I'm so so SO sorry its been so long! School has been super busy like you wouldn't believe but I have finally been able to update. Sorry if you thought I had dropped off the face of the earth. I think next time i write a story I will write the whole thing before I start posting so then I don't keep people waiting lol x oh the joys of being 16 years old. Thank you for everyone who is still following the story you guys are amazing x I try to pm people when they review to say thank you, but I've realised that i don't get the do that for the guest reviewers which makes me sad because I get a lot of lovely reviews from them x So THANK YOU GUEST REVIEWS i really appreciate your kind and encouraging words they make my day :) Also JustAmelie if your reading this I'm sorry I didn't reply to your review but you have disable the PM feature so people can't PM you. But to answer your question this story is definitely not over

Also thank you to my amazing friend how helped with lots of research for the chapter. I wouldn't have been able to update if it wasn't for her. My mind is all over the place right now lol but she always manages to pull me back to the earth and make the bad things in my life more bearable x Love ya Soph (aka clearbear97)xxx

Okay so here's Chapter 38 . . . I hope you like i

Disclaimer: I do not own Morganville Vampires! (obviously)

Shane's POV

I rode to the hospital in the back of the ambulance with Claire. Michael and Eve said they would meet us there.

Claire was still unconscious. She remained motionless the whole journey, just lying there, deathly pale.

"We will be there shortly." The nurse told me, obviously seeing my uneasiness. "Then we can help your girlfriend properly."

"Finacee." I corrected. "Claire is my fiancee." The nurse, Colleen, smiled.

"How lovely. How long have you been engaged?" She asked curiously. I'm pretty sure she was trying to distract me.

"A few months." I replied, smiling to myself as I remember the day. "I proposed on her eighteenth birthday."

"Oh how romantic!" Colleen exclaimed, a little too over dramatically. "Young love."

"I just want to marry her." I looked down at Claire. "I need to marry her. She's everything good in my life."

"And we will do everything we can to help make sure that happens." Colleen promised. Her warm smile made me relax slightly. Claire would be okay, she was in the right place, with the right people who know what they are doing.

I just had to keep believing in her strength. Then I did something I hadn't done since, well, since never. I sent up a prayer.

Okay, so I know I don't normally do this, I began but Claire believes in her angels and she is unable to pray for their help right now. So I am praying for her. Please prove to me that angels really do exist by protecting my love.

I grabbed onto Claire's hand, needing to feel her touch and hoping she could feel it too. I remain like that, staring at her beautiful, pale face, until we reached the hospital.

oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

I was told to wait in the ICU waiting room while the assessed Claire and stabled her. I couldn't sit though, so I settled for pacing instead, banging my fist into the palm of my right hand nervously. It was the only thing I could think to do that wasn't punching a wall. Or a member of staff.

After about ten minutes of pacing in silence I heard voices from around the corner of the room. It was the voices of Eve and Michael. I quickly made my way back in the corridor to see that my friends were having trouble at the front desk.

"You need to back away madame or I will have to call security." The lady at the desk was saying to Eve in a calm voice.

"No you don't understand! I need to see my best friend!"

"Whats going on?" I interrupted as I reached them. Michael had a hold of Eve's arms to stop her from doing anything reckless.

"They won't let us past the front desk." Michael explained.

"Screw them, when do we play by the rules?" I asked rhetorically. Turning to the receptionist I spat, "This may only be a job for you, but its serious for us. So just let it go okay?"

The receptionist nodded, not saying anything. She motioned for us to move on, which we did in a blink. Once we were back in the ICU waiting area Eve leaped into my arms.

"Oh Shane, whats happening? What have they told you? God I'm so freaking scared!" She sobbed. Don't get me wrong, I love Eve like a sister, but it doesn't mean I like it when she clings onto me like a koala bear. I patted her back awkwardly, and she got the message and let loose of her iron grip.

"I don't know." I admitted. I sank back down into a chair, Eve sat next to me and Michael perched on the table in front of us. "They haven't really told me much. But Claire was unconscious the whole rid here, so I reckon they are probably making sure she is stable and, if possible, trying to wake her up." I rubbed my face with my hands in a tired motion. "I just wish there was something I could do. I hate feeling so useless!"

Again, not being able to sit still I began to pace restlessly. Neither Michael nor Eve said anything, just sat in silence. Even Eve was too tired to cry.

I wouldn't cry because I had to be strong for Claire. Even if I couldn't be with her right now, I owed her that much.

The minutes on the clock passed slowly, until 45 minutes had passed by. Finally a man, who I did not recognise entered the side room we were in. He wore a doctor's uniform.

Eve and Michael shot out of their seats and the three of us stood in front of him, waiting to hear what he had to say.

"Well?" I broke the silence. "Whats going on? How is she?"

"She's stable." He reassured us. "I have paged Dr Marshel, but he is held up with a case on another ward. He will be down he as soon as he can."

"What exactly happen Doctor?" Michael asked, seeing as this guy hadn't actually answered my question.

"I cannot confirm anything yet without the test results, but it seems that things on progressing forward rather quickly. Something obviously happen to cause her to collapse. Maybe something cause her distress?"

"Yeah, its not been a good day." Eve admitted, wiping her eyes, trying not to cry again. Michael wrapped his arm around his wife's waist.. "It was our friends funeral today. Claire didn't take it well."

"That would certainly explain what triggered it. But no matter now much stress she was under, the outcome would have been the same eventually. So don't try and blame yourselves." He looked at the three of us individually before continuing. "I think it's better if we let Miss Danvers sleep for the rest of the night and wait until morning to discuss things further."

"Of course." Michael agreed before I could argue. "But can we see her."

"By all means." The older man replied. "Right this way."

Nothing happened for the rest of the night. I sat next to Claire, who remained unconscious, and stared at her beautiful face. It didn't matter how thin she had gotten, how dark the bags under her eyes had become or how matted her hair was, she could not look more pretty in my eyes. One day I would marry her, I had made that promise when I had proposed. I would make sure I never lost her. I would never let her go.

Never.

oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Claire's POV

I awoke after what felt like a very long sleep, feeling groggy and achy. God I needed coffee.
I attempted to sit up but soon stopped when I realised I had no idea where I was. I took in my surroundings and after a moment of confusion I managed to put the pieces together.

The events of the night before came flooding back to me. I groaned out loud at collapsed back against my pillow. This was the last place I wanted to be.

"Ah Miss Danvers, nice to see you awake." Came a male's voice as he entered the room. Dr Marshel. "I was hoping you would be up soon so we could have a little chat."

"How long have I been here." I managed to croak out. God I was tired.

"You were brought in at 7:40pm last night. It is now 9:15am." He informed he, coming to stand closer to my bed. Oh yeah another thing, the beds never get any comfier.

"So. . ." I began, my voice slowly returning back to normal. "Whats happening? What did you want to talk to me about?"

Dr Marshel smiled at me sadly. "I think we should wait until your fiancee and friends get here." He replied simply. "That shouldn't be too long. It was very hard to get Mr Collins to leave your side last night."

He was right. 20 minutes later my private hospital room was filled with noise as my friends arrived. I had hugged Eve weakly and apoligised for scaring her. Michael had come and kissed my forehead and ruffled my hair in a big brother way, telling me he was glad to see me up. Then he had sat down on one of the comfy chairs with his wife on his lap.

I was so happy to see Shane because I needed his comfort. I was so scared right now. I had no idea what was happening but I was sure it was nothing good.

Shane had sat down on the bed with me and enveloped me in a big hug, making me feel safe as we both sat there on top of the covers enjoying one another's presence.

"You scared me last night CB." He admitted after kissing me gently. "I thought I was going to lose you."

I smiled weakly up at him and gave him a quick peck on the lips before replying "I would never leave you. Not like that."

The four of us talked for a bit, mainly about normal things to take our minds off of what was really happening. Eve informed me of the latest gossip while Michael talked about a gig he was thinking about doing.

"Its not too far away from Morganville." He explained. "And it wouldn't be until next year, but it could give us all something to look forward to." I had to agree with that.

"But how will we get permission to leave town?" I asked, cuddling closer to Shane.

"I can persuade Oliver." He said confidently, a smirk forming across his face. "Don't forget I was nearly killed a few times doing his dirty work."

"Dirty work which I would rather not be reminded of." Eve added.

I then remembered about the actual deal Michael had made with Oliver. For me. For some reason I had a funny feeling we were going to need to take him up on his offer . . .

At that moment the Doctor walked in with a pile of papers in his hands, and a serious look on his face.

I braced myself.

"Okay," He began, letting us all know he was ready to discuss something serious. "I would like to talk to you about whats going on with you right now Claire." He cleared his throat and took a step forward so he was closer to all of us, leaning forward on the barrier at the end if the bed. My heart was beating double time, so hard I was pretty sure it was trying to break its way out of my chest and run off home. It had the right idea.

"Relax babe." Shane whispered, putting his arm comfortingly around my shoulder. "We are all here."

"So we did some tests while you were unconscious and I have the results." He sighed. "And I'm afraid to say its not positive."

"Tell me." I said shakily, not breaking eye contact with Dr Marshel.

"In a nutshell, your brain tumour has progressed from Stage 1 to Stage 2. On a big level. Now, unfortunately that means that your radiotherapy didn't work." He facial expressions were honestly sad. He really did care about what happened to me. "I'm so sorry Claire."

I didn't know how to respond. I had gone through all that torture for nothing? I had put my friends through all that for nothing?

Why?

"That's really not good." Shane stated with no emotion in his tone.

"It's not the best news." Dr Marshel admitted. "But at Stage 2 the tumour is still growing quite slowly, so there is no immediate risk for now. We can still cure you." Dr Marshel insisted. "But you are not going to like how we will have to do it."

"Surgery." I guessed, knowing that I was right. I had been against surgery from the very beginning, and everyone in the room knew that.

"I know how you feel about the idea Claire, but it really is our only option."

"There's nothing else you can offer her?" Michael asked. I looked at him briefly and saw that he had immediately taken on the parent role. He was the oldest in the group and without my parents here Michael probably realised it was his responsibility to ask all the important questions.

I tensed. I had completely forgotten about my parents. They didn't know what was happening, and I really didn't want to tell them again. Especially not after the way they reacted the first time. . .

"We could try more radiotherapy, or even chemo, but I don't see the point. Her body rejected the first course we gave her, and I honestly don't think it would do any good putting her through all that stress and pain again." There was a moments silence as we were all lost in our own thoughts. God how had this happened so suddenly?

"Claire?" I heard the doctor say gently. "What do you think?"

I looked up at Shane who looked very sad. When he saw me staring he tried to smile encouragingly. "Its your choice Claire." He told me, kissing me on the forehead. "I'll support you whatever you chose. But think logically. I know you know how to do that."

I sighed and turned back to the doctor. "I'm not saying yes, but I'm not saying no either. I would just like to know a little bit more about what I'll be agreeing to first."

"Would you like to discuss this privately in my office?"

"No." I replied immediately. "What you can say to me you can say in front of my friends."

"We promised we'd be with her every step of the way." Eve agreed. "And that includes this." I smiled at her gratefully. She winked at me from where she was still sat on Michael's lap.

"Very well." Dr Marshel said. "As you wish. Please do tell me if you do not understand something I say Claire."

"Oh I wouldn't worry about that." Shane smirked. "Our Claire is very smart. It will be the rest of us that has that problem."

Everyone smiled at that. I felt the tension in the room decrease slightly.

"Okay, before you have surgery I will need to do some blood tests and scans just to make sure everything else about you is healthy." Dr Marshel began. "Obliviously you will be unconscious for you surgery, but don't worry because you will be in great hands. Your friends and family," He looked at Michael, Shane and Eve. "will be able to come and see the process in the relatives unit most likely. But you guys may prefer to wait until afterwards."

"How long will Claire be in surgery?" Michael asked.

"Most brain tumour operations take between 5 to 8 hours, but most like 5 hours for you I would say." The doctor turned back you me. "The surgeon will operate on only a small part of you brain, so you would have to have the small area of the back of your head shaved off."

I gasped and my hand flew to my mouth. I may not be a girly girl, but the idea of losing my hair was not a nice one, even for me.

"Its okay, don't worry you will still be beautiful." Shane promised, rubbed my arm.

"But -"

"Don't worry CB, we will work it out." Eve said, getting of Michael's lap to come stand next to me. "That can be a job for us girls yeah?"

I nodded and blinked away tears, angry at myself for being so silly. "Yeah okay, I'd like that." I replied.

"That's my girl." Eve smiled, giving me a quick hug.

"Anyway. . ." Dr Marshel interrupted. "You wouldn't be able to eat or drink anything for a while before your operation."

"Thats fine I don't eat a lot anymore anyway." I informed him.

"Hmm I can see that by your wight loss." Was that a compliment? I don't know. "But that's pretty much what will happen before you're opp. What happens afterwards is a little more complicated. Would you like to hear about it now or later?"

"Now please." The others nodded in agreement. Better to get it all out of the way.

"Okay then. When you wake up you will probably be in the recovery unit, which I can show you later. It would be another ward here on ICU. You will have several tubes in place, just to help you stay hydrated and to monitor you progression. One of the tubes will be to give you medication and blood transfusions, another will be placed into the artery to measure your blood pressure. There will also be a tube down your nose into your stomach to stop you from being sick." He paused when he saw the alarm on my face. "I know it all sounds scary but trust me it isn't all that bad." He smiled. "And as soon as you can sip water without feeling sick we will be able to take out some of the tubes."

"You will unable to do much at first and may need help with a lot of things, but we will help you get back your strength. The fact that you do not live alone is great because I know your friends will be there to support you when you start walking again."

"Of course we will." Michael smiled. "We will be there for every step you take Claire."

"Its not unusual after surgery to feel worse than you did before, so you will have to prepare yourself for that. Brain surgery is a lot for you body to cope with. The initial symptoms you will experience after surgery like weakness and poor balance will disappear eventually after a while so don't worry about that. We will make sure to check up on you frequently to make sure everything is okay."

Dr Marshel didn't say anything for a little bit and just let the information settle in. "Obviously there are a lot of other things we would need to talk about that are a little more serious and complicated, but right now we don't need to worry about that." He added.

"Wow." I said eventually. "That doesn't sound like fun."

"I'm sorry." Eve said. I felt her arm shaking against mine. "I think . . . I have to get some air. Sorry." My best friend rushed past her husband and the doctor, her hands covering her face as she tried to hold back tears.

Dr Marshel frowned. "Is she - "

"She's just very emotional." Michael said standing up. "I'll find her don't worry." Michael left the room, leaving the doctor, Shane and I alone.

"So what do you think?" The older man asked me.

I sighed. It was just so much to take in. "I'm really not sure to be honest. The idea of being so useless and not being able to do anything afterwards? It doesn't sound very appealing." I looked at the doctor. "Could I have some time to think about it?"

"Of course!" He exclaimed. "Just ask a nurse to fetch me once you've made your decision." He left the room swiftly.

Next to me Shane moved to that he was sat opposite me, his dark eyes searching deep into mine. "Babe I know how scary it sounds, trust me because I'm scared. But what other options are there?"

"Shane I just want to feel better! I don't want to spend months and months learning how to walk or fed myself again!" I replied, realising that my voice was rising in hysteria.

"But that's what friends are there for." My fiancee tried to reason. "You have so many people who are willing to help you, why won't you let us?"

I let out a breath, knowing that stressing myself out wasn't going to do any good. "I just don't want to be a burden." I admitted. "You guys have done so much for me already, I just don't want to put you through anymore stress."

"Oh Claire." Shane said, pulling me back into his arms. "You are not a burden, I've told you that before." He pulled away and looked at me. "Just think logically about this. Do you think someone like Aria would turn down this kind of opportunity?" I tensed.

Aria. In the rush of everything I had momentarily forgotten why she had died. If she had had the chance at a transplant it would of saved her life. And here I am now, about to turn down the opportunity of living saving surgery, just because I don't like the sound of it. I suddenly felt very guilty.

"Look, I know you don't like talking about her, but don't you think Aria would be here yelling at you if she she could? Because I think she would want you to do this." Shane said softly.

"She would, wouldn't she?" I replied. I leaned back against the pillow. "I'm just so so scared Shane. What if something goes wrong in the theatre?"

"Every operation has their risks, you know that." Shane said, leaning over to take my hand. "If there was another option I would be all for it, but I don't think there is Claire." His soft brown eyes suddenly became very sad. I had forgotten that this was hard for him too.

"I'm sorry Shane, I'm being selfish." I admitted, and silenced his protests. "This sucks I know, but you're right."

"Now that would be a first." Shane joked. I hit him playfully on the arm.

"I think I'm going to give my consent." I decided. I was shaking inside and out, but I had no other option. I wasn't just going to magically get better. It was either have the surgery and then be patient while I got my strength back, or wait to die. Those were the facts, plain and simple. Neither of them were great but at least one of them involved survival.

I let out a long breath and smiled at Shane. "I'll have the surgery."

My finacee smiled back at moved so he could hug me again. I wrapped my arms around his neck and played contently with his shaggy hair. That had always calmed me down. "I am so proud of you." He whispered. "I love you so much."

"I know." I whispered back, taking in his scent. "I know you do. I love you too Shane, and I promise I will do everything I can to get through this."

Let everything happen to you, beauty and terror, just keep going, no feeling is final. - Rainer Maria Rilke

Tough times never last, but tough people do. - Robert H Schuller

Right there in the difficult we must have our joys, our happiness, our dreams: there against the dept of this background, they stand out, there for the first time we see how beautiful they are. - Rainer Maria Rilke.

Out there, so many people will tell you that you can't. What you've got to do is say "Just watch me. . . "