Thanks to everyone who's reading my little story! I do appreciate you sticking with it!
This chapter was somewhat difficult to write. Real Life reared it's ugly head and made it difficult to get into the right frame of mind. Well, that and a little movie premiere that had me a little preoccupied :P
Now, down to business: Twilight, it's characters, and situations do not belong to me. Would that they did! But, no. They are all the property of Stephenie Meyer, who's the genius behind it all.
Please enjoy....
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Chapter 14: Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment
Edward Cullen's emerald green eyes flashed at her as he sat calmly in the rocking chair in the corner of her bedroom, an aura of tranquility surrounding him.
"Close the door, Bella," he rasped quietly, and for a moment, she was terrified of this beautiful creature sitting so serenely in the chair that her mother had rocked her in as a child. She swallowed hard, fumbling as she reached behind herself to close the door, afraid to take her eyes off of him, as though if she did, he would pounce before she could take another breath and drain the very life from her veins.
She stood in front of the closed door, arms at her side, waiting. The eerie calm that surrounded him frightened her.
"Sit down," he nodded toward her bed and she did as she was told. As soon as she moved, she knew he would never hurt her. At least not physically.
"I need to talk to you," his voice was a quiet whisper, and he swallowed hard, wincing as if it hurt. "About tonight."
"I'm listening," she avoided looking directly at his piercing eyes like one avoids looking directly at the sun.
"I'm sorry about tonight," he whispered, looking down at his hands folded neatly in his lap. "I'm sorry for the things I said. And for the things I didn't say."
"Don't worry about it, Edward," she sighed, folding her arms across her chest. She was determined to set things right with him, even if it meant swallowing her pride and taking a hit to her ego, letting his comments about James slide.
"No, I do worry about it. I had no right. No right to say the things I said. No right to act the way I did," he shifted in the chair and she jumped at his sudden movement, but he didn't seem to notice. "My…my father told me that I can't expect people to take huge leaps of faith just because I'm too scared of the consequences for explaining things. People just aren't wired that way I guess," his head was still bowed. "I had no right to expect that from you or from anyone," he looked up through his long eyelashes.
"I told you not to worry about it, Edward," she couldn't control the tremble in her voice.
"My mother," he sighed and paused, running a hand through his already unruly hair. "My mother says that sometimes you have to spell things out. So, I'm here to spell it out, Bella." He looked up at her and green eyes met brown. Her heart melted the second she looked into the depths of his eyes, the sadness she saw contained in them pained her.
"Edward, you don't have to. I understand. It was my fault," she scrunched her face up as though the memory hurt her physically. "I push too hard sometimes."
"But you had every right to push," he shook his head. "You are in this relationship too. It's not just about me. It's about us. And, I mean, I'm the reason we are stuck in first gear here, right?"
"And first gear is just fine, Edward. Honestly. This was all my fault. Because I'm pushy. I pushed like it was all about me and my feelings with no regard for yours," she sighed, shaking her head. "I push and push until whoever I'm pushing pushes right back," she shrugged and grinned at him sadly. "You finally pushed back tonight."
"You weren't pushing, Bella. You were just, well, you were right," his voice was filled with remorse.
"I'm sorry, Edward. Really I am. I hate fighting with you," she felt tears stinging her already sore eyes again and fought against them.
"You have nothing to be sorry for," he rubbed his reddened eyes and leaned his head back against the chair, closing his eyes as he sighed. "I do. You opened up to me, and my reaction was to make sarcastic remarks and then take you home without opening up to you. I act like I'm the only person who's ever been hurt."
"But, Edward, you have opened up to me," she protested. "You told me all that stuff about Rose and what she did to you and your mom."
"That's just a minor part of it all, Bella," he dismissed her words with a wave of his hand. "That's about my family, not me."
"Rome wasn't built in a day, Edward," she pulled at the drawsting on her pants absently. "Baby steps, right?"
"You trusted me. You opened your soul to me, and I just shut you out," still leaning his head against the back of the rocking chair, he turned and looked at her. "My mother says I need to tell you the truth. All of it. And let you make your decision based on that truth. I have to leave the ball in your court."
"I told you, it's ok, Edward. No harm, no foul. If it's any consolation, there's some stuff I haven't told you either. Let's just forget tonight ever happened, ok?" She held fast to her idea to ignore what had happened and stop pushing him. She couldn't lose him. She wouldn't lose him.
"It's not ok. I need to tell you everything, Bella. Even if you don't tell me everything. It's my shit that's coming between us." He turned to face her, green eyes still blazing in the dim light.
"Edward, I don't want to get into this with you again," she slid off the bed and knelt down next to the rocking chair where he sat, timidly placing a small, trembling hand on his knee. "I just want to forget all of this and move on."
"We can't move on until you know everything, Bella." He reached a long, elegant hand out and cupped her chin tenderly. "And once you know, then it's all up to you."
"What's all up to me?"
"Whether we continue on or end it all right here." He looked at her, green eyes painfully sad.
"Edward, you're scaring me," her voice shook.
"You should be scared," he sighed, letting her chin go and folding his hands neatly in his lap once more. He was still serene, and his calm frightened her all the more. Perhaps Carlisle had given him a tranquilizer?
"I can never be afraid of you, Edward. I love you." She took his hand in hers. "If you feel that you have to, then tell me."
"Before I start" he swallowed hard, licking his lips. "May I have just one last kiss?"
"Edward," she climbed up from the floor and onto his lap. "You can have all the kisses you want. Now or later." She wrapped her hand around to the nape of his neck, gently running her fingers through the soft hair there, and pulled his head down so that his soft, lush lips caressed hers, sucking her lower lip between his own hungrily. She deepened the kiss, parting her lips and letting his tongue inside. A soft moan escaped him as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer. She twisted her other hand into his hair, pulling him as close as she could, as if terrified he would disappear if she loosened her grip. There was no way she was losing this man. But Edward blinked first, gently easing his grip around her and sliding his hands up to her face, pulling her lips away from his slowly.
"Sorry," he closed his eyes, leaning his head back. "It was getting a little too intense." One corner of his perfect mouth twisted up into a half smile.
"I like intense," she smiled, brushing the bronze hair back from his forehead.
"Now isn't the time for intense," he shook his head as she wrapped her arms around his neck, laying her head on his shoulder.
"I know, I'm sorry."
"Stop apologizing, Bella. Christ, after I finish what I have to tell you, I'm the one who's going to have to apologize."
"For what?"
"For falling in love with you," his eyes were so sad that her heart broke.
"Never apologize for that," she ran her fingers softly down his stubbled cheek. "So, tell me this deep, dark secret of yours, Edward."
He took a deep breath and shifted under her. "I...I'm sorry, Bella, but it'd be a lot easier for me if you weren't on my lap. Not that I don't love holding you, because I do. It's just…" his voice trailed off and he closed his eyes, swallowing hard. "It'd just be easier."
She understood. He needed a clear head. "Of course," she said as she slid from his lap to the floor again, folding her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. She looked up at him. "Better?"
He nodded, "Yes, thank you."
"So, go ahead. I'm listening, Edward," her voice was soft and filled with understanding. At least she hoped she would be understanding.
He swallowed hard again, taking a couple of deep breaths to steel his nerves. He knew this would be difficult for him, because it was something he had never spoke about. He knew it would be difficult for her to hear as well, and he knew he couldn't blame her when she asked him to leave and never return. He closed his eyes.
"You know we lived in Seattle before moving to Forks, right?"
"Yes, you told me that. Lived there while your parents built the house here." So whatever this was happened in Seattle, she realized. Then it had to be a while ago.
"Yes. We kids were pretty happy in Seattle. Well, about as happy as you can be with Rose pulling all her little stunts. But, we had lives. Nice lives." He paused and smirked. "I wasn't the weird, prodigal Cullen there."
She smiled and let out a small laugh. There was nothing weird about Edward. He was as right as the rain that fell almost constantly in Forks.
"Anyway, unlike here, I had a lot of friends. I was a freshman in high school when I met her."
Bella felt her throat tighten up at the mention of a 'her'. This had to be the girl he had been in love with.
"Her name was Victoria, and she was the most beautiful thing I had ever laid my eyes on." Edward's eyes looked straight ahead of him, seeing nothing in the present. Instead, he saw quite clearly into his past, watching the beautiful girl he had loved.
"What did she look like?" Bella clenched her hands tightly around her legs, desperate to know what Edward's first true love looked like, yet not wanting to know at all.
"Oh, she was beautiful. She had this long, flowing, wavy strawberry blonde hair. It floated around her like a halo. Her skin was like alabaster, paler than yours even, and soft as silk. And her eyes…her eyes were the most sparkling blue I have ever seen." He licked his lips, relishing the memory. "I don't think I've ever seen such a clear blue color as her eyes were. She was a ballet dancer. She was so tiny. Slender. She had these long legs and when she walked, it…it was like she floated on air over the ground, all grace and elegance."
Bella looked down, closing her plain, common brown eyes. Now she understood. She was competing with a memory. A beautiful memory. A memory with grace and poise. A memory that was far superior to anything she could offer him in the here and now.
"We sat next to each other in home room on the first day of high school," he continued. And we were inseparable from that day on. My parents loved her," he smiled. "She was just the perfect girl. Beautiful. Gentle. Sweet. Loving," his voice was soft when he spoke of his Victoria, and she knew his feelings for her still ran quite deep. Her heart broke a little bit, for she knew she could never compete with such an exquisite memory.
"We had this perfect relationship. You know how every class has that couple that are the couple?" She nodded wearily, not looking at him. "Well, we were that couple in our class. We had this huge circle of friends, and everything was just…perfect," he smirked and laughed a little at the irony of how imperfect his life really was. "She would come to all of my ball games and track meets to cheer me on. I would go to all of her ballet recitals and give her roses after. Her parents were pretty strict, but they liked Carlisle and Esme, so she was even allowed to come up to Whistler with us a couple of times when we went," a crooked smile wound it's way across his lips.
"Whistler?" Her voice was barely a whisper, her throat dry as the Arizona desert she'd left behind months before.
"Whistler, up in British Columbia. We had a place up there." The smile fell from his lips and he stared at her blankly. "We used to love to ski. All of us."
"Oh," she didn't want to know any more about Whistler with the perfect skiing ballerina Victoria. She could never hope to have enough balance to ski or dance, let alone both. She was lucky she could walk upright.
He exhaled. "So, we had it all planned out. We'd graduate from high school, and of course we were going to be king and queen of the prom. Because we were so fucking perfect," he shook his head. There was that word again. "Then we were going to get married that summer, right after graduation, before going off to Washington State University in Pullman, since they had already scouted me." He stopped, breathing heavier than when he began. Bella stared straight ahead of her, at his denim clad knees, not knowing if she were breathing or not. Only one thought consumed her. He loved her. He loved her enough to want to marry her.
"The summer between our freshman and sophomore year was going to be even more perfect than the school year had been. Or so we thought. That's when my parents pulled the rug out from under us and announced that they were building a new house in Forks," he sighed. "Their dream house. It was like they just reached into my chest and ripped my heart out like that guy in Indiana Jones did. I was going to have to leave my beautiful Victoria behind."
Her heart clenched at the words. My beautiful Victoria. Mine. She couldn't recall him ever referring to her as his Bella. Her stomach churned and she felt the bile rising in her dry throat.
"Bella? Are you ok?"
"Huh? Uh…yeah, why?" She blinked back to reality.
"You just looked weird is all." His voice was quiet, disconnected. His green eyes were dark, with no light in them now. Unlike when he spoke of the perfect Victoria and his eyes lit up.
"No, I'm fine. Go on," she tried to sound as normal as possible, but knew she didn't.
"The house was going to be ready by Christmas break, and that's when we were going to be moving. We were having the holidays in our new home. And of course we'd start at Forks High mid-year." He began to rock slowly in the old chair. "I don't have to tell you what it feels like to be starting over in high school, especially if you start after the semester already started," he sighed. "It didn't sit well with any of us, but it was worse for me. The others would be moving with their boyfriends and girlfriends. They'd all be together. But, me? I was leaving my one true love behind. Sure, we'd call or text and email, but it wouldn't be the same. We were used to being together every day. Every night. Every weekend. Always together. But my parents had spoiled all of our plans with one sentence: 'We're moving to Forks'. Four little words that ruined my life."
She shifted her position. Her entire body was numb now. Not from how she was sitting, but because of what she was hearing. The move to Forks, where he had met her, had ruined his life. She wished her ears would go as numb as her heart had. But no, they had betrayed her, remaining acutely aware of every word he was saying, searing it into her brain like a hot branding iron.
Edward loves Victoria.
Edward loves Victoria.
Edward loves Victoria.
Over and over on every portion of her brain, the hot iron left its mark. Deeper than a tattoo. It not only left a permanent mark, it left an engraving, etched there forever.
"I told Victoria that night and there was just a really dark cloud over the rest of the summer for us. Well, for all of us really, but for Victoria and I in particular. The only ones happy about the move were my parents." He smirked at this particular memory, shaking his head. He rocked the chair a little faster now, and his breathing became heavier. She knew he was getting to the heart of the matter.
"It didn't really hit us until September that I was leaving in December. Three months. That was all the time we had left. Three short months. When you're fifteen, three months is an eternity. It's an entire fall semester. But when you only have those three months to be together, it's a very short time," he took a deep breath, steadying his shaky voice. "About two weeks into the new semester, we knew what we had to do. We decided to run away together."
Her breath caught in her throat. Edward had run away with her. Edward ran away with his one true love, Victoria.
"We planned the whole thing out for a couple of weeks. Worked out all the details. Got bus passes, had cover stories for the backpacks we were taking. Had money. It was the perfect plan." He nodded his head in agreement, his eyes so distant that the past was the present for him. "We left on Halloween, when our parents thought we were going to a party, and each of us would be sleeping over at a friends house after."
"Wh..wh…where did you go?" But she already knew the answer.
"We went to the house in Whistler," he looked down at her, his emerald eyes flashing. "We thought that we'd be safe in Canada," a low chuckle escaped from his throat. "We were just a couple of stupid kids, Bella. We didn't realize how stupid what we did was. We just wanted to be together because we loved each other."
"Oh," her voice was small. She swallowed again and her dry throat scratched like she had swallowed a thousand glass shards.
"We figured it would be just like we were married up in Canada. Even thought maybe we could get married in British Columbia, that maybe the age was lower than in Washington. And we were quite certain our parents would never find us," he shook his head. "I'll admit, we had a healthy head start. They didn't realize for at least a good twelve hours what we had done. But Carlisle, he's smart," Edward tapped a long, elegant finger to his forehead. "Once it was clear we'd fled, he figured out right away where we'd gone."
"Carlisle loves you so much, Edward," she wasn't sure he had heard her, since he was silent for a long time.
"I know that," he didn't look at her. He stared straight ahead again, a slight smile playing on his full lips. "I understand that now," his voice was soft when he spoke of his father. "We didn't think, Bella. All we saw was the life we had planned out ahead of us. In Canada. In each other's arms. We got up there, to the house in Whistler, and we just wrapped our arms around each other. Jumping up and down like the stupid kids we were. We'd done it. We had outsmarted everyone. We were going to have the life we had all planned out after all."
She saw him grip the arms of the rocking chair, and she knew what was coming. She pulled her knees up tightly against her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs, pulling them as close to her chest as possible, to try to prevent her heart from being ripped out completely.
"When we were done jumping up and down, I went and got a bottle of champagne that I knew was in the house. My parents always kept that house stocked well with non-perishables and the wine cabinet was always full. We toasted our cleverness and our success. We toasted ourselves and our love. Then, we decided that it was time," he took a deep breath and held it in for a minute before exhaling, working up his courage for what came next. "We went up to the master suite, to my parents bedroom. We took our time. We had all the time in the world. We didn't have to be desperate and clawing in the back seat of a car or quick and sloppy on the sofa before the parents got home from work. We were going to make love to one another, slow and easy. The way it should be."
The wave of nausea swept over her suddenly and she closed her eyes, trying desperately to will the feeling to go away, but the cold sesame noodles they'd shared only hours before seemed determined to make a reappearance. How could she stop it when he insisted on telling her everything in minute detail. She wanted to scream out that she got it! They did it! They had sex! Now move on! But she knew there had to be a reason he was explaining in such great detail to her. She was sure that he relived every moment that passed between himself and his precious Victoria countless times. Surely he wasn't sadistic enough to just be torturing her with what she would never have. Or was he? She took a few deep breaths and looked back up at him, face pale and expectant.
"We undressed each other slowly, touching, feeling, exploring. Worshipping. Kissing. Tasting. And when it finally happened, it was the most amazing thing either of us had ever experienced. I'd never felt more alive." His green eyes glowed and his face held an expression she'd never seen on it before. Euphoria. "We lay wrapped in each others arms for a while, after that first time, just listening to each other breathe. It was the most wonderful feeling, being that close to the person you loved, showing them how you felt instead of just telling them. Then we showed each other a second and a third time. We took our time. We had all night. Hell, we had the rest of our lives. Love is an amazing thing, Bella." She looked up when he said her name, his glowing green eyes holding hers. "It makes rational people act irrationally."
All she could muster was a nod in response. Her brain, now branded with Edward loves Victoria, finding it impossible to formulate a coherent sentence now that he had managed to reach into her chest and yank her heart out, crushing it between his long, elegant fingers while leaving only a gaping, aching, bloody wound where it had once warmed her.
"The door to the bedroom busted open right in the middle of our fourth time," he smirked. "Carlisle and Victoria's father came bounding in, with Carlisle screaming at me to stop. Her father was screaming for me to get off of her, to stop hurting her…as if I would ever hurt her. I loved her," his eyes were once again distant, as though he were seeing it all play out in front of him once again in real time. "It was horrible. My mom and Victoria's mom, who never really liked me to begin with, ran in right behind them. Her mother was howling that I had ruined her baby. Victoria was screaming and crying. Trembling." He shook his head. "I had my arms around her, trying to protect her. Her father ran over to the bed and grabbed me by my arm. He pulled me right out of the bed, dragged me across the floor and tried to shove me out the door before Carlisle got a hold of me. It was humiliating, to be pulled across a room naked like that. I'm not saying that maybe I didn't deserve it, but, well, it felt horrible. Carlisle got me away from him, but the damage was already done." He held up his right arm and bent his elbow a few times. "Hear it?"
She listened, trying to concentrate as he moved his arm. She furrowed her brows together as she noticed something she'd never noticed before. A slight clicking sound. "What's that," she managed to croak out.
"Broken elbow. Never healed right. Baseball career over," he shook his head.
"So that's the reason you don't play anymore?" She laid her chin on her knees, closing her eyes wearily.
"Yep. I was a pitcher. Why did you think I didn't play?" He tried to sound detached as he spoke of his shattered dreams, but she knew better.
"I thought it just didn't mesh with your bad boy persona," her voice was sad, defeated, and she made no effort to mask how she was feeling.
"No, but it did work out well when you think about it," he nodded and took a deep breath. "Anyway, my mom managed to grab a blanket off the bed and wrapped it around me, covering my embarrassment. Of course Mom held me," he shook his head and smiled. "I'm her perfect baby boy, after all. Nothing ever changes that. Victoria's father noticed the empty champagne bottle and decided that I'd not only kidnapped his daughter, but I got her drunk and then had my way with her. Victoria was still in the bed, holding the sheets up over her head, sobbing while her mother was clutching her, screaming to call the police and have me arrested. I'd soiled her perfect angel," a snort escaped from him as he said this. "I don't know where she found the strength, but Victoria finally managed to speak up and tell her mother that it wasn't all my fault. That she'd wanted to run away with me, to make love with me. That she'd been as big a part of the plan as I had been, because she loved me as much as I loved her. I owe her so much for that. For standing up to her mother the way she did," his eyes were soft at the memory when he looked down at Bella. "She never stood up to her mother. Her mom was pretty domineering and she would just go along with whatever she told her to do. She fought for me, though, because she loved me," his voice was a whisper, as though he were in church, confessing his sins.
"So I see," she glanced up at him, quickly diverting her eyes back to his denim clad legs. Not only had he ripped her heart out and crushed it with his bare hands, but he seemed insistent on slamming it down on the ground like he'd just scored a Super Bowl winning touchdown and then proceed to dance a Merengue on what was left of it.
"Cooler heads eventually prevailed, with Carlisle calming her parents down after my mom took me out of the room. We went to my bedroom at the house. You know, it was right there, in that room, that I realized I was just a stupid boy. I wasn't the man I had deluded myself into thinking I was. Something about crying in your mom's arms drives that home, I guess," his voice was sad and wistful. "You know, just because you are old enough to have sex, well, it doesn't mean you're an adult. I realized that right away that night."
She looked up at him, and saw the tears in his eyes. "So…what happened?" Her voice sounded like a whimper to her.
He sighed. "They took Victoria home and I went home with my parents," he shrugged. "Carlisle had told Victoria's father that we would move right away, instead of waiting for Christmas break. By the end of the week, we were here in Forks and my brothers and sisters hated me for depriving them of the rest of their time in Seattle."
"So you and Victoria broke up?" Oh please oh please oh please say that you did!
"No, not really," he shook his head. "They left with her. Didn't allow us to say goodbye to each other, even with knowing what we meant to one another. We Cullen's didn't go to school that week, because we were packing stuff up for the move, so I didn't even get to say goodbye to her in school. We just…disappeared."
"Didn't you keep in touch with her?" Her face was buried in her knees, not wanting him to see her. He had loved her. He loved her still.
"No. Her parents deleted her email account and cancelled her cell phone number that very night," he paused and she dared look up at him at the same moment that he looked down at her. "I never heard from her or saw her again, Bella," he whispered as a lone tear slid down his perfect cheek and the light in his green eyes went out.
That was all she could take. She bolted up from where she sat on the floor, tripping over the long legs of her pajama pants as she stumbled toward the bedroom door, holding her hand over her mouth. She couldn't hold it back any longer. Her stomach churned as she ran to the bathroom, flipping on the light and falling down onto her knees in front of the toilet. Her body convulsed violently as her dinner deserted her, tears cascading down her cheeks as she sobbed, gasping for breath. She felt her hair gently being pulled back from her face as a soft, gentle hand behind her rubbed her back, soothing her. She heaved a few more times before folding her arms across the toilet and closing her eyes, burying her face in her arms. The toilet flushed and she felt herself being pulled into the gentle arms. She curled her body into the strong chest and cried quietly for a few minutes, hands still over her face, eyes closed tightly as the arms held her and rocked her.
"I was such a fool," she sobbed. "Such a stupid, stupid fool!"
"Shhhhh," he rocked her gently, cradling her in his arms like a precious treasure as his lips kissed the top of her head.
"I thought I was losing him," a deep sob escaped from her. "But I never really even had him to begin with, Charlie," her body shook with sobs.
"You always had me, Bella," Edward hummed into her ear. "I've been yours from the minute you walked into Biology."
She looked up, surprised that the arms comforting her didn't belong to her father. Edward sat on the bathroom floor, arms wrapped around her. Holding her, rocking her. Comforting her.
"Edward," she breathed, pulling back from him. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry," She scrambled to get up from his lap while trying to stifle her sobs.
He held on to her, pulling her closer to him. "Bella, what are you doing? You're in no condition to stand up," his voice soft as velvet.
"I'm sorry. I know the last person you want in your arms is me," she covered her face with her hands again as she held her head down, not wanting to look at him. He was still in love with her, with his Victoria. He doesn't care about you, she thought sadly as her brain began to form coherent thoughts again. The only reason he's still here is out of guilt.
As if her life couldn't get any worse, the bathroom door cracked open. "Bells?" It was Charlie.
"Yeah, Charlie," she tried to sound normal. She didn't succeed.
"Everything ok in there?"
"Fine Charlie. I just got a little sick. Chinese food didn't seem to agree with me tonight. I'm cleaning myself up now," her voice was hoarse, and she felt her breath hitch a little as she spoke, trying to quell the sobs as she crawled out of Edward's arms. She grabbed a hold of the ancient sink, using it to pull herself upright and onto her shaking legs. She turned on the faucet and splashed some cold water onto her red, tear stained face. Edward remained seated on the cold tile floor, eyes closed as he clenched his fists tightly.
"Ok, you let me know if you need me," he sighed from outside the door. "Hey, Edward, you ok?"
Bella glared at the bathroom door. How the hell did he do that?
Edward swallowed hard. "Yes, sir, I'm fine." His voice was shaky.
"Good. Bella, you keep that bedroom door open tonight, you hear?" Charlie's voice was calm. "I don't want you two shut up in there when you're having…uh…when you aren't feeling so hot, ok?" Charlie knew everything Edward had said, of that she was certain.
"Yes, Charlie," She shook her head as Edward ran his hands through his hair nervously. It was almost as if Charlie Swan could read minds.
"Oh, and Edward?"
"Yes sir?"
"Just a little reminder, you hurt my baby girl and I'll cut your bits off, son." Charlie's strained voice attempted to retain some of it's natural good natured lilt as he threatened Edward, but failed miserably.
Edward swallowed hard. "Believe me, the last thing I ever want to do in this life is hurt Bella, sir," his breathing was heavy. Where had she heard him say that before? Oh yeah…how could she ever forget?
"That's a good boy. Oh, and Edward, please use the front door whenever you leave, ok? I don't want to have to explain to your father how you broke your neck climbing out of my daughter's bedroom window."
"Yes, sir," Edward closed his eyes again, swallowing hard. He was pretty sure he was going to be leaving very soon, most likely at Bella's request.
"I'll be downstairs if either of you need me," Charlie concluded before they heard his creaky footsteps going down the ancient staircase.
"Jesus Christ," Edward exhaled, feeling his once calm body begin to tremble. He looked up at Bella, who was bent over the bathroom sink, body once again shaking with sobs.
"Bella, Bella please don't cry," he lurched to his feet and moved behind her, wanting to put his arms around her, soothe her, love her, but terrified to touch her now. "I knew I shouldn't have told you any of this," he sighed, running his hands through his hair. "I should never have listened to them," he closed his eyes, shaking his head as despair began to seep into his voice.
"What did you expect, Edward?" She turned to face him, her voice and face defeated. "Should I be turning cartwheels because you loved someone else enough to run away with them but you won't fucking touch me?" She shook her head. "I won't share you, especially not with a memory. I want all of you…or…." She sobbed and buried her face in her hands. "Or nothing, Edward."
"You have all of me, Bella," his voice had a slightly frantic edge to it as he placed his hands lightly on her shoulders.
"No," she shook her head, shrugging herself free from his grip. "No, I don't. She has you. Still has you. After all this time." She took a shaky deep breath and looked up at him, fresh tears in her eyes. "I saw your face, Edward. You are still in love with her."
"I would be lying if I told you that I didn't still have feelings for Victoria, Bella. There was never any closure for me," he sighed and his hands were in his hair again, running frantically through it. "But, you are my life now. You. She's no longer part of it. You have to believe that."
"But she's still a part of you," her voice trembled. "That much is very clear. She's still right here," she touched a trembling hand to his chest. "In your heart."
"No! No, she's not. She's not in my life or in my heart. Please, Bella…" his voice begged her to believe what he said, but did he even believe it himself?
She turned her face up toward his, looking right into his dead green eyes with her red and swollen brown ones. "And what happens is she suddenly comes back into your life, Edward? What happens to me? What happens to us? Who do you choose, Edward?"
"Bella, it was a long time ago. I could never choose Victor~"
"Don't," she cut him off, holding her hand out in front of his face. "Please don't say her name again. I hate the way you say it. I hate the way it sounds, like it dances on your lips or like you are making love to her by just saying her name alone." The tears spilled down her face and for a moment, she felt like she was going to be sick again.
He looked at her, and she hated herself right then and there for the look on his face. She'd hurt him. Hurt him deeply with her remark. Hurt him on purpose, she knew. He had hurt her deeply, but it wasn't on purpose. That hadn't been his intent, she knew. But she did want to hurt him. She wanted Edward to feel the same searing pain in his chest that she was feeling in hers. She wanted him to know how it felt, even though she knew full well that he had suffered in losing his love, suffered as much, if not more, than she was suffering right now. But that was different. He had paid for loving her. Now he had to pay for hurting Bella. She looked away from him, suddenly wishing she'd never woken up that morning.
He let out a long breath. "What do you want me to say?" His voice was low and pleading, desperate. "Do you want me to say that I never loved her? That I wished I'd never met her? Wish I'd never made love to her? Do you want me to lie to you, Bella? Because that's what it would be. A lie. It happened. I was in love with her and she was in love with me. I cherish those memories, each and every one of them…and I'm not going to say otherwise. I'm not going lie to you about it."
"I don't want to be your consolation prize, Edward," she cried tearfully before turning away from him. She couldn't look at him anymore.
"My…my consolation prize?" He sounded puzzled.
"I don't want to be who you choose to be with only because you can't have her. Because you can't have the person you really want to be with, Edward." She leaned over the sink, holding onto the sides with so much force that her knuckles were white. The sobs started again, so hard that she thought her chest would split open. Looking up, she caught a glimpse of his face in the mirror over the sink through her tears. She wished she hadn't looked up. The shock and horror on his face ripped her very soul from her.
"Is…is that what you think?" She could barely hear him, his voice was so low. "You think that…that the only reason I'm here…with you…is because I can't be with her?"
She had no words. She wiped her runny nose with the back of her hand as she nodded, looking not at him. She stared down into the sink, crying for herself, and for the man she thought had loved her. She looked up, and saw his reflection in the mirror over the sink.
His face had gone blank as his mouth dropped open. He stared down at her silently, the shock on his face only moments before, now gone. In its place was an absolutely expressionless face, as though all of his muscles had been removed and he could no longer move. She had never seen him like this. She wasn't sure how long the tiny bathroom was shrouded in the silence between them as they stood as still as statues. The only sounds she could hear were her small whimpers and the hissing of his exhaling breath. Then, without another word, he turned and left the small bathroom.
She heard him move quickly down the creaking staircase, and then the front door slammed.
Edward was gone.
~*~*~*~*~*~
DUN DUN DUNNNNN...yeah, I know. Edward went to the dark place. Where's he run off to? What's he doing? What ever will become of Edward and Bella. Will they have a happily ever after? Or, now that he's opened his Pandora's box, will she come between our hero's? I want to say "tune in next week..." but I can't guarantee that these questions will be answered next week. Hey, I just want them to make up so Charlie can have his Thanksgiving with Carlisle's giant HDTV :D
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And, as always, thanks to everyone for reading :D