Standing at the front of the class as he read off some stupid paper he had been forced to write about personal heroes in his life, Ike Broflovski would much rather have written about a hundred other people, but in an attempt to appease his mother when she saw his work during the next parent-teacher conference, he had written about his older brother, Kyle. At first it had been hard to come up with something she would want to hear that was still believable, but after hours of bullshit, Ike cracked that nut and came up with the perfect essay. If he was right - and he was - everyone would be eating this right out of the palm of his hand. Sure, there might have been a time when this would have been easy, when it might have been true, but that time had long since passed...

"Ok, thanks Ike." The teacher waved Ike back to his desk with a smile that confirmed his theory. "Carol, you go next."

Ike sat back down in the desk next to the new kid in his grade as a girl with pigtails and glasses took center stage. Taking a cue from the rest of the class to not pay attention to her, the new boy put himself out there, hoping to make a new friend. "Wow, your big brother sounds awesome. My big-"

The teacher hissed at them as if possessed by the devil, "Be quiet!"

He was undeterred. "-er is really cool too. Hunter just started the same high school as your brother. I wonder if they met today?"

"What's your name, new kid?"

It wasn't entirely friendly, but it wasn't completely scathing either, so he answered Ike's question, "Avery Bloodworth."

Oh, this kid was him? Avery's dad was starting work with his dad today, and his mother had told Ike (and Kyle, but he wasn't really listening) to try and be nice to Avery since he didn't have a mother and was pretty much raised by his older sister. Or something like that. Once he realized that Kyle wasn't listening, Ike pretty much tuned out too. Not because Kyle did! It was just because he didn't care either.

[South Park]

While his little brother was sweating out the pressures of trying to find a friend, Hunter was doing a different kind of sweating. Having no gym uniform as of yet (something that the coach said was expected to take at least a week), he was asked to just sit back and help the coach - his academic records proceeding him - and that was fine enough, but sitting in that locker room as he watched the other boys changing... That was too much for his head. All. Those. Boys! NAKED! Seated at one of the benches stapling the middle of the rows between lockers (Hunter's and Kyle's side-by-side since they had been arranged alphabetically), Hunter had crossed his legs as he pretended to tie his sneakers, trying to keep his mind off of all the boys changing around him. However, that was impossible...

"Dammit Cartman, give them back!" An unmuffled Kenny shouted at fat-ass as he swung a pair of Kenny's underwear over his head.

That might have been more amusing to watch, had Cartman not done this same routine on an average basis. Besides, Stan had more important matters to think about right now than his friends and their dumb-ass antics... Seeing that the naked blonde was about catch his belongings, Kyle looked up from securing his shoes as Eric launched something white through the air. Watching the trajectory and multiplying that by the velocity, dividing the sum by the density of the object, Kyle was able to figure out where the briefs were going to land even before they peaked. He was just glad Cartman hadn't aimed for his head this time.

Having depantsed Kenny while he was changing and successfully stolen his underwear in the same move, Cartman had sling-shotted them right at the unsuspecting new kid. To his twisted delight, they landed right in that hipster-wannabe's stupid face. Horror-stricken by the sudden impact and afraid to know what had struck him, Hunter - fighting back a rather girlish scream - could only guess. Just like he could only guess at the half-obscured identity of the boy that had come up to claim the article of war.

Taking them back in as dignified a manner as he could, fingers scraping briskly against the thin material of the beanie, Kenny frowned at Hunter. "Sorry about that man."

For all he knew, Kenny could have been giving him the secret of a lifetime, because all the young sir could focus on was biggest penis he had ever seen in his life (not that Hunter has seen all that many). "...Yeah..."

Watching from afar, Kyle and Cartman both spotted the funny way that Hunter was looking at Kenny. If they could see it, it was a mystery as to who else might have noticed...

Vaguely aware that he was staring, Hunter quickly forced his eyes up so that he was looking at Kenny's unconcealed face for the first time, accidentally staring into the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen, into hues so bright and blue, it almost hurt to look into their vast depths; his shaggy blond hair rivaled the sun as it rose and fell. In that one instant that he beheld Kenny's face, Hunter was convinced he was in love. Unfortunately for him, he wasn't the only one to see that...

"Hurry, hurry, hurry, the ladies already beat you to the field!" The coach shouted right in Hunter's ear, startling the boy from his reverie.

Kenny shrugged over at Hunter again, "Better listen to him, or we'll really have detention."

Wanting to ask Kenny what he meant by that, he didn't have much of a choice as he was steered forcefully out into the gym by the coach. The coach didn't back off of the new kid until everyone had lined up single file, military neat; they all knew better than to stand there in their much preferred configuration of a gelatinous blob. Thrown into the line-up at long last, he found himself next to a pretty blonde girl with tight, natural curls. Bebe. She smiled at him, but Hunter wasn't really interested in her sort, so he only nodded in polite greeting.

"Alright, maggots! Seems we have some new blood in the mix! Bloodworth, front and center!" No doubt wishing he could disappear and obviously uncomfortable to be in his regular clothes while no one else was, he kind of stumbled forward, looking a bit dazed. "Bloodworth here took his old team to the nationals! So maybe with his help, we can make state! Get back in line, maggot!"

Say what you will about the coach, he didn't like anyone, even if you were the pinnacle of physical exercise. This was made quickly apparent to anyone in his company for more than five minutes, as he made everyone run laps until Cartman had finished just one, shouting out insults all the while.

"You call that a lap, Donovan?!"

"Hey Stevens, maybe if you run faster, that cellulite won't be able to catch up to your ass!" The blonde girl grabbed herself subconsciously, running faster.

"I've had faster runs in my shorts, Tweak!"

"Broflovski, make like your ancestors in the Holocaust and bolt!" Cartman laughed very pointedly at that remark, earning himself a jab, "And what are you laughing at? If your mother wasn't so good at blow-jobs, I'd be sending your fat ass in to the principal every single day until you got the hint to lose some weight!"

Cartman wasn't able to hold back at that crack, "Hey, my mom's not a slut!" She was, and everyone in town (many towns, all over the country) knew that, but he still wouldn't hear anyone call her that, unless it was himself.

The coach had an answer for that kind of backtalk, sounding very much like a drill Sargent. "Detention!"

Mother fucker!

So with Gym half finished by the time Cartman rounded one lap and his clothes weighed down with sweat, Hunter was wondering if he was ever going to do as the coach asked. This was answered when the whistle blew and everyone assembled themselves into two pre-determined teams, one led by Kyle, the other Stan. Standing in the middle of the room like an idiot, the coach's assistant was hulled off to the sideline by sausage-fingers himself. There they watched everyone hustle and bustle up and down the court as they attempted to play basketball. Actually everyone was pretty good for the most part, but Cartman was not.

Looking over at the Hunter, the coach asked his opinion after kyle scored his team's third hoop. "So, what can we do to improve our chances of going to state?"

Everyone was listening to the conversation, despite not being told to. Hunter looked over at Cartman and back at everyone else, "Umm, maybe you could play with the roster a bit? Take Cartman off the team? I don't know, I just went out there and played the game - I wasn't the numbers guy."

"What?!" Oh hell to the no, some new chicken fucker wasn't about to just come in and just take him off the team like that! Even if he did hate gym class and this meant an out for him...

The coach thought about it, and for the briefest of moments, Hunter was afraid that he was going to get more detention. "That might work. You can take fatso's place on the team once your uniform comes in."

"WHAT?!" Cartman screamed, outraged at this outcome, "But I'm the heart of the team!"

OK, that sealed it, this asshole was going down faster than Liane Cartman on the spread of Crack Whore Magazine!

So the next chapter! I want it understood that any/all racist jokes are NOT me, they are all on the CHARACTERS! And what happened between Kyle and Ike?! Puberty. Puberty happened.

I do not own South Park, that's all on Matt and Trey, but I do own Hunter!

[Edit: 9/13/14 - Fixed more of the same.]