her finger on why…

...and it was then Electra began aware of a slight prickling sensation on the back of her neck, one of the few places on her body that wasn't armored in some way.

"Don't turn around." said a voice behind her. It was unmistakably a child's voice, but her tone had an unmistakable hardness to it. "You're Electra, right?"

Electra laughed. Obviously this commoner thought she could be captured like a mere nobleman. Best to lead the girl on a bit, see what she knows. "I see my reputation precedes me," she said. "And what are you called, pray tell?"

"None of your beeswax," said the assailant. "I ask the questions here."

"That you do." Electra began to turn her neck, but the spear began to press deeper into her flesh. It was… more painful than she anticipated, as the thought had never occurred to her that a mere mortal would be capable of to hurting her, if ever so slightly. "A-ask way then!" Electra stammered as she tried to maintain her composure.

"Okay then. First off, what the hell is that?" A childlike arm stretched past Electra's face, and pointed at the portal in front of her.

Seizing the opportunity Electra grabbed the arm, intending to turn the tables on her captor. But instead the opposite happened; she underestimated the girl's strength and dexterity, and with a deafening "clang" Electra was tossed to the floor like a tangled-up marionette.

As much as she mentally insisted that this was all part of the plan, the only thing she thing Electra could really call a "success" was that she now had a good look at the girl that was currently standing on her stomach with a spear pointed directly at Electra's throat. Just as she suspected, it was another child; a magical girl around the same age as the blue-haired tramp that outmaneuvered Electra earlier that day. She was wearing white sleeves with black wristguards, a red, sleeveless vest that extended into a frilly skirt, and red boots with black stockings. Her hair was an untamed mess of crimson locks, tied up into a flame-like ponytail with a black bow. Below the neck the was a piece cut out of the vest that vaguely looked like an eye, complete with a large, red gem in the place where the pupil should be.

But to Electra, the most readily apparent aspect of the red-haired girl was that she was giving her an intense glare.

"Now let's try this again." Keeping one hand on her spear, the girl pointed at the silver pool. "What. Is. That."

"Why... it's a portal to the Infinite Plane of Candy, of course." said Electra, a bead of sweat descending from her brow. "Just stick your head in, and a trio of singing leprechauns will feed you the most delectable jellybeans in all the land."

"Okay." The girl demonstrated a surprising amount of strength for her diminutive frame as she grabbed Electra by the neck, and shoved right in front of the portal. "You first."

"Ah… that was just a mere joke, child!" Electra leaned back and gazed at the distorted reflection of her own face. "No, no, in reality I have no idea what that thing is but I'm sure it's of no concern to us now if you please just give me a chance to explain myself-"

A Large, metal hand emerged from the portal. Electra screamed as Kyoko pulled her away, leaving the hand to swipe at empty air.

"Fucking idiot." a nasally voice echoed from the pool. "You missed by a fucking mile. You need glasses or something? Let me show you how it's done… Avada Kedavra!"

Seconds later the green bolt shot out of the pool, heading straight for Electra and her captor. The redhead pushed Electra aside in order to gain enough leverage to dodge the blast herself.

"...I don't get it." said another voice, this one deep and gravelly.

"Shaddup, Blade!" said the first voice.

"I told you, my name's Vash…"

"And I keep telling you that name's fucking retarded! It's 'Blade' now, you understand?"

"But-"

"Which one of us in charge here?"

"...you are, boss."

"EX-actly. Now pipe down and let me do the talking."

The portal rumbled for a few seconds more, and with a faint "plorp", a pair of figures emerged. One was a broad-shouldered, heavyset man with red eyes and silver hair, wearing a plain red jacket. The other, a pale-skinned teenager with long, ebony-black hair with purple streaks and red tips that reached down to her mid-back. She was wearing a bizarre outfit that consisted of a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. For a moment, Electra forgot about her standards and snickered.

The redhead, however, remained calm and professional as ever. "Okaaaayyyy…" She raised an eyebrow. "And you are?"

"None of your beeswax!" the pale girl hissed, spittle flying from her lips.

"We're looking for someone…" said the man. "She's… kinda on the tall side."

"And blonde." said the girl.

"Very pretty."

"And she's white. You know, like an American."

"And she's got these big, round…" The man cupped his hands up to his chest. "...squishy things. Like, big ones." he pointed at Electra. "Not like yours. Yours are too small."

"And you're not tall enough either." said the pale girl.

Electra's eye twitched slightly. "You… don't... say..." She gritted her teeth.

"I see…" The redhead nodded gently. "Well I'm afraid I can't help you there. Unless, of course you'd be willing to answer a few questions about all these disappearing Witches..."

The man bent down to whisper into his partner's hear. "Boss, I think she's talking about that thing The Locksmith is doing..."

"Don't you think I know that?" the pale girl replied. "Now act like a good dog and stay quiet! Else I'm sending you back to the mines where I found you!"

"I don't wanna go back to the mines."

"EXACTLY. SO SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY."

The redhead girl pointed at the bickering couple "Friends of yours?"

"Oh-ho, I should hope not." replied Electra. "No friend of mine would be caught dead in such attire..."

The pale girl's neck snapped towards Electra. "SHADDUP, PREP!" she howled. She then pointed at them and said. "Blade! Sic, boy!"

Moving almost too fast to see, Blade's launched himself at Electra with his muscular legs. There was a slight scraping sound from inside his jacket as he drew a katana with a silver blade and a green hilt.

But right just as Electra was bracing for impact there was a flourish of steel, and the redhead was standing between them; spear raised to block the feral strike.

"Oh, a katana. How original." she twirled her weapon, and the her hilt collided with the her opponent's blade, snapping the blade in two. "Let me guess, the ebay auction said it was a 'Genuine Masamune'?"

Blade snarled and wordlessly lunged at the girl, his arms held out like claws, when suddenly a barrier of floating cards appeared between them, separating Blade from his would-be prey.

"...So, it seems your attitude has changed!" said Electra. "Have you realized your place yet, or has my natural charm won you over?"

"Very funny…" the redhead replied. "You're worth a whole Grief Seed if I bring you in alive, and jack squat if you're dead." She strained to keep the barrier up, as Blade began to claw through it. "And I know you're not going to betray me, because if you did you'd be stuck-"

Electra brought her baseball bat onto the girl's head with delight, taking great pleasure in savoring metalling "clang" it made as it rattled the petite juggernaut's skull. The wall of cards collapse immediately, leaving Blade staring listlessly at a pile of cardstock.

"I suppose that's the least an insubordinate cur deserves." Electra slung the baseball bat behind her shoulder. "Now, obviously you people have a way out of this… place. Am I not mistaken?"

Blade nodded.

"Good, then we'll settle this diplomatically!" She kicked the redhead lying at her feet, sending her tumbling towards the pale girl. "Consider this prisoner a gift, I'm sure your sovereign would appreciate another slave digging up… whatever you people mine for." She waved her hand dismissively.

The pale girl looked down at her new captive, and then at Electra. "I see…" she rubbed her chin, no doubt suspicious of Electra's motives. "What did you say your name was?"

Electra made a smug chuckle. "Who am I but Electra Pendragon, heir to the mightiest empire that will ever be, and future savior of the world. For now I am a nobody, but soon I shall no doubt become a household name." She brushed her hair in a dramatic fashion. "But enough about me… by what name do you go by?"

The pale girl glared at Electra for a moment. She then produced a thin piece of wood from the inside of her sleeve, pointed it at Electra and shouted. "Stupefy!" A piercing red bolt shot out from her wand, and struck Electra right in the chest.

Electra wasn't worried, however, as she expected that her innate magic resistance would be able to shrug off such a pathetic attack. But then her limbs began to feel heavy, and her eyes began to droop, and before she knew it Electra had begun the slow march into unconsciousness.

She struggled to keep her eyes open, as Blade effortlessly hoisted her into onto his shoulder. "What do we do with this one, Lady Ebony?" he asked.

"We'll bring her to the Queen, and see what she thinks." Electra made out slight footsteps as Lady Ebony approached. "What a prep. She's almost as bad as the princess."

Electra tried to raise her voice in protest by exclaiming that she too was a princess and that her father would have their so-called queen's head when he found out. But at that point she had drifted too far into dreamland to care.

-END OF CHAPTER-

AMBUSH BUG: Heloooooooooo, I'm Ambush Bug! I report the news, so YOU don't have to! And welcome back to Channel 52.

BETHANY SNOW: Our top story tonight, the case of the disappearing children continues to capture America's attention, as the police come up empty.

AMBUSH BUG: Even the media has gotten in on the action! Why, just take a look at a clip from this week's Lawyers and Orderlies: Sensational Victims Unit!

DETECTIVE STAPLER: You'd better tell us how you and your child-killing crime syndicate kidnapped thousands of babies from middle class Americans and strangled them to death!

IVAN MCNASTY: Foolish detective! You vill never pin anythink on me, not as long as zhe FBI is in zhe pocket of my comrades in zhe NAZI PARTY!

DETECTIVE STAPLER: Damn you, McNasty! Damn you and your big, sinister, Russian eyepatch to hellllllll!

CALENDER MAN: In other news, the vigilante known as "The Red Hood" has been sighted heading towards Las Vegas, where it's rumored that he is in pursuit of "Lina Inverse", a wicked sorceress whose penchant for destruction rivals that of Vash the Stampede. Even now, bets are being made on how much of the city will remain intact, with the odds of coming out unharmed hovering around 1 in 300.

AMBUSH BUG: Coming up, a politician from that party you don't like said something stupid today! Find out which one, here on Channel 52!

Omake #2: Rebootpoint, in which the Author Makes an Attempt at Satire

"Oh my god!" said The Flash. "My selfish attempt to change history has broken the timestream! I must now set right what once went wrong!"

"No, wait!" said Super Mysterious Guy #157, "Before you do, I need you to combine the timestreams."

"Um, why?" said The Flash.

"Because doing so will somehow strengthen the cosmos against some kind of looming threat!"

"How?" said The Flash. "I mean, the world looks like it's in pretty decent shape to me. Plus we've fought plenty of those before and came out just fine, relatively speaking. And wouldn't adding more universes just make things more chaotic?"

"DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST DO IT OKAY."

"Geez, fine, fine..."

Just then, Edrobot burst into the author cave. "This just in, everyone!" he said, waving around a stack of papers. "The reboot is official! I have you new assignments!" He then began to hand out pieces of paper to everyone. "Hope: You are now sixteen, and are a member of the Teen Titans."

"Sweet!" said Hope.

"Don't get too excited; you get killed off in your debut issue." Ed handed a paper to Lightning. "Light, you're on the Doom Patrol. Also, your sister is dead, and you are now sensitive and emotionally disturbed because you were abused by your father."

"Just... super." Light glanced through her revised backstory. "Wait, hold on; this says I was raped how many-"

"Shirley, you are now gay."

"But I-"

"Simon, you are now a raging alcoholic who is dating Lady Shiva."

"Uhhhh..."

"Shinji, you don't exist."

"God damn it." and then Shinji vanished in a puff of logic.

Electra began to wave her hand in the air. "Ooh! Ooh! What about me?" said Electra.

"Good news! Not only is your character unchanged, but you've now got a spot in Justice League International..." Ed looked down at his watch "...which was cancelled five minutes ago. Sorry, tough break! But at least you and Shulk get to be killed off- I mean guest star in the next issue of JLA."

Seconds later, Electra smashed Edrobot's brains in with a baseball bat.

"So much for death of the author!" said Simon. ("Oh god I'm such a horrible person...")

"Still, Electra has a point." said Sayaka. "Whether or not the reboot was justified, DC Comics doesn't seem to have a clear direction in mind. The reboot itself alienated longtime fans by erasing vast swaths of continuity, and they don't seem to have any intention of trying to bring in newcomers."

Then Hope pulled out a convenient megaphone. "THE JOKE IS THAT THE REBOOT SUCKS!" she said. " DO YOU GET IT NOW, EVERYONE?! DO YOU GET IT?!"

And then Edrobot swore never to write satire again because he was really bad at it.