So here's another chapter. I've decided to start making my chapters longer now so that I can fit more things in it. It might mean that my updates are less frequent but at least they will be better quality. Enjoy . . .
Claire's POV
I was shaking.
Today was the start of my radiotherapy treatment, and even though I'd convinced my friends that I was okay with it, I was so damn scared inside. I didn't really know what to expect when I got into the hospital room. Dr Marshel had talked to me about what was going to take place here and had even given me a booklet all about it. It included information about the side effects, questions I should ask the doctor before hand, what the doctor was going to do and it had pictures of what everything would look like, but i couldn't really concentrate on it. I'd tried to read through it when I got home like Dr Marshel had suggested but I had ended up closing the booklet and, um, falling asleep. I really wish that I paid more attention now though.
"Hey CB, we're here." Shane said gently from next to me in the drivers seat of the car. I had told him that I was totally fine with coming here by myself if he didn't want to come (I knew that he was secretly afraid of hospitals after what happened to his family) but being the perfect person that he was he had remind me of the promise he had made to stick with through everything. "And that includes this." He had said.
I smiled bravely at him and then got out of the car and looked up at the hospital in front of me. I never actually realised how big it was until now. My finacee, being on the same wave-length as me, stood next to me and said "What are the chances that we get lost, again?" I laughed and shock my head, knowing that it was probably true. Shane took my hand.
"Come on, the sooner we get in there, the sooner we can leave." he said and lead me through the jam-packed car pack and into the hospital.
The first thing that always hits me in the place was the smell. It was the same in any hospital. When I was thirteen and still living with my parent, we had gotten a call at 11:30pm on the 14th March to say that my Grandma had sadly passed away. Having her there my whole life and loving her more than anything in the world made it the hardest thing in the world to allow myself to believe that she was never coming back, that I would never see her again. Never see that smile, never hear that laugh, never hear her complain at my mum when my mother had told me not to do something. Every girl needs their grandmother because a grandmother is someone who will always be on your side, no matter what.
It isn't until you lose someone as close to you as that do you realise how much you loved them, and how lucky you were. The drive we had taken to the hospital that night was one that I will never forget. And walking hand in hand with my dad through the diferent hospital wards to her's, all I could smell was that smell.
The smell of death.
I never got to say goodbye to my grandma. She had died before we had gotten there. my biggest regret in life was not telling her that I loved her. I made a silent promise that day that I would never ever put anyone I loved through the kind of pain that she put me through that night, even if it wasn't her fault. I wouldn't die, because dying would mean leaving behind all of the people I cared for, and I wan't ready to do that yet.
The smell was everywhere in the hospital. I knew Shane could sense it too as I felt his arm tense up against mine and we finally reached the raidotherapy ward. I squeezed his hand once more before letting go and approaching the desk.
"Hello." I said, trying desperately to disguise the shaking in my voice. "I'm booked in for an appointment with Dr Evelyn at 11 o'clock?" WHy is it we always make those kind of sentences into questions? Of course I was booked in, I had made the appointment myself.
"What's the name?" Replied the girl at the desk in a deeply bored monotone.
"Um Danvers. Claire Danvers."The girl looked at the computer screen and the looked me up and down before saying "Take a seat in the waiting room to your left a little down the corridor. The Doctor will come and get you when she's ready."
I nodded politely and looking back to make sure that Shane was following me I made my way down the thin corridor and into the room at the side. It wasn't very busy, only five other people in there. There was an older man who looked asleep, hopefully. Two ladies nattering to each other in hushed voices, one obviously going through treatment and the other there for moral support. Then there was a man with a boy about 12 years old. The boy had no hair. But even though this was the case, the boy looked happy, talking to his dad about something I didn't understand. HOw could someone going through such a miserable experience, be so cheerful.
I felt Shane put his hand on my shoulder and I realised I was stood there staring. He gently pushed me toward two seats away from everyone else as we sat down he put his hand on my leg and gave it an encouraging squeeze. I looked up from my leg to him.
"Okay?" he asked. I thought about lying to him, I really did. It was easier for everyone if they thought that I was coping with all this, but for once I just said it how it was.
"No." I said honestly. "Not really."
Shane just nodded. "I didn't think so." That was it. He didn't give me a lecture about how everything was going to be okay, like Eve would, or that I had nothing to worry about because the professionals knew what they were doing, like Michael would. He simply held my hand and rested his head against mine.
Nothing could change the way I felt about him, about us. I was going to marry this guy, and I was going to be healthy and alive when I did it. . . .
oxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxox
Eve's POV
For God's sake. As if having a partner who was a vampire was a big enough factor towards this problem was enough, but now I had more things I could add onto the list of why it was impossible.
I know that I'm only 20 years old and I'm thinking wanting this right this second but I'm scared, because if I leave it too long, then there is the possibility that it could not happen at all, and I was not living my live with the thought in the back of my mind of what could have been.
Ever since I was about 12 years old I knew that it was my destiny, or my vocation, whatever you want to call it to give life to another person, to raise a shining star that I could call my own. And then when my eyes fell upon Michael Glass in high school I knew that I wanted to share this with him, and now in the present time I knew for certain that he wanted it as well.
I had no idea how to tell him this. I hadn't gotten a professional opinion on the matter at hand yet, so I guess that was a good place to start.
But what if I went to a doctor or whatever and they confirmed it? What would I do then?
No, I had to keep this to myself. Claire was everyone's priority at the moment, and my problems were not as important as hers. Though I guarantee you that if I brought it up over the tea table then everyone would start fussing over me instead, and I can't do that. If everyone's concentration was off Claire then none of us may notice if she was getting worse. And Claire, like me, didn't wear her heart on her sleeve like some people. She wouldn't let people know how she was really feeling.
I would never forgive myself if something happened to her, all because something may be happening to me.
I bet I'm just being paranoid, I told myself. I'm under a lot of stress at the moment. Yet another factor against my case. I was laid on my bed in my room. This bed was not used much anymore. I had began to sleep in Michael's bed most nights now. My room only used to hold my stuff in. Some nights I would sleep in Michael's bed alone, finally falling asleep after waiting for him to come home from wherever he was and failing to stay awake. Even though his secret was out in the open after keeping it to himself for so long, he was still going out on dangerous missions for Oliver.
He had told us that he would brake his promise with the older vampire, but deep inside I think that he didn't want to. Yeah, sure its dangerous, but once Michael starts to fight for something he believes needs to be fought for, the his mind is set. He had told me one night in bed about the rogue vampires, about the Nocte Malum and Amara. They sound scary and a definite threat, but why should Michael be the one to deal with it?
A voice in the back of my mind told me it was because he was not important to the vampires if he dead. They wouldn't miss him.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door and I quickly sat up so that it didn't look like I was depressed, like I was my usual happy self. "Yeah?" I shouted.
Michael open the door and stepped inside. "Claire and Shane have gone to Claire's appointment. Did you want to go get a late breakfast or something?" He asked casually.
"Yeah sure, just give me a minute to get somethings together." I replied, getting off the bed and blindly grabbing things and throwing them into a bag. Michael didn't leave.
"You okay Eve?" His voice sounded concerned. "You look a bit flustered."
"I'm fine Mikey." I answered without looking at him. "Just, you know, worried about Claire." I heard him sigh and then he was behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing me on the forehead. "We all are babe." He said softly. "I'll see you downstairs in five minutes okay?"
"'K." I said absent mindedly. After he had left I went over to my full length mirror and looked at myself. I tried to tell myself that everything will be okay, like I do when CB is scared, I learnt right there and then that it didn't work.
Placing a hand on my stomach I looked myself in the eye and said "If I can't have what I want by myself, then I'll just have to explore other options and do it the hard way."
oxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Claire's POV
The nurse had come and gotten me about half an hour ago, and I had just finished having a CT scan when the doctor finally came into the room. She was actually quite young, maybe late 20's.
"Ah hello Claire." She greeted me. "That that young man behind the screen is . . ?"
"Oh um Shane, my finacee." I answered, flustered. What if he wasn't allowed to be hear? I had changed my mind. I couldn't do this by myself.
"Congratulations. I do love a good wedding." She cleared her throat. "I'm Doctor Evelyn, I'll be with you throughout this whole process. I see you've just had a CT scan?"
"Yeah, um can I ask why I needed one? I thought I was having radiotherapy today?" I asked. The nurse had told Shane to stand behind the screen because I was going into a scanning machine. I didn't understand why but the nurse didn't seem that friendly so I didn't ask any questions.
"Ah yes. Lets walk across the hallway and into the another room where we will give you your first course of medicine and I will explain." She lead the way and Shane and I followed, our hands grasped together. Shane whispered in my ear "Nearly done. Just this and I bet we can go home." I just nodded.
"On your first appointment we have to do a CT scan so that we can get and accurate idea as to where we need to point the beams when your radiotherapy takes place. You will have to wear a face mask and there will be marks on it so we know where to aim. I can see fromt he look on your face that you are worried."
I laughed in spite of myself. "Am I that obvious?"
"Claire I have done this lots of time, you are in safe hands."She insisted. We reached a closed door. "Now what is going is this: I'm going to come in with your to start off with and your finacee is going to go into that room just there." She pointed to the one next to the room we were stood in front. "The two room are connected and you will be able to see each at all times. There is even a mini microscope!" She said cheerfully. She was tall so she was looking down on me, but it wasn't in a patronizing way.
"So i'm going to come in with you and get you all settled in and comfortable, and then i'm going to join Shane behind the screen." She looked at Shane and said. "Say good luck and then be on your way into the side room." Dr Evelyn stepped back to give us some space.
Shane pulled me into a hug without hesitation and kissed me on the lips. I held onto him as if it was the last time I was going to ever see him. Then I thought of my grandma. "I love you." I said to Shane. I know it was stupid, it wasn't like I was going to never come out of that room, but I didn't want to make the same mistake twice.
"I love you too Claire." Then he leaned in so only I could hear what he was saying "Kick this cancer's ass yeah?"
I giggled "Of course." I gave him another quick hug and then let go and turned to the doctor. "Lets do this. . ."
xoxoxoxoxox
Inside the room was another machine like the one in the other room only bigger, and it looked more comfortable. I had changed into a hospital gown in a little side room and when I had walked out I could see Shane laughing at me from behind the glass. Naturally, I stuck my tongue out at him.
"Okay Claire, I need you to lay down on this bed like pannel." I did as she told me. "Now do you remember getting fitted for a mask no too long ago?"
"Yeah, that was weird." I replied. The doctor laughed.
"Well I have the mask here and I'm going to have to put this on your face okay? It will cover your whole face to keep your head as still as possible during treatment. It allows you to see and breathe normally. You will have to wear it each time you come here but you will only have it on a few minutes at a time." She told me.
I quickly looked over at Shane who smiled and gave me a thumbs up. "Okay," I said to the doctor. "Then what will happen?"
"I will leave the room and turn the radiotherapy machine on. You will not feel anything, but you will hear it working. See that large circular bit above you? That's where the magic happens." I looked up and saw it. Actually thinking about it, the whole machine was like a giant microscope, and I was the specimen.
"Okay Claire I'm going to put the mask on you now. Please try and stayed replaced and everything will go a lot quicker. If it does become too much for you, Shane and I was be able to hear you so just say the word and I'll have you out of there in a giffy."" I nodded, unable to talk. If I could talk, then I would probably scream at her to get me out of there.
"Here we go . . ." Slowly Dr Evelyn placed the mask over my face gently. When it was fully on I knew that she was right when she said that I could breath and see normally. But I began to feel slightly claustrophobic and panicked a bit.
"Its okay Claire, just relax for me. That's it well done." Dr Evelyn had a lovely soft soothing voice that made me feel safe. I looked straight up at the machine above me and waiting for the 'magic' to begin.
"Right Claire, I'm going to leave now but I'll keep talking to you. It will be over very soon." I heard her high heels walk across the floor and the the quiet click of the door opening and shutting. Next thing I know I could hear her through the glass. it sound like 'I'm turning it on now.' but I wasn't really concentrating on her. I was concentrating on keeping my breathing nice and calm.
Then a humming sound filled the air around me and I knew there was no going back, I had to go through with this. I tried not to think about what was going on. I thought about other things, like my life before cancer. I thought of the first time I met Shane, the first time he had taken me out on a proper date. The first time we had slept together and the morning after. I can still remember Eve's face when I walked down the stair and stood in the kitchen with her. She had called it the 'walk of shame' I think. She had gone all protective older sister on me but when she realised that she couldn't do anything to change what had happened we had fell into a gossip about it. I could hear the doctor talking to me comfortingly and a coulple of time I ever heard Shane telling me how much he loved me and how well I was doing. I continued to remember lots of other moments since I'd come to Morganville and before I knew it, the loud humming sound began to fade. I hadn't felt a thing. Was it really over?
"That's it Claire. You did it." Dr Evelyn said as she entered the room. "Lets take this slowly now, you may feel a bit dizzy and disorientate at first." I could feel her take the mask off of my face but I didn't move until she told me it was okay to. When she did I moved very slowly as I did feel slightly dizzy. I looked toward the glass between the two rooms but Shane was no longer there.
"Where's Shane?" I asked, suddenly panicking. Why would he leave?
"He's waiting outside for. You've done well for yourself there, getting a guy like that." She smiled. "He stayed the whole time. I think you've got a keeper there."
I smiled back, relief flowing through me. "I know. I couldn't wish for a better partner. A better sole mate." Dr Evelyn put her arm under mine and helped me up and together we began to slowly walk towards the door, towards my fiancee.
oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Shane's POV
I waited anxiously on the other side of Claire's closed door, waiting to see my girl up and walking again. I have never seen Claire so vulnerable as laying there in that room. I didn't like this at all but I have to be strong for her. We can't have everybody breaking down all at once. I paced the hallway, trying desperately to think of the right thing to say to her when she came out. I wanted to tell how how proud I was of her, how much she had grown since I first met her, how much good we were going to do together in the future, but how could I tell her all these things in the space of a few seconds?
Next thing I knew the door was opening and Claire and doctor walked out together. I smiled at her and opened up my arms for her to fall into. I held her fragile form close, letting her know that she was safe. I looked over her should at Dr Evelyn and mouthed the words 'thank you' to her. She nodded in replied and said "The nurse will come and talk about the side effects and lead you two out. I'll see you the same time tomorrow." And with that, she left.
I looked down at Claire, thinking of what to say. But in the end, I just said "I love you."
You like? R&R and I'll update as soon as I can. . .