Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Friday came in a flurry of snow and noodles. Iruka was none too pleased to find the youngest Uchiha boy in his home again with a large bag. It looked suspiciously like something used for the purpose of staying somewhere extended periods of time. Sasuke could stay, but Iruka would be having a guardian-teacher conference with his brother. No one, especially Sasuke, took this threat seriously. Strangely enough, Naruto's cell phone buzzed all morning and every buzz preluded a giggle. Usagi knew her twin had something planned but she couldn't pry the information from him. Eventually the boys left early for school to avoid Iruka's nagging. "Don't make any plans for tonight," Sasuke told her cryptically half-way through the door, "and wear something decent." She shot him the bird, never liking being told what to do. He returned the gesture, never liking being on the receiving end.

Usagi did not begin classes until Monday, leaving her alone with Jiraiya and Iruka for the morning. The two adults drank their coffee in the kitchen as they discussed Naruto, who had been hanging out around Jiraiya a bit the past few days which the more responsible of the two godparents did not like. Apparently Iruka had found some of Jiraiya's smut in the whiskered boy's laundry basket. Jiraiya assured him that he had not supplied the reading material (a lie, Usagi knew) and reminded the home economics teacher that he would be leaving soon regardless. A comforting thought to Iruka, indeed. Usagi died a little on the inside thinking about being left under Iruka's care. He was a good man, but an annoyingly conformist one.

Whenever Iruka actually left to teach, Jiraiya went about his own business doing... whatever, leaving Usagi by herself to play video games and think. Yesterday she had agreed to meet Uchiha Itachi imagining a trap or worse, a man completely broken in spirit and purpose. Usagi didn't think she could tolerate someone who needed guiding when she herself was often just as lost. In fact, she hadn't even planned on giving him a chance to speak, but she wasn't that cruel and Itachi didn't need anyone to tell him anything after all. He already had his goals and convictions; Usagi saw that he just needed a comrade in his lonely world. Usagi's view of Itachi took a complete 180 turn, so her camaraderie she was willing to give. Now that she had met with him, all those contradictions in his personality from before... she understood them. She believed him.

Even so, she was surprised with herself for her understanding and vulnerability... and her starring. Itachi was better looking in person than she thought! ...Still objectively speaking, of course. Right? He was muscular and lithe and really tall and... man, he looked like he took better care of his hair than any girl Usagi had ever known. One might be tempted to call him feminine, but that only really applied to his long hair and eyelashes. His skin was a little pale, though, like he didn't get out much, and she thought the Uchiha would look so much better (if possible) if he would just smile... at all. While Usagi was embarrassed of her sixteen year-old girl thoughts, she liked to give credit where it was due.

Itachi was hot and genius smart... which was hot. That was all. Usagi didn't make a habit of blindly pursuing every guy she thought was attractive. Actually, the mysterious archetype was definitely unattractive to Usagi. Hence, why she never accepted Sasuke's love letter (she wasn't stupid, she knew exactly what that individual letter he sent her was, however coded). Although the Uchiha brothers were nothing alike, Itachi was still too polite and reserved to the point that Usagi didn't think anyone actually knew Itachi, even his only little brother. What would he be like if he let his guard down a little more? Compassionate? Ornery? Shy? Passionate? The blonde doubted she would ever get to see the "real" Uchiha Itachi.

Then again, Itachi was a sad case because when one is loaded with cash no one really actually cares about the person behind all the wealth. From this day forward she challenged herself to learn everything she could about the expressionless man. Every behavior she witnessed would be catalogued and analyzed until she knew him better than he even knew himself. With all the things she already knew - which was a lot considering the time span since she had discovered his existence - this endeavor may not be much of a challenge after all. Itachi valued family, thought and felt deeply (about what exactly was unknown), and essentially was a glutton for punishment. Perhaps getting him to smile would be the better challenge.

The morning came and went in this solitude as Usagi ate everything in sight. When the economy went down south in the United States food became unaffordable nearly overnight. She was already thin because of that... but it was the escape that made her sickly looking. Gaining the weight she had lost was pretty high on her priority list. The cupboards lay bare by noon. Usagi felt satisfied enough that after practicing some dance routines until 1:30, she decided to shower and comply with Sasuke's suggestion to wear something "decent", which she translated as black sweater-dress with a white skull.

There. Decent. For whatever the occasion.

She swore that if this was his way of asking her on a date she would barf on his stupid duck hair. No joke.

A few more hours were spent sleeping on the couch, finally awoken by her beeping phone. Fishing it from her bra she read aloud to herself, "Come to the backyard, Sis~!" This definitely wasn't a date. What a relief! However, she didn't remember anything being in the minish backyard except an old sandbox and a couple of lawn chairs. Finding it difficult to get up from the couch any normal way, Usagi rolled off it onto the floor, pushing herself up from there. Then walking warily towards the french doors leading to the backyard, she opened both at once...

"WELCOME HOME NARUKO~!"

A group of twelve unidentifiable people either held a large paper sign reading the same greeting or tossed confetti. In the forefront of this group was her stupidly grinning brother and the two friends she knew, Sakura and Sasuke. The initial shock of the surprise wore off as the remaining confetti fell to the snow-covered grass below. "A-are these all your friends, Bro?" All these people came here to meet his sister? Was Naruto really that popular now? Everyone came inside and there was music and video games and food and laughter. As the night went on all the unknowns were introduced by a very proud and hyper Naruto, although her new "legal" name was used. His friends were as varied and unique as all the people that existed on Earth.

There was Yamanaka Ino, real-life Barbie doll with her platinum blonde hair and sultry blue eyes, and Sakura's best girlfriend. She had lived in Japan all her life but her father was a retired soldier from Norway that now owned a flower shop. The entire night she had been very clingy on either Sasuke or Nara Shikamaru, a lazy boy that slept more than he socialized. His father was apparently a genius professional shogi player, and had passed his high IQ onto his son. Usagi challenged genius junior to a game of Go which turned out a humiliating but respectable defeat for the guest of honor. Also stuck to Shikamaru's side was Akimichi Chouji, a very large and somewhat shy boy that barely spent any time outside of his bag of potato chips. His father was a food critic that worked for the Konohagakure Shinbun, the city's newspaper. All three were abundantly proud of their fathers, but the mothers were not mentioned.

Then there was the Hyuuga cousins with the strange milky-white eyes: Neji and Hinata. Barely an hour after the party began Sasuke and Neji broke out into a fight in the kitchen over who-knows-what. There was no winner, only a broken nose and a black eye respectively. Naruto became peacekeeper and would later tell Usagi that Neji was very pompous and nationalistic (Naruto used the term "gaijin-hater"), thus was conflicted about where his loyalties lied: with his immediate peers or his country. This was probably due to the Hyuuga family being - like the Uchiha - the wealthy descendants of a feudal Japanese clan. The nearest city to the north and the sea just off the coast were even named after this family. Hinata, however, was a completely different story: she was very shy but sweet and beautiful and so obviously thought the world of Naruto. Unfortunately, Usagi knew that hooking them up would bring the wrath of her very powerful family upon them, but if it were within the girl's power she would help Hinata's love become requited without thinking twice. The pale, stuttering beauty was Usagi's favorite new friend.

The Sabaku siblings that Naruto had once mentioned in a letter were there: Kankuro, Temari, and Gaara. They played soccer for Kaze Junior High when the blonde boy had played for Konoha Junior High; one day their teams played against one another. The Kaze team had been told to cheat. When they were caught doing so Naruto became a diplomat and convinced the referee to reset the game instead of defaulting the match all together. The siblings had appreciated the show of mercy so Gaara and Naruto had been good friends ever since. Their family originally lived in Death Valley, California before their mother died in childbirth and their father disappeared mysteriously. Now they were looked after by a family friend named Baki.

Inuzuka Kiba was a funny, exciting guy. Almost every word he spoke made her laugh. The Inuzuka family hailed from Colombia originally and joined the United States army before Kiba was born. His mother was retired now and owned a veterinary clinic just up the road, but his father was still in the military, currently stationed in Egypt. Kiba's dog, Akamaru, was almost bigger than Usagi! Apparently Naruto and Sasuke had used her real name in front of this boy, so she had to play "Usagi" off as a cute nickname they gave her; he laughed and said it fit. However entertaining he was with his painted face and excellent soccer skills, there were two things seriously wrong with Kiba: one he hero worshipped soldiers and two it was extremely obvious he was hitting on her. Especially after it was established that by no means did Sasuke have any sort of claim to her (how that one had gotten spread around Usagi did not want to know). Usagi ended conversation with Kiba fairly quickly after asking her on a "dog-walk", instead opting to converse with his friend Aburame Shino... who was just plain strange. He wore glasses indoors and whispered to his sleeves.

Having effectively been freaked out by Shino, Usagi played DDR with Rock Lee, a boy from China who was also very strange, but tolerably so. He was obsessed with the phrase "youth", especially in expressing his undying love for Sakura, whom frankly looked to prefer making-out with Gamabunta. Rock Lee gave the dancer a run for her money - his legs were quick! - but in the end she won every set. Usagi decided that despite his eccentricities, she very much liked Rock Lee for his honesty and humility, yet competitive nature. Also from China was a girl named TenTen. She was, if possible, more a tomboy than Usagi but also compassionate and common-sensed. Tenten took club martial-arts with Neji and Rock Lee, and all three were upperclassmen.

During mid-afternoon Iruka came home and nearly had a hernia. Instead of fighting the horde of students in his home, however, he made some green tea and took a few sleeping pills before retiring to his room for the night. Just before dark Neji and Hinata left, giving no clear reason as to why. Hinata's downcast eyes gleamed of disappointment and loneliness making Usagi want to fight for her ability to stay. Sakura warned her that the Hinata's father was very strict - it was a miracle they were allowed to come at all - so it was just best to let them go. The Hyuugas' leave prompted the Sabaku siblings to return home as well with the legitimate reason of having a longer train ride home and school in the morning. The remaining party-goers played card games like the Japanese Buta no shippo and the American Bullshit and sang karaoke from memory until one in the morning. Every blanket in the house was tossed on the living room floor. There the group of ten slept. The next morning - Saturday - they all awoke and readied for school together, leaving the female twin to wave them off with a smile.

"Bye, Sis! Love you!"
"Yeah. Bye, Stupid."
"don'tworrywereleavingnow. Bye... Naruko."
"MAY THE POWER OF YOUTH KEEP YOU 'TIL WE MEET AGAIN MY NEW FRIEND, THE YOUTHFUL DANCING QUEEN."
"Lee... it's too early to be so loud."
"MUNCH MUNCH"
"Walking is so troublesome..."
"Oh hush, Shikamaru! Forehead is up to something..."
"Hey, Sasuke~"
"Akamaru, stop sniffing her there! So uh... about that walk-"
"No. Go."

Usagi was very happy to have made so many new friends. School seemed much less imposing now that she knew so many agreeable people would be there. Slowly, Usagi was forgetting what it was like to have to watch her back and fight. This life in Japan was too good to be true, but she hoped this bliss didn't end.

Otherwise Saturday was rather uneventful compared to Friday; Usagi rediscovered the miracle of the internet and used it to gain dance routine inspiration. On Sunday the teenagers tried to sleep in but failed so changed plans. The snow was not falling this day, so they would meet Sakura at Ichiraku Ramen to attempt to teach Usagi her way around town. This plan also failed because the moment they reached the ramen stall Sakura texted Sasuke something unknown to the twins, and the raven-haired boy marched off wordlessly. Naruto mindlessly followed his best friend, leaving his inattentive sister engrossed in her delicious, hand-made ramen. When Usagi finished with her gigantic bowl to discover herself abandoned she simply sighed and ordered another bowl. Eventually those two idiots would come back and when they did not only were they paying for her meal, they would piggyback her home like a princess. Until then she would keep eating more and more bowls off Naruto's tab.

On the fourth bowl an annoying high-pitched girly Japanese voice made her choke briefly on a fishcake. "Oooh, Itachi-love~ You work so hard all week! Isn't it wonderful that we can meet like this every Sunday?"

"No," replied a deep, gruff voice, "No it is not." It sounded muffled, like it was being said far from her. Still slurping noodles from her huge ramen bowl, Usagi spun her bar stool around to look through the entrance flaps of the stall. Jogging down the sidewalk was the one and only Uchiha Itachi. Following closely behind him - so close his heels were being stepped on - was an absolutely beautiful Japanese woman. Nearly everything about her was perfect... The sort of woman that made the rarely self-conscience Usagi want to crawl under the ramen counter and never be seen again.

First entry into the Itachi Uchiha Files: He preferred the company of supermodels. Go figure.

As they approached Itachi spotted Usagi... still slurping noodles like an idiot. "Ah, Namikaze." Itachi slowed to a stop in front of Usagi, leaving the girl bumping into his back looking confused, especially when he began speaking English, "I wouldn't expect you to be out by yourself."

Usagi replaced her bowl on the counter then twirled back around to face the CEO, likewise sticking with English. "Well I wouldn't expect you to be out on a date, Major Dick," she retorted. "Nice matching jumpsuits, by the way. Adorable." There she went again, using sarcasm as a coping mechanism. How charming. Itachi's face was positively sour in response, "We take Kendo together, unfortunately. Hisame and I are definitely not dating." So Hisame was the woman's name? Well, Hisame chose that moment to interrupt their conversation with another shriek of Japanese, "Who's your friend, Itachi-babe? I wanna knooooooow."

Usagi looked back and forth between Itachi and Hisame two, three times. Scratch the last entry: Itachi apparently had different criteria in women than previously believed. What were the characteristics he preferred, though? Wait... was it possible he preferred men?

...Nah.

"OH! I get it." Any insecurities Usagi had vanished as the situation became transparent. This goddess was stalking Itachi, who was in any case not interested. If she had to guess, he didn't like Hisame's lack of intelligence and shrill voice. The devil that took residence inside Usagi's body sprouted its ugly head then, manifested in an evil grin. "You wouldn't happen to need help getting rid of her would you? Because I can help you... if you really trust me."Itachi didn't even need to think about his answer, "Yes. Please."

Usagi stood from her stool then and sweetly strolled over, whole demeanor changed. To anyone else she would appear as a girl with her lover, her small hands holding his larger one, garnished with an innocent peck on his right cheek. She could feel every muscle in his body tense up at the contact. His reaction, although subtle, was funny in a telling way. Entry two: Itachi definitely preferred women.

In the worst Japanese she could fake, Usagi slurred towards Hisame, "You be Itachi's friend? Always you nice meet." Poor Hisame's jaw dropped the moment Usagi and Itachi's fingers connected. They expected silent tears or even a flurry of indignant accusations. Instead Hisame gasped while covering her shapely lips with her hands, followed by sincere stammering, "OH ITACHI! I am so sorry! I had no idea you had a girlfriend... s-she's so cute! H-how... how long have you...?"

Entry three: Itachi caught on to ruses immediately. Also, he was a top grade actor.

"Two months tomorrow. I am sorry you had to be let down like this, Hisame, but I've been trying to tell you for weeks now." It was so obvious to Usagi how not sorry he was that she had to fight back a laugh. She continued clinging to his hand and placed her head on his arm, pretending their words were garble to her. "Excuse me a moment. Catherine is from the UK and still learning Japanese." Hisame nodded eagerly in understanding, hanging on every word as if it would allow her to understand the English he spoke to Usagi next, "Was the kiss really necessary?"

"Look, do you want her to leave you be or not, Major Dick? Because I can make a scene and 'break up' with you right now." The trickster blonde smiled sweetly as she said this, stepping up on her tiptoes to be closer to Itachi's face. The action served the dual purpose of maintaining the head-over-heels lover image and also intimidating Itachi... if possible. If not it was at the very least entertaining.

"No, that would be rash. I want her gone."

"U-umm... Itachi..." Hisame interrupted again. When she had his attention (and unknowingly Usagi's as well) she continued, "Maybe I'm totally out of line, but like... are you sure it's okay for you two to be together?"

"I'm sorry? I'm not sure I understand," Itachi said. Usagi could see Itachi's eyebrows minutely pinch. It was so slight that she thought she might have imagined it. Had she always been this attuned to her surroundings?

"Well uhh... she's white, right? Couldn't that like, hurt your company's reputation? Your uncle gave this awesome speech last night on politics and stuff. He said that its totally foreigners' fault the economy is so bad right now, and like it has to be true, right? They wouldn't let him on TV if it wasn't true!"

Now the Caucasian in question felt her own hands begin to shake even through her fake smile of blissful ignorance, Itachi's response to which was to more tightly hold her hands in his one. Usagi could feel the arm's muscles under her face contract from the action. They weren't actually even close to dating, but that didn't stop them from feeling mutual rage spawned from this girl's stupidity. Usagi no longer felt any envy for Hisame whatsoever; Usagi had truth and reason on her side, and that was more valuable than anything some airhead had to offer. Instead of wasting his time explaining to Hisame in all the ways how wrong her words were, Itachi said icily, "You would be wise to discontinue any political activities you practice, Hisame. Now I think we would appreciate if you left us."

Entry four: Itachi was considerate.

"But... - I didn't mean-"

"Go." And so the would-be supermodel left with sullen, rejected features, retreating back the way she and the Uchiha had come. The very second she disappeared from their sight, the "love-birds" separated a good three meters apart. A safe, not awkward distance. The stupid smile Usagi wore before lowered into a stony scowl. "So that's Madara's political strategy, huh? Separate the races? How very classy."

"Japan has blamed gaijin since World War II. You should know this. Madara is just feeding off that prejudice for his campaign." Itachi explained still in English, rubbing the shadows under his eyes as if to emphasize the stress this knowledge brought upon him. Then he cleared his throat and praised, "Regardless, you were brilliant just now, Namikaze. Thank you."

"Ah, it's no biggie..." Usagi scratched her nose to hide her blush, having never been good at accepting compliments. "I'm just good at bullshitting. Actually, it got me expelled from middle sch-"

"ITACHI!" Both in conversation looked the way Hisame had gone earlier to find a red-faced, squat little ancient Japanese man jerking his fist to the left where others were running. They all were wearing the same exercise uniforms as Itachi and Hisame. They looked... elitist. "QUIT FLIRTING AND GET BACK TO WORK."

The young man made a 'tsk'-ing sort of sound and muttered "Izumo's going to beat my time..." Entry five: Itachi was competitive. Nice. Bowing to his female company, he told her, "Thanks again. We'll talk again soon...?"

"Yeah, definitely," she smiled genuinely, which was returned with a smirk; then he was off, jogging casually to meet with the old man, then bursting into a sprint to catch up. Usagi stood there a few moments, smiling at the place he had occupied like a doofus before she realized something dire. Sasuke and Naruto never came back for her! "Hey, WAIT! I don't know my way home!" Itachi was already long gone. "Aw, FUCK!"

It would be much later that day when the boys would return with Sakura. Usagi had her head laid in her arms, body surrounded by ramen bowls and no money on the counter.

/

Monday came and Usagi struggled to be ready in time to walk to school with Naruto and Sasuke. The butterflies in her belly would not let up. She had not been to an educational institution since seventh grade, when she had been expelled for faking a broken leg to break into the nurse's office and retrieve a friend's set of brass knuckles. Obviously she had been caught lying, stealing, skipping class, and in possession of a "deadly weapon". Also, uniforms were just not a thing in the Southern United States. The stiff, starchy fabric the skinny girl received from Iruka that morning felt awkward and stifling, not to mention what uniforms represented directly clashed with her personal ideals on individuality.

"Just spice it up like I do, Sis," Naruto suggested, "You won't get in trouble, believe it!" He helped her by telling her what would work; they agreed on her funky looking kneesocks with blood splatters and bats and he informed her the tie wasn't necessary, so she replaced the offending strip of fabric with a lace choker and left her blouse half open. The shirt sizes the school offered her not big enough for her boobs and shoulders, unfortunately. There was also a school issued sweater but she chose to opt out, instead donning her hoodie. The changes made her slightly more comfortable.

Inside the opulent school building, Naruto showed Usagi how the shoe lockers worked, then parted ways Sasuke, much to the female twin's confusion. The three of them were in class B-5 together, so why would they split up? The siblings went through several upperclassmen hallways until Naruto saw fit to stop in one with wall-sized windows making up one side, and photos plastering the other. Without warning her brother bowed towards this wall. This action begged attention to what lie on the wall, and upon investigating Usagi began to cry. It was one of the most beautiful things she had ever see in her life. Naruto stopped bowing and held his sister as she cried.

There were pictures of Minato doing nearly everything: teaching, posing, leading field-trips, spacing out, eating lunch, singing karaoke. Kushina even accompanied him in some photos. One in particular stood out where the both of them were in cosplay for what Usagi assumed was Konoha Senior High's culture festival, infant Naruto and Usagi holding tightly to their parents' clothes. For the first time in Usagi's life she got to see how her parents actually lived, not just what they left the world in death. They had been happy, involved people.

"I come here every morning," her brother explained in rare calm, "I thought you might like to see it. Dad was really liked here. Students that didn't even know him come to this place to bring offerings." He gestured to the folded squares of paper and flowers lining the floor underneath the makeshift shrine. There were even foreign movie posters and boxes of foodstuffs. Then he nodded to a sheet of calligraphic kanji bordering the many photographs. There were others as well, all with their own unique handwriting. "All these are supposed to describe him but I've never been able to read this one..." Usagi swallowed before choking out the meaning and burying her face in her hands from the pure emotion it elicited.

"Kyuuseishu (savior). It means kyuuseishu." Someone had felt so strongly about what the twins' father's philosophies had done for their life that they had credited their existence to his actions. The calligraphies were old ones, meaning the school had supported these being here for many years. This school was earning more of her respect each day.

When Usagi finished with her tears Naruto led her to homeroom, sophomore class B-5. Some friends from the party were there, but no teacher. The period bell rang, then the late bell, and still no teacher. None of the students seemed to care as they had noticed Usagi right away and crowded the desk she chose to sit in, commenting on her rather than speaking with her. Usagi had a nice conversation with Hinata and Sakura about the teachers, though, and Shino attempted to join. He was muttering so no one really knew what he was saying. The class was rowdy as a whole to the point that a rustic looking, tan man smoking a cigarette stuck his head through the sliding door and demanded, "Hatake isn't here yet, but that doesn't mean you crazy kids can do whatever. Do homework or something. You know the drill." The cigarette never left his mouth as he spoke. One girl said he was Sarutobi Asuma, the science teacher and son of the headmaster.

Eventually, when homeroom was halfway over, the teacher arrived. Hatake Kakashi was the classical literature teacher; a tall, lanky man in his thirties with odd white hair and a... face mask? Was he sick? Is that why he was late? There were no explanations for Usagi from her peers, but by the ridiculous excuse he gave ("Sorry guys, I saved a duckling from drowning in the sewers this morning") and the violent wave of accusation ("LIAR!") from the entire class suggested to her that perhaps this was a common occurrence. He calmed the raging class before introducing "Uzumaki Naruko", boredly asking her to say some things about herself.

Everyone wanted to know why they had never met Naruto's twin sister before. What was she suppose to tell them? 'Oh hey guys, Namikaze Usagi is my real name and I'm a rebel refugee in hiding from the United States government and my good friend's uncle. I don't know why we were separated in childhood other than our parents are dead and no one would take us both in. I read Socrates and Freud on the weekends and I'm pretty decent with a Mosin Nagant.' Yes, that was a delightfully optimistic way to make her mark. Keeping it simple, Usagi opted for this instead: "I'm Naruto's fraternal twin. I like dancing and music aaaand uh... reading? My blood type is A positive and my zodiac says I have split personalities." Everyone looked up at her with wide-eyed, undivided attention, expecting more. Awkward, much. "Can I sit down now, teach?"

"Well... I think your new classmates may have some questions for you. Let's do that for the rest of the class period."

Ugh. "Okay..." Some twenty-something hands must have shot up then. Joy. "You in the back, with the uh... bolo tie? Seriously?"

"If you're Naruto's twin sister, then how come we've never met you before?" Jesus. Fuckin'. Christ. Could this kid read her mind?!

"I'm the evil twin. The girl up front with way too much make-up. Go."

"Are you dating Sasuke?"

"FUCK NO! Where do you people keep hearing this?" There was a collective sigh of relief from almost every girl in class. "Okay, ummm... you with the facial hair."

"What kinda guy are you into, then? Couldn't be any normal fella." What the hell was that supposed to mean? In any case she was not looking to date anyone anytime soon, especially after what had happen to her last boyfriend. Alec hadn't even been someone she would "be into"; he was just there at a time she was bored. The sentiment had been mutual on his end. If she had to describe her perfect partner - man or woman - they would smile when she beat them at video games, or at least not gloat when they won. They could keep their calm in situations where she could not, even if they were just as afraid. If Usagi said or did something inappropriate, they would understand what she really meant. Her ideal partner would value self-responsibility, empathy, free-thought, and humanity. Usagi in the past thought that a person like this could never exist, but then she fought a blush when she thought of someone in particular who fit most of her criteria... no. No. NO.

"Not you. Does anyone have a question that's not intrusive?" Usagi sighed exasperatedly, "Like... I dunno, my bra size or something?" All the girls and some guys put their hands down. Kakashi put his hand up, not so bored now. Usagi fought the urge to face-palm. She had forgotten sarcasm was not a thing in the Japanese language, at least not the same as in English. Before she got the chance to pick another person and hope for better questions, Sasuke spoke up.

"She won't actually tell you, you idiots, because she's being sarcastic."
"Hey, thanks Duckbu-"
"But she's 28C."
"TEME! I NEVER SHOULD HAVE LET YOU DO THE LAUNDRY!"
"And for those who are wondering, she's not a virgin, either."
"WHAT THE FUCK SASUKE? IS THIS REALLY NECESSARY?"

Both twins surrounded the offending Uchiha's and flipped it over with his stupid smirking buttface in it the entire way. A brawl began between the three with much cheering by classmates but ended when Kakashi grabbed the twins' jackets, lifting them into the air like kittens held at the scruff. "I can tell this is going to be a long two years... no more questions. You two hellcats go stand out in the hallway until homeroom is over." The white-haired man all but threw them out of the classroom and slammed the door behind him. Even though they were both royally pissed off with their friend, they laughed. It was just so good to be together.

"Teme's been actin' weird lately, but he got what was coming to him, right, Sis?"
"Yeah, now the other side of his face is black and blue."
"HAHAHA! C'mon! We don't have to stay here. Lemme show you the rest of the school!"

Naruto gave his sister the grand tour. He showed her all the basics: the library, the teacher resource room, the infirmary, the snack counter. There was an awesome dojo - probably for the martial arts club - on the first floor with mirrors on every wall and superb acoustics. It would make a terrific place to dance and not be walked in on. Naruto also shared the view from the roof. Konoha was beautiful from the rooftop. The sun shone its soft morning rays over the snow, leaving everything glimmering gold and silver. From here she could see the whole shrine complex and the Uchiha Corporation skyscraper that casted its wicked shadow over all surrounding it. Usagi followed the chain-link fence atop the roof to look at what other views could be discovered from this height.

Following it to its end she nearly screamed. For weeks she had lost sleep over tanks that the boys had mentioned over the videophone, the tanks she had prepared herself to outdo if need be. Since being here she had not seen hide-nor-hair of them. Until now. Out on what Usagi assumed used to be a soccer field were fourteen state-of-the-art war machines. They were completely different than the broken down M2 Bradley Nagato had used in her training. The South Korean man had only had a blueprint of this model to show her and even less knowledge to share. It was the MAV Uchiwa. There were bombs less capable of destruction than this particular model, and they were parked in a schoolyard of all places! For what insanely inhumane purpose would someone do this?

"Naruto..." Usagi said slowly, "I need to lay down somewhere." Rage was quickly burning through her veins tinged with frozen threads of terror. Her heart was heavy and her head light. Those beautiful photos of her parents in the hallway downstairs... they were dishonored and insulted by this ironic injustice. All she could think about was looking at the street from her home in North Carolina and watching... things like these creep slowly back and forth, occasionally pointing a cautious barrell at families passing by. Why had no one warned her these would be here? Had the boys already forgotten what she had been through?

"Wh-what's wrong, Sis?"
"I don't feel well."
"I'll take you to Granny Tsunade! Hang in there, 'kay?"

So Naruto lifted Usagi onto his back and carried her down to the infirmary. A woman with short black hair and fidgety demeanor barely out of her twenties - Naruto called her Shizune - helped Usagi into a bed and began taking her blood pressure. Another Japanese woman with sandy blonde hair and a diamond tattooed on her forehead took a swig from a suspicious looking bottle while taking her temperature with the back of her hand. It was impossible to tell this woman's age by just looking, but Naruto called her "Granny Tsunade". She didn't look a day over thirty for sure! Somewhere there was... a pig oinking? Usagi was sure she was hallucinating again until Shizune picked up the pig and just held it. It wore a vest with beads. What the hell?

"This is TonTon," Shizune smiled when she noticed Usagi's incredulous look, "She's our therapy pig." The woman invited Usagi to hold Tonton and she numbly complied. Really she was overwhelmed at the moment and needed to think. This situation was just too much. There had to be something she could do... but what? Usagi laid in the infirmary for the rest of the school day, claiming feeling faint. "If you weren't Minato's kid I woulda told you to get the hell out by now, you liar," Tsunade huffed from her desk. For her patience Usagi was eternally grateful, because by the time the end bell rang she had two things figured out...

One: she had a plan to get rid of the MAV Uchiwas.

and

Two: TonTon was the best therapy piggy ever.

/

Yay, I was able to finish this chapter in a week! Happy Valentines Day everyone!

To all the people who have faved or followed my story so far (Vampy Kitten, liuli-xia, Snush, InMyOwnWorldAgain, phantompha0), thank you so much! Your input and appreciate means so much to me and I hope you will continue to enjoy my story in the future!

NEXT CHAPTER: Usagi gets rid of those pesky tanks (for real) and Jiraiya hears back from the Akatsuki! Also, why is Sasuke being an ass of a sudden? Do I even know?