Sorry it took me so long to update, this was a long one! Enjoy!
As the two exit the chasm, Four sees Eric coming down the hallway. "Tris, we have to split up but I'll see you tomorrow ok?" Tris looks shocked, as if what just happened didn't mean anything to him. Four had no time to set her straight so he gave her hand a squeeze and reassured her. "Tris, I can't tell you how much tonight meant to me but for right now let's split up to save questions ok?" He quickly gave her a peck on the lips and rushed off, hoping Eric hadn't noticed them exit the space together. She still had her final test left and he didn't want to give Eric any reason to kick her out of Dauntless.
As Four got back to his room, he realized the smile that was currently plastered across his face may have his initiates questioning the change in his demeanor so he took everything he felt for Tris, every moment they have shared and went through them one last time, enjoying every touch and kiss before locking them away so he could finish his job. As easy as it was in his room tonight, he knew he would be fighting a whole new battle tomorrow when he saw her face again. He allowed himself to drift off to sleep as he dreamed of her lips on his.
The next morning he woke up, went for his run, and cleared his head of all the emotions from last night. Last night he went to sleep as Tobias, a boy in love, today he woke up as Four, an instructor trying to survive the last days before he could leave these emotional walls behind for good. He wished he hadn't had to leave Tris the way he did last night, that they could have talked about a smart way to move forward with this but he assumed she would figure out to keep it quiet. He quickly cut his hair, before heading down to the dining hall, a little shorter than he normally does. The only act of rebellion he could afford right now.
He made his way into the dining hall and immediately saw her, his body more in tune with hers than before. He sees her smile at him and wave but he can't return it. It breaks his heart to turn his back on her, as if his feelings meant nothing, and sit down next to Zeke. Laruen pulls him out of his thoughts, "Any chance they can use your fear landscape Four?" The table laughs at the joke, everyone knowing his landscape is off limits to training. "Sure Lauren, and what are we going to do with the other 8 initiates?" She smacks him and heads out to get the computer set up for her landscape.
Everyone gathers in the landscape room as Four remembers what it was like to have Tris go through his with her. What he wouldn't give to hold her hand right now, having her so close but being unable to touch her was more torture than before. After sharing what they did, Four finds his self control being tested more than ever to keep his hands to himself. Lauren addresses the group as Four tries to keep his expression neutral.
"You will go through my fear landscape today, practicing how to calm your body in the simulation. You will each be assigned one of my fears to practice with. When you enter your own, you will find most of you will have between ten to fifteen, that is the average number." An initiate speaks up interrupting her.
"What's the lowest number someone has gotten?" Lauren turns toward him while Four breathes in slowly, not drawing attention to himself. "Four." He can feel all the initiates looking around, in awe, and Tris' eyes on him. He can't look at her, not without exposing all his secrets to the group. He hates that he has to do this to her, ignore her this way without explaining himself. He only hopes she will allow him to explain later before that temper of hers kicks in.
Four watches as Tris is hooked up to the computer and is taken into the simulation. On the screen he realizes she has gotten Lauren's fear of being kidnapped and there couldn't be a worse fear for her to get. He watches the simulation feed off Tris' fear as the scene changes into the chasm. He hears her screaming and grips the chair tightly to keep from stopping the simulation and taking her in his arms. It's all he can do to watch her relive that horrible night. 'Calm yourself down Tris, you know this isn't real, you can do it.' Four thinks, hoping she can overcome it.
After a few minutes, he realizes it isn't going to happen and his rage at what those boys almost did takes over. "Stop," he commands Lauren and the simulation is immediately turned off. As the lights come on, he sees her sitting there shaking, crouched on her knees, hands pressed to her face. He knows right now she is chastising herself for failing and all he wants to do is take her in his arms.
His anger at the fact that he can't comfort her, as well as the memories of that night, take over and expresses itself in the worst possible way. He becomes angry at her, for not being strong like he knows she is, and his first instinct is to push her to her limits. He steps forward, wrenching her out of her fear.
"What the hell was that Stiff?" She looks up at him with defeat in her eyes, something he hasn't seen there before. She can't even answer him and it causes him to push further, react in a way that he is instantly ashamed of. "Get yourself together! This is pathetic!" Four doesn't even know who he is as he chastises her in front of the group. The fire snaps back in her eyes and she fires back at him, "Shut up!" She smashes her fist into his face and luckily she can't throw a very hard punch on someone so much taller than her. His face burned as she ran out and he wished he could run after her to apologize. He realizes too late that he took it too far, attempting to mask his concern for her behind his tough instructor demeanor. Four's head began pounding at the amount of tension their situation was causing him. He had no idea how to move forward without endangering both of their lives.
Four heads to the control room to find Zeke watching the cameras very closely. "What were you thinking man? Why did you yell at her like that?" Four just shook his head, realizing Zeke saw it all. "I have no idea how to proceed, " Four explains, "I care about her so much but can't let any of that show. I have to be the same instructor I always have been but I find I'm overcompensating. This is impossible. Did you see where she went?" Zeke pulled up a chair next to him, patting the seat. "Sit down, she left the compound about 10 minutes ago so I'm watching all the entrances. It would be better for one of us to find her before Eric does. She shouldn't be out on her own." They continue to stare at the monitor for the whole day, Four becoming more panicked by the minute. He is unsure of what he will do if she never comes back. He figured he will check Abnegation first and then wander until he finds her. The city isn't that large. Just as he is planning his search, Zeke sits up quickly. "There she is, coming in the front door. Oh shit man, Eric's there." Four is already out of his seat, running as fast as he can to the front.
How was he going to save her from this? He would need a really good excuse for Eric to let this one go. Just as he rounds the corner, he hears Eric approach her. Four slows and waits for the right moment to reveal himself. "Welcome back Tris," Eric sneers at her. Four balls his hands up into fists to keep from smashing Eric's face in.
"What exactly where you thinking?" Tris is unable to answer, Four knows she is bright enough to realize she can't lie her way out of this situation, good thing a plan is forming in his head. The only problem is he is going to have to give Eric some true information to make him believe the lie.
Eric continues, "I am having a hard time not thinking you are a traitor. Have you ever heard the words 'faction before blood?" Four hears the hunger in his voice, a hunger to hurt Tris to essentially hurt Four. He heard Eric walk closer to Tris and Four had to hold on the wall to stay where he was.
"Are you unsatisfied with the life you have here? Do you regret your choice? I would like to hear an explanation for why you betrayed Dauntless, yourself, and me by entering another faction's compound?" Eric demanded and Tris' voice faltered. Four knew she was panicking, attempting to find a way out of this situation.
Eric continued, enjoying every minute of tormenting Tris and Four was about ready to make his appearance. "If you cannot explain, I may be forced to reconsider your rank. Or because you seem so attached to your old faction, perhaps your friends' ranks need reconsideration as well. Maybe that will force the Abnegation in you to think your actions through more thoroughly. Four couldn't stand there any longer, this was completely his fault and he has to fix it. If he had just learned how to control his temper, she would never have left. Four opened the door and pretended to be surprised to find them there.
"What are you doing?" Four askes Eric, keeping his eyes off of Tris for the moment. Eric venomously looked at Four and spit out, "Leave the room." Four noticed his appearance had hindered Eric's control over his emotions, causing him to sound more like the Eric that he knows.
"No." Four said to him. "She's just a foolish girl, there's no need to interrogate her." He saw Eric look at him curiously before slipping behind the mask of the bully.
"Just a foolish girl?" Eric sneers at Four, "If she were foolish, she wouldn't be ranked first then would she?" Four pinches the bridge of his nose in disgust of Eric's stubbornness. He also uses this as a distraction so he can look quickly at Tris, trying to tell her with his eyes to play along, be vulnerable.
She must have gotten his message because she fell into character right away. "I was embarrassed and lost my head. I didn't know what to do." He watched her in awe, proud of her ability to lie, something she must have been practicing. "I tried to….and…." she shook her head and stopped talking.
Four took over where she left off, complementing her act of embarrassment with the perfect amount of arrogance. "She tried to kiss me. I rejected her and she went running off like a 5-year old. There is nothing to blame except her hormones and stupidity."
Eric looked at Four and then at Tris and began to laugh, too loudly for Four's taste. Eric turned to Tris and Four tried to give her a look of apology over his shoulder but she wouldn't look at him. "Isn't he a little too old for you Tris?" She plays the vulnerable girl part perfectly, wiping away tears from her eyes. "Can I go now?" she asks Eric.
"Fine, but you are not allowed to leave the compound without supervision again," Eric says to her. He turns to Four, "And you, take better care that none of the others leave this compound, or try to kiss you." With that he turns and leaves, slamming the door as he leaves.
Four turns to Tris and sees her step out the door. He gives her a moment to gather herself and then steps out after her. Four sees her sitting on the pavement and as he walks toward her, she stands and faces him, face filled with anger. "Are you all right?" Four asks her.
"Well," Tris starts, "Firse I got yelled at in front of everyone, then I had to chat with a woman who's trying to destroy my old faction and then Eric almost kicked me out of Dauntless. It's been a great day Four." He shakes his head, disappointed to hear her use that name. He is disappointed in his own behavior that lead her to this point and that it seems he lost her trust.
She continued which made him feel guiltier and guiltier. "Why do you care anyway? You are either a cruel instructor or a concerned boyfriend." Her body immediately tensed up at the word but Four's body relaxed. She still trusted him, she was just wounded from his lack of self control. He needed to set her straight about his behavior.
"I am not cruel, I was protecting you this morning. How do you think the others would have reacted if they found out we were…" Four sighed and took a gentler approach. Yelling had gotten him into this mess in the first place, "You would never win. They would always call your ranking a result of my favoritism rather than your skill."
Four resisted the urge to pull her into his arms, they had to work this out first. Tris' anger seemed to deflate a little before she responded, "You didn't have to insult me to prove something to them." Four knew she was right, that he overcompensated but he wasn't going to admit that right now.
"And you didn't have to run off to your brother just because I hurt you." He rubbed his neck, hoping she wouldn't get upset at the comment but it was true. She endangered herself too much by leaving, especially going to Erudite where he was sure Eric had connections. "It worked didn't it, my yelling at you?" Four asked.
"At my expense, how do you think it makes me look when you yell that way, it just gives Peter more things to taunt me about." Tris' mouth was turned down and Four needed to fix that.
Four knew it was time for him to apologize, "I didn't think it would affect you this way, sometimes I forget that I can hurt you, that you are capable of being hurt." The look in Tris' face tells him everything he needed to know, he has been forgiven. He sees her smash her hands in her pockets and he wonders if she is trying to avoid physical contact as well. Just as he is wondering when she will trust him enough to let him hold her again, she leans up and kisses him. Four can barely think as she pulls back, as quick as she went in.
"You are brilliant, always knowing what to do," Tris beamed at him. Four leaned in and whispered in her ear, "Only because I have been thinking about this for a long time." Now it was his turn, he lightly kissed her lips and then pulled back and said, "How would I handle you and I-?" Something clicked in his head and before thinking he blurted out, "Did I hear you call me your boyfriend?" Saying that word made Tobias' stomach leap again, he would do anything to be that to Tris. He has been trying so hard not to push her, knowing this was all new for both of them.
"Well, not exactly. Why? Do you want to be?" Four's only answer was to slip his hands under her chin, tilt it up, and press his forehead against hers. He couldn't form words right now and his breathing was speeding up. When he pulled her out of that net and saw her for the first time, he never thought he would end up here. She was so amazing, tough, beautiful, and sexy that he felt he didn't deserve her. But her she is now, telling him she wants to be together. Four says the only word that makes sense to her question.
"Yes," he breathes but then remembers Eric. 'You think we convinced him you are just a silly girl?" He could only think about her safety, keeping her away from Eric. She smiled back at him, "I hope so, but sometimes it pays to be small. Erudite might be another problem though."
Four's mouth turned down at the thought of a different threat to Tris' life. As she mentioned her brother's faction, it made him think about all the things he'd seen in the control room and on some of his nightly train trips when he was planning on leaving. "Meet me back here at eleven, I have some things to show you. Don't tell anyone." Four rushes away, having to settle his mind before he sees her again. But as he walks away, a smile spread across his face so wide his cheeks burn.
That night, Four waits for Tris by the train. He sees her sneak out of the door and she looks really good. She is, of course, wearing all black but the color truly suits her. The grey washed her out but the black wakes her up. Her creamy skin against the dark color makes her glow and her blonde hair reminds him of when they were in the chasm when his hands were running through it. He loves the make up she wears, it brings her grey eyes to life. He has to shake his head to snap himself out of his daydream as she approaches, no need to look like a love sick puppy.
When she nears him, he grabs her hand, jumps on the train, and pulls her up next to him. She falls into Four, causing her body to crash into him as his hands slide down her arms grabbing her elbows. He feels the goosebumps raise against her skin and hopes it's not from the cold. She asks what he wanted to tell her but he doesn't want to talk just yet.
He sits on the floor and pulls her with him. Four can't stop himself, with the wind whipping her hair around her face and having her this close, he grabs the side of her face and pulls it toward him into a kiss. He could do this forever, kiss her every minute and hopes he never has to let her go. As the train slows down, Four trails kisses down her jawline and he barely hears her sigh over the sound of the train, causing his own breath to hitch. The train must have hit a bump because all of a sudden Four feels Tris wobble and finds her hand on his hip to steady herself.
He doesn't think she realizes where her hand is but his body definitely does as it reacts to her hand there. Four assumes she is going to move her hand but instead she does something that will forever be burned into his memory as one of the best moments of his life. She swings her leg over his so she is sitting on top of him and kisses him. Four has to sit up straighter to put a little space between her and him due to his body's reaction but he slides his hands on her shoulders and down her back, tracing her spine. He feels her shiver in his arms and this time he knows it's not from the cold. Four's mind is in a fog and he can barely think as he unzips her jacket a little ways and feels her shaking.
He realizes he may be pushing her too fast, too hard, but he can't help it. He wants her badly and realizes he is ready but she may not be. He pulls out of their kiss and instead brushes his fingers over her tattoos, remembering so many days ago when he saw those birds and thought they were the sexiest thing about her. Now she had outdone that with her move earlier.
"Birds," he says huskily, voice still strained from Tris' position on him, "Are they crows? I keep forgetting to ask." Tris looks just as shaky as he is when she answers, "Ravens, one for each of my family members. You like them?" Four isn't sure how he can put into words how much he likes the tattoo on her shoulder. Words don't seem to be enough so he pulls her to him and touches each bird with his lips, wondering if someday she will consider him family.
Four realizes they are nearing where he wanted to take her but that doesn't seem important anymore. He makes the worst decision of his life and tells her, "I hate to say this but we have to get up now." As they stand, Four can't bear any space between them so he pulls her to them as they look out the door of the train. He noticed these lights his first night of riding the train and it's bothered him ever since. He finally has someone he can share it with that he trusts, but all his mind is thinking about is sitting back down and continuing where they left off. He shakes his head to clear his mind and points out the lights to Tris.
"Apparently the city ordinance doesn't meant anything to them, their lights are on all the time." Tris stiffens and stares into the darkness, "No one else has noticed?" she questions.
Tobias has asked himself that question a million times and wishes he knew the answer. "I'm sure they have but nothing is ever done to stop it. What is Erudite doing that needs a light on all night?" Four can't handle the little space that is between them nor that he can't see her face so he turns toward her, looking into her eyes. He can see her calculating, thinking it through, and he loves watching her brain work through a problem.
He smiles and continues, wanting to share everything with her that he discovered. "Two things you should know; One is I am very suspicious of people in general and Two is that I am good with computers, unexpectedly so it would appear." Tris gives him a puzzling look, as if she is trying to figure out his life outside of training and he instantly wants to share it all with her but there will be time for that later. Instead he tells her what he discovered, "A few weeks before you arrived, I was looking through secure files from Dauntless and found what looked like war plans, thinly masked and they were sent from Erudite."
Tris' face was very wary but he could see the suspicion mirrored from his own face on hers. "War?" She became very thoughtful and Four let her think it through. This girl was very good at analyzing situations and he trusted her to find an answer to the problem that has been plaguing him for so long. She got there in mere seconds, "War on Abnegation?" she asked.
"Yes, since they control the government. They started with the articles, to stir up hatred for our former faction. Evidently Erudite now wants to take the second step, speed up whatever they have planned." Tris stared at him in disbelief, the same look Four had when he read through everything. "But why would Erudite team up with Dauntless?" He was about to answer when she blurted out the answer to her own question, "They are going to use us."
Four smiled at how simple it was for her to solve this problem, he had been working it over in his mind for weeks and she already found the answer. "But how are they going to get us to fight," Four asks. He watches as her hair blows across her face, with her mind working, she looks gorgeous, but deadly.