Chapter 14

The past

Jessi's POV

I am holding Kyle in my arms, he is shivering and mumbling. I help him to stand up and support him while I guide him to his only couch. We sit I have Kyle's head and torso resting on my chest and arms. His undershirt is soaking wet from perspiration, I take it off and lay him on the couch to go and find a towel. I find a towel in his bathroom and a clean undershirt in his armoire. After drying him up I put the T-shirt on him. Then I go to his freezer and get out the only 2 cool packs that he has. I sit and have him recline on me. I put a cool pack on his forehead and the other one on his abdomen on top of his T-shirt.

I remember a time when I got like that and Kyle helped me by getting in to my thoughts. I tell Kyle, Kyle its Jessi. He opens his eyes and looks at me I have a hand on his cheek. There is so much pain in his eyes it brings tears to my eyes. He says, Jessi, Jessi… then he takes one of my hands and kisses it. He starts mumbling again. I say, Kyle I want to help you, may I get in to your thoughts?

I feel Kyle opening his mind completely to me, the amount of pain that he is carrying shocks me.

In Kyle's and Jessi's minds. (Jessi's dialog,Kyle's dialog)

Kyle, I am here with you. I cannot resist seeing him in so much pain and I give him a hug.

I respond to Jessi's hug, I need her so desperately. Jessi, you came, you care about me. Then I fall on my knees and say, Jessi, I so sorry, I didn't know. I am such and idiot.

Kyle is on his knees again. I hate seeing him so broken. I get on my knees and hug him again. I tell him, Kyle of course I care about you. I am here to help you, like you did years ago for me. We can go when you are ready. I can feel Kyle relaxing.

Jessi is hugging me and I feel safe in her arms. I wish I had never pushed her away. I wish I would have always had her holding me. I take her hand and we start walking in to my nightmare. I notice she shivers and I put my arm around her shoulders.

I am in Kyle's memory to be exact in the memory of a nightmare. I see Kyle in his old tub at the Trager's. His face appears tense, he is listening to someone crying, he is listening to me cry. I see him putting a pillow over his head and tears are coming out of his eyes, he is thinking that I will get over him breaking up with me. It hurts so much even after all this years. He notices and holds me tight close to him. That helps. Then he hears me throwing up. We then go to a memory of Kyle from last night. He realizes he left me when I was pregnant. I hear a primitive scream coming out of his mouth and I see how he collapses in his tub crying and shaking. I see his pain and his shame. He opens himself completely to me, and I can see how sorry he really is, and how much he loves me and our children.

After showing Jessi my nightmare and the way I feel. I take her hands and kiss them, I hug her, and say Jessi, I did not know. I am sorry I left you when you were pregnant with our baby's. Thank you for taking care of them, and loving them so much. They are perfect like you.

Kyle's POV

After being in our minds, I find myself on my couch and Jessi is holding me. I look at her beautiful face and her deep green eyes are full of tears, some are running down her cheeks. I sit up and hold her. She buries her head in my chest, and sobs softly. I whisper, Jessi I know saying I am sorry is not enough, if you let me I want to take full responsibility as the father of Sarah and Brian. I would like to have the opportunity of helping you raise them. I promise I will find a way of making it up to you, I'll do anything you want. Oh! Jessi I cannot believe how much I have hurt you, the person I love the most. Thanks Jessi, thanks for giving me a chance that I clearly do not deserve. I kiss the top of her head and bury my face in to her hair letting my tears flow.

After a few minutes Jessi stops sobbing and says, do you really mean it Kyle, do you really want to help me raise our children?

I clean her cheeks with my hands and looking at her I say, Of course I mean it Jessi, I already love Sarah and Brian so much. I want to be as involved as you let me. Thank you Jessi, thank you for giving me such beautiful children, thank you for being you. I am sorry I was not there for you when you needed me the most. Jessi starts sobbing again and I hold her tight. I hate making you cry, Jessi I did not mean to, I did not want to hurt you…. Then I feel a fierce almost angry kiss on my lips. I respond lovingly. The hands of Jessi are on my back, she pulls my T-shirt over my head, I realize I am only wearing my boxers. With my eyes I ask permission, before I start taking Jessi's jacket off, and pulling her blouse over her head. I course myself for not having a proper bed. I lay Jessi on the couch after opening in to a day bed with one hand. I kiss her again, her kiss is softer now. I start kissing her neck, and continue kissing her until I get to her skirt, again I ask permission with my eyes before taking her skirt off. Looking at her takes my breath away she is so beautiful, I whisper in to her ear, are your sure about this Jessi? She responds by pulling my boxers off. Lights start to flicker and blow. Traffic lights stop working and I hear some car alarms going off. Jessi is resting her head on my chest and I have an arm around her waist holding her tightly.

Jessi looks at me and says, that was perfect Kyle, as perfect as I remember. I kiss her temple and say, you are perfect Jessi and you make everything around you perfect. Jessi smiles and then tells me, don't think this means I am taking you back Kyle, it just means I am seriously considering it. Then in a lower tone she says, I do love you Kyle, but I don't trust you. I look at her beautiful hazel eyes and see pain in them. I say, Jessi I love you so much it hurts, it hurts being away from you. It hurts that you don't trust me, but I understand completely. I know trust has to be earned, and I have done little to earn your trust. I will do all that is in my power for you to trust me again. Thanks for the opportunity Jessi. Everything was perfect Jessi thanks for a wonderful moment. I will treasure it forever.

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