It was late into the night on the Normandy. The few essential crew members for the night shift were groggily working, frequently rubbing their eyes with their fists and sipping at their coffee.

While Private Westmoreland flipped through a magazine, her jaw working hard to chew a heavy wad of gum; while Engineer Donnelly performed the 0300 check on the eezo core levels, his head pounding from the one-too-many drinks he just had with Engineer Adams; while Steve Cortez wiped sweat and dirt off his forehead with a cloth and began to put away his tools; Shepard and Vakarian were holed up in the main battery, planning a top secret mission.

"We always knew the cockpit would be the hardest," Shepard whispered, afraid to wake the sleeping Doctor Chakwas in the room adjacent to them.

"But that doesn't mean that we can't do it, we just need to find a way to get EDI out of there."

"EDI is going to be in there regardless of if we can get her body out."

"Well EDI has watched everything that we've done so far, this will be no different."

"The first thing she's going to do is tell Joker."

"And?"

"And Joker will proceed to tell the rest of the damn ship."

"She hasn't told him about what we've done in the rest of the areas of the ship."

"But you know how Joker is about the cockpit, it's his home."

"Well the cargo bay is James' and Cortez's home; the CIC is Traynor's home-"

Shepard interrupted his musings with a giggle. "The CIC was the best, with the galaxy map right behind us."

"But you know that the cockpit, right in Joker's fancy leather chair with the expanse of the galaxy behind us, will be even better."

"You're right. But we can't fool an AI. I just need to remind her who the boss is around here."

Garrus shrugged. "Alright, following your lead Commander."

He followed her through the ship, mesmerized by the swinging of her wide hips. She walked with the confidence only a high-ranking officer could hold; the ship was hers, and everyone knew it.

It made him want her even more.

"EDI!" she snapped curtly, yanking Garrus out of his lustful daze. "You stand relieved; I'm taking control of the helm."

The AI blinked reproachfully. "This is an unusual request, Commander."

Her fingers were laced together behind her back, and she pulled herself up to her imposing full height. "That was a command, EDI."

EDI's eyes narrowed, flickering between Shepard and Garrus, but she accepted. "Yes, Commander. If you require my services, I will be in the AI core calibrating my targeting systems."

The door slid shut behind them, and Shepard input a simple encryption code. "She's going straight to Joker," she mused.

"Let's be quick then," Garrus growled, grabbing her thighs to hoist her up onto his hips while brushing his mouth in nibbles down her neck.

A carefree laugh escaped Shepard when he sat in Joker's pilot seat and pulled her on top of him, his grip on her legs firm. She kissed him fiercely, running the tips of her fingers delicately through his fringe, so when he opened his mouth to accept her tongue a moan escaped his lips. His hands ran up her legs and under her shirt, pulling it over her head and providing him with a perfect view of her torso.

She threw his shirt over his head and kissed down his torso. "You're tasty," she muttered, her breaths hot and alarming on his hide and he threw his head back in pleasure. She began to work on the clasps holding his -

"Robot! I require your assistance with this 'extranet' as you call it." Shepard gasped and pulled her shirt up to cover her chest as the door swung open and Javik stepped in, his composure failing at the sight of the Commander and the XO's activities.

"Primitives!" he shouted, pointing an alarmed finger at them. "Foolish primitives, engaging in sexual activities in areas of the ship where they could be caught. FOOLISH!" He threw his arms up and stepped out, his angry mutterings heard even as the door slid behind him.

Zoey and Garrus doubled over in laughter, tears pouring out of their eyes as they gripped the chair to keep themselves from falling over.

When they had finally calmed, Garrus smacked her ass firmly with both hands. "Next time, I do the encryptions."

With that he grabbed her and threw her onto the floor before having his way with her, the stars twinkling in their peripherals.