Chapter Eighty Three
"Hello, Heimdall," Loki said.
"Hello, Loki," Heimdall said. After many years of ruling, with Odin dead and Loki as king, the nine realms have surprisingly settled down. Eventually, everyone accepted Loki as their ruler. Almost a thousand years had passed since the day Rissa died. That's why he came out here. In a few minutes time, she will be gone for a millennium.
...
When she disappeared from view, a tear fell from Loki's eye, and he whispered, "Rissa."
He had not said her name since.
...
"Do you ever get tired, Heimdall?" Loki asked. "Standing here, watching over everything. It must get rather sad."
"I'm used to it," Heimdall boomed. "In a way, yes, it is sad. Watching so many souls lights' burn out. But it is inspiring to watch the way that the worlds change."
Loki was quiet, and looked out over the heavens, among the stars.
Rissa was out there. Somewhere. At peace, hopefully.
"What about you, Loki?" Heimdall asked.
"What?" Loki asked, snapping back to attention.
"Why are you so sad?" Heimdall asked.
"A girl," Loki said. "Why else?"
Heimdall gave a little chuckle. "Oh, but it was more than that, wasn't it?"
Loki sighed. "Yes. She was no ordinary girl."
"What happened to her?" Heimdall asked.
"It was a long time ago," Loki said quietly. "She's gone."
Heimdall looked at him sadly as Loki whispered. "Of course, that's what humans do. They die."
"What was her name?" Heimdall asked.
Loki checked the time, and waited a few seconds for it to mark the anniversary of her death. Then he could finally say it. He could breathe her name and release the pain that he kept tight inside him for centuries.
"Rissa. Her name was Rissa."
...
"When you lose the most important person to you in the entire world, where is all that love – love you never even knew you were capable of – supposed to go?
Ted Michael, Crash Test Love
...
Loki awoke with a start, gasping for breath. He was in his royal chambers. It has only been a week since Rissa died.
That was odd, he mused, sitting up in bed. He was covered in sweat.
He looked over at the mirror hanging on the wall. His entire chest was covered in sweat. The only thing he slept in was pants, of course.
He reached his hand to his chest. It burned to touch.
Now Loki was really confused. Not only was he seeing visions of the future, which never happens, but he (a Frost Giant) was covered in sweat. He was burning up.
"Hello, Loki," a voice said.
Loki didn't jump. But he snapped his neck in the voice's direction.
There was a man there in a trench coat, with dark hair and bright blue eyes. His tie was on backwards. But he was more than a man, Loki could see. Much more.
"Are you the one who gave me this vision, angel?" Loki asked.
"Yes," he said, without hesitation. His voice was very deep.
"Why?" Loki asked.
"Because I need your help to save her," the angel said.
"My help?" Loki asked. "Why not save her yourself? It's your precious Heaven."
"I can't." The angel said.
"LIAR!" Loki screamed, shoving the angel into the wall. He pulled out his knife and held it against the angel's throat.
"Save her!" Loki demanded.
"I can't!" the angel said.
"Save her!" Loki shouted. "Save her! I know you can do it! You need to save her! Save her!" But he knew that this angel was telling the truth. He dropped the knife and collapsed to his knees, slowly crying. He let out everything that was pent up inside of him. The pain of losing Rissa. The anger of letting it happen. The guilt of not being there for her.
The angel didn't move. He stayed there, and waited for Loki to recompose himself.
Loki didn't look up. "What do you need me to do?" he whispered, hanging his head, defeated.
"She isn't in Heaven or Hell," the angel explained. "She locked up in a place that I cannot reach. It has been sealed off. It was sealed off centuries ago."
Loki looked up at the angel with curiosity.
"I cannot enter," the angel continued. "But you can."
"Where?" Loki whispered, deathly pale, his skin regaining its normal icy color.
"Valhalla," the angel whispered.
"Why not get my brother to do it?" Loki asked.
"Thor is not a true Asgardian," the angel explained. "Not anymore."
"Besides," the angel continued. "You can only bring someone back from Valhalla if you truly love them, and if you need them more than Valhalla does."
And then he disappeared.
...
"Heimdall!" Loki demanded, as he reached the end of the bridge. "I need to enter Valhalla."
"My Lord, Valhalla has been closed off for centuries. It gained all the warriors it needed."
"I don't care," Loki snarled. "I must enter."
"Alright, My Liege," Heimdall said, powering the bridge.
As Loki was consumed by the rainbow light of the BiFrost, he kept one thought in mind. A conversation that he and Rissa once had.
"What does hope look like?" he had asked.
"I don't know. Ask someone who knows," Rissa has said.
He finally knew what hope looked like. Hope was a mix of the rainbow lights of the BiFrost and the stars. Hope was the universe, and the trillions of souls burning with a fiery passion. It was ice so cold it burned, and it was lava so cold it froze. It was every thought, every feeling, and every emotion at once. Hope was blinding.
...
And in his mind, Loki chanted a phrase Rissa had once said.
"Do you know what HOPE stands for? Hold On. Pain Ends. Everything ends."
And Loki held on so tightly, he thought his hands would break into a million pieces.