a/n: I don't condone the following themes expressed below in this chapter, but this true to life stuff does happen more frequently than most people realize.
I've changed the rating to M for a reason. I won't apologize for a character being slightly OOC when it's meant to give clarity to the heart beating the mind, the majority of the the time the heart is the victor. When it comes to matters of the heart anything is possible. No one's perfect, this shows that things aren't always as they appear to be. That not everyone sees things or life through rose-colored glasses.
Going forward once again Viewer Discretion is advised.
You guys are seriously amazing! Thank you for the support shout out to Jenna & StoryandSongwriter101 along with my fan fiction buddy causemydarlingyoudrivemecrazy you guys are FANTASTIC! XO
Disclaimer: I don't own Austin and Ally or The Disney Channel. I don't any lyrics either, but these songs rock!
Austin's POV
The lyrics for Mr. Brightside keep replaying over and over again in my head. How the fuck did everything get so fucked up when it was only a kiss?
Only a kiss? Ha! Are you that fucken blind? Now, while the majority of those lyrics show how you are really feeling not all of them apply.
If you're so smart which ones actually apply to me?
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his chest now
He takes off her dress now
Let me go
And I just can't look its killing me
And taking control
Alright. Alright. Point taken.
...
I stop arguing with my conscience long enough to let Dez unlock the door to my house, letting me in. Hiding my house keys from me because I'm way too upset to even think about functioning. He puts my cell phone on the glass coffee table with black metal legs. He asks me if he wants me to stay and talk some more to him and I thank him for being my best friend and tell him that he should just go home. I want to pick up my phone and call Ally, but my current state of mind won't allow me to do so. I can't anyways while Dez is here, he'll only end up knocking my ass back into the chair, giving me some lecture that I'll only half-halfheartedly listen to. I love Dez man, but sometimes I just wish that he had someone and was so madly in love with someone that he could truly realize the pain that I'm in right now. I know that he can't be thrilled, because he's always been on Team Ally. I recall him saying to me once, "I was really hoping that you'd pick Ally. I think you're right for each other." I shutter at the thought that I had chosen Kira over Ally all because I was scared that I would jeopardize our partnership and our friendship if things didn't work out between Ally and I.
"Austin. Are you going to be alright here alone? I know how you deal with stress, heartbreak and disappointment."
"What?"
"You think I don't know, but I do."
I look at Dez, I can't believe that he knows about how I choose to cope with pain and my problems. He continues,
"Just call me. If you need me. I'll drive back over here. I don't care what time it is. I know that you want to call Ally..Austin, but don't. You'll probably only make things worse between you two. You're a mess right now. I have never seen you look this..."
He trails off, "Broken." Those words and looking at my best friend I knew that he couldn't have been more right.
I am Broken. I'm half a heart without Ally. She is the absolute best part of me.
"Dez. I just want to be with her. Remember what you said when you were Dr. Cupid? When you're in love you'll know. I know now, what you knew the minute stupid Elliott visited Ally last year. I'm in love with her. I think I always have been."
My best friend just looks at me trying to comfort me with his words,
"I know, buddy. I know. I better get going, but please don't do anything stupid." He pats me on the shoulder and walks out the front door of my house.
Once Dez leaves I seek solace the only way I know how with a bottle of Jack. I feel ashamed that he knows about my dirty little secret, but I just need something to help me forget all about how horribly the night has gone.
I grab a bottle of Jack Daniels and an old fashioned glass out of my parents China Cabinet. I fill the glass to the very top as I let the dark brown liquid burn down my throat. It tastes so good and it will take the edge off that I'm feeling right now. In the matter of hopefully minutes all of my pain, stress and worries at the moment will be gone. No one knows about my drinking, well except Dez now apparently. I find myself wondering am I that transparent? Truthfully I use drinking as a coping mechanism when I'm really upset about something. Before you all freak out, I'm not an alcoholic. In most cases, I know my limit and can tolerate my alcohol. Just try to understand, I just blurted out to the love of my life, in front of her fucking tool of a boyfriend,
"I'M FUCKING IN LOVE WITH YOU ALLY!"
I'm sure that's not how she ever pictured me saying it, and I immediately regretted it saying it for the first time to anyone. Let alone yelling it to her out loud and not in a romantic loving manner, the way I wanted to tell her that everything about her makes me even more smitten. How much I love when she wears her hair in soft curls and I love to just entangle my hands in hers. How when I look into her incredible brown eyes nothing else seems to matter and the list goes on. No I, Austin Monica Moon fucken screamed it at her! What was I thinking! She didn't deserve to find out that way, so here I am drowning my sorrows in a bottle of whiskey because tonight.. I may have lost the love of my life and my best friend in the entire world. FOREVER.
Lady Antebellum: Need You Now
Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor.
Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?
For me it happens all the time.
[Chorus:]
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without.
I just need you now.
Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door.
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?
For me it happens all the time.
[Chorus:]
It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without.
I just need you now.
Oh, whoa
Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.
[Chorus:]
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without.
I just need you now
I just need you now.
Oh, baby, I need you now.
...
Once the song finishes playing out in my head and myself in a drunken state slumped down in the recliner in my living room. I just don't know how I'm supposed to fix this.
Where are you baby? I need you now. I really need you now and if you only knew how sorry I am.
Ally's POV
I have the worst headache imaginable right now because of all the crying I have done in the last few hours. I swear it feels like I have cried enough to last me a lifetime. I feel weak and completely emotionally drained. I'm so besides myself and truthfully I haven't even been crying over Gavin, I've been crying over Austin. It's been a couple of hours now, and I'm just listening to my I-tunes playlist once again when Lady Antebellum's Need You Now starts to play and I completely unravel even further than I thought would ever be possible. I can't believe what Austin said to me and he just up and left me. I really can't believe any of this at all. I can't believe that Gavin actually threw the first punch I would have assumed that Austin would, but I was so wrong. Maybe that's not the only thing I've been wrong about concerning him. I decide to take a quick shower, towel dry my hair trying to make my blood shot eyes look less red. As I was in the shower, I found myself crying even harder and my thoughts of Austin just consumed me. I ended up sliding down my shower wall and cried until I couldn't cry any longer and tried desperately to regain my composure. I was at a complete loss. I thought that the shower would have helped, but only for a split second and then my overwhelming sense of sadness and loss invaded my mind. I can't believe that I may have just lost my best friend tonight. Not only that, but the guy I'm in love with. I have to tell him. I grab my keys, finish putting on some makeup seeing as it's already one o'clock in the morning, but I know that his parents are at a mattress convention and drive over to house.
Austin's POV
I must have downed three glasses of Jack in less than an hour or so. I'm pretty much so intoxicated that I can barely see straight, while I thought that drinking would make my problems go away it hasn't. Man, maybe I should have just made some pancakes instead? Well, too late for that now, then again I'm too late for a lot of things these days. I was too late when I had wanted to tell Ally that I wanted to get back with her..she ended up dating Gavin. I was too late telling her that I'm in love with her most likely...because I saw that fury in Gavin's eyes and I knew exactly why. I'm just a fuck up. I don't understand what anyone sees in me other than my musical ability, quite honestly because I am a shitty person. I let the love of my life slip through my fingers. For what?
Fear. Pride. Jealousy. Complete Idiocy.
For all I know it's all of the above, oh let's not forget about my ego. I'm snapped out of my thoughts when I think I hear the doorbell ring. I get up to go answer it, stumble to the front door and who I want to see is Ally, and who I think I see is Ally, but my drunk ass mind doesn't register who it is at the moment so I just assume it's Ally.
"Mmmmm Ally. Baby I missed you sooooooooooo much." My words a total slur.
Ally doesn't respond at first, hmm weird, but I am pretty drunk so whatever.
...
M-a-y-b-e because it's not Ally. I want to helppppppppp you, but you're so drunk even I'm of no use to you right now. Sorry bro, I can't help you until you sober up.
Whoa...even my conscience can't help because I'm so wasted out of my mind.
...
"Hi Austin. Can I come in?" Austin. Wait Ally calls me Austy. Oh well.
I motion for the girl who I think is Ally to come in. She looks at me and looks completely confused.
"You look like you have a headache. Let me get you some tylenol and that'll make you feel better."
I just nod thank you, she goes off to the kitchen to get me some water. She comes back with water and I'd assume is advil or something. Being that I think it's Ally and I'm wasted out of my mind I swallow the pill. Everything gets hazy, blurry, I feel myself being dragged over to what is my living room couch. There are so many bright colors in the room and it's spinning and I feel Ally climb on top of me.
She starts grinding against me, starts to nibble on my ear. Oh God, that turns me on.
"Mmmm Ally. Oh God, I'm so sorry. I wantttttttt to make it up to you. P - Please."
She continues to grind on me even further, my pants feel insanely constricted. I feel high as a kite at the moment, Ally tells me that she wants to go up to the bedroom now. We manage to get up to my bedroom, how I honestly have no clue. I can barely function when this incapacitated and the only thing that works right now is my dick which is sporting a raging hard on most likely thanks to my hormones. She pushes me on the bed and straddles me.
Is this really happening? Can we actually make love for the first time with me being this drunk? Think Austin think and try to focus.
I hear Ally calling my name which is weird because she's supposed to be on top of me right now.
My bedroom door slams open and I faintly hear Piper's name. My name.
"ARE YOU FUCKEN SERIOUS AUSTIN? THIS, THIS IS HOW YOU SHOW ME AND PROVE TO ME THAT YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH ME. I FIND YOU IN BED WITH PIPER. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU AUSTIN."
Then, I feel Ally sobbing at the top of her lungs pulling I'm guessing Piper's hair, screaming out obscenities.
"YOU FUCKING SLUT! YOU'RE NOT EVEN EXCLUSIVE WITH AUSTIN! WHY CAN'T YOU GET A FUCKEN CLUE? I'M ABOUT FIVE SECONDS FROM BASHING YOUR THICK SKULL INTO THE FLOOR."
Piper looks down at me and I look at her feeling like I've been violated and betrayed,
"Piper! What are you doing? Get the fuck off of me. You fucken drugged me! This is how you get guys by trying to seduce them when you know that they have feelings or are in love with someone else."
She responds, "Austin I just gave you some Ecstasy. I thought it would take the edge off, make you feel better. You were drunk when I got here anyways and didn't see the harm."
Ally's still in the room and she has tears streaming down her face. She looks absolutely traumatized. The second she bolts from the door of my bedroom I stumble after her.
"Ally! Baby come back! I thought she was you."
She slaps me really hard across the face,
"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME! YOU'RE FUCKING DRUNK AS A SKUNK AND HIGH AS A KITE. FUCK YOU AUSTIN! FUCK YOU. I HATE THAT YOU MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY. I HATE THAT I JUST SPENT HOURS CRYING OVER YOU AND NOT MY BOYFRIEND. JUST FUCK PIPER AND DATE HER. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. HOW COULD YOU EVER THINK THAT SHE WAS ME?!"
I'm pleading with her even in my drunken state. I try to grab a hold of her arm as she descends the stairs, miss, when she wriggles out of my grasp I'm horrified with what happens next. Piper comes alongside of me and pushes Ally down the rest of the flight of stairs. I watch the love of my life tumble down the stairs.
"ALLY! Piper, you fucken bitch! Look at what you've done!" I roared at her not giving a shit if she's crying or not.
"I'm sorry Austin, I really didn't mean to. I swear. It's just that I want you. I want to be with you and Ally's always in the way."
"Let's get one thing straight. I am definitely not going to be exclusive with you now. You will NEVER be her. I'm in LOVE with her, NOT you. Now, get the fuck out of my way and go get dressed and just stay put until I tell you to come out of my room. Understood?"
Piper just nods at me knowing I'm beyond livid at this point. Oh God, I run down the stairs and I feel less drunk than I was just a few minutes ago. I want to scoop up Ally's small form, but even drunk I know better. You're not supposed to move someone that may have a spinal injury or even worse. I will not be the reason my Ally becomes paralyzed. Shit, my phone. Where is it? Oh my God I need Dez. I scroll through my recent calls, press the phone key to call and I hear the other line start to ring.
Come on Dez! I need you, please pick up! Dez answers the other line it's now two o'clock in the morning.
"Dez! Something's happened! I need you to get here now! It's Ally. Call an ambulance! Call Trish! Hurry!"
Apparently Ally's not completely knocked out because I hear her small fragile voice strain to talk to me.
"Austin? Are you here with me? I need you now. I came here to tell you something. I -
Her voice fades out, she's about to go unconscious. I'm crying even harder now. I'm supposed to protect her, she's supposed to be safe with me. I let some crazy girl into our lives and look what happened. Piper's a monster, that's for sure.
"Ally, baby please. Please stay awake. Dez and Trish are on their way. Help is on the way. Please I'm begging you just stay with me. Oh God, there's so much I want to tell you, but not like this." I lean over to kiss her forehead crying and a tear falls from my face and onto her forehead as I cradle her head to let her know that I'm here.
Please God, please don't take her away from me. I need her more than I need air.
I love you Ally, its always only been you.
I doubt she can hear me, unless she can read my mind and know my thoughts. I wish that she could hear the beating of my heart, that only beats for her.
For my readers that are crying their eyes out right now. I'm so beyond sorry. I had to write this chapter though in order to move the story in the direction that I want it to go. I hope that you understand. If it's any consolation at all, I cried my eyes out writing this. I can't believe that I wrote it this way. I hope that it's good because I wrote it at like three in the morning, just proofread and revised it again this morning. Just so you know, I will never post anything that I'm not remotely happy with. EVER. I choose to give you all quality writing and what I am proud to actually publish on here. So, seriously you guys thank you just thank you for everything. I love you all, don't worry I will make it up to you. This chapter is over 3K words alone. WHOA!