Sam is flipping through the channels on the TV in his hospital room. He's hated being trapped here, but Rachel has kept him entertained for the most part. He had to make her go back to school after her dads showed up earlier that day. Carole has stopped in to check on him along with Burt. He refused to see Finn at first, but Carole explained how horrible Finn felt for how he'd reacted that he told them Finn could come see him after he was done with his shift at the tire shop. He knew Blaine had been standing outside his door hoping Sam would invite him in. He even peaked inside when Sam was sleeping.
Sam presses the mute button when he hears a muffled sob behind the door, followed by a light knocking sound. He rolls over on his side, facing away from anyone that might try and come in. Blaine peeks inside and sees Sam, looking like he'd just fallen asleep. He knows he should respect Sam's wishes and keep out, but he can't.
He pulls the extra chair over to the side of the bed and he watches Sam sleep. Tears fill his eyes as he begins to speak. "Sam, I am so sorry. I don't know if you're asleep or just ignoring me, but I am….so…sorry." He wipes his eyes and holds back his emotions the best he can. "I don't…know how I could have been so blind. Even Sebastian could tell that you had feelings for me, and then I go and get drunk and…Oh God, Sam I am so sorry. I should've stopped myself." His mind flashes back to Sam's smiling face, telling him that he wants to experience everything with him. "It shouldn't have happened that way. I should've just held you all night long, telling you how much I love you…" Blaine sniffles and wipes his tears with the sleeve of his shirt.
"I love you, Sam Evans. I do. I love you. I don't want Sebastian or anyone else. I just want you. You were my best friend and I thought that was as far as we would ever go because I thought you saw me as just a friend. I thought you were straight and when we had sex the way you told me that you wanted to experience everything with me..." He thinks of something that would explain why he would say Kurt's name instead of Sam's. "I … I guess in my drunken stupor, those words reminded me of my first time with Kurt and so I got confused. I know that's no excuse by any means necessary, but I'm going to prove to you that we belong together. I promise you I will never hurt you again like this. I love you too much." Blaine waits for a sign from Sam that he's actually awake and listening but hears nothing.
As he gets up to leave he hears a quiet sniffle and an even quieter sob and sees Sam's body shutter for a brief second. He smiles knowing Sam listened to him. "I'm going to earn your love, Sam. I love you and I'll wait however long it takes." He whispers before leaving the room.
Sam rolls onto his back, sits up and sobs into his hands wanting to not be in love with Blaine anymore. He can't help the way he feels about him, but his anger towards him is far greater than his love for Blaine.
…..
Three hours later there was another knock at the door and he looked as Finn, cautiously pokes his head into the room. He smiles when he sees Sam's face. "Hey, can I come in?" He asks hesitantly.
Sam nods and Finn grabs the chair beside the bed. "So….." Sam says feeling awkward.
Finn rocks back and forth, sitting in his chair, feeling the awkward tension in the room's atmosphere. Finally he manages to speak. "Sam, I'm sorry."
Sam stares at him, seeing sincerity in his friend's eyes. "I don't know if I have any forgiveness to give you Finn."
Finn hangs his head. "I don't deserve it" He says quietly as three tears fall to the floor.
"Stop it." Sam says in a low angry tone.
Finn looks up in confusion and sees Sam's angry red face.
"Stop crying and saying you're sorry. You should be sorry, but I am tired of hearing how sorry you are!" He reaches over and grabs the empty plastic cup on the rolling try by his bed. He then hurls it at Finn's face.
Finn ducks. "What the hell, dude. I'm trying to apologize!" Finn gets up and when he does he flips the chair over. It's loud bang to the floor echoes throughout the room making Sam flinch in surprise. "YOU TRIED TO KILL YOURSELF! And, I helped push you towards that! What else should I say!?" Finn's face is so red it's nearly purple and drenched with his painful tears. "What else can I do but say 'I'm sorry' to you? You are my best friend, my brother! I hurt you and I don't know what else to do!" Finn falls to his knees at Sam's bedside looking up at him for forgiveness, but all he sees is anger and pain.
Sam's jaw clenches and his lips tighten shut. He wants to hold in the anger and pain, but then he remembers where that got him the last time he bottled everything up. "Stop saying you're sorry! You did something stupid and now you're paying for it! That's how mistakes work! Forgiveness takes time and you already have mine. But, you just have to let me be angry for a little while longer!" Sam joins Finn in their cryfest of sorrow and rage. "And I don't understand why people … aren't angry … with me" He says in a quieted sob.
Finn now feels confusion and worry. "Sam, why should people be angry with you, when all of us hurt you when we should've been helping you…protecting you? We did this to you. I did this." His tone is low and apologetic, which annoys Sam.
"Finn," Sam says with an irritated scoff, "I did the most selfish thing a person can do, because I was hurting." He wipes the tear that has barely escaped his eye. "But, on some level, I wanted to hurt everyone that hurt me and I don't even know why I would want to hurt them. I don't like hurting people." Sam is surprised when he feels arms wrapped around him.
As Finn hugs him, Sam feels himself calming down. "Sam, we deserved the pain. I saw you sleeping in Kurt's bed, smelling of alcohol and there was some blood on the sheets and on your boxers. I thought you had had sex in Kurt's bed. I…" Finn's mind takes him back to that morning.
Sam sleeping in his deceased brother's bed, drooling on the satin pillow case underneath his gaped mouth, it made his blood boil at the sight. Then Sam rolled onto his stomach and the white sheet slid down to his knees, exposing a small blood stain on the back of Sam's yellow boxers and three small streaks of blood, soaked into the bedding. That was when Finn started screaming. He couldn't believe that Sam, the person he considered to be his brother, would defile Kurt's memory this way. Kurt's room was the only connection Finn had to his brother and there was Sam wallowing in a filthy mess of leftovers from some raunchy gay sexfest.
The second he told Sam to leave he began to feel regret, but the visual of what Sam had done was burned into his mind and it only added fuel to the fire. Before he realized what he'd done, Sam's room was barren and he had just sent two texts to the one person that had been there for him more than anyone (more than Rachel), that were absolutely horrible and unforgivable. Finn regretted all of it, but he didn't know how to make it right.
"Sam, I let my fear of letting go of Kurt get the best of me and I … I didn't mean anything that I said to you." He sobs onto Sam's shoulder.
….
Will is sitting in his car, parked outside the hospital. So desperately does he want to go inside to see Sam, but he can't bear to face him. Knowing the damage that came from hiding the truth about who he was in Sam's life will forever haunt the Glee club teacher. His hands a gripped tightly upon the steering wheel just as someone knocked quickly on the driver's side window. He all but jumps out of his own skin at the sound that had startled him, as he turns quickly to see Emma standing outside his car. He rolls down the window. "Emma, what are you doing here?"
"Visiting Sam, and wondering why you're sitting out here instead of being in there with your son." She says wanting him to do the right thing.
Will closes his eyes, the image of seeing Sam wheeled away to have his stomach pumped and God only knows what else they had to do to him, makes him feel like every part of him is slowly dying and the joy and happiness that filled his life was replaced by pain and suffering that would keep him in the cold darkness for all eternity. "He doesn't want to see me, Emma. Rachel was right, I should've told him. I shouldn't have hidden it from him."
She crouches down to eye level and leans her head into the car. "Will, you had your reasons for hiding the truth, and nothing can change what has happened. But, if you want to try and make things better you have to go in there and tell Sam everything." She reaches in and squeezes his hand. "Then maybe the two of you can rebuild your relationship into a better one. Sam's smarter than most people give him credit for, and he has your heart, Will. So, I know he'll be able to forgive you." He sighs knowing it won't be so easy and Emma can't help but agree. "It's not going to be easy, but life never is. It's messy and rarely makes any sense, but it's the imperfections that make life beautiful and worth living."
Will laughs at the irony of Emma's choice of poetic words. "I'm sorry for laughing." He says seeing her confusion. "It's just you have OCD and you said it's the imperfections that make life beautiful."
Emma can't help but laugh with him. When she stops their eyes lock and she leans into him for a kiss, not too long, and not too short. It was a perfect kiss in that moment. When they part she smiles at her love. "You can do this Will. You just have to take it one step at a time. Be honest with him and he'll understand everything, given time."
"Do you really believe that, Emma? I mean, could he really forgive me?" Will asks as his heart races like a thundering horse inside his chest.
She nods. "I believe it, but you need to believe it too."
…
Sebastian Smythe is sitting at the Lima Bean drinking a cup of coffee. He had planned on going and visiting Sam for a little while after school, but he received a text from an unknown number telling him he had found his phone and he wanted to return it to him. He checks his watch briefly and sees that his anonymous messenger was now ten minutes late. He finishes off the last of his coffee and stands up from his seat.
"Leaving so soon?" He hears a familiar voice coming from behind him.
He turns and his eyes go wide with surprise when he sees who it is. "So it was you who stole my phone, wasn't it?" He asks demandingly of the young man standing before him.
"Yep and even though, Sam trying to kill himself wasn't part of my plan…it accomplished my main goal of throwing the school off of my trail." The young man says with a halfhearted laugh.
"You mean the fact that you're gay? No one really care unless you pull the crap you pulled with Sam!" Sebastian wants to clobber the man with his bare hands until all that's left is a puddle of blood and mushy flesh left on the floor, but he knows he's way to pretty to go to prison.
"Yeah, well. I'm sorry about how people reacted, but I couldn't let them find out about me. My family would disown me. I'd be all alone in the world." The man's voice is full of fear and desperation as he speaks. "Sam's suicide attempt will mark me for the rest of my life, but I'm not ready for the world to know my secret."
Sebastian rolls his eyes, seeing the man as nothing more than a pathetic worm of a person. "You're a coward and nothing will ever change that now. Not unless you confess to sending out that photo and tagging Sam's locker."
"No way will I ever do that!" He growls before walking away.
Sebastian yells out to him as he reaches the exit. "You're always going to be alone if you keep hiding who you are! I'm not going to tell anyone your secret, but if you ever hurt my friend again, I will ruin your life!" The man pauses for a moment, but then pushes the door open and leaves.
….
AUTHOR'S NOTE: THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR REVIEWS. I APPRECIATE ANY AND ALL FEEDBACK FROM MY READERS. TO THE GUEST WHO POSTED THE LONGER RESPONSE. I BASED SAM'S FIRST TIME OFF OF MY OWN, THOUGH NEITHER OF US WERE DRUNK LIKE SAM AND BLAINE WERE. SO YES I DO UNDERSTAND HOW PAINFUL IT CAN BE. SAM'S PLEASURE CAME FROM FINALLY BEING WITH BLAINE, IT WASN'T ABUSE AND IT MOST CERTAINLY WASN'T RAPE. REMEMBER SAM WAS BEGINNING TO SOBER UP AND COULD'VE STOPPED BLAINE AT ANY POINT IN TIME. SOMETIMES YOU JUST WANT TO MAKE THE PERSON YOU LOVE FEEL GOOD. SORRY FOR THE RANT, JUST WANTED TO MAKE A POINT. AGAIN GOOD OR BAD I APPRECIATE ALL OF MY REVIEWS AND I TRY AND RESPOND TO THOSE THAT I CAN RESPOND TO. SINCE GUESTS DON'T HAVE ACCOUNTS I CAN'T MESSAGE THEM LIKE I CAN THE OTHERS SO IF IT'S SOMETHING WORTHY OF BEING ADDRESSED I WILL.