This chapter is for my friend Lauren since it's her birthday today! :) Please review darlings I'd be ecstatic if by the end of the story I have at least 150 reviews! Thanks loves! xoxo
Disclaimer: I don't own Austin and Ally or the Disney Channel. I don't own the song lyrics either.
Ally's POV
Trish and I are almost to her car when I hear.
"ALLY! I LOVE YOU."
I turn around and just stare blankly at Austin, see Dez now yanking on his arm. In the meantime, after hearing Austin scream that to me Trish just pulls me closer to her and rubs circles on my back in an attempt to comfort me.
We reach Trish's small black car, open the doors and get in. Trish starts the car, and sings to me in an attempt to lift my spirits. She turns to me and sings the chorus of the song I wrote for her.
Redial: Laura Marano
When I need to get away
Who do I call
What's ironic about this is that Trish has some sort of ESP and just gets these gut feelings. It's like we're so close that she doesn't have to even be with me and she feels and knows when there's something wrong. She's the one that just called me when Austin and I had just had that massive blowout on the beach. She always just knows what to do and I love her for that.
When I need to hear hello?
Let me go on
Though you've heard it all before
Who do I call to make me smile?
I'll wait a while, oh
And redial
"Aw Trish! You always never fail to make me smile." I looked up at her through my tears with a broken smile, but a smile nonetheless.
"Ally we don't have to talk about what happened, but I think it'll be more beneficial to you to talk about your feelings."
"I see that Dr. DelaRosa is in today." I smirk a little, she playfully smacks my arm.
"Oh stop Ally."
"Alright, well... where do I begin?"
"How about from the start?"
"Let's start with I'm no longer a virgin.." Trish looks at me conflicted like she wants to be super excited because she knows that I love Austin, but doesn't want to because of everything that happened less than an hour later.
"So we just had made love for the first time and Trish it was amazing. I know that I don't have a whole lot of experience, in fact, I practically have none to go off of, but it was the best feeling in the world. I felt and knew that this was the most intimate part of ourselves that Austin and I could share with each other. When he looked into my eyes right after, I felt a tear slip from my eye. It was that incredible, I mean Trish I really thought."
I just noticed that she has the radio on, we're still sitting in the car and have yet to move because she wants to focus all of her attention on me. Trish notices that I've halted my explanation and turns her attention to the song. Of course it's the Backstreet Boys. I love their music, but as if I don't already feel shitty enough.
BSB- Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely
Show me the meaning of being lonely
So many words for the broken heart
Trish interrupts, "I can turn it off you know."
"No, please don't. As sad as this song is I really think I need to listen to it right now."
"Alright Ally, but if it gets to be too much tell me okay?"
It's hard to see in a crimson love
So hard to breathe
With the music playing in the background, I decide to act like a Brave Little Toaster and continue on with the story.
"As I was saying. It was the most amazing feeling ever, was being the operative word here." Trish interjects with, "I'm so sorry" and a sympathetic smile. I try to muster a thank you smile, but it's just way too hard right now. I know that I need to get this off my chest so I begin again. " So I tell Austin that I need to shower, send him a flirtatious wink over the shoulder, dropped my bed sheet so all he saw was my backside and it looked like he was putty in my hands and that I would finally get him to commit to me. Well, while I was on the shower I heard the doorbell and I told Austin to go see who it was and that I would be out shortly. I didn't have to tell him, but he knew that he'd have to preoccupy whoever the visitor at the door was."
Walk with me, and maybe
Nights of light so soon become
Wild and free I could feel the sun
Your every wish will be done
They tell me
[Chorus:]
Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
" I get out of the shower, call out Austin's name, but I guess he didn't hear me. Then I heard him growling at someone, I mean this is Austin he very rarely ever growls but when does he usually growl at someone?"
Trish responds, "When there's a guy at the door for you or that wants to be or is physically in your presence."
"Right, so I mean I knew it wasn't my dad, so that only leaves Gavin. I wasn't expecting him to show up, so I hear Austin and Gavin arguing downstairs. They were so in each others faces and literally seconds or even minutes away from pummeling each other again, but somehow they managed to just keep it at a verbal argument. I hear them fighting over me, listening to practically everything that they are saying to each other. It was muffled until I was standing at the stop of the stairs and neither had noticed my presence.
"Well, continue." Trish emphasizes, " I want to hear exactly what you overheard and remembered so I can help better with this totally fucked situation."
"Alright here goes.. just bear with me T.
FLASHBACK & TELLING TRISH WHAT HAPPENED
So it starts with Austin glaring and yelling at Gavin. I had only had bits and pieces before un-clearly because I had the bedroom door closed, well anyways.
"Shut the fuck up Gavin! Let me be clear. I know what it's like to have truly lost Ally. You don't. You can't even imagine the kind of shit that I've been through with her. The things we've experienced in life together. I've bungee jumped off a bridge with her, while I was on tour stopped my concert 3 times for her, when I was in a car accident..you know what I was in the middle of typing? I LOVE YOU. You know what else happened, she rushed to see me and we kissed. When I was in the hospital...she wasn't thinking about you. She said that she just wanted to be with me and in the moment with me. Oh, she literally threw Piper into a wall because she saw her kissing me. Do you have ANY IDEA how upset I was that she went with you to see The Notebook?"
WHOA. That's the only word that comes to mind right now, has the closest reality to my reaction right after he said that Trish.
"You like the movie?" Gavin interjects sarcastically.
"Oh...like you don't?" Austin waits for a response from Gavin, smirks, "Yeah, that's what I thought. Shut up and just listen... That movie is special to Ally and I. I was hanging out with her, she wanted to watch the movie...as her best friend I agreed to because I just wanted to make her happy. So, there's that scene where Noah and Allie are dancing in the street. I stood Ally up and we started dancing mimicking the lead love interests..I dipped her, I kissed her and it was then that I realized I was in love with her. Ally told me that I could be her Noah."
Aw Austin, I do remember that. Trish just sits in the drivers seat listening intently and hanging onto my every word of this story.
"What's the point to your babbling Austin?"
Gavin's clearly frustrated, yet he's listening to Austin. I don't get it, but I'm not going to complain either.
" My point is that I don't care if her mind chooses you now...her heart is always going to choose me no matter what. Yes, okay. I've fucked up multiple times, but at least I'm owning up to my mistakes. I'm sorry that Ally got pushed down the stairs by Piper. I'm sorry that she even saw me in a compromising position, but Piper had drugged me. That bitch is legit crazy. My heart stopped when Ally fell down the stairs and I blame myself for that. At the hospital after riding in an ambulance with her, I didn't even correct the staff when they referred to her as my girlfriend.
"What do you mean?" Gavin sounds surprised by what Austin just said.
"When Ally woke up in the hospital...she was calling out my name...not yours. She told you to leave and when I was about to go. She told me to stay, asked for my car and sang to her song Unconditionally."
OH MY GOD! Did he really just have the balls to tell Gavin that? Yes, yes he did.
Trish interrupts the story I'm telling her.
"Oh my god! You wrote Austin another song called Unconditionally. Why is this the first time I'm hearing about it?"
"Well T I was in the hospital and you were preoccupied at Shredder's, but don't worry I'll show you when we get to your house. I really don't feel like going home. Everything there just reminds me of Austin."
" Well, lucky for you that's where we're going once you finish telling me this story. I don't want you breaking another picture frame. Ally, Dez and I were seriously worried about you, I'm worried about you now. I know that you love Austin, but you're completely broken."
"I know Trish, but I can't help that every time I look at him it feels just like I'm falling in love with him all over again."
"Alright, well let's not talk about that right now. We will later. Okay?"
I take that as my cue to continue as she's requested with her hands motioning in a circular movement.
"Which is about?"
Wait why is Gavin listening to him and not yelling? They normally only communicate by throwing punches or screaming at each other over me. Come on FOCUS AUSTIN I know that you can do it.
"Exactly how it sounds...Love... that she'll love me unconditionally. No matter how moronic the things I do are. She knows that she belongs with me. She knows that deep down that-"
He paused for a second choosing his words carefully as if in deep thought. "I'm the one that is really in love with her. I love her. I'm in love with her. You may think that you love her, but you don't. You may be falling in love with her, but you aren't there."
"Who are you to try and tell me how I feel about my Angel?" I can visibly see Gavin's face harden in anger.
"First of all...she's not your angel. She's my baby. She doesn't glow around you the way that she does when she's with me or looking at me." I said with venom in my voice feeling the anger pulsing through my veins, I feel myself begin to soften.
"Second... you don't look at her the way I do. I've given up things for her like a magazine cover. I've snuck out of the house when I was grounded to help her raise money for and save a music program. I even danced with her at Trish's quincenera when Dallas was too much of a wuss to slow dance with her. I told her that Dallas was an idiot for not seeing how great she is. I made a fool of myself when Elliott came to town; I even drew a hand turkey, tried to basket-weave and challenged Elliott to a duel because I wanted to win Ally's heart. Ally's more important to me than a magazine cover. I bungee jumped with her because she lied, resulting in ending up in a mess, and because she was scared. I hated seeing her scared so when she took my hand, it was like she knew she could trust me and that I would always be there for her. The biggest mistake I've ever made was not choosing her over Kira. I was just scared then. Scared that I was going to jeopardize our friendship and ruin everything. But now. I'm not scared anymore. I LOVE HER! So stop trying to get in between us!"
"Really Austin? How long have you been in love with her?" Gavin looks at Austin conflicted, like he's trying to stay angry at him, but he just can't.
"I'm pretty sure since the day I first met her, but actually fell in love with her? After our performance at Jimmy Starr's Halloween Bash, then watching The Notebook shortly after.. I've been in love with her at least knowing, but not admitting it for over a year now. You've only been dating Ally for a few months that how I know that there's no way you could comprehend just how much I am in love with her. You're not in love with her I am."
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
I decided to interrupt their fight, and cleared my throat so I could get their attention,
"Austy. What's going on here?"
"Oh nothing baby. Gavin and I were just having a little chat."
"Gavin? I wasn't expecting you what are you doing here?"
"Well, I knew that you were coming back from the hospital. I was just wondering and hoping if you missed me as much as I missed you. Did you make a decision yet?"
"No Gavin, I haven't." I stumbled over my words, "I haven't made a decision yet."
Austin looks at me with a facial expression that screams WHAT THE FUCK, oh no here we go.
Ally don't do this. BIG MISTAKE. HUGE. NOW HE'S GOING TO FLIP IN 3 SECONDS OR LESS. 3, 2, 1.
"REALLY ALLY?! I JUST MADE LOVE TO YOU LESS THAN AN HOUR AGO. YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU LOVE ME. THAT YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH ME. WAS THAT ALL A FUCKEN LIE?"
"Well Ally, I can see why Austin went totally berzerk."
" I tried to calm him down Trish, but all he saw was red and went completely ballistic after that. I knew I fucked up, but I swear it was like word vomit, I'll admit not one of my finer moments."
"CALM DOWN! WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I CALM DOWN. I GAVE MYSELF TO YOU COMPLETELY, IN THE MOST INTIMATE WAY TWO PEOPLE CAN POSSIBLY GET. I THOUGHT THAT MEANT SOMETHING TO YOU. IT FUCKEN MEANT SOMETHING TO ME. NO, SCRATCH THAT IT MEANT EVERYTHING TO ME!"
So then, I guess while I was talking to Gavin Austin decided that he couldn't take it anymore and ran up to my room. I was about five seconds away from telling Gavin that I'm sorry, but I love Austin. When I notice that Austin isn't downstairs in the foyer with us anymore. I call his name upstairs and when he doesn't answer I speed up the stairs, Gavin following like a lost puppy. He wasn't anywhere in sight, I look to see my window open. I knew that he must have jumped from the tree to the ground again. He left me a note and a sheet of music on my dresser."
There's something missing in my heart
"What did it say?" She asks me.
"It said: well here. I actually have the note for you to read with me."
Trish begins to read it out loud and I just start crying even more.
"Ally I love you. I really love you, but I don't know how many times I'm supposed to let you break my heart. I don't know fifteen more times? Does that sound suffice? Will that make us even? You practically denied having sex with me in front of Gavin. That really really hurt me. I gave you my virginity, you gave me yours, hell we even lost it to each other. How could you do this to me? I wanted to sing you the song that I wrote while we were apart and I gave you the time you needed to yourself. I don't have the heart to sing it to you right now. I'm sorry but I just can't. I'm sure Gavin's there, I'm already gone. Here are the sheet lyrics. I was going to play it for you on the guitar, but you can just do it yourself. You needed time to think, I respected that. I need to be alone right now.
- Austin
"Oh Ally. So Austin left? I'm going to kill him."
"That's not even the worst part Trish. Gavin left me too. He said,
" I know that you don't want to hear this right now, but I do love you. Not to the extent Austin has, because he flat out told me that he's going to marry you. I can't compete with him Ally. I can't compete with someone who is obviously your soul-mate. I deserve better than this. You know what... so does Austin. While I may not be thrilled that you slept with him. How could you deny that? Something that is supposed to be so special between the two of you. He's always chasing you, now I think it's time that you chase after him. Goodbye Ally. I hope that you realize that you're Austin's once in a lifetime before it's too late."
I never meant to hurt him Trish. I really did like him, but I just felt one way with Gavin and a completely different way with Austin. I never meant to hurt either of them."
Life goes on as it never ends
Eyes of stone observe the trends
They never say forever gaze upon me
Guilty roads to an endless love (endless love)
There's no control
Are you with me now?
Your every wish will be done
They tell me
[Chorus]
"I chose Austin, and I never even got to tell him. I took Gavin's advice, and stupidly went after him like an idiot. So then. I get to the beach and Piper, yes Piper escaped T and I just couldn't believe it. She's a whore, so it's likely that she seduced a prison guard, then took his keys and acted like a siren to escape luring men into jail cells I could only presume."
There's nowhere to run
I have no place to go
Surrender my heart, body, and soul
"I just feel so stupid T. I thought and believed that he actually loved me." I choke out. " What I saw killed me. Piper and Austin, she was giving him head less than an hour after we were together. I think I'm going to be sick."
"Ally, it'll be alright. I know that you feel so sick emotionally that it's physically making you nauseous."
"Well I think is way worse than the 'heartburn' I felt when Chelsea was around. How could he write me this song and then go and do that?"
I hand Trish the lyrics to If I Can't Be With You. She just looks them over and then at me and says,
" I wish I knew what I could say to take this pain away for you."
How can it be
You're asking me
To feel the things you never show?
"Things got even worse when I saw them. Obviously I called the cops, because I stupidly was under the impression that Piper was molesting him and was going to rape him. But Austin actually looked like he was enjoying it. That's what's even worse. I wasn't jealous of that psychobitch, I was envious that she made him feel the way I thought I had earlier. I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. The cops arrive, they had told me to stay put and wait for them to get there, but I just couldn't. I stalked over to Austin and Piper, literally yanked her head and mouth off of him. I dragged her by the hair and into the water and knocked her on her ass and into the water. I went totally postal on her, slapped her across the face when the cops arrived, I ran away from both of them, they hauled Piper back to jail. When I ran away from Austin and Piper, I just collapsed to the ground. I don't even know if I was feeling anything because I felt numb, but yet devastated at the same time. Does that make sense?" Trish nods in a yes gesture. "The sirens fade, and I'm brought back to reality, Austin comes running towards me, I tell him to go fuck himself and then he has the audacity to say I love you to me.
Trish interrupts, "Oh no he didn't! Please tell me that you smacked him across the face."
"Oh I definitely did."
"That's my girl."
"Thanks T. I couldn't believe that I actually slapped Austin, but my heart and mind were arguing and my mind won."
"TAKE A MEMO AUSTIN: I WOULD RATHER GO AND SWIM IN SHARK INFESTED WATERS LATE AT NIGHT THAN BE ANYWHERE NEAR YOU."
"You didn't? Ally you went into the ocean in the middle of the night just to get away from him? What were you thinking?" She scolds me like a mother would her child.
"I wasn't thinking Trish my body went into fight or flight mode, I was tired of fighting so I chose flight. Once I was done screaming for a moment, I dove under and into the water, my light pink sundress and all. I heard Austin calling out to me from the shore line, but I just ignored him. Then, he gets into the water I guess, before I know it grabs me by the waist. I yell,
"GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? YOU'RE NOT A LIFEGUARD AND I'M NOT DROWNING. I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. I DON'T NEED YOU!"
"Ally you don't have to like me right now, but this is dangerous. I'm bringing you back to land."
"FUCK YOU AUSTIN! LET ME GO! I HATE YOU! YOU'RE A FUCKEN TRAIN WRECK. WE'RE A TRAIN WRECK! I HATE THAT I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU."
After a few minutes of Austin dragging me through the ocean like a drowning victim we reached land.
" Ally I can explain.."
"Explain! You want to explain Austin? How the fuck are you going to explain to me that I didn't see Piper giving you head right here on the beach. I came here to find you. I came after you, I was obviously stupid for doing that. You were more than willing to fuck anyone or anything that walks while we're clearly on the rocks."
" I was hurt Ally."
This is where I got even more livid than I already was, and I didn't even know that it was even possible I explain to my best friend.
"Hurt? You don't think that I was fucking hurt when I was talking to Gavin and screamed to you upstairs in my bedroom and you weren't there? You don't think I was hurt when I read your little fucking note? Or how about when I read and played the song you left with sheet lyrics on my dresser? I thought I could trust you! You fucking hurt me again! How many times are we supposed to going around in this infinite circle? I don't want this. I don't want the same result. I chose you."
Austin pulls me into his arms, and I kneed him in the abs so he'd release me.
"You wouldn't fucking know that though, because once again you RAN AWAY FROM ME. YOU LEFT US."
I'm screaming in the car and crying at the top of my lungs. Even telling this story to Trish in a flashback she can feel her bloodpressure skyrocket.
"I get it alright, I get that I fucking hurt you! That doesn't excuse any of this! I didn't fuck Gavin, I didn't do anything intimate with Gavin. YOU LIED TO ME. YOU SAID THAT YOU COULDN'T EVER BE WITH PIPER LIKE THAT, BECAUSE...YOU LOVED ME. WHAT A FUCKING JOKE THAT TURNED OUT TO BE. I FUCKING CHOSE YOU. Only God knows why, but I did. What would've happened if I hadn't shown up? I'LL TELL YOU WHAT AUSTIN. YOU WOULD HAVE FUCKED HER. US BEING TOGETHER MEANT NOTHING TO YOU."
"I told him that I'd never be enough for him. I told him that I was tired of being his second choice, that when we were intimate... I thought that he was finally going to put me first, but he cheated on me. He cheated on me with Piper. I don't know what I did to deserve this. I told him that I wish that I had never met him or that my life would be so much easier without him. I just can't continue to love him enough for the both of us anymore."
She looks at me with disappointment and understanding, "Did you tell him that? All of it?"
"Yes. It's true Trish. I'm tired of feeling like I have to put way more effort into being with Austin than he does with me. He had three years to figure his shit out, decides when I'm happy in a relationship with someone else to tell me he wants to be with me? Who does that?"
"Men aren't the brighest crayons in the crayon box." I chuckle at that comment, because it's so true. They are oblivious until you smack them over the head with the truth and it's in their face and they're force to deal with it.
You are missing in my heart
Tell me why can't I be there where you are?
[Chorus]
"And that's when you called me Trish, and came to pick me up. I have other details I'll fill in for you, but I really just want to go to your house now."
We had been talking for about a half hour and she just nods her head and takes me back to her house. I'll be crashing there for the night. We're driving as my phone starts to ring for the fifth time since we've gotten in the car.
Just one chance, just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
Cause you know
You know, you know
That I love you, I've loved you all along
And I miss you, been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go
Trish tells me to accept the call and put it on speaker.
"Austin, why are you calling Ally? How in the hell is Dez letting you call her right now. Austin. You've done enough."
" I just wanted to hear her voice. I'm so sorry, so unbelievably sorry. Dez is in the bathroom and forgot to take my phone away from me. Please Trish, let me talk to her."
"No Austin."
"This is killing me."
" You don't think that what you did tonight isn't killing her? I've never seen her like this. You really messed up this time Austin. I'm just so disappointed in you."
" I love her Trish. I really do. You know that. I just wasn't thinking and I-"
There's shuffling in the background and we hear yelling, "AUSTIN! IF YOU'RE ON THE PHONE WITH ALLY SO HELP ME GOD. GIVE ME THAT!"
"Hello Austin?" Trish said.
"Oh hey Trish. I've taken Austin's phone away from him. He clearly doesn't know how to heed my advice. So I'm going to find a way to get it through his thick skull. I'll probably text you or Ally later, but don't worry he won't be calling Ally again tonight. She's been through enough."
"Thanks freckles." Trish hangs up the phone and we reach her house.
...
I could only imagine the mental beat down Dez is about to give to Austin.
A/N: Alright so that was basically what happened and Ally's explanation of it all. There will and I repeat there will be a happy ending, so just sit tight. Auslly needs to work things out first. REALISTICALLY after Trish and Dez dragging them away from each other. There's no way that it's happening in the near future. XOXO