Chapter 7

The news spread through the base like a plague. Black Widow Ops had its first male member in over 30 years! It was all any of the girls and women could talk about. In their beds they talked and giggled freely long into the night and by day they stole glances at him to see if any of the gossip was true. Clint was good with a bow and other melee weapons and his training was going well, he could do anything they could do but didn't show off if he could help it.
Clint also looked like he got along with all of the Black Widows – even the new ones who were only 10 years old seemed to love him and think of him as an older brother.
Ivan had introduced Clint to all of them formally and said that he would be treated like any other Black Widow and he was to protect his 'sisters' and think of them before he thought of himself.

Natasha had looked on in awe and hidden confusion. She listened to the gossip and stories but she had her own questions about the newcomer: who was he really? Why did he help her and why was he here now? As much as Natasha wanted the answers, she would have a hard time getting them for the only times he seemed to be alone was when he went to use the bathroom and when he went to bed. Natasha was NOT going to visit him in those places!
Anya and the others always made excuses to talk to him or show him around the base which, for some reason, annoyed Natasha to no end. One night when the girls were getting ready for bed, a knock sounded at their door.
"Hello, Anya" Clint nodded politely "can I speak to Natasha, please?"
An excited murmur went through the room and Clint pretended not to hear it
Natasha came out "Yes?" she asked
"I just wanted to see if you were alright" Clint smiled in a friendly way "I haven't had much chance to check on you and I wanted to make sure you were ok after…you know"
"Yes. I'm fine, a little bruised but I'll live" Natasha said awkwardly
"I'll never let it happen again" Clint said in a soft voice "I mean it, it's my job to protect you and I plan to do it right"

Natasha blushed at his words, remembering when he said that very thing when he killed for her. A shiver went up her spine.
They began to talk about how he was settling in. Clint went on about how this place was bigger than S.H.I.E.L.D and that the people were friendly and treating him well "yes, they are. I guess the others are just excited about someone new, just wait, it'll calm down after a week or so"
"Are you excited about someone new?" Clint asked coyly with a glint of amusement in his eye
"They had just better keep their head on straight" Natasha smiled back and went into her room again leaving Clint alone in the hallway.

Clint smiled as he walked down the hall to his own room, he had made contact and was sure that he would form a repour with Natasha before long. Nick Fury had sent him all the information they could find on Natasha specifically and read it through again and again trying to memorize it and slowly formed a plan in his head about how best to get Natasha to start remembering. He formed it in stages so as not to overwhelm her too much and would do it as subtly as he could so as not to arouse suspicion. Natasha had to be dwelt with carefully.

OOOOOOOOOOO

Clint sat in his room a few days later mulling over the information Fury had sent, Clint had sent only one report about his progress but it wasn't enough for Fury. Clint had to step up his game.
The papers lay across his bed in random order, pictures of Natasha when she was a child, pictures of her parents and where she lived. There was information about the abduction that happened when Ivan finally came for her and then just various bits on all they had about Black Widow Ops.
Clint knew he had to pretend to be on their side for now but he was finding it harder and harder with each day – Ivan was a cruel man and would stop at nothing to get what he wanted; even putting his 'daughters' at risk. He just didn't seem to care.

Clint heard his name over the intercom, Ivan was calling him into his office, and he decided that now was the time he would ask to go on a mission and when he would finally see the Black Widows at work. Clint waited outside Ivan's office until he was called in, Ivan greeted him with a pat on the arm and the offer of a drink "No thank you, Sir" Clint declined "I prefer to stay away from anything that would distract me from the job at hand"
Ivan eyed him carefully but put the bottle of whiskey down on the table "Fair enough" he said and gestured for Clint to sit down "I have a mission for you, your training has gone well and it's about time you started earning your keep around here"
"I'll do whatever I can" Clint nodded
"Here" Ivan passed him a folder.

Inside were papers about the device he helped Natasha get on her second mission, when they met for a second time. It was just more information on where it was stored, how it worked, who knew how to operate it ect.
Clint looked up from the folder "Didn't we already get this?" he asked
"Yes, but there were certain papers and passwords I need for it to work properly. That will be your job. It's simple: just get in, get the information and get out again" Ivan explained
"I will be doing this alone?"
"No. I will send two agents with you to monitor you on how you go"
"I won't let you down" Clint got up and Ivan excused him.

Finally Clint was going on a mission and with two agents going with him! He would see how they worked, make a note of it and then send off another report to Fury.

A knock came at his door while he was packing, he opened the door and smiled when he saw Natasha "I'll be going with you" she said and then made room for Anya to enter
"So am I" she said and flopped down into one of the chairs "Father always tells us to pack light on a mission, depending on where we're going" Anya pointed at Clint's nearly full bag "you might want to re-think a few things"
Clint nodded and unpacked and repacked his bag with their guidance.

In an hour they were all ready to go. Ivan wished them luck and to let him know if they needed anything at all while they were away, they said goodbye and then boarded a plane.
Clint took a window seat while Natasha and Anya sat together and ordered food from the stewardess, Clint said he didn't want anything and the plane took off smoothly. In roughly 10 hours they would be back in America.

OOOOOOOOO

When the plane touched down, they were ushered straight to their hotel were they would be staying until the mission was complete. Since they would only be there for two nights they didn't get too comfortable, only unpacking the necessary things and keeping everything else in their bags.
Clint took out some blueprints of the building they were be going for and where he would think their information would most likely be. Anya was itching to go right now but Clint would make them wait until the sun went down, Anya huffed in a board tone and lay on the bed.
Natasha took a knife out from her belt and began to clean it. Clint cleaned his bow and arrows, checked his guns were all in working order and cleaned his knives too. There wasn't much else for them to do but wait after that.

It was then time to go. They marched to the building and scaled it until they came to the fourth floor. Clint's blueprints told them that this was where they were hidden. Clint made it clear that this was meant to be a clean mission, get in and get out and no killing if you could help it. Natasha nodded but Anya rolled her eyes and muttered that she would do whatever it took.
Once a window was open, they all crouched inside and waited, once the room was deemed clear they searched it for the files.
Anya came up with nothing, Clint was the same but Natasha found something related to what they were looking for in a filing cabinet. Clint was expecting to see S.H.I.E.L.D agents anytime now and was ready to go now they had found what they wanted a nice clean mission.
The lights blazed on and an agent stood with a gun pointed at Natasha "hands in the air now!" he ordered
Natasha slowly put her hands in the air, Anya pointed her gun at the man as did Clint but he wasn't ready to pull the trigger. The man instructed Natasha to hand over the files, she did and ignored Anya's protest "NATASHA! NO!"
"She is a smart girl. She knows you are outnumbered" the man smiled
"Natasha! Kill him! Shoot him!" Anya made Natasha grab her gun and pointed it at the man "do it!"
Clint noticed a scared look in Natasha's eyes as she held the gun almost ready to shoot and stepped toward her.

Natasha wanted to kill him, needed to kill him but she couldn't bring herself to pull the trigger. This was different last time, the other man, Vanko, had been begging for his life when Natasha killed him, this man wasn't. This man was brave and standing up to her – he could hurt her if he wanted; he was a threat. So why couldn't she do it? Why was she thinking of Vanko now? Natasha was a Black Widow and was made to kill, it was her job!
Natasha held the gun tighter and tried to make herself look at threatening as possible; knowing full well that Clint was watching her and that made her feel worse.

The man stepped toward her, Natasha flinched and a bang stopped him in his tracks. He made a horrible gurgling sound and fell. Natasha knew she wasn't the one who pulled the trigger. Anya had been the one and she did it as if it were nothing, almost enjoying watching the life fly out of him in seconds. She stepped to the body and ripped the files from his hand and turned to Clint and Natasha "Job done" she said in a dangerous tone
"No! Not 'job done' Anya! This was not supposed to happen" Clint whispered loudly "now all the agents in this building will be on to us!"
Natasha didn't say anything but watched as the two of them began to argue and only after a few minutes did she find her voice "Anya! Listen to our brother, we have to move now!"

They raced out the window, down the building and disappeared into the darkness.

They all chose different paths back to the hotel, each taking an hour in case they were being followed, until they were all accounted for. Anya and Natasha noted Clint's rage "what the hell happened?!" he yelled at Anya "this was meant to be a clean mission: get in and get out! No one was meant to kill anyone!"
"He was going to kill us if I didn't do something! Natasha wasn't going to kill him anyway!" Anya sneered and Natasha looked down at her boots
"It doesn't matter if she was going to or not, we didn't have to we could have just knocked him out and gone on our way"
"But…but I needed to kill him" Natasha said in a small voice
"No, Natasha. You didn't. You had a choice, you always do" Clint softened his gaze when he spoke to her, he wasn't angry with her after all
"And she made the right the wrong decision!" Anya raised her voice "a Black Widow must do whatever it takes to keep herself alive!"
Clint was seething with rage and had to bite his tongue from calling Anya every curse under the sun, with his fists clenched tightly he marched to the door and slammed it shut.
From the outside it sounded as if one of them tried to follow him out but was stopped by the other.
Muffled voices sounded and then it was silent.

Clint needed to be left alone, he walked down the hall, down a flight of steps until he found the reception area and the bar. He sat himself down and ordered a drink; his knuckles still white with anger.

A few hours later Clint made his way back to the room, he slipped the key into the lock and went in. Natasha and Anya were both asleep in the bed looks like I'm having the couch tonight he thought and went to have a shower. The hot water soothed him and helped clear his head, he was happy that his anger had changed to only that of mild annoyance now.
Clint got dressed and then dried his hair with a towel, when he went out to collapse on the couch
he paused when he found Natasha sitting there "It's good that you came back" was all that she said
"Of course I came back. Did you think I would abandon you?" he smiled
"Maybe not me but Anya…maybe" Natasha shrugged and made room for him to sit next to her "Anya was very angry at us, more so me than you. I should have taken the shot"
Clint didn't know what to say so he stayed quiet until she began to talk again "I guess I'm pretty shit at this. I shouldn't be a Black Widow"
"Yes you should. You're smart, fierce, determined and know your way around weaponry" Clint pointed out reassuringly
"But what kind of Black Widow can't kill?!"
"You have killed before, what was different now?" Clint asked
"The first time I killed…I don't know. I was following orders I guess but seeing that man beg for his life and how scared he was, it just made it worse. I know that this time was different, that man wanted to hurt us and it was down to him or us…I know that I had to choose us, in my head I did, but I just couldn't" Natasha's voice wavered and Clint thought she might cry, he placed a hand on her shoulder
"Nat…" he paused and chose his words carefully "talk to me, maybe I can help. Tell me about your first kill, why was it different to the idea of killing someone who wanted to hurt you"
"That first man, he said things that–that made me stop and think…they were lies" she wasn't looking at him "things about my father and what I was"
"If they were lies and you know them to be so, then why still think about them?"
"You didn't see it! You weren't there! His eyes! They were screaming for me to let him live"

Clint knew what Vanko had said but didn't expect for Natasha to hold onto it like this, maybe it was going to be easier than he thought?
Clint reassured her that she did the right thing last time, to not let it get to her and that what Vanko said was all lies. It pained him to see her like this but he knew it was for the better. Natasha didn't say no to Clint telling her to get some sleep, that it would all look better in the morning.
They said goodnight to each other and parted, Clint staying on the couch and Natasha sinking into the bed next to Anya.

Clint lay awake thinking of what Natasha had told him and how she remembered her first kill, how it affected her so. Maybe she would break through this herself? He smiled at the thought yet still made a plan to help her in any way he could.
Clint rolled over and closed his eyes and when he woke up the next morning he wasn't sure if he had dreamed it or not when he heard Natasha's voice from across the room

"Goodnight Clint…thank you"

A/N: I am SO sorry it has taken me almost three weeks to get this out to you all! I just don't know what is wrong with me. I had a plan but it just shot out of my head with this chapter. I wrote it and re-wrote it several times before I was happy with it.
I know that I probably SHOULD have a set date for chapters (once a week?) but I just can't do that. I write when inspiration comes and that could take a long time sometimes. I will get it out when I can. Please read and review, I would love to hear what you all think.
Any ideas and help would be much appreciated!
There will be some 'Clintasha' scenes to come too and maybe even a betrayal!