Ally's POV
Its been three days since I've talked to or seen Austin and it's killing me emotionally. Right now, I just don't feel whole. Austin completes me. I can't believe that I've hurt him the way that I have. What was I thinking? I love him, I should be with him. It feels like my brain and my heart are in an all out war. My brain I guess for fear of having Austin breaking my heart, while my heart is screaming YOU LOVE HIM. YOU LOVE HIM. YOU LOVE HIM. I honestly can't tell you who's going to win when all of this is said and done. And then I remember something Austin said to me the day that I shattered his heart so badly that he probably felt like he was walking on broken glass.
We're endgame.
I mean I think that I know what he meant by that, but I can't be positively sure until I talk to him. I wish he would contact me. I find myself wanting to call him, hoping that it goes to voice-mail because I just want to hear his voice. Pathetic, I know. However; knowing Austin he would pick up the second that I call him. We'd probably both start talking at the same time accidentally interrupting each other.
While I'm in the middle of thinking about everything and listening to the radio. A song comes on and snaps me out of my thoughts.
When You're Gone: Avril Lavigne
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side
Do I really want to live a life with out Austin? Can I handle it?
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
I counted the steps it took when he left my hospital bed. 20 steps. That's all it took for me to completely break down. I'll never forget how every step he took made me want to shrink even further and under the covers.
Do you see how much I need you right now?
Austin.
Are you missing him yet?
Its been three days. I can't eat, can't sleep, I feel sick to my stomach. What do you think?
I think that you shouldn't get snappy with me because of your BITCH attitude, it's probably why he left in the first place. Oh, let's not forget that you broke his heart.
Shut the fuck up! I scream loudly in my bedroom, luckily no one is home and it's just me.
No, it's time for you to wake the fuck up Ally. YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE AUSTIN IF YOU DON'T GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF!
NO, I don't want that. I let the tears just glisten down my cheek.
Well, well it looks like perhaps someone is tired of being in constant denial. Now listen to the rest of the lyrics and focus.
[Chorus:]
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
Who did you say you felt like a part of you was missing when you weren't with him? It sure as hell wasn't Gavin.
But Gavin told me he's in love with me, too. But he's just not..
Okay, let's try this again. Who did you say you felt incomplete when they're not around you?
"That piece is Austin. He wasn't lying when I said that I love him."
Do you love Gavin?
No.
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
That face. I love his face. I love his smile. I wish I could see that smile right now.
You could if you manned up and went to see him.
But he doesn't want to see me?
I wish there was a way to mentally slap you, but even I can't control when your migraines occur. HE DOES WANT TO SEE YOU. YOU DAFT STUBBORN GIRL!
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you
I feel myself completely break down. I thought I had cried enough tears since Austin left me at the hospital, but I guess not.
I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
I can't do anything without seeing his face everywhere I turn. I haven't eaten in a few days, what do I want? Not pickles. Pancakes. I like pancakes, but I just don't know why now.
Do I really have to answer that?
No, I'll bang my head against my headboard for that asinine comment.
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
I look down on my floor and see Austin's blue leather jacket he wore while on his tour, for his Seattle concert.
And they smell just like you,
I pick up Austin's leather jacket, put it on. I lift up the flaps of the jacket and it smells like his
amazing cologne. Cologne. Austin's cologne. Now, that's seriously my weakness.
I love the things that you do
[Pre-chorus]
[Chorus]
We were made for each other
Oh my god Austin. It's always been Austin. He's my soul-mate. Oh my God, what am I doing? I need to go find him.
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do, I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe, I need to feel you here with me, yeah
God Austin. Where are you? Why haven't you contacted me? It seriously feels like I can't breathe, actually way worse than my stage fright ever was. I wish that you were here with me. I want to tell you just how sorry I am.
[Chorus:]
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you
The clouds have gotten really dark all of the sudden, it looks like it's about to downpour any minute. I feel like I should take his leather jacket off, but I just can't bring myself to do it. It's not like I'm going to be going outside or anything. Shit is it crazy that I have my keys in hand, I'm ready to run down the stairs just to find him.
No, it's not crazy. It must be love.
I love Austin. I don't want Gavin. I only want Austin.
Just as I predicted it is now torrential down-pouring. Crap, I think that I left the windows open downstairs. I better go close them. I run down the stairs, and as I'm closing a window that I left open. I open my eyes look across the street. Oh my God! Austin.
"Austin. What are you doing out here? You're standing in the rain. You're going to get sick." I yell from the porch. Before I can even register what's happening I feel my feet run off the porch and into the street where he's standing. I'm standing face to face with him now.
"I don't care about that. Ally, that's not why I'm here. I wanted to give you space, but my heart feels completely broken and incomplete and the only time it feels whole is when I'm with you. I wrote you a song, but we'll have to wait until the rain dies down."
I cut him off, I feel the rain drops on my skin, my hair is completely soaked in seconds, "Austin, I get it."
He looks at me with confusion written all over his face. "You do?" I grab Austin's face forcing him to look me in the eyes as the raindrops run down his face and all over his entire body. He's wearing a white t-shirt and black shorts.
" I love you Austin. I've always loved you. It's crazy because at times I seriously hate that I love you, but I just." Before I know he gets even closer to me, pulls me into his arms. His hands are running up and down my arms to try and keep me warm since the rain is causing me to shiver. He looks like he wants to kiss me, but he's holding back and restraining himself.
" I love you Ally. I love you so much it hurts. "
Focus Ally. Listen to what he's saying. You just said you missed him, you thought that he didn't want to see you. Doesn't this prove that he does? He loves you. He's being genuine. Look at him, he loves you, he really loves you. Look into his eyes, you'll see the other part of you. Ally, you're his soul-mate, he's yours.
Oh my god. I can't lose him. I have to tell him.
"I'm sorry Austy, I didn't mean to hurt you. It's just."
"You talk too much. You look so good in my leather jacket." He picks me up, presses my back against his car kissing me passionately in the rain. I feel him mumble against my lips,
"I've always wanted to kiss you in the rain."
It sounds almost like pure seduction, the tone in his voice is so husky. It's so hot. I feel my core start to get heated and my carnal desire take over.
I kiss him back hungrily and mumble back against his lips in return, "I'm sorry if your jacket is getting ruined. I just wanted to feel close to you. It smells like you and we should go inside and get dried off. We're going to get sick."
"But then I can take care of you. I want to do that Ally. I want to put you first."
"W-what?"
"Your needs deserve to come before mine. I've been way too stupid and for entirely too long. I get why you felt like you were always my second choice."
He grabs my hands interlocking them. "That's not the case. Baby, I love you its always and only been you."
"Mmmm Austy. Let's go inside. We don't want to catch pneumonia." He starts to kiss me and I feel a moan escape my lips. I missed his lips on mine. They make me feel alive.
"God baby, I missed your lips. Fine, we'll go inside but I'm carrying you. We can talk this all out later, but the second we're inside and dried off. He takes a second before speaking again, "I'm going to make love to you."
I feel like my heart just skipped a beat.
"But we've never done that together. I mean sure we've done other things, but not that. How do I know you were never with Piper like that?"
"Look at me. I promise you that I was never intimate with Piper. In my heart I hope and pray that you were never like that with Gavin."
"I couldn't. I couldn't do that with him when I knew my heart belongs to you. " We're finally almost to the porch, it's still raining.
"I'm going to show you just how much I cherish you. I want you, I need you Ally."
When we close the doors, the rain stops. The sky lightens, the sun appears to pour through the house.
One thing's for certain. I'm wide awake and I'm right where I belong and who I belong with.
A/N: That concludes this chapter, there's maybe one or two chapters left. I haven't really decided just yet.