El Scorcho - Weezer

The door swung open with an unheralded ferocity and Shepard stumbled in, throwing her helmet to the ground. Frankly, she looked like hell. She was covered in sweat, dirt, and blood, and she emanated a tangy metallic smell. Dark bags were etched underneath her eyes, and her mouth was set into a hard frown punctuated by drawn lines at the corners of her mouth. Still fully dressed in her combat armour she collapsed on the couch face first, and it bounced comically beneath her weight.

"Tonight, on The Life of Commander Shepard," she began in a grandiose tone like an announcer, "We will watch her unveil a secret turian plot, save the krogan, and have the Primarch's son die under her watch!" She rolled her head to look up at Garrus, who had walked over to the couch from his seat on the bed, which was currently covered in data pads and varying pieces of equipment. "You didn't happen to know anything about the bomb that the turians had planted on Tuchanka, did you?"

"Can't say I did." He took a seat next to her and began to undo her armour. "But you'll need to give me descriptive video for this episode, my eyes are a little busy undressing you."

She snorted and rolled onto her side so he could remove her shoulder guard. "Well, before James, EDI and I landed, we found out that the bomb on Tuchanka was actually planted by the turians as a fail safe for the genophage. Tarquin took us to the bomb, but he ended up having to manually disarm it and died in the process."

"What did the Primarch say?"

"He was heartbroken, of course. Proud of his son for sacrificing himself to save so many krogan, but heartbroken."

Her armour removed, with a giggle from Shepard he lifted her and rested her on the bed, sitting at her feet so he could massage the weariness from them. "Tarquin died a noble death."

"Although he did, no parent should have to hold a memorial for their fallen children."

"Your parents had to do it once. I was there."

"And how were they doing on that day?"

He let out a humourless ha. "Pretty terrible if I may say so myself."

"Exactly. Maybe you can check up on him tomorrow, while I'm investigating the rachni reports?"

"You don't want me on the ground with you?"

"You don't want another day off? You've been working ceaselessly since I picked you up."

He shrugged, switching to her other foot. "How can you sit back and do nothing at a time like this? Sure, there's always paperwork to do, rations and supplies to dole out, but I've only been off the ground for two days and I'm restless already."

A long, content sigh escaped her lips as he tended to her battle worn feet. "Just make sure to check on him tomorrow for me, he'll appreciate talking to someone he knows. Besides, you were with me last time we dealt with the rachni, you can say hello to the queen again."

"You think it's her?"

"What else would it be? It may be time for me to admit that I was in the wrong for letting her go."

He crawled beside her and pulled her onto his lap so he could rub her shoulders. "Don't be so sure this is directly related to your decision. We had an old saying in C-Sec: don't confess unless you're accused of the crime."

They lapsed into silence and she leaned back and he wrapped his arms around her in a quick hug, humming in contentment before he resumed his massage. Her mind still reeling with the events of the day, she requested, "Tell me a story."

"About?"

"The first time you broke the law."

He chuckled. "That's quite a story."

"I have time."

"Well, I always had that knack of getting into trouble with my parents for the usual crimes: having a dirty room, teasing my sister, receiving poor marks, having attitude, you know how it is. But the first time the law had to get involved was when I was seventeen and on shore leave for two weeks.

"My sister was freshly fifteen and going through a real rebellious phase. She would sneak out to drink, party, and meet up with boys, right underneath my parents' noses. But she kept her room clean, received top marks, and was accepted into the second best basic training regimen on Palaven so she was still their little angel.

"The second week of my shore leave my parents went away for the weekend and it was my job to keep an eye on Sol. So instead of going out, she brought her new boyfriend in, went upstairs, and played loud music.

"I was downstairs doing..." he scratched his head as his brow plates furrowed. "I honestly can't remember what I was doing. Either tinkering with something, or hacking something, or cleaning my pistol. Either way, I was downstairs when I heard Sol scream 'stop'. Not in the cute 'don't tickle me' way, but in the 'very afraid' way. So I dropped what I was doing and sprinted up the stairs, two at a time, my heart racing. Her door was locked, as expected, but when I heard her scream I just kicked it down.

"Her new boyfriend had his pants around his ankles and was straddling her and holding onto her wrists, her clothes in tatters. Blind rage took over, I threw him off of her and down the stairs. Keep in mind that I'm in the middle of my basic training and in peak physical condition. I remember him in a heap at the bottom of the stairs, keening as he tried to pull himself and his pride together. But I wasn't done yet - I threw him outside onto the lawn and began punching him. These weren't little girly punches, no, these hurt like a bitch and I kept doing it until the officers showed up. They pulled me off of him and he was out cold.

"Luckily, my sister convinced him not to press charges, but my parents had to come home early to bail me out. I've never seen my father as mad as he was that day."

"Well damn, Garrus. Guess we both had an inclination for violence from a young age."

"We both did?"

"I have a similar story."

"Let's hear it! Make me feel better for my youthful hotheadedness."

"When I was thirteen, we had a year where we were stationed on the Citadel. My parents both had desk jobs at the time so they enrolled me in a human school. There was a boy there - Hunter Steffi - who bullied me mercilessly. He was a fat, ugly menace who was too dumb to string a proper sentence together but still had the sense of self-entitlement like his shit smelled like roses. At the time I hadn't had my growth spurt yet, so I was an average height but very scrawny, and I always got picked on a bit for being unattractive. Every day Hunter would say horrible things to me, call me awful names, say I'm ugly, worthless, and stupid. He would threaten to beat up anyone who wanted to become my friend, so I was very alone and vulnerable at a tender age. He did awful things to my self-conscious at the time and just made me feel terrible about myself.

"Well, he crossed the line one day. We were outside of the school, he was doing his usual name-calling, and then he pushed me and I fell onto a rock and bruised my back. It had been almost a year of this damn kid torturing me ceaselessly and something just snapped inside of me. I jumped on him and it must have thrown him off balance because we crashed to the ground with me on top of him. I took a swing and cracked him right across the nose and broke it, I remember very clearly how bloody of an affair it was. He asked me to stop but I kept hitting him, over and over again, until a teacher finally came and interfered. This asshole was left with a broken nose, a split lip, and a black eye. He didn't receive any punishment for the bullying and I got kicked out of school for it. My parents had to apply for a change in posting but they didn't mind; quite the opposite, actually, my mom was so proud of me for standing up for myself."

Lost in her thoughts she succumbed to silence and Garrus squeezed her tightly. "He must have said some horrible things about you to warrant that sort of reaction."

"There are few things more fragile in this galaxy than the ego of the human teenage girl, and that boy destroyed mine over and over again. It was a big reason why I never really dated before I met you."

"Remind me to send a thank you message to Hunter," he joked, nuzzling his nose into her neck. "If it wasn't for him you could have ended up with someone else."

"Trust me, my love, even if I was with someone else I would have dumped him or her the moment I met you."

Garrus's brow plates rose higher than she had ever seen. "Or her?"

She shrugged nonchalantly. "I never completely discounted the possibility."

His plates suddenly ached with pressure as his mind filled with images of Shepard together with Tali... Shepard with Traynor... Shepard with Jack... Shepard with Miranda... Shepard with Liara...

"If you were to... erm... choose one female mate... uh...from the Normandy..."

"If I were to choose one woman from the Normandy, who would it be?" He nodded vigorously in response. Shepard scratched her chin in thought, a wicked smile growing on her face as she realized the effect this discussion was having on Garrus. "Well I've always wondered what Tali would look like underneath that suit... But the melding process that Liara has described sounds so sexy..."

Garrus couldn't take it any longer. He climbed on top of her, ripped her clothes off, and took her with incredible ferocity and passion.

Garrus and Wrex took a seat across the table from each other, the electricity of competitiveness charging through the air.

"You may be able to out shoot me, turian, but you can't out arm wrestle a krogan."

Garrus raised a brow plate and rested his right elbow on the table, leaving his hand dangling in the air. "You could be right. Or you could be scared. There's only one way to find out." He wriggled his fingers temptingly, causing Wrex to let out a low growl.

"We need a judge. Mordin!" The salarian was typing at his terminal in the med bay, unaware of the turian and krogan in the mess. "Can't hear me through the wall." He stood up and roared, "MORDIN!"

Mordin shot Wrex a fierce glare before picking up a scalpel beside him, holding it up for Wrex to see, and pointing it at the krogan. Wrex immediately shivered uncomfortably and muttered, "Guess he doesn't want to be bothered."

"The scalpel brings back bad memories?"

"I have two words for you: my quad."

Garrus's mandibles flickered in discomfort at the thought before quickly changing the subject. "So are we going to arm wrestle or what?"

Wrex propped his arm up and grabbed Garrus's waiting hand. "Bring it."

"Three... two... one..."

Garrus grunted as Wrex brought a portion of his thousand-pound weight onto his arm, immediately giving the krogan the advantage. Although Garrus was much slighter at three hundred pounds, he still had the wiry strength of an active soldier: he began to push back until he was gaining the advantage, causing Wrex's eyes to widen in surprise before narrowing in determination. The krogan faintly glowed blue before employing the powers of his own strength and biotic abilities to smash Garrus's hand so hard against the table that it cracked.

"Come on, Wrex, using your biotics is just cheating."

Shepard had been in the middle of making her rounds to check up on the crew when she heard the commotion from the mess and had to go investigate.

"If that's the case," Wrex retorted, "Then you should take me on."

She threw her head back and let out an eerily humourless laugh. "Let's make a wager."

Wrex chucked deep in his throat. "I like the way you think. If I win, you give me your M-27 Scimitar."

"Deal, I don't even like shotguns, too unrefined. If I win, you buy me a Black Widow when we land on the Citadel to drop off Grunt, and when you go to buy it, you have to wear a sign that says 'I was beaten at arm wrestling by Commander Shepard'."

"A Black Widow for a Scimitar? You call that a fair exchange?"

"Well you seem so confident that you'll win it shouldn't be a problem."

"Make it an M-11 Wraith and you have yourself a deal."

A wide-eyed Garrus stood so that Shepard could take his seat in front of Wrex. The Wraith and the Black Widow were among the best weapons manufactured, and both retailed at 250k credits. The fact that they were both willing to shell out that much money in what equated to an ego match told him that Shepard had to make many more credits than he originally anticipated.

Shepard gripped the krogan's hand, squeezing as tightly as she could muster until she saw a shadow of discomfort cross his face. He squeezed back, letting out a guttural growl, but Shepard never let the pain touch her eyes. If your opponent can ever read your expression, it's a distinct advantage to them.

Garrus became the de facto judge, grabbing their interlocked hands in his own and counting down. As soon as he let go, Shepard didn't even give Wrex a chance: a blue glow lit up the room and she cried out as she pushed with all her might on her right hand, sending both her and Wrex's arm through the wooden table as splinters flew through the air before quietly cascading over the table and floor.

Wrex stood and roared, smashing against the table with his fists to break it even further. "She was cheating, I demand a rematch!"

"Is this noise level necessary?" Mordin shouted from the med bay, shaking his head as he stared at his terminal.

"Request denied," Garrus responded curtly. "Shepard played by the rules."

Wrex threw his arms up and stomped out of the room to a chorus of laughter from Shepard and Garrus. "See you on the Citadel, Wrex!"