Humming a happy little tune to himself that sounded a lot like the song that had made him an internet sensation in the fourth grade, sweet adorable little Butters had barely just finished washing his hands when he got a text message from Eric. Oh boy, what horrible prank did he in store now? Many a times Butters had considered just deleting his number, sick and tired of being the butt of nearly all Cartman's hostilities, but he just couldn't bring himself to do something so final, and just so downright mean. Drying his hands first, Butters read the message not once but twice, just to be sure that it had said what he thought it had.

Butt-ass go 2 batrom & call me asap spekerfone! Make sur Kenny heres if u fuck this up 4 me i will go 2 ur hoes and kill u while you sleep do u unersand me? I WILL KILL U! break in cut off ur dick make you watch while i feed it to ur parents and kill u! DO NOT FUCK UP!

Well geez! If he were to be killed, he was pretty sure that he would get grounded! What a pickle.

"Ouch." Cutting through the silence, Craig's nasally monotone could be heard from inside one of the bathroom stalls.

Startled by the sound because he had thought that he had been alone the entire time, Butters glanced over his shoulder and saw that not one person was in a stall, but two. Since the first person was Craig, and only three other people were missing from class, the second was either Kenny, Kyle, or Hunter. Peering at the pairs of legs, he could tell that it was neither Kyle nor Hunter, because Kyle was wearing light jeans today, and Hunter was in dark skinny jeans. So by process of elimination, it was Kenny in the stall with Craig.

Why would they being sharing a stall? And didn't they know that they had to go to class? As much as Butters wanted to inform them of their tardiness, he was reminded of Eric's request, so he could not. Holding his phone back up, Butters did as he was told and called Cartman, first putting the speaker on.

"Eric? It's Butters." He hoped that this wouldn't take long, because he himself still had to get back to class.

Pleased with his little puppet's promptness, Cartman replied, irritated that Butters always had to say that it was him. "No shit. So," He tried to act as if this was per hearsay, "I heard that Kyle and Hunter totally ditched school. Where do you think that they went?"

Dependable as ever, Butters really didn't think that it was much in Kyle's character to ditch school. "I don't know about Hunter, but that's not really like Kyle to ditch."

Cartman sighed irritably, "Butters, Kyle is a Jew, so deceit is in his blood."

"Oh, yeah."

Now came the importance of Kenny's presence. "I think that they're plotting something together." Well that was true, but it wasn't what Cartman thought, or even what he was about to imply. "I saw in gym yesterday that Hunter was totally checking Kenny out."

I was in that class. Craig thought to himself, If Hunter really was gay, then he easily could have been scoping out all the boys in that class. But out of everyone, why Kenny? He wasn't anything too special... Well, maybe that wasn't strictly true...

Ever the innocent, Butters didn't see anything wrong with that. "Well maybe he likes Kenny."

This was almost stupidly easy, almost as if he were directly in control of the other boy. "I think it was more than that - I think that Hunter wants to rape Kenny, and Kyle is helping him plan it."

"But why would Kyle do that to his friend? He's been friends with Kenny forever!" Butters sounded very alarmed, as if he thought that maybe he could be next on the list.

For that, Cartman didn't know why Kyle was so tight with the new guy, but it was an undeniable fact that their partnership was pure evil, like that guy in the diaper or the British douchebag that was all against Hitler in that one war. "I don't know, I don't think like those pole-smokers! Dammit, Butters! I bet that they are like each other's second place silver medals. Shit," Cartman - finding the conversation boring - totally pulled a Solo and cut the conversation short. "Someone's coming." He hung up, and there was silence.

Stunned, Butters hadn't been expecting that to be what Eric wanted, and it was even more confusing that he wanted Kenny to hear that. Oh, fiddlesticks, he was going to be late for class! Putting that conundrum aside for the time being, Butters dashed from the restroom, almost forgetting his hall pass. Halfway to the door, he remembered it by the sink.

Once Butters had gone, Kenny and Craig looked at each other once more, the blonde opening his mouth for the first time since they had company. "You still have the keys on you?"

Cartman was almost never a source to be trusted, and more often not, he had been proven to be frighteningly cunning towards those that had crossed him, so the validity of this was little more than a malicious rumor, but all the same, what if it was true? Not the part about Kyle, because that just wasn't something he'd do, but the part about Hunter? That really could have been true...

Studying his friend as if he were something really interesting, Craig wondered what was running through his mind at that moment. Normally thoughts were a very private matter that he didn't care to delve into, but at this juncture, Craig wouldn't have minded being a mind reader. "What will you do if it's true?"

"Just give me the keys." Kenny held out his hand, demanding that Craig cough them up. He might not have admitted to having them, but the blue-eyed boy knew that Craig didn't go to school without them.

Battling internally over possibly getting involved in something outlandish and impossible or being stifled in class, Craig considered just handing over the medium-sized brass ring with the unworded stipulation that it be returned before lunch, but there really wasn't a choice. So instead of watching in mildly wanning interest as the pretty blonde thing left to look for his friends - figuring like Kenny that they were trapped somewhere - the stoic raven of prophecy decided to accompany Kenny.

For the record, writing Cartman's text kind of killed me inside. And seriously, what were Kenny and Craig doing for so long, I wonder? I leave that up to your own imagination. So yay, did you all enjoy that double chapter? I'm mad, because there was something I wanted to address, but I can't rememeber what it was...

I do not own South Park, that's all on Matt and Trey, but I do own Hunter and Avery!