Katekyo Hitman Reborn

My Fate is Certainly Uncertain

Chapter 36: Groshaus

Overall warnings: Swearing and disclaimer things, my lovelies.

[Written to: Breathe - Breaking Benjamin ]

~o0o~

I found that in the years that I was going through languages like I would with the last roll of toilet paper. I found that Italian, despite it's 'r's and unseemingly similarities to English - even though one was a romance language, the other derived from saxon origins - I found it to be harder that Japanese. English, pffff. Being a native speaker meant that my way of learning was backwards. Swears, jargons and idioms were the best bit. A lot of those swears were repeating in my head right now.

I puffed out and stretched out my legs.

I really fucked up this time Al.

Jenny called out to me from behind the door again. She was getting concerned, by the tone of her voice, and the constant banging of the door. It only then occurred to me that I had to act quickly if I were to remain clean handed.

"Miss?"

"Yes, yes! Sorry, I'll come out! I was just waiting!"

I hid the pee stick in the top of the toilet bowl, where the filter was. The lid was pretty heavy, and there was no reason for anyone, not the maids, not anyone to go searching in there. I didn't want to think about the possibility of a small parasite growing inside my uterus, so I focused on other things, like the space mission. That was my top priority. I'd promised myself when it started that I would aim for a hundred percent and I'd be very upset if I got torn down now.

Unlocking the door, I left the somewhat humble space of the humming-fanned bathroom and apologised to Jenny.

"Jeeze Miss! You took your time in there."

"I'm sorry." I repeated. "I-I just got so nervous in there, you know? You totally surprised me with it so I wasn't at all prepared."

"And what did it say?"

"Negative." I told her plainly, shrugging my shoulders, blinking as if it was the world's easiest question to answer. Keep calm. Keep cool. Keep cool and calm. Keep cool and calm. "It was a negative."

"Ah, I am so so sorry for this misunderstanding Miss. Please accept my apologies." She bowed. "But I had to make sure. These things can pop up randomly and are important to take care of, you know. Ah well. Let's get you to lunch, shall we? Boss said he'd be home in time for it. His plane gets in at twelve."

"No no!" I waved my hand and walked over to the closet to get out my red cardigan. No, I realised, and opted for a heavier, baggy looking sweater that was black. Jenny scowled at it - always with the fashion, this one was - but I ignored her and put it on. I always wore baggy clothes when going to the space base. "Tell him I won't be back till the mid afternoon please. I got a pager from Iemitsu about a meeting for the adjustments for the shuttle launch, so I have to leave now."

"I understand. Please keep safe."

My mind was whirring so much faster than I ever would have anticipated. I was so caught up in my thoughts to manage a shield in my mind. I could hear everyone involuntarily and the fact that the roads were packed today made me stressed. It was raining and people had places to be. The industrial smell mixed with exhaust fumes. Immediately, when I turned off of the motorway, I switched on the air conditioning. I wondered where the nice weather went. And I was alone to think what I wished to imagine.

It was very difficult to sit there, while trying to find a parking space near the hospital. When in the bathroom, I'd arranged for my doctor to go to the hospital, instead of her private surgical office. I didn't need anyone else to know about my secret. She knew, but the woman had her client's privacy in mind. Dr Groshaus was an apprentice of sorts for Verde. Not the most trusted person in my book, but the two hadn't spoke in years.

When I was sitting in the waiting office, that was the period of time I spent staring at the nutritional posters on the wall that curled their corners with age, browning slightly as the influx of possibly hazardous meat suits travelled in and out of the facility. My hands were gripping the underside of the chair and I curled back my right hand in disgust, feeling dry chewing gum.

The doctor's office was smaller, about the size of Dino's ensuite, with a bed-like chair in the middle, kinda like the ones you find at the dentists. It was an odd set-up, but I didn't pay attention to minute details as of now. I just wanted confirmation. That way, I could know what to do in the next few weeks. Something smart or incredibly reckless.

Ah, to be the life of the party in my head that soon spills over into the escaping drunkies who try to climb over fences and into cars when the parent came home two hours too early. Thinking about thinking was fucking me over. Well, wasn't the first thing to.

I thought I was going to break the other side of the chair while my hand tightened around it. I heard cracking and Groshaus asked me the usual. Had I been getting morning sickness? Do I feel bloated, or sleepy a lot more than I usually did? Have I missed my monthly menstrual cycle. To be honest, I never really kept track of it. I just waited. It's not like you look forward to bleeding every month, twelve times a year. Pain's not worth all the trouble.

"And..." She pondered, reading over her clipboard. What at, I wasn't sure. Doing two things at once, probably. She'd been reading out my scores, but that's not what I saw in her head. Disgusting stuff, actually. She and I both were lucky I wasn't puking. "Your hCG level is higher than usual. Couple that with your symptoms, there's a high chance you have here."

"A high chance isn't a yes. Am I pregnant or not? I don't know if I could trust those pee sticks."

"They can be faulty sometimes, but the majority of tests is proven right. We can't know if we don't try, yes? Please lift up your shirt, this will only take a couple of minutes."

The gel was cold and blue, the kind of blue you find in tubes of toothpaste. I wasn't comfortable having it on me, or being alone, in a place where nobody knew where I was. There wasn't a clock, so I didn't know how long I'd been here for, but I hoped that I hadn't been gone long. Groshaus pressed relatively hard on my abdomen and I breathed in slowly, looking away from the monitor, staring at the wall that had a medical cabinet. Pills were in there. Small, I hoped.

"Yes. You're six weeks pregnant"

I clenched my jaw as she wiped the gel off with a paper towel, throwing it in a nearby bin and turning the machine off. My hair felt oily between my fingers, and I sat up, putting my sweater back on. I felt cold. I felt bleak.

"Now, we have to discuss what will happen next M'am."

I cut her off.

"Nothing will happen."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "But…"

"I have previous things to take care off. I don't need to know anything about this child."

Animal. That's what I was to her. She's seen it several times, poor, innocent souls who hadn't planned on a pregnancy, dealing with it horribly. Either tearing up in happiness or in panic. I was neither. Not visibly, anyway.

I had to keep going. I was a month and two weeks. I'd be five months and two, if I reached space.

"But your health! You'll endanger both of your lives if you left it unchecked!"

I realized then that I was crazy.

Absolutely crazy.

What the fuck was I thinking, going on the mission while pregnant? Really? What the fuck.

I could get myself killed by doing stupid shit like this.

My mouth hung open, looking for words that could compensate the lack of ones in my mind. "Um, I….."

In an attempt to get me to reconsider, she hand me pamphlets - paper, of all things while I was secretly hoping for those pills - and I wondered how on earth with her personality, how the heck did Verde stand to be around her. He probably didn't, my conscience told me, as I absentmindedly took them from her. Everything just seemed to tune out into a buzzing pain and my stomach was more than twisting itself into knots.

I called Jenny.

"Is he home yet?"

"No Miss, the plane got delayed because of the weather. Are you alright out there?"

"I-" My voice faltered and I gulped. "I'm fine. I'll be coming back now."

"Okay. I'll have lunch ready for you when you arrive. Anything in particular?"

My mouth spurted some nonsense. "Raspberry smoothie and…...toast."

"Toast?" She repeated. "But it's the afternoon."

"You're right, silly me. Please, just put something out."

"Alright."

I quickly drove myself home, after that god awful appointment. That car ride seemed shorted, but it made my stomach whirl, even more so than it did before. Jenny tried to direct me when I arrived, but I briskly walked past her to the gym, telling her sharply that she should chuck out what she made, since I won't be eating it. I would have told her a heck of a lot more if my character wasn't in check. I didn't want to be seen. Didn't want to have to speak to anyone.

I didn't want to be here. I felt so aggravated.

Locking myself in the gym was difficult, but I jarred the door with weights and brooms so that nobody could open it till I was done doing whatever the hell I was doing in here.

I started with the punching bag.

~o0o~

The flight from Tokyo Narita to Italy was delayed by bad weather, so they didn't hit the tarmac till half an hour after they were supposed to. Personally, Dino disliked travelling, as the seats weren't all that comfortable and just being in a confined space annoyed him. He was rather excited to get back to the house. To stretch his feet and lie on the bed, in silence, and not the constant humming of a turbo engine.

The rain kept hammering down when they pulled up into the driveway, and it was practically the same weather he left Tokyo in. He covered his head with his jacket and ran into the house while the butler went to get his bags. He didn't take much, since he thought he wasn't going to stay as long as he had. Things were alright now, between the Vongola and the Simon famiglia. Dino left them with an okay heart. He was rather concerned to check up on Phillipa. It wasn't like her to get so sick, so suddenly.

Jenny was walking up to him, as the butler passed him to bring the bags upstairs. She looked forlorn and Dino paused in his walk to check on her.

"What's up?" He asked, putting a hand on her shoulder. She was like an Auntie to him, because of how long she had worked with the family that she had become one of them. Violence wasn't in her nature, but she had been a mother and that is one force of nature you don't want to mess with.

"I'm afraid I might have upset Miss Phillipa, or that something might have happened at work." She sighed heavily, her mouth frowning. "I'm not sure….."

"Upset her?" He said. "You know that's not easily done."

"I…" Jenny swallowed and began again. "I may have suggested a reason for why she wasn't eating properly and she got upset. Then, she went off because Sir Iemitsu paged her about something."

She's probably overworked herself again, He thought, thinking about the last time she did that, going without a break for a long time. That caused her a lot of physical damage and he didn't want that to happen again.

"Where is she?"

Fran appeared quite suddenly, behind the old woman, scaring her slightly. He was known for doing that to everyone, though he never did it to Phillipa. "Boss locked herself in the gym, Boss. Idiot-Lady said things she shouldn't have."

"Hey!"

"I am just telling the truth, like Boss asked."

"Alright." Dino said, calming the two of them down. "I'll go check and see what's wrong. It's probably nothing."

"Boss, she hasn't had lunch yet. She hasn't touched her slushie. She told me to throw it out."

That set alarm bells off.

The gym was located in the basement area of the mansion, there the garage and firearms area was. Not large, but medium sized so that his men could work out here and not just him. Phillipa liked to come down here sometimes, but it had been a while.

"Phil, come on, it's time to come out."

No response. He could hear her punching - the punching bag, assembly - with such a force that she was grunting,taking out anger that usually wasn't there. She wouldn't open the door when he tried further, and there wasn't any other way in there. But he wasn't too keen on breaking down the door. Didn't want to injure any support beams with the flames, so that left him with only one other option. Round the back and through a small window.

He was lucky that the storm outside wasn't severe. Dino got wet, yes, and he wasn't happy about having to go through this, but something was up. Breaking the window, he tumbled inside as the wind gusted in, howling past the framework. Small droplets leaked onto the basement floor.

Phillipa was on the other side of the room, still attacking the boxing bag that hung from the ceiling with swift kicks, leaning back to catch her fall every time. She wasn't herself when he walked up to her and it seemed that she hadn't been able to hear anyone when they called, because he had to physically restrain her to get her to listen.

"Hold on there feisty pants!" He yelled, wrapping his arms around her waist and dragging her away from the bag. Phillipa tried to fight back, but he held onto her tight, refusing profusely to let her go. "Come on, calm down!"

"Just let me train Dino! I'm fine!"

"You're obviously not if you ignore everyone!"

"Let me go!"

"No!" He grunted, his face resting on the back of her hair, switching to hold her wrists above her head. Phillipa twisted. "Please! We can talk! Please!"

That seemed to calm her down, if you could actually call it calm at all. No way could you call her calm at all, in the state she was in. Reluctantly, she laid still in his arms, breathing in and breathing out.

He sat up and leaned on his hand. Phillipa laid there, and with his fingers, Dino delicately wiped her wet hair. How it got we was probably from her crying. She still was.

"You don't have to be scared, Love. I'm sure Jenny didn't mean it, whatever she said. She was doing it out of love."

He leaned in closer to her, his eyes wavering. "What did you say?"

"I said no." She said curtly, but in a whispered tone that barely clung onto hope. Her dull eyes looked forward at the wall of mirrors and she closed then, rolling onto her back. With arms outstretched, she sat up and hung her head back. "No. No I'm not scared. And I know that Jenny means the best. She pissed me off, but I can't say that's her fault. I'm just so fucking mad."

"At what?"

"Myself! I'm fucking furious!" Her face was gray and grim, starch like a drying piece of leather. Those words weren't comparable to her, in his mind. All he saw was her losing a hope that he hadn't seen before. Her half lidded eyes blinked in time with her gulping and his hands found their way to hers; entwining delicately under a sfumato breath.

Dino found himself holding her, and in an instant, before he could ask yet again what her troubles were, Phillipa blurted the honest truth. Limp and tired, she quickly lisped. "I'm pregnant."

His mind blanked as the words replayed, over and over again, not burning in his mind, but not making total sense either. He felt at a loss for comprehension and she sighed, moving her eyes away.

"I'm mad at myself." Her voice crumbled into a sad wail. "I was looking forward to space…."

"P-Pregnant!?" He spluttered, turning a flattering crimson. Phillipa breathed stubbornly out her nose.

"Yes, pregnant. Do I have to spell it out for you?"

He stood on his knees and took her by the shoulders. "R-Really? Are you s-sure?"

"Yes I'm fucking sure! Why the fuck do you think I'm bawling my eyes out Dino! I can't do my job because of this!" She smacked the floor. "I can't believe this is happening…."

"Y-You mean….." He stuttered. "We're going to have a baby?"

She sighed, again. "...looks like it."

~o0o~

I didn't like it when I had to tell Reborn the news. I wasn't going to say "Oh hey Reborn, Dino and I fucked each other and it turns out, I'm pregnant!" Because that would seem oh so degrading and embarrassing to admit. He didn't give me a lecture. But he did give me a few sharp words and the evil eye to Dino, who flinched when he did. Other than Dino, Jenny, Iemitsu and Doctor Groshaus, Reborn was the only one who knew. They decided to not let anyone else know until the first trimester was over and the chances of miscarriages were out of the clear. By that time, I would look like I swallowed a small watermelon. I wasn't looking forward to it,

I was also being followed that day, by someone I didn't know. However, Dino and the others were now in this sort of mothering hen mode, so I was never alone when I had to go out of the house. Even when I had to go to inform Iemitsu of the situation and what should happen after, since Basil was the only one qualified next to me, at least five men came with me. But it's not like I could have approached whoever they were. They were smart enough to conceal their steps, enough so that I vaguely couldn't tell their gender. That type of thing was very cliche of an assassin. Or someone who really wanted to come into contact with me.

Hearing about me in the future, abandoning my family for something else was a little harrowing. I had a fair idea that it concerned the circumstances surrounding my mother's untimely assassination, but then again, that following fellow wasn't looking so nice right now. It was daunting, actually, thinking of a future where there was a little me running around.

Look at her! I made that!

It was inevitable that I wasn't going to be able to take the job in the state that I was in. It was fair to say that both sides were disappointed in the outcome, but Iemitsu - strangely enough - wasn't agitated. He, maybe more so than myself, was excited! MInd you, he was always dreaming of returning home to his beloved, who would cook him chicken katsu and he'd drink a bottle of beer, wondering how many years had passed since he last saw his little told me to be excited instead a mopey face, but it's not like I could do that in an instant.

It wasn't until a month and a half later, when I could feel my insides expanding in the slightest, that Dino had gotten a rather odd phone call from Reborn. I was called to his office right after he got the call, which was a little annoying since I was in the middle of reading a medical article, but I went anyway, not expecting what it came with.

"A favor?"

Dino nodded, his fingers fidgeting with a ballpoint pen. "Yeah, he wants us to come out to Japan for something."

"Any ideas about it?"

"Nope." He shrugged. "But he asked nicely, so I'm going to guess that it's quite important."

"Alright then." Enzo was nibbling at his finger, looking for something to succle on when he suddenly bit down, hard enough for Dino to yelp in pain. I snorted a laugh. "Ehe~ Well, I'll go pack my bag then."

~o0o~

In a dimly lit officetel, on the south side of the city, a small, tinder-brown kettle whistled. Water seeped through the edges of the lid, running down the sides and onto the hot element, where they evaporated. It was a late night in the office man guessed that he probably wouldn't get back to his bed tonight. That was normal. There were more important things to conquer than sleep, after all.

He couldn't hear the loud car horns or the pur of expensive cars on the street, from at the height he was at. This was one of the new buildings that was built in the ever expanding city-scape. The new part of the city. Personally, his shiny toy. It was a tall structure. Not the tallest, no, but it was sufficient in what it helped to produce. There was foundation underground as much as there was above the ground.

There was paperwork lying on top of the table, outstretched and moaning to be handled. His work was never done, it never finished in a job like his. Always going through budgets, always allowing things or refuting them. It wasn't nearly as enjoyable as feeding the inmates. One piece of meat to ten people, if he's generous.

It was in a dimly lit officetel, on the south side of the city, a phone rung.

~o0o~

~* Omake *~

At the age of four, Dino had finished his first day of preschool. He was eating dinner with his family, with his Mama, with his Papa. At this time, almost half way across the world, a three year old was sitting on her butt in the laundry room of their dismal apartment, waiting for the washing machine to finish it's cycle. The black haired child, with eyes that seemed to have better days, waited patiently and her stomach grumbled.

Feed me! Feed me! Feed me!

Of course, she'd rather be playing outside, or doing something else that didn't affiliate itself with doing chores that a child of her age should be doing. Heck, she shouldn't be let alone at her age, but age was irrelevant. Momma was out, and that was her priority at the moment. She'd be more tired when she got back, so things had to be done. At this age, the raven-head was already sharp. Being born from assassins was bound to bring her gifts as well as troubles.

Today, Momma would need lunch. She'd be hungry. Sandwiches were on the menu today, the best thing she could make with her small hands. Though inexperienced in using the utensils, she could make them in ten minutes.

And a drink! Momma needs to drink!

Phillipa's nose twitched, almost flinching at the voice. That's right, Momma needs a drink with those sandwiches. She got the bottle of orange juice out of the fridge and poured two cups. One for Momma and one for herself.

Needs something else!

No, She told herself. Leave me alone.

Phillipa put the juice back in the fridge and closed the door. She felt a nudging on her shoulder and looked up. It was here again. Never left and never showed itself when she was around anybody else. Nuts.

In the air, floating, was a purple bottle, clenched in it's mouth. Some sort of granular powder that Momma used for the rats downstairs.

This will make it taste better.

I don't know….

The lid unscrewed itself and slowly, white powder lightly landed into the glass farthest away from her.

Okay, She thought. We will see how this goes.

Trust me. We're doing the right thing.

On that day, half way across the world, a child poisoned her mother for the first time.

~o0o~

Yo guys! How are your days going? Mine's okay. I handed in my first two assignments yesterday - (Very scary thing.) - and everyone in my hall learned that I should not be trusted in a card game we called Mafia. Random week turned weirder when I had two strange dreams of one - Marrying Tsuna and being taller for once and shooting a movie in a graveyard. Yeah, fair to say that this week has been a strange one.

Replies:

Zuta-chan: Because I haven't in a while, that's why. However, there won't be some for a while, I'm guessing. ;)

natachoco: Maybe. She said he can leave whenever he wanted to, but I think Fran is content to stay with her for now.

My Name Is Alice: OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG YES WAY. ;D Here's your update.

Marshi-A-Mellow: Er, sorry, but I really don't know who you are. But whoever you are, thank you for coming back and taking the time to write in the comment section! I love your face!

Ciao Mi Amici,

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