The control room was his home last night, watching the camera to make sure she was safe in the dorms. Four spent his entire night there, consuming cup after cup of coffee, keeping his eyes peeled for any trouble. Once morning started to arrive, he decided she would be relatively safe and headed out to burn off some caffeine. He went on a shortened jog, wanting to be in the compound if any trouble started. By the time he got back, he was well on his way to crashing and barely made it back to his bed before he fell asleep. He inhaled her scent as his eyes closed to the world, trusting she would make good choices during the day.
For the second time during this initiation, he was woken up by Lauren pounding on his door. "If you don't open this door in 5 seconds, I'm coming in whether you are dressed or not." Four groggily got out of bed and was almost to the door when it burst open. He saw Lauren standing there with a tear stained face and knew they had their first chasm causality. "Who?" She looked at him with dead eyes, "Al." Four couldn't believe it, he had given up. The trauma from attacking Tris must have been the final straw, except he assumed she would take it personally and blame herself. He had to find her. "Let's go." He grabbed Lauren by the arm and they rushed down to the Pit just as Eric was finishing up his speech.
He saw Tris head down an abandoned hallway, 'Hadn't she learned her lesson?!' Four thought angrily. He left Lauren with a group of other Dauntless and followed Tris. He saw her shaking her head in anger and knew she was blaming herself. "Tris." She jumped and turned around facing him, tears streaking her face. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be paying your respects?" She sounded bitter and angry. "Shouldn't you?" Four approached her cautiously, not wanting her to run or do anything crazy. "Can't pay respect when you don't have any," she replied letting her anger out, "I didn't mean that." She slumped and continued her rant which Four allowed, wanting her to get it out of her system.
"This is ridiculous! He kills himself and Eric calls him brave? The same person who wanted you to throw knives at his head. Brave?! He wasn't brave, he was depressed and a coward and he almost killed me. Is that what Dauntless respects these days?" She was up and pacing and Four was getting dizzy watching her. "What did you want them to do Tris? Condemn him? He's not here anymore to hear it so what's the point?" "It's not about him Four! It's about everyone watching who now thinks they are brave by jumping to their death. This would never have happened in Abnegation! Never!" Tris was shouting now and Four was very aware of the camera behind her and knew someone would either be watching now or later. He had to calm her down. "Careful Tris," he warned but she wasn't listening.
"Is that all you can say? Do you say anything else?" Four grabs her arm and drags her away from the fountain, trying to distance them from the camera as much as possible. He leans in really close to her so only she can hear and see the words he's saying. "I'm only going to say this one more time, they are watching you, You, in particular." She is beyond reason right now and attempts to free herself from his grasp. "Let go of me." Four's fingers spring apart and he backs away, not enjoying the trapped looked on her face, it reminds him of his mother too much. She glares at him and spits back, "Are they watching you too?" Four refuses to answer that question, mostly because he has no idea if they know about him but they definitely know about her. "I keep trying to help you but you refuse to be helped." He lets his frustration show at her stubbornness. "Oh yeah, your help! Let's see, you stabbed me in the ear with a knife while taunting me and yelling at me more than anyone. Thanks so much for your concern."
Four knew she was angry right now but it hurt that she didn't bring the fact that he saved her life. Instead of taking the high ground, he allowed that anger to take over. "Taunting you? You mean when I threw the knives? I wasn't taunting you, I was reminding you if you failed, someone else would take your place. You are from Abnegation, and when you act selfless you are at your best."
Tris' anger disappeared immediately and she physically slumped. He was getting frustrated with himself and the fact that he couldn't tell her how he felt, why he pushed her so hard. He couldn't lose her, he wasn't helping her for herself, he was helping her so he didn't have to go through watching her fail. "If I were you, I would work harder at pretending that selfless impulse is going away because if the wrong people discover it, it won't be good for you."
Just as quick as it left, the anger in her eyes was back. "Why do you care so much Four? My intentions aren't a threat, they make me who I am." Four presses a hand on the wall near her head and leans into it as he whispers, "Intentions are the only thing they care about. They want you to act and think a certain way so they can control you." He watched her study him and saw her pull herself up a bit so she seemed taller. "I don't understand, why do they care what I think as long as I'm acting the way they want."
"You are acting that way now but what if that Abnegation impulse overrides your Dauntless ones. They've taught you how to shoot a gun and fight, they want total control over that." Tris looks him square in the eyes, "What I still don't understand is why you feel the need to take care of me. I might not need you to do that."
Four is getting really frustrated with her, unable to fully explain himself out of fear of how she will react. He tries to tell her without really telling her, how he sees her. "You think my first instinct is to protect you? Because you are small, or a girl, or a Stiff? You are wrong Tris." Four leans in really close and wraps his fingers around her chin, being as bold as he's ever been, raising her face so it's inches from his. He has to make her understand he sees her as his equal not a little child. He can feel the electricity flow between them and finally he sees the truth in Tris' eyes, she feels it too. "My first instinct is to push you until you break, just to see how how I can press. But I resist it." He is so close he can almost taste her, breathing in her amazing smell. She whispers to him, eyes focused on his lips, "Why is that your first instinct?"
Four swallows hard as he answers, "Fear doesn't shut you down, it wakes you up." He releases her chin but doesn't move away, he can't just yet. Being this close to her has his body singing and he can't give it up. "Sometimes I just want to see you wide awake." His hand grazes her jaw and neck. He feels her place her hands on his hips and his entire thought process is lost. She pulls himself against his chest and wraps his arms around him and his eyes glaze over with the intensity her touch brings him. He lifts his hands and places them on the small of her back, pulling her closer, needing her closer, while running his other hand through her hair. How many times had he imagined holding her this very way and here he was.
She looked up at him and asked, "Should I be crying? I don't get why it broke him and not me." Four just stared at her, amazed she could wonder this. She was so strong, he didn't think anything could break her. "What do I know about tears?" Four asks her and she responds by pressing her head into his shoulder. He heard her mumble into his shoulder, "Do you think he would still be alive if I forgave him?" His heart broke, finally understanding her anger, not a friend for giving up but at herself for holding a grudge. She was angry at herself for speaking to him like she did in the dorms, she thinks she drove him over that edge.
Four doesn't want to lie to her and he doesn't know what drove Al to jump so he is completely honest with her. "I don't know." He pulls her closer and she tightens her grip as well. He feels her sigh into his chest and everything is right in the world with him. She leans back to look in his eyes, "Four, what faction are you from?" Four is so close to sharing all his secrets with her but not here, not out in the open. "It doesn't matter right now Tris. This is where I am now, we have to remember that." Four feels the moment again, here is his opportunity to kiss her, she is so close and he knows now she wants that. But his mind tells him to be smart, he never knows who is watching. So he settles for the next best thing, he presses his lips to her forehead and leaves them there, enjoying how close they are. He never thought this would happen, that he would be able to have her like this but he felt it. She was his now as he has been hers since she climbed out of that net.