Ben was in a backroom as Rey managed the controls with Finn at her side.
He was already different: scraping the handle of the lightsaber with his fingers, then turning it on to hear its buzzing sound and to see the whole room light up.
"It's amazing!" he exclaimed with childish gleam.
"If you think that's amazing, you're in for a lot of surprises."
As she said that, Rey quickly realised she was different too.
Finn saving Ben from certain assassination changed her and was changing her. He'd proved he was on his way to become an awesome Jedi. Better than she was, that was for sure.
But what about her?
She'd just felt one of the strongest pulls to the Dark side. Putting on a brave face for him was easy, but that was proof her balance wasn't quite what it used to be.
The Resistance just turned her back on her, after all.
Still, after all the whispers, the exclusion, the misunderstandings… it almost felt… natural.
"They left you alone. You and Ben, alone against the world. Like it's always been."
She rejected those thoughts physically and visibly shaking her head.
"Rey."
Finn turned off the lightsaber.
"Rey, tell me."
"I… I… just don't know if I'm fine with this."
"Me being here?"
"No! Of course not. I meant… everything."
How could she talk without talking?
"I just… can't believe it. I never wanted this to happen. Never. Never ever."
Finn put his arm around her neck, sighing silently.
"... they just don't see it like we do. I didn't see it either up until you… went in there."
He was speaking of the pond.
"It was so, so strong. I felt like an intruder. I didn't want to be there anymore, Rey."
She turned to him.
"I thought you judged me…"
"Yes, Rey. I did judge you. I thought about it all night, I couldn't sleep. To me, it was betrayal."
She couldn't believe it.
"I don't think that anymore. You've been connected to him for longer than we can imagine, probably. When you're together against someone else, it feels like… I don't really know how to describe it. It's like a whole planet is tearing itself apart. "
It felt exactly like that.
"I don't really think you can control it. Of course, what I still don't understand is why you wouldn't want to. I don't understand your relationship. But, I don't judge you anymore. Whatever you two have, it's bigger than any of them can fathom. I can't fathom it either and I can sense it."
"Finn… that's exactly right. You get it."
"I get exactly one and one thing only. The Force is not something to be taken lightly."
She hugged him again, feeling strangely elated.
The warmth enveloped them both as they felt a similar thrill. The thrill of new beautiful moments together.
"You're going to be so good."
"Thanks to you."
Rey laughed.
"You'll see what I mean."
When they drew apart, he turned serious.
"Rey, listen. If you want to go to him now just go. I can handle the ship for a while."
"Are you sure?"
"'Course. We have so much time ahead of us. I know you need to be close to him."
Rey hugged him again and kissed his forehead.
"Keep the lightsaber away from the controls."
—
Rey walked to the back of the ship.
Luckily, she couldn't read his mind anymore.
As she opened the door, she found him sitting on the floor and playing with a coin.
She got close to him and caught it before he could.
"Where did you get this?"
"I just found it in the cell. I used to spend my time like this."
She made the coin roll on the floor.
He mustered a melancholic smile, as she put her hands in his.
"I don't think we realise what we're getting into" he stated, a bit bashfully.
She furrowed her brow.
"What do you mean, Ben?"
He kept his head down and bit his lip.
"Sometimes I just can't take it."
She waited, looking intently.
He was stammering.
"... in the past, it was obvious I didn't manage my emotions that well. I couldn't manage them at all, in fact. That's… not completely changed. I've never confided in anyone, really. My parents…"
He gulped. He was thinking of Han.
"Sorry. I don't want to weigh on you with this,"
"You know I struggle with that too, Ben."
"I know. That's… that's what I'm saying. What will we do once we reach that planet? Your friend…"
"He'll be fine, Ben. Don't worry."
His gaze was first astray, then fixed. He was digging deep into his memory.
"When he grabbed Uncle Luke's lightsaber and we fought, I felt it. I felt how much potential he had. Of course, I never thought of training him. Somehow, I couldn't believe a trooper could be strong in the Force. Also, he was a 'traitor'. Such disturbing, perverted thoughts festered in me. It's… indescribable. In the cell I scraped just a speck of it."
Ben started crying.
"If I'd just let them help me..."
Tears copiously streamed down his cheeks.
"If I have to live with this, I need to get over it on my own. I don't deserve anyone's help anymore."
As much as she deeply loved Ben Solo, Rey didn't love Kylo Ren. She'd been attracted to him, despite herself, but she didn't love him. Therefore, she silently agreed with that. She couldn't bear the consequences of his actions. She'd always been there for Ben and Ben only, and he knew that well. He hated Kylo Ren as much as she did.
Still, she didn't want that backroom to become another cell for him to wallow into.
If he needed to live, he couldn't allow himself to dwell in the past.
He grinned through the tears.
"You're beautiful."
She grinned back and lightly kissed him.
She just knew he'd sensed her thoughts.
Her reciprocated sacrifice wasn't in vain. Finn would help her regain everything. It was going to be alright.
"I love you" she whispered to his face.
He kissed her back, as he grinned and kissed her again and again. Shorter kisses, longer kisses, as he clasped her in his arms.
Rey was getting wet.
She wasn't supposed to stay for too long because she had to pilot the ship.
He delightedly kissed her neck and tickled her with his tongue.
She giggled and he held her on his chest.
"So devious" she teased him "Ben, I think I have to go. But I don't want to."
She pinched his nose.
"We should shut the door for a moment."
He agreed and walked to shut it.
Rey didn't wait for him to go back and pinned him to the wall.
He gulped.
"I'm devious?"
She started to kiss him deeply, standing on her tip-toes, meeting his tongue and dancing inside his mouth with hers.
He was still gentle, not going deep in her throat, holding her firmly but not too tight.
"I'm trying…" he hesitated "... not to get too excited. Rey, if we give into it now how are we getting to Ahch-To?"
Hearing him say that name made her shiver.
He felt it and closed his eyes.
"We're still far away, Ben. Don't worry."
He nodded once, then picked her up and passionately pressed his lips onto hers. Rey was surprised. It was the most intense he'd ever been.
She searched for his erection with the tip of her fingers. He was bulging.
"You're fine with this?" he asked, raspily.
"Yes."
She loosened his pants and had them fall on the floor.
"There's not even a bed here, Rey. Do you want us to do it leaning on the wall?"
"Do you?"
"...yes."
Still clasping her in his arms, her legs wrapped his hips, he turned and had her leaning, as he lowered his underwear, dropped hers on the floor and started fingering her.
Rey knew she was dripping wet and started groaning.
He softly hushed her, as he feared Finn could hear her.
"Alright." she agreed "Let's be quick."
Ben kissed her hard, sucking on her lip, touching her palate, clenching her, grabbing her boobs still covered by her blouse. He closed his eyes: he was restraining himself.
"Just do it, Ben."
So he did.
He ripped it in two, with no effort at all.
Rey groaned in his mouth. He kept her still on the wall, one hand sliding on her back, his strength enveloping her, as she grabbed at his neck with equal force and waited for him to come in: she was large enough.
Ben entered, then started mightily thrusting thrusting and thrusting, his moans dying in his throat as they continued kissing desperately, biting each other's lips, bleeding, devouring each other, their anger on the brink of being unleashed; she begged for a release when she reached the climax, shuddering all over, as Ben was about to bust his load into her, his big throbbing penis incapable of finding any more space; Rey clawed at his back and he finally came, as they both used the Force at the same time and shook the ship.
Rey froze.
Sweaty, reddened, she somehow managed to fix the blouse, put everything on, unlock the door and run to Finn.
"It's fine. Everything's fine, Finn. Don't think of it" she spoke in a frenzy.
"Yeah, we've been in an asteroid belt for a while, I just assumed we would hit something. Are you alright? You look awful. Your lips are bleeding."
"Don't worry. I'm alright. Nothing's wrong. Excuse me, I have to go back for a minute."
That felt worse.
She went back to Ben, who was as flabbergasted as she was.
"Why did that happen?"
"I have no idea, but it shouldn't have. Did it ever happen to you when you…"
"No, never. I didn't think it was possible."
"We could have hurt him…"
"We lost our balance. It's the first time since I became Ben Solo again that I felt a pull this strong… he's fine, isn't he?"
"Yes. He didn't even notice. It wasn't as bad as we thought it was."
"We were still restraining each other, Rey. This isn't good. There's nothing good about this. "
-
So.
Here's the angst, the fluff and the smut... with a catch :)
They got lucky. Will they always?
Today I was feeling sick, I really hope the chapter turned out well.
Thank you all for your continued support. I don't take it for granted at all!