Six days have passed since Kurt's funeral; there hadn't been a graveside service, since Kurt wanted his body cremated after his viewing. His Will stated that he felt like he spent too much of his life boxed in and trapped and that he wanted to forever be free as dust in the wind. Blaine has barely spoken to anyone outside of Sam, not even Rachel or his parents can get him to talk. Only Sam can get him to eat or do his homework, it is as if his entire world has faded into nothing and he awaits the impending darkness, praying it will devour him and end his miserable existence.
"Come on Blaine, you have to eat something." Sam says sternly pressing a spoonful of mashed potatoes to his friend's lips. He feels embarrassed having to do Blaine this way, especially in the middle of the school cafeteria, but it's the only way.
Blaine gives in and takes a bite. He then takes the spoon from Sam and feeds himself, taking slow bites. There are dark circles under Blaine's eyes caused by his lack of sleep. Every night he's spent since Kurt's death, save for the first night when Sam was there to hold him, he's woken up screaming from the nightmares that cause him to relive Kurt's death. He watches as Kurt steps back, speaks, and collapses. His dream are slightly different in that instead of going with Sam and Rachel, he rides in the ambulance. He watches as the EMTs shock in over and over, but they get no response from him. Blaine pounds hard on Kurt's chest, begging, screaming for him to wake up.
Sam hasn't gotten much sleep either. Whenever Blaine wakes up from a nightmare he's the first person that Blaine calls. So being the guy that he is he drives over to see his friend and holds him until he falls asleep again.
Once Blaine is finished with lunch Sam walks him to class and gets a copy of the day's homework so he can help Blaine get it done after school. He leaves Blaine alone and goes to his computer class where Finn is saving him a seat. Finn is the other person in Sam's life that needs him. When he's not taking care of Blaine he's trying to be the best friend he can be for Finn. He and Rachel trade off, but neither Blaine nor Finn respond the way they do with her the way they do with Sam.
"Hey Sam, I saved you a seat." Finn says pulling out a chair. Sam smiles and takes his seat. He sees Rachel walking in behind him. They smile at each other with Finn in between them.
"How are you feeling today, Finn?" Sam asks as he logs onto the desktop.
Finn tries to smile but he can't. "I made the mistake of going to Kurt's locker this morning. It was like I normally used to do on a Friday. I was going to ask him what his plans were and when I got there it all hit me all over again."
Rachel takes Finn's hand and holds it. He smiles at her, thankful to have her in his life. He then turns to Sam, who places a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry Finn. I know it hurts…it'll always hurt, but it won't always hurt as bad." He pulls his hand away. "When I was little my grandpa and I had this spot out by the tank (pond), and we'd fish and he'd tell me stories. It was about a ten minute walk from my house to the tank and he'd always be there waiting for me. But," Sam pauses briefly. "But, when he died, I would randomly find myself walking to that spot and he wouldn't be there. So I get what you're going through, so if you wanna talk more after we get home. I'll listen."
Finn smiles halfheartedly, fighting back his tears, "Thanks, Sam." In that moment Finn felt like even though he had lost his brother, he was gaining Sam as a second. He realized this was why he'd be so upset when Sam stayed with Blaine instead of coming back to their house with him. Sam had gone from being his friend to his brother in just a short time.
…
During Glee rehearsal Mercedes is belting out the last jaw dropping note in a song she was dedicating to Kurt's memory. When she finished everyone cheered except for Blaine.
Sam shakes him and he gives him a snide look. "Blaine what's wrong? Why are you angry?" He just receives another glare. "Blaine, talk to me." Sam says desperately.
Blaine's blood is boiling and his face is turning red with rage. "You want to know what I'm angry about?!" He practically yells at Sam. Sam just nods, knowing Blaine's been holding in the anger for a while now. "Kurt, a perfectly healthy, wonderful person and the love of my life is DEAD! While that lazy ass, tub of lard is walking around, munching on tots like they're popcorn!"
"BLAINE that's enough!" Mr. Schuster interjects.
Blaine is fuming and he pushes people to the side so he can leave. Artie is trying to roll out of his way, but he isn't fast enough and Blaine rolls him so hard that he lands in the drum kit, cutting his forehead.
Sam runs after Blaine while Mr. Schue takes care of Artie. Sam finds Blaine sitting out under a tree, with his knees drawn up towards him. His face is buried in his lap as he balls his eyes out. Sam quietly takes a seat next to him and just sits there until Blaine stops crying is ready to talk.
…
After school Finn and Sam decide to vent their frustrations and anger, by killing some Nazi Zombies on Call of Duty. They were on a major killing spree and for a while they wait for Carole to finish making dinner. The aroma of chicken baking in the oven fills the air and mixes the fragrance of stir-fried vegetables. There's a knock at the door and Burt volunteers to see who it is. Burt and the unexpected guest walk into the living room.
Burt clears his throat and Finn pauses the game. "Sam, Blaine's here to see you."
Sam looks at Finn for permission. Finn nods his head towards Blaine and Sam smiles. "Hey man, what's up?" Sam asks standing up.
Blaine can't seem to look anyone in the eye so he stares at his feet. "I uh, needed to talk." He says quietly.
Sam puts an arm around him Blaine's shoulders and leads him up to his room. As they pass Kurt's bedroom door Blaine freezes for a moment and he looks into the room. Nothing has changed. Nothing has been moved. It's as if Kurt was just out with friends and will be back shortly. He turns and looks at Sam, his eyes beginning to well up. Sam nods his head for them to walk to Sam's room.
They take a seat on the bed and Blaine starts to cry his eyes out. But just as quickly as he starts he forces himself to stop. "Blaine are you ok?"
Blaine nods. "I don't want to be sad anymore, Sam. Kurt wouldn't want me to be like this. I don't want to be like this. I want to be able to smile when I remember Kurt, instead of crying until my tear ducts are dried up and burning. I need to feel better."
"How can I help?" Sam asks happy that Blaine wants to try and move forward.
Blaine shakes his head. "I was wondering if I could stay for dinner. I haven't really talked to anyone but you since Kurt died. And, in order to eat lately you've had to force me to eat a couple of bites before I get mad and take the fork from you and feed myself. So I want to try and talk during dinner with you and Kurt's family and force myself to eat something."
Sam worries this could go either way. Blaine could either freak out, force Sam to feed him once again and be a total mute during the meal, or he could eat and have a nice conversation with the family. "Blaine, are you sure this is the right place? Maybe me you and Finn can go to Breadstix or I-HOP or someplace where there won't be as much pressure on you."
Blaine puts his hand on Sam's and stares at him with all that he has left in him. "This is the hardest place for me to be right now, and if I can't start here, then I'll never be able to start moving on."
"OK then, let's go ask Burt and Carole if it's alright with them." Sam says hopping off his bed.
….
Dinner was an overall success. Blaine managed to talk to Finn, some, but he mostly talked to Carole and Burt. Finn seemed kind of distance, Sam had noticed and he knew that Finn was jealous. Blaine also didn't have to have Sam force him to take a bite of his food. So Sam and Blaine were both pleased with the evening's challenge results.
"Hey, Sam." Blaine says as he's walking out to his car.
"Yeah, dude, what's up?" Sam says feeling proud of his friend's accomplishment.
Blaine reaches into his pocket and pulls out an envelope. "I uh, I won two tickets to see SafetySuit at the Lima Pavilion and Kurt didn't want to go and I was gonna give the tickets away anyways so…" He starts to hand them to Sam.
"Blaine I can't accept those. They're yours, you should go." Sam says pushing them back to Blaine.
"Well how about we go together?" Blaine says happily, before realizing it sounding like he was asking Sam on date.
Sam gives him a look knowing what he meant. "Sounds good dude, I love that band and their version of Hallelujah is one of my favorites. What day is it?"
Blaine takes out one of the tickets and reads the date. "Next Friday at seven and it ends around eleven."
"Awesome, so we can come back here, have some dinner with Burt and Carole and then we'll go to the concert, sound good?" Sam asks feeling optimistic about Blaine getting out and doing something.
"Yeah it sounds perfect. I'll talk to you later. Thanks for tonight by the way. I feel a lot better I think." Blaine smiles and climbs into his car and heads home.
When Sam walks inside he finds Finn sitting in the living room alone. "Hey man, you wanna finish our game?" Sam asks flopping down next to his friend.
Finn looks at him and smiles deviously. "Nah, I think I'd rather we go up to your room and make out and talk about our feelings, and then you can go back to ignoring the family that took you in." Finn's tone is bitter and full of hate as he spews his venomous words at Sam.
"What are talking about?" Sam asks feeling confused.
Finn's face is turning bright red now. "I'm talking about you and Blaine, and how you are supposed to be my friend! And how you are the closest thing I have to a brother anymore." Finn starts to storm off, but Sam grabs him by the arm.
"Finn, I never meant to hurt you, by being friends with Blaine. You're my friend and at this point, yeah we are brothers. But, you can't get mad when I'm trying to help hold everyone together." Sam says fighting the urge to cry. He hasn't allowed himself to fall apart over Kurt's death yet, and he can feel it coming on. He holds back everything and waits for Finn's reaction.
"It's not your job." Finn says quietly.
Sam looks at him funny. "I'm sorry, what?"
"It's not your job to hold everyone together. It's mine." Finn feels ashamed for yelling at Sam and making inappropriate insinuations about what he and Blaine do together. "I am so sorry I put that on you, Sam. I … I never meant to."
…
Sam and Finn had ended their night with a final round of Nazi Zombies before going to bed. As Sam lays in his bed he dreams of something he never thought he'd ever dream of before.
He's sitting under a tree in the city park. The sun is shining, kids are running around playing tag and laughing, while birds in the trees whistle a tune. It was an absolute perfect day.
"Been waiting here long?" He hears a familiar voice say from behind him. He turns and sees Blaine holding a picnic basket and a blanket.
"Nope just got here a few minutes ago." Sam says smiling as he stands up and helps Blaine set up their lunch.
They talk and laugh over lunch and Sam can't help but think of how amazing Blaine's eyes look whenever they catch the light. They have to be the most amazing eyes he's ever seen. They're not totally brown, they're almost green, with just a hint of brown to them so people think that's their natural shade. He also can't help but love the softness of Blaine's voice. It's like velvet to the ears. He feels Blaine take his hand and scoot closer towards him. Sam's heart is racing inside his chest as he leans forward until contact is made. He and Blaine are sharing the most amazing kiss, Sam has ever had. Nothing could ever top this kiss in his mind. Blaine pulls away and Sam smiles. "I love you, Sam."
"I love you too, Blaine." Sam says feeling happier than he's ever been.
Sam finds himself sitting up in bed, gasping for air. He calms down when he realizes it was nothing more than a dream. He lays his head onto his pillow and tries to think of anything, but Blaine.
AUTHOR'S NOTE
THANK YOU GUYS WHO HAVE REVIEWED THIS STORY SO FAR. I HOPE YOU ENJOY WHAT IS STILL TO COME. SORRY NO LEMONS YET, BUT KNOW THAT THEY'RE GROWING AND THEY'RE GOING TO BE JUICY.