Disparate Youth - Santigold

"YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!"

The series of expletives emitting from the comm room were followed by a loud bang and a growl. Tali looked up from her terminal to catch a glimpse of Shepard smacking the outgoing comm terminal as the screen sputtered and displayed static. She approached the commander, her rage at the inanimate object disturbingly humourous.

Poking her head around the corner, she asked, "Need some help, Shepard?"

"How are we expected to win this damn war if I can't even get an outgoing comm signal?" She growled and slammed her fist onto the keys, sending sparks flying up. The screen gave a last sputter of static before dying completely, and Shepard let out an exasperated sigh before gripping the bar with white knuckles and ducking her head between her arms.

"Let me take a look at this," Tali said tenderly, waving her omni-tool over the console. It was easily repairable, although anything was with the right tools and the right materials. When her attention was returned to Shepard, she realized just how worn and fragile she looked at the moment. Strands of hair were falling out of her normally tidy knot, she was paler and the skin on her arms was stretched tighter around her wiry muscles than ever, giving her the impression that if she were shirtless her collarbones and ribs would be disconcertingly prominent. It was no wonder - after their trip to the Citadel she had been working non-stop assisting the quarians, first rescuing Admiral Koris and then disabling the server controlling the geth fighter squadrons, and the next day they were going to be infiltrating the Reaper base on Rannoch. Tali doubted Shepard had left herself time to eat or sleep. "I'm going to need some time," she lied. "Why don't you have some dinner in the mess, I'll come get you when we have this up and running again."

Shepard wasn't willing to rest that easily. "Thanks but I really need to finish filling out those mission reports for the-"

"Eat," Tali interrupted in a stern tone. "This message, and those mission reports, can wait until after you eat."

"Do you know what this message I need to send out is?" Shepard asked in a snappy tone. Not waiting for an answer, she continued, "It's for my brother to tell him that my mother's dead since my dad can't get an outgoing comm signal out of the Citadel."

"Shepard, I-"

"You know how it is. You lost your father. You try resting when those bastards who killed your loved one are out there, taking more and more lives every day."

Tali gripped Shepard's shoulder firmly. "I've been there, and I wanted revenge against the geth who killed my father every day. But you're here, helping me honour his memory by taking them down and taking our planet back. So let me help you now. Garrus will do your mission reports, I'll fix this, you have something to eat, and we'll have the message out to your brother in no time."

Although Shepard posed herself to argue, she knew that Tali would only argue further. Her expression transformed from stern and stressed to one of reluctant acceptance. "Quarians are too damn stubborn! Fine, but get me the moment this is up and running."

Tali saluted her and said, "Aye aye, commander."

Garrus completed the mission reports as per Tali's request and found Shepard in the comm room, Malcolm's head and torso displayed in the hologram before her. She was gripping the rail with white knuckles as they spoke, and her face was long and drawn but had slightly more colour than when they had returned to the ship earlier that day. He paused around the corner, not wanting to disturb their conversation.

"Do you know what happened?" Mal asked in a hushed and agonized voice.

"Dad said that she was specially assigned to a mission in the Horsehead Nebula, and dozens of Reaper destroyers were there waiting for them. They never stood a chance."

Mal ran his fingers through his tousled hair. "At least it would have been quick and painless. It's a better fate than a lot of soldiers on the ground."

Shepard nodded glumly. "Dad's in pretty rough shape. See if you can send a comm wave his way, it would mean the world to him."

He nodded slowly. "I will. Absolutely. Are they doing a memorial?"

"How can they? Resources are stretched paper thin as it is, and with losing thousands every day there's no room for it."

"We'll have one." The determination in his voice was so… Shepard. "We may have to wait until this is over, but we'll have one. We'll find a nice plot for her on Rayingri, and we'll grow gladiolus flowers beside her grave."

"Of course," she responded tenderly. "You're keeping safe out there, I hope?"

"We've been in charge mostly of civilian evacuation, so although we see some action we're not in the meat of things."

"Good." She nodded firmly.

"How's Garrus doing? Be sure to say hi for me."

Garrus's heart swelled knowing that Zoey's own brother had him on his mind. For a moment, he felt like part of her family.

"He's doing well and I'll be sure to pass on the message for you."

"Captain needs the comm. I know things are hectic as hell, but keep me in the loop, ok Zo? I guess I don't say it much, but I love you."

"Love you too, little brother." She closed the comm and let out a long sigh. Wordlessly, Garrus stepped behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close, reminding her with his embrace that everything would be ok.

Garrus and Shepard sat across from each other in the mess, nursing their individually caffeinated beverages.

Joker stumbled in, his brow set in an angry furrow, and slammed a fifty credit chit on the table in front of Garrus before meandering off without a word.

Open-mouthed, Garrus stared at the credit chit. "I don't get it," he muttered. Shepard suddenly broke out in a burst of peeling laughter, gripping her sides as she rocked back and forth in her chair.

Between gales of laughter, she choked out, "I believe you just won a bet we made with him a while ago."

Shepard and Tali were seated side by side, staring into the deep valley at Rannoch that was littered with the Reaper's corpse.

"We took down a Reaper," Tali whispered.

"Again." Shepard snorted.

"Only you, Shepard."

"I can't believe the geth are gone." She rested her hands on the ground behind her and leaned into them, closing her eyes as the sun warmed her face. "How many of those damn things did we fight back in our SR-1 days?"

"More than I would have liked."

"Do you remember when we were on Ilos and you hacked the one Armature and we just sat back watching the two Armatures take each other out?" They laughed together.

"That was just easy. I wish I could hack a Colossus; that would have made our lives much easier."

Shepard's lips pursed. "But then Legion came on the ship. Actually meeting a geth... talking to him... watching him sacrifice himself to keep us safe..." She swallowed. "Sometimes you need to meet your enemy to understand that they're not really your enemy."

Tali remained silent, but beneath her helmet she was frowning. "The Geth Consensus opened my eyes," Shepard continued, "and taught me that the geth weren't as guilty as we thought they were."

"It was them or us."

"Geth or quarians. I had to choose, synthetics or organics, because it seems that they aren't meant to truly coexist. My decision was the right one, just know that it wasn't easy."

"I respect that your decision wasn't easy, none of yours have been."

"It was worth it to give you back your home and to help you honour your father's legacy, just like you wanted."

Tali leaned over to rest her head on Shepard's shoulder. She gave in to the strong urge to remove her mask and breathed in the fresh air. They couldn't validate its composition and she knew she may be sick for days, but it was entirely worth it. "After we help you take down the Reapers, I'll build a house here for you and Garrus. Somewhere with a view of the water, out in the country so you won't be bothered by your hordes of fans."

Shepard closed her eyes and imagined it. A quiet life for her and Garrus, after all of the madness was over. Was it possible? Would they be able to settle down to a peaceful life, when this was all over? Marry and have little adopted rugrats running around their house with sticky fingers and gum in their hair?

No. That was a dream reserved for the people she was trying to save. Dreaming now, before the job was done, was too dangerous.

"Shepard?"

"Sorry, Tali. Got lost in my thoughts of how things will be when this is all over."

"You need those thoughts to keep you going at times like this."

Would she ever get out of times like this?