Had to backdoor this chapter in because for some reason, it wouldn't upload. Kept telling me my file wasn't right. I have no idea how that could be, since it's the same word doc I always use and I have NO idea about formatting and what not. I even rebooted my computer! So, with much sweat and frustration, here's Chapter 11!

Thanks to everyone who's stuck with me, and with this story. I have noticed that there seems to be more of you reading. Welcome to anyone who's just found this, and I do hope you are enjoying it!

And kuddo's to the person who guessed right about the chapter titles :D

Business first, then on to the chapter~Twilight, it's characters and situations, belongs to the one and only Stephenie Meyer and sadly, not to me.

Enjoy!

~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter 11: Pinhead

Edward struggled to keep his eyes open as Mr. Banner droned on about…something. It was hard to say what he was talking about since all it sounded like to him was a long, endless buzz of noise. Bella sat beside him at their lab table, their chairs closer together than any other lab partners were. Then again, they were the only lab partners in this class dating. His hand was in hers as her fingers caressed his hand gently. Finally unable to take it anymore, he leaned forward, folding his free arm over the unopened notebook in front of him, and laid his head down onto his arm, closing his eyes with a soft sigh of relief.

"Mr. Cullen? Is everything ok?"

His head jerked up with a start.

"Huh?"

"I asked if you were ok." Mr. Banner was staring at him intently, as was most of the class. "Are you ok, Mr. Cullen?

News of the devastating accident had been all over the school before first period on Monday, and it felt like the entire student body was asking him how his brothers and sisters were.

The teachers, however, seemed particularly concerned with how Edward was doing. He had been asked to remain after each of his classes so each instructor could question him about how his siblings were and how he was holding up. How was he holding up? He couldn't say, really, but it was obvious to him that the strongest threads holding him together were the ones that belonged to Bella and Charlie Swan.

Sunday had been one of the worst days he could remember, and he could remember his fair share of terrible days in his short seventeen years. After Charlie insisted on him eating a 'healthy' breakfast, consisting of two fried eggs, hash brown potatoes and some nicely greasy breakfast sausage, he had fallen asleep on the Swan's sofa while Bella ran up to take a shower before she and Charlie drove them to the Cullen's. Chief Swan had decided that since they were both a bit sleep deprived, neither should drive her truck there. Yawning as they were, particularly after such heavy breakfasts (Edward had no idea how Bella managed to pack away a tall stack of flapjacks, but she had. And in what had to be world record time as well), neither was really in any position to argue. So, Bella ran up to her bedroom to shower and change while Edward waited in the living room, dozing on the sofa. He woke up with a brightly colored afghan tossed over him and Chief Swan sitting in his big arm chair, watching SportCenter. Chief Swan had obviously covered him while he slept, and the idea made Edward smile to himself. As much of a hard time as Charlie was prone to giving him, what with calling him "Hot Lips" Cullen or intentionally calling him by the wrong name and wagging his authoritative finger in a frightened Edward's face while warning him about his conduct "with my little girl", Charlie Swan liked him.

Charlie had dropped them both off at the Cullen house shortly after that and headed down to the station, advising Bella to call him when she was ready to go home before he drove off into town. It was Edward's turn to shower and change now while Bella helped Esme pack a fresh change of clothes for Alice to come home from the hospital in. The two women then sat quietly in the massive white Cullen living room, where they listened to an ongoing argument between Carlisle and a still very angry Emmett on the second floor. Once again, Bella couldn't help but wonder what the hell had gone down in Casa Cullen to cause hostility on such a grand scale.

Then Bella rode along with the four silent Cullen's to the hospital in a big, black Cadillac SUV. Jasper and Alice rode home with them in relative silence, which had surprised Bella, as she'd never witnessed Alice being silent for any stretch of time like she had been on the ride home.

But silence wasn't golden once they returned home, with Emmett and Carlisle picking up where they had left off earlier in the afternoon. No one got much sleep at the Cullen house on Sunday night, least of all Emmett and Carlisle.

"I'm fine, sir. I'm sorry. I didn't get much sleep last night and I guess it's catching up with me now." Edward answered the biology teacher honestly.

"It's ok, Edward. I understand. You can keep your head down if you don't feel well, but I draw the line on snoring," Mr. Banner joked in a good natured way, and the rest of the class giggled. Bella squeezed the hand she was holding as Edward, red faced, nodded at the teacher, waiting until all eyes were back facing the front of the room before putting his head back down and closing his eyes.

Edward drove Bella home after school, having picked her up that morning because he was the only Cullen going to school that day.

"Do you have to work today?" She fumbled around inside her messenger bag before pulling out a pack of cigarettes.

"No, they gave me the week off," he sighed. "You gonna smoke one of those?"

In the weeks that they had been dating, both Edward and Bella had slowly begun to smoke less and less, until they basically shared one cigarette at lunch and that was it for the day. Edward's nervous habit wasn't as necessary now as it had once been, and Bella really felt very little desire to smoke anymore. She guessed that it was more that she had less to rebel against here in Forks. Really, she had nothing to rebel against. Her father accepted her, piercings and all, and her boyfriend loved her just the way she was. There was no reason to shock, no one to piss off. And no reason to shock or piss off.

"Nah. I haven't had a cigarette since last Friday, you know."

"Really? Me either. I didn't even stop for my usual evening smoke when I got home from the party." Edward shook his head.

"Damn, I think we kicked the habit!"

"I guess we did," he smiled. "But it was the habit that brought us together, so I'll always be grateful to cigarettes for that," he glanced over at her and gave her a smoldering look.

"You falling asleep? Because if you are you damn well better pull over and let me drive the rest of the way, Edward."

"I'm not falling asleep. I was trying to look at you all sexy like," he shook his head laughing.

"First off, you always look all sexy like. Secondly, with your eyes red, bloodshot and swollen, a sexy like look is just not gonna happen, my pet."

"Yeah, I wasn't thinking," he sighed, and ran his hand through his hair as he pulled up in front of Bella's house.

"You want to come in for a soda and some peace and quiet?"

"I can't," he sighed. "I need to get Alice and Jasper their work, and as soon as I get home, Mom will head to the hospital to stay with Rose for a while. We can't leave Alice and Jasper alone."

"Your poor mom, having two kids out of commission like that," Bella shook her head, thinking of the warm and wonderful Esme, doting on her injured children.

"Yeah. It's pretty sad." Edward chewed on his bottom lip. "Alice is basically helpless right now. Dad actually had to carry her into the bathroom last night just so she could pee. She was just mortified. I spent most of the night in her room with her. She cried and cried until she fell asleep."

"How about Jasper? Is he still all doped up?"

"He's in a lot of pain. Those are some pretty powerful pain pills that they put on. They knock him right out, so at least he slept through all the bullshit last night," he sighed. "I may have to steal one for myself tonight."

"What the hell is Emmett's problem?" Bella shook her head. She wanted to like Emmett, but he had a very bad attitude. She wouldn't dare tell Edward that, before she knew his name, she called him "Dimples Cullen" in her head.

"It's all part of the whole situation," Edward stared out the front window of the Volvo. "It's…it's complicated."

"You know, it might make you feel better if you talked about it, Edward." She reached out and put her hand over his.

"I don't think I have enough time," he snorted, shaking his head.. "We'd need hours and hours…and…well…" his voice trailed off as he looked down at his hands in his lap. "And I don't think you'd like me as much after," his voice was barely a whisper.

"Edward, you know I love you, right?" Her voice was soft.

"Of course I do. And I love you," he smiled, but his green eyes were dark and heavy with…something. Was it fear? Self loathing? She couldn't be sure.

"I just want you to know that, well, you can tell me anything. I'll never judge you or your family. Ever," She reached out and touched his thigh reassuringly.

He swallowed hard. If only she knew, he thought. If only she knew what she had gotten herself into the minute she asked me for a light.

He sighed. "It's a whole power struggle. It's Rose and Emmett, and, to some extent, Jasper. It's just…there's just a whole lot of back story, Bella. It's not that I don't want to tell you. It's just that, I dunno. There are a lot of embarrassing situations in my family. Like I said, you probably won't like me much after." He ran a long, elegant hand through his mussed bronze mane.

"You mean, like your brothers and sisters dating each other?" She threw her head back, letting out her deep, throaty laugh.

"Something like that," he mumbled, staring down at is lap again.

"Sweetie, look at me," she reached across the console hooked her finger around his angular jaw, tilting his head up and turning it to face her. "It's me, Edward. It's Bella. There's nothing that you can't tell me, baby, that I won't understand," she cooed.

He felt the lump forming in his throat. He wanted to tell her. He wanted to tell her everything. But he knew he couldn't. At least not yet. Not now. But she was being so earnest, how could he deny her everything? How could he deny her anything? Maybe he could feed her a few tidbits. Maybe he could leave out a few of the more unsavory details. He could, couldn't he? He could at least try.

"It's a long story," he drew in a deep breath as Bella reclined the back of her seat so that she was nearly lying down. She turned to face him, curling her legs up.

"I'm all ears, Edward," she whispered, her deep chocolate eyes tender.

He took another deep breath and began, his voice low and even. "See, I was the first child Carlisle and Esme adopted. I've been with them the longest, since I was seven. So, that's ten years."

"Right. Then Alice came?" She nodded.

"Yep. Alice two years after me. We were both nine. Then Rose right before we moved to Seattle after my grandfather passed."

"So that would make you and Alice…what? Eleven when Rose came into the family?" She tried to calculate quickly in her head.

"Twelve, actually. Rose was thirteen. A very hardened, very street smart thirteen." He shifted in his seat, reclining the back of his seat as well, and turned his body to face her so that he was almost mirroring her position. "She spent a lot of years in the foster care system, Bella. A lot of years. She came to us very damaged."

"And she's still damaged?" Bella watched his vivid green eyes as he told his story.

"I think she was far too damaged to ever be fixed. She's…what's the word?" He furrowed his brow, thinking. "Manipulative?"

"Knew how to get her way?"

"Yeah. She knows how to set things in motion. See, when she first came, Carlisle and Esme lavished all of their attentions on her. She was new, she was damaged. She needed to adjust. She needed to heal. You see how Esme is. She would mother an egg if she felt the egg needed love," he smirked at the idea. "Rose, well, she was jealous of everything. Remember how I told you my grandfather gave us amazing gifts?"

Bella nodded. "Like your piano?"

"Yep, that huge piano you saw in the living room on Sunday. That's the one."

"It's beautiful, Edward," she smiled. She knew how much that piano meant to him, and she selfishly wished she could hear him play. Watch him play. She knew he was passionate and beautiful when he played, she could just feel it.

"Well, from the time Alice joined our family, if I got an elaborate gift from him, then Grandfather gifted Alice with the same. So, she had all of these dolls, real jewelry and, my God, she was nine and she had designer purses" he shook his head and laughed.

"Right up Alice's alley, eh?" Bella giggled.

"I think my grandfather is responsible for Alice being the fashionista she is today," he smiled his crooked smile, eyes lighting up at the thought of his beloved Alice. "Anyway, Rose hated that Alice and I were so close when she first came, and basically decided to play us against one another until we weren't speaking."

"How'd she do that?"

"She did some really nasty shit, Bella," he whispered. "She stole a diamond heart necklace that Grandfather had given Alice for her birthday and blamed me. Mom found it in the pocket of a pair of Rose's jeans when she was doing the laundry and made her apologize, of course, but she didn't mean it. She slashed one of the fancy purse's Alice had and put the razor she used in my bedroom. She cut a couple of strings on my piano and made it look like Alice had done it," he sighed heavily. "It was horrible, Bella."

"I bet it was, sweetie," Bella reached across the console and took his hand in hers, intertwining their fingers.

Encouraged, he continued. "This was all going on just before and when we had just moved to Seattle. Things were in upheaval. We were leaving familiar surroundings and going somewhere we had no clue about. About all Alice and I had was each other. And Rose, of course." He shook his head at the memory. "It was so horrible, Bella. Alice and I not speaking to each other, ignoring each other. Whenever Rose would speak to me, she'd tell me horrible things she said Alice had said about me. She would do the same with Alice, telling her I said terrible things about her. And it was all lies. Lies Rose had made up to drive us apart. Mom overheard one day, though. She put two and two together and figured out what was going on. She just went off on Rose. Really let her have it. Rose was grounded for a month when Mom and Dad finally figured it all out. That's when Rose set her sights on bringing Mom down." He let out a long, slow breath.

"Are you kidding?" Bella looked at him, eyes wide. "What kind of a pinhead is she? She plotted revenge on the woman who took her out of the foster care system? What the fuck? Is she the bad seed or something?"

Edward nodded. "Oh, she's a bad seed alright. Devil incarnate, maybe even." He looked down at his fingers twined with Bella's, rubbing his thumb along her fingers gingerly. "She decided that Mom played favorites, and she wasn't the favorite. I'll be absolutely frank here. I am my mother's favorite, Bella. Of course, I'd never say it out loud to anyone but you. And I'm only the favorite because, well, she raised me, really. I'm with her the longest. I was the youngest when she got me. She saved me. And I think that, in some way, I saved her." He paused, his brow furrowed as he thought. "Everything I am today? Everything that's good about me? That's because of Esme Cullen." He blinked back tears as he swallowed down the lump that had formed in his throat while he spoke of his mother.

"I have always been able to see how much you love your mom, Edward." She smiled, leaning her head back against the headrest as she gazed at him. His green eyes glowing at the thought of his mother. "And that night in the diner? I could see how much she loved you, just in the way she looked at you."

He smiled. "Do you know what she said to me Saturday night? After we found out about the accident?"

"What'd she say, baby," she cooed to him.

"She said that when Dad told her about the accident, all she could think was how happy she was that I wasn't with them." He swallowed hard and Bella squeezed his hand tightly as a tear ran slowly down Edward's cheek. "She said it made her a horrible person. But, she's not, Bella. She's a wonderful and caring person. The most loving and caring person I'll ever meet in my life. I'm lucky to know her. Luckier to be her son," he wiped the tear off his cheek. "And you know, she was just terrified that she'd lost one of her children. She was certain that she'd lost Alice. My mother couldn't live with herself if she'd lost one of them. Any of them, Rose included." He shook his head. "Rose would never believe that, though. Rose has no idea, Bella, that my mother sat in her room all night on Saturday and all night on Sunday, praying a Rosary. Emmett, he knows. But he won't tell her. He won't do anything to try to stop the bullshit."

"Why's that?" Her voice was soft and understanding. She reached across with her free hand and brushed more tears off his cheek gently with her fingertips.

"Because he's not very bright, Bella. He's rather dumb. Like a big, stupid ox. She's got him brainwashed into thinking that the only way they can get what they want, get what they feel they deserve from Carlisle and Esme, is by intimidation. He can't think for himself. He's the perfect partner for someone like Rose," he slapped at his cheek as more angry tears escaped and slid down it. "Do you know that, because of them, my father and I barely spoke for nearly two years?"

"You and Dr. Cullen didn't speak?" She looked surprised.

"Nope. Why do you think I was so afraid to talk to my parents that night at the diner? We avoided one another like the plague."

"But…why?"

"Because one night, when we first moved to Forks, we were all at this house party. It was at the Crowley's house. It was thrown by Tyler's older brother—the one in the Navy now. I forget his name, but he was really a wild kid." Edward smiled slightly at the memory. "Now, it was the end of my Freshman year, I was fifteen and I was having a really hard time transitioning here." Something in this statement struck him funny, and he laughed a bit to himself. "Anyway we all went to this party. All five of us. I had sort of started hanging out with a group of older guys at lunch in the parking lot at school, smoking and goofing off. So, they were at the party and they had booze and pot. I was with them at the party, and yeah, I drank a bit. But I didn't smoke anything." He paused, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself as he began to feel agitated at the memory. "The next morning my father basically broke down my bedroom door. I had fallen asleep on top of my bed, fully clothed. The little bit of booze I'd had made me so sleepy I just passed out. I really had never drank before. Of course, because I was with people drinking and smoking, I stunk like last call at the local dive bar. I stunk of weed. It was disgusting, really." He wrinkled his nose as Bella hung on his every word.

"So Carlisle just slammed through the locked door and into my room."

"He doesn't look like he'd be strong enough to break down a door. He seems like such an elegant and graceful man," Bella mused.

"Oh, you don't want to tussle with him when he's mad. You heard him arguing with Emmett. He's very strong, believe me. He broke down that door, and literally dragged me off the bed and into the bathroom. He threw me into the tub. Just picked me up by my shirt and jeans and tossed me into the tub, clothes and all, face down, and turned the cold water on me, screaming at me the whole time to sober up." He paused, licking his lips, emerald eyes far, far away. "I wasn't drunk. Who gets drunk from half a bottle of beer? And I wasn't stoned, but I sure as shit smelled like I was. I had no idea what the hell he was screaming at me for, because I didn't do anything. What I've come to find out recently is that the morning after the party, Rose had gone to Mom and Dad, and told them she was so worried about me, because I was hanging with this bad crowd, and drinking and smoking weed. Told them I was going out at lunch and getting drunk and high, and that after watching my behavior at the party, how drunk and stoned I was, she just had to tell them before I really hurt myself."

"Wh…why would she do something like that?" Bella squinted her eyes at him.

"Because she wanted to be the favorite, Bella. Take down the favorite and you become the favorite, right? Because it's a sick game for her. Because maybe she's a little demented." He turned onto his back and leaned his head back, closing his eyes as he pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger. He took a deep breath. "Because it's the only way she knows." He paused for a few minutes and just when Bella realized that he was done, that he wasn't going to talk anymore, he turned his head and looked at her. "I owe you big time, you know," his voice was soft, so low she could hardly hear him.

"Why's that?" she whispered back.

"Because of you, I talk to my dad again," his whispered voice was filled with emotion. "Because of you, I know about Rose going to him that day. And…she has no idea I know." An evil grin twisted his mouth up at the corners.

"You're welcome," she breathed as she leaned over and kissed his crooked smile.

"I love you, Bella Swan," he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her onto him. She didn't fight it, sliding her legs over the console and straddling him in the drivers seat.

"I love you too, Edward," she breathed, twisting her fingers into his unruly copper locks as he slid his tongue across her lower lip, flicking it at her lip ring. The sensation this created drove her crazy, causing her entire being to quiver as her breath caught in her throat. She ground her hips into his, feeling his growing need. He groaned softly in response. "Charlie won't be home for a few hours," she breathed into his mouth. "Why don't you come in?"

Her words broke the magical spell that they had been enchanted by, and Edward pulled his lips away from hers.

"I can't," he whispered in a low controlled voice, turning his head away, eyes cast downward. "Mom is waiting for me. I've stayed too long as it is."

She sat on his lap, looking down at him dejectedly. "I…I understand." She sat up and jumped as a car horn sounded loudly. "Is that Charlie?!"

"No, Bella. It was just your ass hitting the horn," he sighed, keeping his head turned toward the door window so he didn't have to look at her disappointed face.

"I'm sorry I kept you so long, Edward," she apologized as she climbed off him and slid back into the passengers seat, picking up her messenger bag and sifting through the contents for her keys.

"No, it's my own fault, Bella. I…I just needed to tell you this stuff. I need to tell you more." He still didn't look at her, his voice almost a whisper.

"There's plenty of time for you to tell me your…your…stuff," her voice tried to be understanding, but there was an underlying sadness in her tone as she tried to mask her disappointment. Why didn't he want her? Why didn't he want to make love to her? Most guys thought she was easy just by the way she looked. Then again, most guys weren't Edward.

She opened the passenger's side door and swung her legs out, hoisting herself up and out of the car, feeling guilty, disappointed and oddly undesirable.

"Night, Bella." Still he didn't look at her.

"Night, Edward. Tell Alice and Jasper I said hey, ok?" She leaned over and peered into the car. Edward was sitting up now, staring straight out the windshield at the road in front of him. He nodded as he started the car, glancing over at her quickly. "Drive safe, ok?" He nodded again, shifting the car into drive as she slammed the door shut and scampered up the front path like a scared rabbit. She didn't turn back toward the car again, for fear he would see her tears.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Oh, Edward, you're finally home. Did you get stuck at school, sweetie?" Edward stood in the entrance hall of the big Cullen house, backpack at his feet. Esme reached up and wrapped her delicate hand around the back of Edward's head, pulling him down to kiss his forehead lovingly. "You feeling ok?"

"I'm fine, Mom," he stood with his hands shoved in his jacket pockets, looking down at his feet.

"Now, Edward," Esme sighed. "Do you think I could have raised you all these years and not know when something's bothering you?" She crooked her index finger under his chin and lifted it until he was looking at her. "Did you and Bella have a fight?"

"No, not really." He paused, biting his lower lip. "I…I told her some stuff, Mom." His voice was low, almost shameful.

Esme studied her son's face. "Did it upset her?" His mother's voice was soft and soothing.

"I told her the stuff Rose used to do to Alice and me. When she first came to the family," he ran his hand through his already messy hair. "There's…I have so much…" his voice trailed off and he sighed. "I don't know how to tell her everything and not lose her, Mom."

Esme smiled at him. It was a big, bright smile filled with confidence~the confidence her son so desperately lacked. "Well, I think that you are doing it exactly right, Edward," her voice was low. "Tell her everything. Tell her slowly. Allow her to absorb everything." She put her hand on his shoulder. "Bella is an extraordinary girl, Edward. And she so obviously loves you. I think she's going to be very understanding, sweetie. What's done is done. That was another life, baby."

He smirked. "You have to think that way. You're my mother. But Bella," he sighed, running both hands through his hair together. "Bella, she might not see me in the same light that you do, Mom. She might not be as understanding or forgiving as you are. And I don't want to lose her, Mom. I…I love her."

"The only way you won't lose her, Edward, is to be honest with her," her voice was soft and understanding as she caressed his stubbly cheek.

"She…she's kind of been hinting…" He felt his face reddening and he looked at the floor again. He really shouldn't be discussing this with his mother.

"Hinting? Edward?" Esme quirked a perfect eyebrow at him. He looked at his mother. She was so beautiful. So gentle. So loving. She deserved a much better son than he was. She deserved better than any of them, really. All they did was fight and drive the family apart. And all Esme had ever wanted was a beautiful, loving family. A reflection of her soul, really. And none of them could hold a candle to this amazing woman standing before him.

He took a deep breath and thought for a moment before finally speaking. "She's…well, she's….she's kind of…maybe she's…experienced," he stammered uncomfortably. "I…I think, a little, maybe, with…you know…she's sort of…umm…" he looked at her with pleading eyes and sighed. "Mom…what do I do," he whispered.

"You follow your heart, darling," she smiled, still petting his cheek. "Follow your heart and you'll know what's right, Edward." He closed his eyes, sighing. "You'll know if it's real, baby. You'll know."

"How did you know that Dad was the one, Mom?"

"I don't know that I ever really knew, Edward," she smiled. "It was like, we just fell in step. Everything aligned and felt right. And that was it." She patted his cheek. "Don't try to rush it, Edward. You understand the consequences of rushing things. I don't want you to have to go through that again," her voice was soft. "Not now that you've finally found someone who's brought you back to life, back to us."

"I won't Mom," he smiled his crooked smile and melted into Esme's arms. "I love you, Mom."

"Oh, my sweet Edward, I can't tell you how much I love you too or how much I love hearing you say that again!" Her arms wrapped tightly across his broad back as he buried his face in her long hair.

"MOM! Where are you?" Emmett's bellow reverberated down the hallway.

"I'm in the front hall, Emmett," she pulled away from Edward as she yelled back. "Hurry up if you want to go see Rose with me!" Esme shook her head. "That boy has no manners," she sighed to Edward who smirked. "Ok, Jasper took a pill about," she glanced at her watch, "half hour ago, so he'll be out for another two hours or so before you should go check on him. I just helped Alice into her bed before I came down here, so she's probably napping now, but it wouldn't hurt for you to go look in at her when you run upstairs, in case she needs anything." Emmett came bounding down the staircase, sliding his arms into a black hoodie as he did. "There's some Hot Pockets in the freezer if you get hungry before I'm back. I'm picking up some pizza for Jasper and Alice. Anything special you want on yours?" She picked up her purse from the chair it was laying on and grabbed her keys.

"Whatever you bring home is fine with me, Mom." He picked up his backpack and turned toward the stairs. "Tell Rose I said hi."

"Yeah, because she really cares" Emmett scoffed at him. Edward ignored his much bigger brother and walked quietly up the stairs.

"Ok, Emmett, let's go." Esme opened up the door and roughly shoved the boy out of the warm house and into the chilly November air.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Edward knocked gently on the door, before turning the knob quietly and peering in. Alice shifted on her bed restlessly and turned her head, facing the door as she opened her eyes.

"Edward?" She sat up on her elbows as her brother entered her bedroom. "Oh, I'm so happy you're finally home!" He crossed the floor and sat down on the edge of her bed. While Edward's bedroom was sleek~all clean lines and neutral tones~Alice's bedroom was truly a reflection of Alice. It was a girl's bedroom. White furniture with scrolls and embellishments, pink gauzy fabrics with lace. Crystal chandelier and wall sconces. Even a feather or two. Alice was a girly girl through and through.

"Hey, spider monkey," Edward smiled, teasing his sister.

"Oooo you know I hate it when you call me that!" Her tiny hands balled into fists at her side as she giggled.

"I know," he whispered as he leaned in, tenderly kissing her on her forehead. "How are you feeling?"

"I'll feel better once they get this ghastly boot thing off my foot! Look at it, Edward!" She pointed down at the giant black boot. "It's hideous!"

"Let's see…if I remember correctly, you were pretty darn excited about that boot on Saturday night," he smirked at her. "Said you could kick my ass with it."

"I was drugged out of my mind on Saturday night, Edward," she rolled her eyes. "And don't tempt me, because I can and will kick your ass with this!" She shifted over on the bed, and patted the spot next to her. "Lie down with me. I need to rest but I can't seem to relax and fall asleep."

Edward slid up next to her, laying down on his side, facing her. Alice brought her tiny hand up and traced her index finger around the bruise like purple circles under his eyes. "You look like you could use some sleep too," she sighed. "Remember when I first came? My first night?"

He smiled at the memory. "You crawled into my bed. You were crying because you were scared. Your bedroom was too big and you were too alone, you said."

"And you gave me Sebastian," she pulled a very well loved teddy bear from her side and wiggled it in Edward's face.

"Oh my God…you…you still have him?" Edward was astonished.

"This was the very first thing anyone ever gave me to keep, Edward. Of course I still have him. And you gave him to be because I was frightened. Remember what you said?" She hugged the bear to her chest.

"I told you that you could stay the night, but that Sebastian was the best guard bear there was," he chuckled. "That he'd keep you safe."

"And I've slept with him every night since that night," she smiled at her brother adoringly.

"And has he kept you safe?"

"Every night," sighing, she settled into a comfortable position on the bed, Sebastian wrapped tightly in her arms.

"You never told me that," Edward whispered.

"You never asked," she whispered back. "Did you ever miss him?"

"Sebastian?" She nodded. "I did," he sighed, "but I figured you were you were so small and so scared that he belonged with you instead of me. I was bigger than you and not nearly as scared," he smiled at her.

Alice's eyes were slowly closing. "You were so wonderful to me, Edward, even back then. You've always been wonderful to me."

"Because you're my sister and I love you." He pulled a small fleece blanket up over her. "Now get some sleep so I can do my homework," he smiled, but Alice was already asleep.

Edward slipped silently out of Alice's room and across the hall to Jasper's room, where he peeked in on his sleeping sibling, just to make sure all was well. Satisfied that no one had died on his watch, he quietly went up to the third floor, to his room, to start his homework.

He sat down at his desk and pulled his books out of his backpack. He paused to rub his eyes, wishing like hell that he could lie down and take a nap himself. But he knew he had to be awake in case Alice or Jasper needed him for something. Opening his biology text book, he started to read the assigned chapter.

Edward's eyes flew open at the sound of the front doorbell ringing and Alice yelling for him.

Shit, he thought, I fell asleep reading my bio text book!

He jumped up so quickly that his chair fell over backward with a loud thud. He ran to his door, glancing at the clock as he did. He'd been asleep for at least an hour. Edward flew down the stairs and into Alice's room.

"What? What is it?" He looked around, panicked and disoriented.

"Someone's at the front door, genius," she smirked.

"NOT funny, Alice!" He ran a hand through his disheveled hair. "Was that really it?"

The doorbell rang again. "Yes, you idiot. Now go answer it!" She shook her head and giggled.

He nodded silently and ran down the stairs.

"I'm coming! I'm coming! Keep your shirt on, for Christ's sake!" He yanked the door open with force, angrily glaring at the intruder.

"Bella…what…uh…come in?"

Bella Swan stood on the threshold of the Cullen home, tin lasagna pan in hand.

"Thanks…I think?" She stepped into the entrance hall and looked at Edward. She felt a little bit uncomfortable and had trouble making eye contact with him. Maybe I should have called first, she thought.

"Um…hi," he smiled crookedly at her.

"Hi. Here." Her tone was slightly cool as she passed the lasagna pan to him. "Be careful. The tin pan isn't that sturdy. I don't want you to spill it over your mom's white carpet."

The air between them was thick, the situation awkward.

"What's this? Come on in. Take your jacket off and have a seat." He walked past her and led them into the kitchen. Bella took her jacket off and tossed it onto a stool at the breakfast bar.

"It's just a pan of lasagna. I was making it for Charlie and I, and I figured it was just as easy to make a second pan for you guys." She slid onto the stool next to the one her jacket laid on.

"That's really sweet of you, Bella. Thank you." He stood by the kitchen counter, smiling awkwardly at her. "Um, should I refrigerate it?"

"Yeah, I didn't bake it. It's easier to transport that way. So, just put it in the fridge until you're ready for dinner and then pop it in the oven at 350 for about twenty or thirty minutes. So the cheese can melt and it can heat through." She was still having difficulty looking at him. She didn't know why. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that he was her boyfriend and apparently didn't desire her in the same way other boys desired their girlfriends.

"You really didn't have to do this," he slid the pan onto an empty shelf in the refrigerator and closed the door, sliding his hands into the front pockets of his jeans as he looked down at his feet. "Thanks, Bella," he added in a soft voice.

"Oh, it's nothing. I figured with your mom being at the hospital and with Alice and Jasper needing help and stuff, how can anyone have time to cook in this house," she rambled nervously. "Um, so, I know you're probably really busy too, so I'll be going I guess." She slid off the stool.

"Can you stay for dinner?"

"Uh…I'm sure you don't really need me around here with all that's going on, Edward," she waved him off as she picked up her jacket.

"There's no one else I'd rather have be around here, Bella." He took a step toward her and she froze.

"I…I don't know, Edward." It was her turn to look down at her feet.

"Please? Bella…I don't like the way we left things this afternoon," he sighed, running his hand through his hair. If he kept this up, he'd be bald by Senior prom.

"I don't either," she breathed, still not looking at him. "Edward, I'm so sorry if I seem, well, forward. It's just that, well, I…I'm just used to a more, sort of a more, kind of physical, more intimate relationship, I guess. I didn't realize you were…um…are you…a…a virgin?"

Edward let out a low snort, causing her to look up at him. "I'm not a virgin, Bella," he shook his head, his voice very low. "There are just some things…some important things I need to sort out right now. I've been avoiding coming to terms with some junk, and now, with you, there's no more avoiding it. I didn't think I'd have to address it, but now I do. And until I do, I can't move forward with our relationship. So, it's pretty important to me, for us, that I sort it out. It kind of makes what you want a little difficult for me right now." He shook his head again, looking down at his feet once more. "And it's not that I don't want it too, because, believe me, I want it. I want you. But, I can't. Not right now."

She looked up at him with big, brown eyes. "Edward…are you saying…are you…" she swallowed hard. "Edward, do you think you might be gay?"

"What?!"

"Not that there's anything wrong with that," she was quick to amend. "I mean, I love you, you know? I love YOU, the person, not you, your body. Well, I do love your body, because, whether you realize it or not, you have an amazing body to touch. I mean, I'd like to say I love it, but…oh gosh, since I've never seen it or experienced it, I guess it would be nearly impossible for me to love your dick, wouldn't' it? Uhhh…oh God…did I just say that?" Her face flushed red as she realized what she'd just said in her nervous ramble. "I just made things worse, didn't I?" She looked up at him, his green eyes glowing darkly as he assessed her.

"Bella," his voice was low and steady. "I can assure you, I am not gay."

"Your not?" she sighed with relief. "Well, I can't say I ever really thought you were or even could be. It's just that the way you said there were some things you needed to sort out before we could, well, you know, I just figured maybe I had triggered something in you and you were having doubts that made you think maybe you were gay. Oh God, Edward, I'd just die if you dumped me for Mike freakin' Newton!" His arms were around her, pulling her to him as he chuckled softly.

"You're rambling again," he breathed into her hair, laughing softly. "You'll never, ever have to worry about me dumping you for that fucking tool, Bella," he smiled as she wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face into his chest. "Although I might dump you for Ben. He's got some awesome eyebrows there."

Bella leaned back and slapped him on the shoulder. "I'm totally embarrassed and you're making fun of me. You suck," she giggled as he leaned down and kissed her. It was a quick, chaste kiss, but it told her everything she needed to know. She reached up and brushed the few strands of bronze hair that had fallen into his eyes. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head. "I can't…at least not right now. It's something I just have to sort through for myself first, baby. It's not anything you can help me with. Believe me, I wish it was."

"I'm sorry you're hurting, and I'm sorry for trying to push you, Edward," she leaned her cheek against his strong chest as she hooked her thumbs into the waistband of his jeans.

"It's ok, baby. You had no way of knowing. I'm not exactly the best at communicating what I'm feeling," he rubbed her back gently. "I'm sorry if I made you think that I didn't want you, because, oh God, Bella, I do want you." He smiled as he leaned his cheek against the top of her head. "Just don't tell Chief Swan," he smirked. "I think he's starting to like me." They stood in the kitchen silently, holding on to one another.

"EDWAAAAAARRRRRD!!" Alice's scream pierced the silence that had enveloped them.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Hope you enjoyed it! Edward seems to have some sort of secret...I wonder what it could be?

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Thanks again for reading!