Katekyo Hitman Reborn

My Fate is Certainly Uncertain

Chapter 32: Trepidation

Overall warnings: Swearing, disclaimers among other dastardly things that I shan't disclose. I would if I could but I can't so I shan't.

[ Written to: Amanda Palmer (from the Dresden Dolls) : The art of asking - TED]

~o0o~

I was called into the office, shortly after waking in Dino's bed, with less than what you'd call visible clothing. My injuries had apparently been done by the head maid and the guy trying to pull me back in the bed when I tried to get up.

Basically:

Dino, let go!

No-hoooo…..

Come on Dino, I have to get up and get to the office. Something's come up.

That something can wait. His cheeks swelled up and I had to turn my head away from his to be determined about getting there on time. Can't we stay here for a little more?

Later.

How about now?

How about no.

Somehow, my cellphone had started to work again once we had gotten back from the past, which was a good thing because I didn't want to have to go through the trouble of replacing it.

Iemitsu was on the other side. He asked me if I could come in for an urgent matter. Seeing as the paperwork was thinning, I was sort of a field officer now instead of a lazy bones librarian, so I guessed it was on that matter.

But surprisingly, I was actually wrong. It was on a totally different matter, one that I wouldn't have thought would ever occur. Honest. I had to wait for a while outside, while some men entered the roof before I did, and the looks I got from them were judgemental. I got called in soon after and we were introduced to each other, if not over awkward greetings, but then by an underlying motif.

There were three of them. They were First man Lieutenant Adam Malcomson of Kentucky, Lieutenant James Baker of Louisiana and Captain Tom Shi from Australia. Their director was a woman with stern shoulders, and Vivian was the first to shake my hand.

I looked towards Iemitsu for guidance about what was happening and he gestured towards me. "This is one of my underlings, Miss Phillipa Marsh. She will be the accompanying officer on the space mission."

My eyes widened in surprise and I gawked at him with a closed mouth. "Sir…"

He took me aside, out into the hall. "We'll discuss the final details in the future, but for now, all you need to know is that they are in need of our assistance and that you're the best fit for the job. They're just here to finalise some papers. I'll explain tomorrow night."

I sighed and grumbled swears. He got me out of bed, just to tell me this?

I mean, space mission. Sweet.

But the lack of info wasn't as sweet as honey.

"Alright," I said, nodding. "I'm not fully agreeing to this yet, because you haven't given me the circumstances of why they need me on that mission. You do that tomorrow night and I'll think about it."

"Please, all I'm asking for is your co-operation."

"And all I'm asking is for some time to think it over Iemitsu! You can't just pull me up one day and tell me that I'm heading to space." I kept my voice down. "I'm going to have to talk to Dino and Reborn about this."

He nodded. "I'll allow it, but secrecy must be withheld. This is a mission we can't fuck over."

~o0o~

"Pardon?" I said, blinking as I was in the middle of folding up some washing that had dried at my house in Italy overnight. I'd forgotten about it, since when I went to find Verde, I thought I'd get back there in relatively little time than what actually had passed. And, like most weekends, Dino came over to stay for the night. I'd made a deal with Iemitsu to give me the weekends off, since the majority of the paperwork had been stored onto external hard drives and filed neatly away. How it got that messy, I blame the boys.

Dino was holding up a pamphlet he had dug out from the crevices of his pocket and held it in the air, with a protruding smile. His eyes were wide, and I put my arms down, waiting for him to answer.

"This happens every summer." He stated eagerly. "Every summer they have a carnival out on the waterfront. Everybody goes there."

"...And you obviously want to go?"

"Y-Yes!" He nodded firmly. "It's the only place where you can get cotton candy and hot dogs at the same time while looking at the city lights! It's truly a-ma-zing!"

Dino's love for food never ceased to humor me.

"Okay, when do you want to go?"

"Tonight!"

"Tonight?" I repeated. I thought back and bit my lip. "I'll have to check with Iemitsu then nd switch a shift."

"Cool. I'll go tell Romario and the others to take the night off."

He said it with such a light heart that I felt myself blushing as I walked into my bedroom to put the clothes away. Just as I was about to though, I briskly poked my head out and yelled. "Be careful of the stairs!"

But Dino beat me to the punchline by tripping over his own shoes, which he took off before entering the floor level. I could hear him groaning and the image of him as he lying in a heap at the bottom, rubbing his sore hip was very reminiscent when Reborn was still teaching him.

Silly fool. He was blatantly surprised about the space mission, but he told me to go for it. After all, in his own words, it's not everyday I can look up at the stars and say my girlfriend's been there.

~o0o~

Surprisingly, Iemitsu gave me the all clear. He said I could use a little more time off from the varia battle; remember than he, along the others who weren't in the future remained clueless. In the end it felt like the 'week' had been a hard one for me and he decided that Basil should try a hand in organizing and filing. I prayed that he'd make it through the day with a good diet because once you hit the den, everything outside of it doesn't exist.

It was a relatively humid night for a summer night, and I found it to be more pleasant than most. I might have mentioned it before, but I dislike unnecessary heat where it's not needed. So I wore a some shorts and a t-shirt. Would have worn a dress, but a carnival's a carnival. No use in wearing something that will only flash you undergarments when you go on rollercoasters and whatnot. Dino was just about as casual as I was, only a little more clumsier due to the decrease in his men. He seemed excited, and with all these people jammed into one relative space, I just blocked everybody out, like Reborn taught me.

By six o'clock it was already getting dark, and the lights on the sky high buildings could be seen miles away, if we were that distance. Fairy lights lined the top of the stalls that reflected red, green and yellow lights off the plastic signs. The sizzling of patties was close to the entrance and my stomach rumbled. I was going to feast like a Queen tonight.

"What should we do first?" I asked, but quickly enough I found myself walking towards a food stall. I heard Dino's laugh in the background but I waited patiently in line. He followed suit when his tummy rumbled like mine. I smiled.

"What can I get you miss?" The man with the white cap asked, a greasy apron showing deep-fried oil residue. The smell was divine and I stood there for a while, wondering if I could fit them all in my mouth.

Dino tucked a hand by my waist. "How about we have a punnet of chips for now, and eat after we've gone on the rides."

I giggled, raising my hand slightly. "Yeah, maybe then I won't end up barfing on your shoes."

"That would be a little off-putting."

"Gee, ya think?"

This seemed like a much better plan than spending my afternoon alone, eating two minute noodles and watching netflix till the early hours of the morning after. And while I thought that it was very nice of Dino to take me on a date like this, I wondered what the next one might be. I think the most nice thing he expected me to do was cook him a good dinner and watch movies together. As a little sexist as that sounded, he really wasn't all that into the glitz and glamour of the city too often. Sometimes it was okay, and if it was for the family, he'd brace it for them, but I think I too just want a quiet life. With him, of course. I'd like to often think that we'd be the okay couple. In three years, let alone ten? I wasn't too sure. But a girl could dream.

Seats were scarce in a crowd like this, so Dino and I quietly snuck down to the beach, where the crowds from the carnival spilled out onto the sand. We sat under the wharf and I smiled every time someone walked over the planks, making them creak from the weight. The tide wasn't too far from us, but I wasn't so sure at the way it was winking at him. If waves could wink at all.

The hot chips were consumed faster than I could lick my fingers free from ketchup and we moved on, trailing together with linked hands. Mainly families were here and for small seconds when I tore my eyes away from the back of Dino's head, I saw some familiar faces.

I only gave them a casting blink of the eye and one thought of my conscience, till Dino's voice pulled me back into the fiesta.

"What's up?" I asked. following Dino's pointing finger.

"Let's go on that!"

It was a circular ride that had a barrier of meshed fencing around it. The ride had bumper car seats, but all of them were attached to one main line. We watched the previous group go before us, as we waited, and the thing spun in a circle. So fast that the g-force was too much for a lot of the people who were sitting on the inner part of the cars that the outside people were squashed.

I smiled. "You were always one for fast things."

He grinned cheekily and I noticed that his clumsiness wasn't what it used to be. Was it because his men were here, hiding behind the stalls?

"Can we go on the ferris wheel next?" I asked, "There doesn't look to be much of a line up."

His face was one of mixed emotions, but he nodded. "Yeah, that's okay.

"Cool."

And we ended up acting like all of the people did before us. I couldn't hold onto anything while the ride spun around, so I had to stick like glue onto Dino, who wasn't at all unhappy about it. He wasn't hung up about this morning anymore. My feet were unsteady when we got off, but I soon found evenness and we quickly got onto a capsule. Like I'd stated before, there weren't many people heading for that ride, and I was surprised to learn that we got one for ourselves. Score.

It was very pretty, from the height that we were at. You could see the lights bouncing off of the waves, and the glowsticks that the happily crying children weaved in and out of crowds, playing tag. There was a roller coaster on the other side of the park. A girls hat was blown off of her head and caught wide wide arms by the waves.

I leaned against the back of the booth seat, feeling Dino's arm on the back of my neck, and he slung it over the seat. It was nice and quiet we talked for a while about mundane things. I kept thinking I wanted to kiss him again and he laughed just as bubbly as a child would, when he retold the age-old tale of Romario and him in their younger years, thinking that I hadn't heard the majority of them yet. I hadn't.

We were ripped off the seats in a second and thrown onto the cold metal floor, on our chests. I groaned painfully and Dino frantically asked what was wrong. I waved it off, gasping that I was only winded. He helped me back up and I sat there, taking in air.

"What the fuck was that?"

Dino shrugged as he peaked outside. "Look's like the power's gone out."

And it had too. No longer could I see the multi coloured fairylights, or any building lights for that matter. I could hear the screaming below of children and I hoped that this wouldn't go on for too long. Neither of us liked heights.

"Seems so."

He was chuffed and muttered quietly about how ironic this all was.

"What is?" I asked innocently, and he looked over at me with those eyes I couldn't resist in the depths of my soul. I didn't ask to kiss him and he didn't stop me. His lips were soft and my hand found the base of his jawline. He hadn't shaved. Dino's thumb was stroking my neck as we sat in the dark. He moved in as our lips parted, and I met his force, moving in time with the urges.

It was eerie up here, except for the sounds in the capsule, but they too slowed, as Dino broke it off. His eyes were closed, forehead resting on mine as his hand stayed on my cheek. Our lips were so close, I could feel the tickle. His lashes were light. My right hand covered his, and barely a whisper, he murmured softly. I closed my own eyes.

"You know me."

"That's a silly question. " I felt a ghost of a smile. "I do."

And, even with closed eyes, I could feel him smiling. His breath was wider and he smelt of Carnie food.

"I do." I repeated.

"Heh….just checking." He wrapped his arms around me closer, till I could hear his heart through the same jacket I got him years ago.

"What is it?" I asked. "I feel like you want to ask something."

"Marry me." He said abruptly and his grip held firm when I jerked in utter surprise at the question. He made shushing sounds and I asked for air jokingly.

I was able to sit with a red face to the man I held hands with, in the dark, on our own. The world was quiet. And I kept blinking.

"Uh….."

He looked for an answer, but I sat there blankly.

"What if I asked you that?" He questioned huskily, looking into my eyes, who stared back at his. Ones that blocked reason or thought, overrun by shock and nerves. That little girl who lost her hat on the wharf? Remember her? She wasn't crying no more. Nor were there happy squealing. One side of his lips pinched up and I ducked my head a little lower.

"I didn't expect you without any sassiness." He joked and pulled up my fringe. "Hey, are you crying?!"

I hit him on the head. "N-no!"

"Yes you are!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

He laughed and I found myself laughing along with him, despite me biting my lip as an attempt of restraint. I didn't have a chance.

But I felt I wanted to be honest to him. I didn't want him to regret having me, a failure her whole life as a wife. I did, really, consider the 'n' word.

"What do you see in me Dino?" I asked finally. "Because I come with a lot of unburnable baggage. I'm not wife material."

He gritted his teeth and pursed together his lips, thinking on the statement.

Maybe I should have just said no.

"I don't want to force you into anything you don't want to do." He said honestly, with a crumpling heart. He continued to hold my hand and I wiped my face clean. "You can say no and I would be okay with that."

Lie number one, I thought,

"But I can't believe how much you belittle yourself. Your future isn't what your past determines and it's certainly nothing you can't face. Your short ass can take any hit and still look sexy."

"If that's a compliment, it's working."

"Good, because I want you to feel special. I want you to feel like you don't have to take on the world all by yourself. You can choose your own paths without your past deciding if for you like a…" He paused and I nodded at what he meant.

Like an overbearing mother.

Dino regained. "It makes me annoyed to think of you with anyone else."

"I know." I sniffed. "As much as it's the truth I get annoyed as well."

"...I-"

"Okay."

He blinked and cocked his head inward, with the voice of confusement. "Eh?"

"I said okay. Okay, I'll marry you." I told him, with a shaky voice, my heart beating extremely hard. I took my hand away. They felt sweaty. I couldn't hear my own voice say that again, when he beamed a smile and kissed me gently.

"So, yes?"

"..yeah."

"Yeah?"

I smiled awkwardly and nodded. "I mean, yes!"

Damn him for being so persuasive.

"Come on." He said, finally standing to his feet, dragging me up. He turned his back to me and bent down a little. "Jump on."

"What? Why?"

Dino looked over the crook of his shoulder. "We're breaking out of here!"

"You crazy."

"Crazy in love." He shot back, and I climbed onto his back. "Let's blow this joint."

"Why you so eager to leave, Mr?"

"One, I fucking hate being up here."

Me and you both buddy.

"And two, we need to talk about this in a safer place. Your house okay?"

I shrugged nonchalantly. He broke the glass easily - which in the back of my head was a little unsettling - but I forgot all about that when he jumped out of the capsule and into the open air. My guts dropped tenfold and I think I might have squealed? I don't know, I had my eyes closed the whole time.

We ran off into the night, escaping Dino's men very naughtily. I laughed as we sprinted away, down the dark streets and in back alleyways, dodging the random people who looked shady and some who were performing. I heeded no attention and soon enough, I found my flat. It was rather late and I took of my shoes, just as Dino pulled up. My toes were aching.

"Damn." He puffed, leaning on the wall, once we were inside and I had locked the door again. "Why are you so fast?"

"Gotta run away from a lot of baddies." I replied, strolling into the kitchen and putting my bag on the countertop. "Besides, I thought you liked fast things."

"I do." He smiled, sitting on a barstool. I got an apple out and offered him one, but he - my fiance, I thought, not shuddering at the word but wearily tiptoeing closer to it. - politely refuse and I put it back. Instead, he asks for a bowl of cereal. To which I gave him cereal. If it was good enough for breakfast, it was good enough for any time of the day.

As he started to eat, I grabbed a stool and sat on the opposite side of the countertop. He liked to eat big, so it wouldn't be long till he finished.

"So?" I asked. "What's it you want to tell me about?"

"Well Mrs Chiavarone." He smirked, waging an eyebrow and I couldn't stop blushing so I ended up covering my face with one hand under his joyous nature. I'd have to get used to that name. "Would it be alright if we had the ceremony a month from now?"

"A month?"

"Yes."

"A month….." I rubbed my temple. "So quick…."

"It's usually quicker." He admitted. "I probably would have already been married with kids if my father didn't die the way he had. Most mafia marriages are for family bonds as a way of leverage between each family. But…" He sighed. "Things are getting heated between one of the alliances. I don't particularly agree with some of the ways he deals with things. If I didn't get married before the required age, everything would get handed to him because of my grandfather's will. But I changed that policy a couple of weeks ago and he's not completely over it."

"Sorry to say this babe, but your Grandfather kinda sounds like a dick."

He shrugged. "Protecting family assets, I guess."

"A month….." I repeated and then he took my hand, squeezing it once. My throat was dry and I ended up leaving the apple on the bench. "Does Reborn know about this?"

~o0o~

The day was cold, but it shouldn't have been that way. Forecasters had predicted hot weather all round, but on this particular day it differed from most. It broke off from the herd, took leaps and bounds in the way of wind and today, Dino had met with Reborn for the most serious talked he had ever had with him, and that in itself was really saying something. Reborn had taken the time out of Tsuna's training to speak with him. Man to man. He wasn't overly pleased that Reborn asked this of him; what loving father wouldn't be?

They were having coffee, indoors of course, in a small corner shop in Japan. Phillipa was doing work still and she'd have no clue. Finally, he could surprise her for once without her knowing before he did.

"I must admit, I give you credit for coming to me in person."

"I felt I should Reborn. Phillipa's your daughter after all…."

Reborn set down his cup. "You realise I'm not going to give you an answer straight away?"

Dino nodded seriously. "Nothing is ever certain, when it comes to you apart from what you know yourself."

And it was true. So just like that, after coffee and exchanging of words, some not so nice and others analytical, the trials began.

The first was of patience. Apparently every boss had to have an immense amount but with a wife there was much more needed.

Second was reason.

Third was strength.

Fourth was control.

Five was like six, but not so much of the carrying of shopping bags, or in the test itself, bags of coffee beans.

Seven was discipline

Eight was courage. Strong like a tiger, but responsible enough to tell the difference between two similar situations.

Nine was understandment.

And the tenth, he failed, before they even began. It was suitably unfair and Dino voiced it in the way that he could, despite the sweaty feeling in his shoes.

"I'm going to ask her to marry me anyway." He told him, not believing the words that came out of his mouth were his own. He was speaking from his heart, not from his mind. "And it's ultimately her choice. I can't change her if she says no, she's crazy and once she has a goal in her mind there's nothing I can do, but I'm sticking with her. It's not you to chose how she lives her life, that's hers! But I'll be very lucky if she choses me. I don't want her to die alone."

~o0o~

"You said that to his face?!"

It was clear that Dino wasn't overly comfortable talking about the experience. Reborn could be, well, Reborn.

When he got lost in his thoughts, I asked him again.

"So what did he say?"

"I expected him to kick me, but he didn't. He said that I went there to talk as a man, so he would treat me like one. The tenth was endurance against everything. And he gave us his blessing."

I sighed out an exaggerated smile, still holding his hand. "That's great."

"Yeah!" He said nodding, then reverting back to his old self. "I really thought I was going to piss my pants or something….Reborn's really protective of you, you know?"

"All too well."

His bowl was empty and so I took it away and washed it. Quick on his feet, I felt a pair of arms slink around my waist and his chin on my head.

"Let's go to bed love, I could show you what's in store for my bride-to-be."

"Milkshakes first." I told him, trying to get to the fridge as he continued to keep ahold of me, so we had to move around the kitchen together. "Raspberry or banana?"

~o0o~

My sleep was running away from me that night, and it took me a while to process what Iemitsu was really saying about the space mission, but the facts were this.

The job would happen in eight months. I know, a very small time gap to work in but the job called for it. There were suspicions about a personal in the space station that things might turn into a coup, may not, but vital information was being leaked to outside sources that shouldn't have been. I needed to find the source and exterminate it.

My life was getting that little bit more scarier, and I kept sitting in his office, nodding to everything he said like I really knew what I was in for.

~o0o~

Trepidation

Who are you?

I'm me. I came here first.

First you say?

Before the rouse and after the blink.

But I saw someone else.

What you saw was me too

Sitting in the echoed cinders,

I seldom sit

with others. Often opting for

colder climates.

Afraid?

Only when allowed to be sir.

None now?

None taken, for I am with you.

Tell me, with those

winter coats and the strange

ways that everybody acts have

you thought of aloneness?

Not alone on your own

but emptiness with

the sound of a child's calling?

Of course I have, who hasn't?

Who hasn't, he says, who hasn't?

almost everyone.

You say that with utter

honesty

but I've seen icebergs.

Tell me,

have you ever seen such

epitomized dissection

of the truth?

Can't say I have.

I haven't either.

And that's the truth.

Honest.

~o0o~

Yooo-hooo~ Nice to see all of you again! My auntie had a book launch the other week and it made me wonder what it would be like to write for a living. Terribly fun, I said to myself, so I tried poem writing tonight, but I might not do that again. Deep thinking and all that jazz, I'm going to leave that to her. I'll stick to my Fanfics.

Oh, and all of those regarding the Squalo thingy, mind if I put it as a chapter at the end of the story? It'd be much easier that way as I think a chapter is more sufficing to the guy that the story was originally going to be about. What was that? Squalo? No, I said nothing about Squalo. *Looks away*

Replies:

My Name is Alice: First again M'dear, well done. Up till one? Join the crowd of regretters. You're welcome here. Thanks for reading, as always. Stay cool.

natachoco: Well, technically, that wasn't her first kill. That happened in the first chapter where she took out one guy with a gun and another with a picture frame. That alone would do damage to a person but Phillipa was never really whole to start with so it's interesting to write with a character with a wealth of background that preceded her own being. And Dino getting his daughter back from Japan in the future thingy, you can decide for yourself. *Head hurts from trying to word that*

GirloftheArts: Thank you M'dear. Always nice to invoke emotions into the reader.

Leolnuyuka-CHAN: I CAN AND I WILL AND ZAT IS FINAL. And I'm glad your happy. Or at least that's the way I can perceive it as because cap-locks only does loudness. And you are always remarkably loud.

Viper's girl: Yes yes, you may dear since you loved him. But I may need him back if you're in need ofomakes *dramatic music plays in the background*

Akayuki Sawada: In theory it is, but she's in the past so there's always that chance of it re-appearing. *shrugs*

Random question, because I feel like having a question in this chapter since I like talking to you guys. Who you most and least favourite characters? Reasons?

Anywho, I do recommend you go listen to some TED lectures. SOme are hilarious and others are a wealth of random knowledge.

-Verdigurl