This chapter is definitely M rated.

Kate shoved the dishwasher closed with her hip, wiping the final remnants of dinner prep from the counter into the sink. She grimaced slightly as the baby nudged against a particularly tender spot in her belly, and she rubbed gentle circles against the scar tissue to ease the ache. The haze of a Manhattan summer's evening was visible through the open curtains, and Kate moved toward the orange glow, her husband bathed in the golden light.

His brow was furrowed from his place on the sofa, his feet propped on the coffee table, laptop balanced in his lap. She noticed the slow rotation of his shoulder, unconsciously trying to ease the persistent ache of healing tissue.

"You okay?" Beckett asked softly, leaning down to drop a kiss on top of his head from behind the sofa.

"I'm okay," Rick sighed, his smile not quite reaching his eyes. "Just aches today."

"Want me to give you a massage?" Kate listened to his grumble of satisfaction as she raked her fingers through his hair, watching his eyes drift closed as he rested his head back against the small swell of her belly.

"You need to come sit down. You've been up long enough."

"I put five dishes in the dishwasher, and wiped the counters," Beckett scoffed, pushing away so she could move around the couch to sit beside her husband. "It takes me longer than that to wash my hair. I'm fine."

Castle grunted noncommittally, closing his laptop.

"Don't make that sound at me. I'm legitimately taking it easy. I have been on my feet for less than half an hour today, including all the times I have gotten up to walk to the bathroom."

"Okay. I believe you," Rick held his hands up in surrender, and Kate released a sigh, rising up on her knees as she moved in closer to his side.

"You're my husband, Castle. I need to take care of you just as much as you need to take care of me. I don't like it when you hurt, and if I can help you feel even a little bit better, I will try it. I'm okay, really. I feel good today. Baby girl is being relatively gentle and calm, and the warm baths and stretches really do help with the scar tissue and aching muscles."

"Good. I hate it when you're in pain. Especially now." The broad surface of his palm dwarfed the roundness of Kate's belly.

"The feeling is mutual, you know." She slung a long leg across his thighs and settled her body in his lap.

Castle tensed and wrapped his hands around her forearms, holding her back from the wall of his chest. "Kate, what are you…"

"Oh relax, your virtue is not in jeopardy, Rick," Beckett scoffed at him, annoyed, physically fighting the urge to rise and retreat at his rejection. "I'm not trying to seduce you, I'm trying to rub your shoulder and sit down at the same time. I can't get the right leverage if I sit beside you, so shut up and let me help you."

Castle hesitantly removed his hands from her arms and allowed her to advance her touch to his injured shoulder. Kate studiously avoided his gaze, fighting the tightness in her throat, as she wordlessly manipulated the tight muscles down her husband's neck and collarbone. She could feel him studying her, his usual analytical stare never leaving her face, and she focused on her task until she felt the knot at the base of his neck give way, and he sighed in relief.

Slipping off his lap, she turned away, hands supporting her expanding middle and constantly aching lower back. "I'm going to take a bath."

"Kate," he called out to her.

"You should put some ice on your shoulder," she responded, without looking back.

In the confines of their bathroom, the water pounding as it filled up the soaker tub she loved so much, she released the tears she had been holding back. Slipping out of her leggings and tee shirt, she stood in front of the mirror. She was a mess. The bullet wound between her breasts had faded to a pale white, as had the long incision and bullet graze up her side. New scars in her abdomen and her shoulder still shone an angry pink, and her body was thinner than it should be, considering she was now in her sixth month of pregnancy. Her doctor wasn't happy with her weight, but the baby was perfect, thriving and growing despite Kate's lack of appetite and nausea, caused by both pregnancy and the pain that came with her physiotherapy sessions. As long as the baby continued to grow and get everything she needed, they had been assured that everything was fine.

But looking at herself now, limp hair, pale drawn skin, covered in bullet holes, too skinny, pregnant belly, ridiculously oversized breasts, she felt unattractive. The baby kicked her out of her daze, and she slipped into the soothing heat of the water, all the way under the surface where the still pounding water echoed in her ears. She allowed herself a moment of stillness under the water before pushing up with her feet and slicking the rivulets off her face as she sat up, blinking in surprise as the water turned off and her husband appeared before her.

"You scared me," Kate sighed, drawing her knees to her chest, dropping her chin to rest on the bony protrusions. It was an awkward position, trying to curl around her swollen belly, and the baby kicked with the restriction.

"I knocked," Castle apologized. "I brought you some cold water."

He set the glass on the bamboo tray across the rim of the tub, and squatted slowly down beside her.

Beckett sighed again, and turned her head to rest sideways on her knees, watching her husband settle on the floor. He sat sideways and reached his arm across the rim, draping her wet hair over her shoulder.

"You're crying."

Kate let out a mirthless laugh, "What else is new."

"Why are you crying?"

"It doesn't matter, Castle. It's just hormones."

"You're hiding from me, Kate. More and more the past few weeks but you've been hiding."

"I'm right here, Castle," Beckett sighed once more.

"Your body is here Kate," he watched her, without touching. "Sort of. You've made yourself as small as possible, you won't let me see you, and you won't talk to me."

"What do you want to see, Rick?" Kate sat up abruptly, stretching her legs out in front of her in the tub, revealing her naked skin to him through the translucent water. "Take a look. I know this isn't what you want so what are you hoping to see?"

"What are you talking about?" Castle frowned.

"I don't blame you, Castle. I don't want to see it either."

"Kate, you can't possibly think…"

"That you don't want me? I get it. Can I just have my bath please? I'm tired and the baby needs to calm down so I can sleep." Beckett leaned back in against the cool porcelain of the tub, closing her eyes against the tears that continued to run down her cheeks.

"You are certifiably insane Kate Beckett, do you know that?"

She jolted slightly as she felt the pads of his thumbs slide across her jutting cheekbones, wiping the tear tracks from her skin, before tugging her chin towards him.

"Open your eyes and look at me."

"Rick, please," his wife protested, exhaustion and despair seeping from her voice.

"You know what, I can't have this conversation while you're crying in the tub and I can't even hold you."

Kate swallowed and closed her eyes again, waiting for the sound of the bathroom door to close behind him.

"Scoot forward."

"What are you doing?" the dark haired woman peered back over her shoulder as her husband's naked form stepped into the hot water with a hiss.

"I'm having a bath with my wife, now scoot forward."

Kate's brow furrowed with tension as Rick's large frame slid into the water behind her, pulling her back into the wall of his chest and dropping a kiss atop her wet head. She relaxed slightly as his left arm settled around her, his wedding band shimmering distortedly on top of her belly through the water, and his right trailed gentle patterns up and down the length of her arm.

"I need you to listen to me, and hear what I am saying to you Kate."

She stiffened slightly at the intensity of his tone, but he held her tightly within his arms, continuing his gentle ministrations across her skin, and she settled back again.

"You have never been anything but stunningly beautiful to me, no matter what. When you came to me that very first night and you showed me your scars I told you then, that they didn't define you, they were just another chapter of your story, written onto your skin. Our story is written on your body, Kate, and some chapters are full of more darkness, but every single one of them tells us both that our story is still being written with every single new mark. I wish you could see what I see when I look at you. How incredibly gorgeous you are. How damn grateful I am that you are mine."

"Why won't you touch me anymore?" Kate finally spoke, through the thickness of her tears. "Unless you are attempting to take care of me in some way you haven't touched me in so long Rick. You hug me like you hug Alexis, you touch me like you're my physical therapist. I can't even remember the last time you kissed me like you used to. What am I supposed to think if you can't even touch me without flinching?"

"It's not because I don't want you Kate. You have to know that."

"I'm not sure if you noticed Castle, but I've kind of had a lot going on the past few months. Learning how to read your mind kind of fell down the list of my priorities after going to the bathroom without passing out and trying to keep my baby alive."

"You think I didn't notice," her husband's voice rose in defense. "Did it ever occur to you that I was so damn afraid of hurting you that I couldn't let myself touch you. That I was afraid of losing control."

Kate blinked in confusion.

"Castle, I'm okay. I've been okay. I've been cleared from bedrest for two weeks, I go back to work in two weeks, do you really think that I don't know what I can and can't handle? Do you believe that I would let any harm come to my body knowing that it would affect our baby?"

"Of course not."

"Only when it comes to you. Do you even know how egotistical that sounds?"

It was Rick's turn to blink slightly. "Well, when you say it like that I do. But that's not what I meant."

"You and I made a decision when we made her, and that decision was that she comes first. We protect her over everything, we love her unconditionally, and we make the best decision we can for her, didn't we?"

"That's what it means to me to be her father, so yeah, we did."

"So you need to stop and think about what you're really afraid of. By saying that you're afraid of hurting me and her by extension, you're really saying that you don't think you can trust me to step up and stop that from happening."

"That's not what I'm saying at all, Kate."

"It is though, Castle. You think I don't know my limits, that I'm not counting every kick, making sure the PT stops if I so much as feel a twinge of something off anywhere. I bought a chair for the shower so I didn't have to stand up. My baths haven't been longer than half an hour in months. Yoga is the most strenuous activity I have done since I found out about her, and some days, when that felt like too much, I skipped it and stuck to swimming."

"I know you have. You've been amazing at this…"

"But that's not enough for you. You say that's what it means to you to be her father, and it's what I am trying to do every day to be her mother, but you still don't think that when it comes down to it, I would draw a line in the sand."

"Kate," Rick sighed, dropping his head back against the tub as she spun around between his legs, water sloshing angrily between them. "That is not at all what I am saying here, and you need to shut that thinking down. That's your insecurity talking and I'm not going to let it make you think for a second that you are anything but the best mother to our daughter. I know it, and I trust you with her implicitly."

"Then explain it to me Castle, because I just don't understand."

He stopped and took the opportunity to take her in, both breathing deeply with frustration bubbling over. And suddenly, it was as if a switch flipped in his mind. The woman before him, flushed with emotion, wet hair beginning to curl around her face, wasn't his wife of the past five months, broken and exhausted, but his partner of the past seven years. His friend, lover, greatest source of frustration and passion, was back in front of him, fire in her eyes and he missed her.

Reaching out he pulled her towards him, steadying her as she adjusted to the shift. Her eyes never left his as he wrapped her long legs around his, until he pulled her into his broad chest, enveloping her in his arms. It felt like coming home. She released a deep sigh of relief, and slid her own arms around his frame, resting her cheek against the soft curve of his shoulder.

"It's never been about wanting you or not wanting you Kate. I want you so badly it hurts sometimes. I am having a harder time than I realized separating everything from that night."

Beckett sat up straight in his arms, moving her arms around his neck and meeting his eyes as he spoke.

"I think I understand why you hid away at your dad's cabin last time. It's so hard to unweave all the fragments to their separate places. It all bleeds together and makes it impossible to keep it all straight."

She nodded in understanding but allowed him to continue.

"You're here and it's different but at the same time I can't separate you from those gunshots. From seeing you go down, and watching you crawl across the floor. Thinking that I'm going to wake up and this is all going to be a dream; my mind trying to hide me away from the fact that I lost you that day and I just couldn't cope."

"Oh baby," Kate sighed, pulling his forehead to her lips for a gentle kiss. "I know how hard it is to know what's real sometimes, but I promise you, we made it. We're a little worse for the wear, but we're all alive."

He nodded silently and allowed her to stroke her fingers over his ears.

"You need to talk to someone, Rick. Someone who can help you make sense of everything and work it all out. Doctor Burke could help. It might be a good idea for both of us to go see him before the baby comes."

"I know," Castle finally scratched out. "I'll call in the morning. I'll see if we can do back to back appointments. Maybe he'll let us each do part of a session alone and part together."

"Maybe."

She kissed his forehead again.

"We'll get through this Castle. It's not going to be easy, or pleasant, but I promise you it does get better."

He pulled her into his embrace again.

"I know I haven't done a great job of showing you that lately, but I never stopped wanting you. If anything I wanted you more. You are always beautiful, but right now Kate, I can hardly describe it."

Beckett blushed and hid her face in the curve of her husband's neck.

"Your body is so full. Voluptuous is a great word, but seeing how your body is filling out with our child is astonishing, and the sexiest you have ever been to me. Don't ever think otherwise."

Kate moaned softly, relishing the friction of her sensitized flesh on Rick's slick chest.

"You radiate beauty now, it's like this force of nature. People are drawn in by you, like static. You don't even notice this power you have, but it turns me on so much, Kate. Knowing that you're mine. Knowing I'm the one who helped give you that power. It's so hard to ignore it sometimes."

"So don't," she finally whispered, grazing his lips with her own as she shifted in his lap. "I need you, Rick."

Their mouths met in a frenzy of lips, teeth, and tongues. Moans and sighs echoed through the tiled walls of the bathroom, and the water splashed around them as they touched, caressed and stroked every part of each other they could reach.

"Not here. We can't do this here," Beckett finally gasped.

"No, no, you're right. Bedroom, we need…" she attacked his mouth again with frenzied need.

They stumbled out of the tub, trailing water across the hardwood floor as they dried each other without sight, their kiss never ceasing, even as they fell together on the bed.

Smoothing a hand across the tight planes of her thigh as it slipped into place around his hip, Castle rolled to his back, easing her slowly above him as he moved.

She rose like a phoenix from the ashes and he was mesmerized. The lighting from the bathroom blazed off her skin in the dim lighting of their bedroom, and her face, all kiss swollen rapture, radiated passion, lust and confidence. Commanding his attention.

Daring him to stop.

Beckett draped her hair over one shoulder and leaned forward to capture his lips, moaning deeply as she finally, finally, joined their bodies.

He couldn't help the groan the escaped, or the bite of his fingertips into the flesh of her hips, as she slowly began to writhe above him.

Her panting breath, interspersed with a stuttered whine, was the most beautiful music, and Rick fought hard to maintain control as his wife sped up her pace with wild abandon.

She shouted in surprise at the graze of his fingertips over her nipples, pregnancy darkened and sensitized beyond anything she had ever felt, and shuddered through the small climax.

Castle gritted his teeth below her as her body clamped around him and her movements slowed momentarily, taking advantage of her distraction. His arms slipped around her back as he sat up, pulling her into his chest and rolling them both to the mattress. Kate groaned softly as he pulled away, brushing her hair from her face as he gently kissed her.

"Turn around Kate," he demanded, drawing an aroused shudder from her body.

Her lip between her teeth, she held his gaze as she rolled to her side, reaching for his hand and drawing it up her body as her husband's large body settled tightly behind her. He lifted her thigh and wrapped himself around her, sliding home once again, with a gasp.

Beckett guided his hands frantically over her body; craving his touch everywhere. Tears streamed uncontrollably from her eyes, the heat between their bodies healing all the pieces broken by their shared trauma. Castle stuttered to a stop again, and withdrew, rolling her without grace to face him before hauling her hips into his.

Kate curved her back awkwardly, curling her swollen belly around her husband's sweat slicked chest and meeting his desperate embrace as they made love. His lips touched her cheeks, kissing away the salt streaks of her tears, and when her fingers found moisture on his cheeks, she pulled his face down to wash his tears away with her kiss.

When his fingers began to bite into her thigh once again, and his rhythm began to falter, Kate felt the waves of release crash over her. She shouted with ragged breath and arched her back, eyes clenched tightly with the force of her pleasure, feeling Castle fall over the edge along with her as he called his own release into the darkness of their bedroom.

They lay wrapped together, panting in the stillness, hands caressing, kissing gently until their chests no longer heaved with exertion.

"God I missed you," Beckett finally sighed into the room, rolling onto her back. "We are really, really good at that."

"Yeah we are," Castle groaned beside her, fingers dancing between hers above her head. "And you have no idea how much I missed you. Five months, Beckett. Do you even know how long five months is?"

Kate giggled softly beside him, bringing his fingertips to her lips. "I don't think you can compete with second trimester pregnancy hormones, Castle. I've never been so horny in my entire life."

Castle barked out a laugh and rose up on an elbow to hover over her. "Really?"

"Yes, really," Beckett blushed, shoving him gently on his scarred shoulder. "It's awful."

"It's definitely not awful. I can totally work with that."

He blew a gentle raspberry against her neck and she laughed once again.

"Until I go back to work in two weeks."

"Eh," her husband shrugged. "I'll just have to 'bring you lunch' whenever your appetite is particularly insatiable. We can have lunch dates in your office."

"We are not having sex in my office in the middle of the day," Kate laughed.

"Fine, you'll just have to come home for lunch then. I'm more than willing to be ready for a booty call at a moments notice."

"Of that, I have no doubt."

"We're going to be okay, Kate," Rick's tone grew serious, and Kate dropped his hand to rise up on her elbow beside him.

"I know we are, Babe. The alternative is not ever an option for me."

"I'll work on my issues, I don't ever want you to think that I don't love you with everything I am."

"Castle, look at me," Kate sat up, crossing her legs and drawing his hand into her lap between her own. "I don't expect perfection from you, you love me and my issues and I will always love you and yours. I just want you to remember that I understand more than you think I do, and that it isn't your job to carry the burdens of this marriage on your own. We're partners, and partners carry each other. Sometimes you have to let me carry you."

"I promise. You may just have to remind me sometimes. I'm not used to having someone in it with me."

"I can do that."

"'Kay."

Beckett's jaw cracked on a yawn, and Castle grinned.

"Did I wear you out?"

"Shut up," Kate shoved him gently, and moved to slide her legs off the side of the bed, as she slipped his shirt over her head. "I'm going to pee and brush my teeth, and then I'm going to collapse for a solid eight hours. I think we discovered the magic to getting baby to settle down at night."

"Orgasms? I can definitely make that a part of your new nightly routine."

"Yes please," Kate sighed. "Throw in a back massage and you've got yourself a deal."