Katekyo Hitman Reborn

My Fate is Certainly Uncertain

Chapter 42: My Own Dying Will

Warnings: I really don't want to say or spoil things. Just shit in general. Expect the unexpected.

[Written to: Lo Stretto Indispensabile]

~o0o~

Sammy was in a downright stroppy mood. Very unlike him, because even though I was here and it was me that was holding him, talking to him nonstop, he continued to throw a tanty. Eyes bawling, tears streaming down his cheeks. Tiny fists curled into rocks. He looked up at me and I stuck out my tongue. He never did this with me or Dino. Only the servants and people he didn't know.

"Don't look at me like that." I told him, rocking him gently, up and down. Cursing to myself as he screeched even louder. "I just fed you kiddo."

I moved him to the other hip and sighed. Maybe he knew that I was going to meet Bermuda today. He was seven months old on thursday, and I could hear his mental development broadening. But to be honest, I just think it's the fact that he's teething.

"URGH. CHILD. MUMMY HAS TO GO TO A VERY IMPORTANT MEETING. PLEASE BEHAVE."

He only cried louder.

"Is Mummy having trouble?" Dino asked, appearing behind me. Sammy's eyes looked over at him, as if he was expecting someone else, and continued his nonsense ways. Dino somehow laughed it off, being the one who couldn't get enough of our baby. Me on the other side of the fence, was probably in need of a good drink and some popcorn.

"Can you take him? He won't stop and I have to meet up with Fran soon."

"Sure!" He scooped Sammy up in one joyful swoop. "I'll take him for a car ride, while you go shopping for clothes and food. Don't forget the bread this time!"

"Aw, but bread's gross."

"How could you say that? It's a gift from the heavens! Way better than your slushies!" He poked out his tongue. "Don't listen to her son, I'll show you what's best!"

I shoved his shoulder. "With ease. Now hurry up and get, I've got to have a shower and leave!"

And true to my word, I had a short shower and got changed into something casual, but not overly. I didn't bother to wash my hair. The car was waiting outside, my car. Dino had his own, and there was another one as well for more formal events, but my car was mine and nobody elses. But just because I was alone when I was driving, it didn't mean I was alone. I knew that the guys were following me. Dino had asked them to. It wasn't much of a surprise.

Their lapse in perception was due to Fran's part in my plan. We both went in, however, when I went into the stalls to "try" on some clothing, he set up an illusion of myself, while the real me was cloaked with invisibility. "We" entered the department store, tried on clothes, agreed to disagree on what hid my mummy tummy and then "we" went off to eat something for a late lunch.

I snuck out the back door when nobody was around anymore. I was barely recognisable as myself anyway. I was now blond and spoke in a French accent whenever I got stopped by someone for directions. (Apparently, that was a lot. Go figure.) It didn't take me long to find the place, since it was close to the mall, tucked away in a small side street. The brown swinging sign above the door pronounced the shop as Lo Scheletro Panetteria and I pushed the door open, then bell ringing as it closed.

The shop was deserted, apart from the young boy at the till, barely pushing his age past fifteen. He scratched his ear and looked up. The boy apologised, stating that the shop had been booked out for the afternoon and that I would have to leave. I told him the booking was for me, and asked for a hot chocolate, pronto. He got the general idea. I was to mean business while in this meeting, and I didn't want to be distracted by thirstiness or anything else.

I sat there for a good half hour, before the door creaked open again. And it wasn't Bermuda that came in. That made me more agitated that sad or angry, just because it was him that asked me out here. The man was way taller than Bermuda's adult form, and I knew who it was because his mind remembered me distinctly. Or rather, the shape of my face reminded him of my Mother.

How would Jager know her?

"You're late." I told him sternly, finishing off what was my second hot chocolate. "And where is Bermuda?"

"He's guarding the tri-ni-set. He's not allowed to leave, while his powers are working."

I nodded, thinking that was an acceptable answer for me. I didn't want to get dragged into that area again and I'm pretty sure Reborn didn't want to either. I gestured to the booth seat in front of myself.

"Please sit." I asked. "I want to get this over as quickly as possible without anyone noticing I'm gone."

"You never told anyone you're here?"

My eyelashes blinked and I shook my head. "No. I saw no reason to."

He shrugged, not really thinking too much about it. He didn't like to be in public if he didn't have to, so our discussion started immediately after the boy pocketed the money out of the till for banking and left, locking us it. His Father was an arms dealer for the Mafia, while his mother was a civilian baker, who knew no better. That kid knew otherwise.

"Tell me what you know, Jager. And don't try to lie, because I'll know when you are."

"I don't doubt that. You were a very intuitive child."

My eyebrow twitched. "Explain. What affiliation did my mother have with your business?"

"I'm sure you know by now that a Doctor by the name of M. Worthsanth is dead. Real name, Joseph Marchelli. Had a daughter and wife, who died in a car accident."

"I do." I said reluctantly, forcing the words through my teeth. "Continue."

"And you're aware of his relationship to your mother?"

"Father, apparently. Not one I'd consider to be."

"And your mother's job?"

I nodded. "Assassin."

"Partly." He said, cutting in. "That was part of her job."

I blinked and leaned in. "You mean she worked with you?"

"She worked under Bermuda, who originally sought to kill her."

My anger flared. "So you-!"

Jager shook his head. He still had his top hat and bandages. "No, we didn't kill her. I think it's best to start from the beginning, to the present, yes?"

There wasn't another choice. I couldn't nitpick his mind so easily as I would a more living person. "Alright. Hit me."

"Your mother, Miia. She worked for us as an assassin and spy, successfully blending in any situation. In the days before, she was on the run. She was caught by us, for other offences she had no say over. It was Joseph's fault, that we found ourselves in the position of hunting everyone that had to do with that project because he committed an act of treason on human life. Cloning is illegal."

For now, I though, thinking back to Iris's henchmonkeys.

"We caught her, as she tried to escape Italy. She almost died, and Bermuda discovered your existence and allowed her to live. That was the only reason why."

"Why did you let her live?" I asked.

"I just said, you. Killing the innocent wasn't what we did. The Vindice stood for justice. Bermuda, stood for the preservation of life, when his body was trapped in the same way all the other arcobaleno were. He made a deal with her to keep both of you alive and after the pregnancy, she would work on behalf of us as we set up an American wing of the Vindice. Things were getting riled because of some sore losers, so we needed men and women over there. She was one of the best, most efficient at using time. Bermuda was present at your birth and suggested your name."

My voice wavered when I answered. "I knew she originally planned to give me away. I didn't know why she decided against it."

He nodded. "I don't know why either, but your mother was a strange one. Bermuda became aware that you were still alive, surprisingly, at the tournament. He expected you to have perished along with your mother and brother."

"Well surprise, the later didn't die either. We were attacked, and I took the two men down."

"There weren't any men there." He said. "Only two children and your mother, all fitting your descriptions. The bodies were severely burnt, too decayed for any analysis."

My nose twitched. "I always wondered what happened in there. I took my brother and ran. They must have tampered with the scene. The ones who killed her."

"Then, there was your incident. We didn't get to see much of you, since your mother forbade it, but there were times where we stopped by the house to check how she was. It would be weeks, or even months before she reported back with us. One day, she didn't turn up at a regular check-in meeting, so we went to investigate. And as it turns out, she was in bed, terribly sick. Was being poisoned by her daughter."

"Don't be stupid." I spat. "I wouldn't. I didn't. I'd remember something sick like that."

He shook his head firmly. "No, you wouldn't. We erased your memories after your breakdown. When we entered the house, you were in the middle of serving your mother a drink laced with rat poison. It was floating in the air, in the grasp of your powers. You were able to distinguish who we were and we acted quickly, when you freaked out. You almost killed one of our men, until Bermuda was able to knock you out."

"I don't remember trying to poison my own MOTHER." My voice was low.

"You can think what you like, but what happened did. You were the same as your mother, sometimes the voices in your head were more soothing than those on the outside. They don't sound like anybody elses, they mimic your own."

"Stop." I said.

He didn't. "They'll tell you lies and they'll tell you the secrets of others. They'll be so unkind and they will be their owner's loyal steed."

"That enough. I don't want to hear about my problems."

"Do you wonder why Phillipa, that your powers didn't activate until after your mother's death? She bound her power to yours and took the full brutality it brings. Only when she died, was your power returned. Cloning is a gray area and we don't know the effects upon clones of humans, or the offspring of them. Obviously, you are outside the norm."

My temper was barely being kept under control. I felt like crying, but I forced myself not to. I forced myself to stay seated, and to see the end of this meeting. I wasn't fighting for my future or my brother's anymore, wherever he was. My son was now a part of this, and now, as a Mother myself, I understood some of the sacrifices that my own Mother made for me. But I was really pricking the bubble, as of whenever this endeavour started. I think it began before I even knew it did.

"Obviously I mixture of my mother and father, but that's not why I'm here. Is there something else I should know, that I don't know already?"

"We have reason to believe that your mother was working on a cold case, when she was gunned down."

"A case?" I questioned eagerly. "What kind?"

"Something that had to do with her creation, the man that initiated it and your mother's death. We don't have a lot of info as to who or where they're located now, as it's thinner than ever, but we know that they're situated in America."

This was it. We were finally starting to see some progress. I wished Al was here, though if he was, I don't know what he would do. I'm not sure what I'm going to do.

"And this is where you come in. In a year's time, when you're fully healed and when we've collected enough information about them, we're going to ask you for a favor."

"What kind?" I asked, speculating at the trivial thing of the Vindice asking politely for something. "A backrub?"

"You rub mine, I rub yours situation. We need you to seek and report back on what you find. If you think that what's there shouldn't be known to the Mafia world, you destroy it. You bring back the head of the organization for interrogation on the basis of breaking the laws of the Vindice and we will grant you a favor."

My mind wasn't a place of ease. On one side, I was getting excited after years, I may find out something else. That I may get closer to the truth. Jager wasn't drinking anything, though the boy had left him a coffee, complementary. It was cold.

I made up my mind. I was going to accept this.

"Alright. But I want protection of my famiglia, that's my husband and my son. They don't know anything. All they know is that my Mother was murdered. They don't my Mother's past, or what I am. I need you to promise me that if I do this, you'll protect them during the process and that if I die, you'll tell them everything. I've seen my future and I don't like it. I'm not leaving them in shadows this time. Hear me?"

Jager nodded silently and stood, towering over me as we both exited the booth. He gave me a cellphone that would only take calls to me, only one phone number. Bermuda's, the sneaky bastards.

"This mission, it's not one we have complete control of. Use this year to say goodbye, in case it doesn't work out."

I left the bakery in a state that I had to control. When I got home, everyone was asleep, so I took that time to go downstairs to the gym.

No time like now to start. Baby fat was a good excuse.

~o0o~

Finding Verde a second time around was much easier than the first. I found him in an abandoned theme park, near the outskirts of Paris, where the industrial era's fingertips barely glided over the inhabiting countryside that had been turned into sections of motorways and cheap trucker motels. I wasn't too fond of meeting him again. Alone, again.

He greeted me. I did the same. It was routine.

"I need to ask a question."

He didn't even turn around from his bench. "What?"

"What's a light explosive, that really powerful?"

"C4. But you'd have to carry several blocks, and at their added weight, it's heavy."

"Can you create an explosive for me that's more efficient?"

"Bring me a lion from the zoo, and you've got a deal."

"Okay."

~o0o~

I realised soon enough that I was becoming my mother either way and that maybe it wasn't a bad thing. She protected us, loved us if love was what she intended to give. It was hard to tell, when she left us days on end, leaving me to look after my brother. There would be times where I would have to sell things, just to get by. It was a very scary thing, for a child like me. I'd have to lie to teachers, lie to what friends I had. And all the while, Mason was oblivious. That what I believed, anyway. I'm not too sure not.

My Mother wasn't a good one. She drunk herself to the bottom of a bottle when she was upset. At times, her own mind was fucking confusing to work out and I, at times, resented her greatly. I wasn't sure whether it was her death, or something else within me that started all of this. This 'quest'. I was afraid of what I could find, but damn sure determined to succeed. It was getting closer to the deadline and Sammy's birthday was on right now. Paw-paw and Mamam did swell.

The balloons were gold and blue, strung onto invisible string. We were out in the garden, with all our men, singing happy birthday and having a wonderful time. Dino, who second nature was to be the best Father the world had ever seen, he planned it all. That was his thing. Sammy got a new friend, a small squirrel named Louis. Louis bit Dino, but licked Sammy's cheek, eyes bulging and pointed in different directions. I gave Dino the look and he explained that he got him from a pet shelter, since I said that having a dog would be annoying. I never said that, but I just shrugged and watched him squeal happily as Louis ate some of his cake, over the sound of Dino telling him off.

We were lying in bed one night, not really doing anything because it was one of those nights where it's too hot to sleep so windows are open and the sheets are kicked down to the bottom of the bed. I was trying to sleep but it seemed that Dino wanted to ask me something. One that I wished he hadn't.

"Hey, let's have another baby."

"No." I said, rolling over. "I don't want another."

He talked with confusion. "But you said you wanted a girl! Come on Philly, it won't be bad this time. I'll make sure you're safe. Nothing will harm you."

It was true that while I did want a girl, that dream of the future of a girl named Libby, I wasn't prepared to make another sacrifice. I felt that it would be so unkind of me to give my family something to dream for, when I was going to be off soon, on a mission that I wasn't sure if I would come back from. So I said no. If I died, that dream would also. Stopping it there would prevent it from happening.

And I did something I hadn't done in forever. I was desperate. To feel as if you were going for something so out there, and for no-one to know is a terrifying thought I sat in a pew and prayed while at mass. It wasn't full, barely any people there. To whom? Someone. Anything. Who knows. Not me, obviously.

My hands were clasped, eyes staring down at my covered shoes. My stomach was uneasy, and my voice barely a whisper.

"Forgiveness is a joke for me. It's something I don't ever deserve, and certainly not after what will happen. It's been years since I've done something like this, but I'm praying now so I hope you've got your radar on, God. I don't know why I'm even here. Maybe conformation that if I don't make it back that there will be something for me later." I snorted cynically, and bit my lip. "No, no. I don't deserve anything, but I wish…"

Have I ever had a chance to wish for something?

"Everyone wishes. Children, Grandpas…...Even this born bastard should be allowed at least one in her pathetic life. I think I've already used it though, so let me try one more time.

I don't ask for forgiveness today. 'Cause I know I'm not going to get it. I just wish, that they understand what I'm going to do tomorrow. That all I've ever done in my entire life was protected everyone I love. I hope that they know that they would never be able to talk me out of this. There's no going back home once I step on that plane."

I didn't want to leave Sammy. I didn't want to leave him alone, because I know what that does to a person. I hoped that my Brother would understand what I did when I found him. I wanted my boy to understand that I'm trying for them. The letter I left, hopefully they'd find. I sent a text message, saying that I'd be away for a few days, with Fran, as something had come up. I had gotten a call from Bermuda again, stating that they'd found the location. It was in Florida.

"Momma. Don't leave me alone, okay? Everything's gonna be okay. I'm going to protect my son like you protected us."

~o0o~

I told Fran that if they ever came to him, that he wouldn't reveal what I was up to. He wasn't too keen on the idea, but I made him swear. I said I was doing this for my family's protection. He had grown into an apprentice of Mammon's, despite his constant bantering against the idea. I had liked how he was getting more independant and I was glad that he chose me in the end. I wouldn't have done the same thing, because that's just who I am.

The only person who was ever suspicious of anything was Aria. I rung ahead and told Dino that I was going to be a few days late, as I wanted to visit Aria while I still could. I was surprised she even held on this long, but it wasn't going to be even another year before she died. She could feel it in her bones and when I went into her room - with a glass full of lemonade and some cut oranges as a peace warming gift - I could see it too. She couldn't move from her bed. Cheeks were hollow. And Gamma was outside, so I made sure to keep my voice down. He was making sure nobody saw him longing after her.

"You look horrible." I said, the sentence sort of slipping out of my mouth. Like a car crash in slow motion, I tried terribly to reverse what had happened. She was still rather her normal self.

"Damn, you really know how to woo a girl Phillipa. I better go warn Dino."

My old self however, never left me. I was able to strike right off the bat.

"I try my best."

She laughed weakly. "What are you doing here?"

"Why do you think I'm here? 'Cause I can. Where's Yuni?"

"I sent her away. I don't want her to see me like this. It's too risky."

"Risky?" I don't remember you being sick being risky. Exposing her to the truth will only toughen her. You can't hide things from her."

"I know that." Aria replied, sighing. She was growing tired, just from talking. "But she's still a child. I can, at least, protect her from this."

That was the last time I saw Aria alive. I wished that I had said what I was going to do. It would have felt like a confession, a terrible one, but it would have felt wonderful.

~o0o~

Tampa. I was in Tampa, alone. So very easily, I was able to find myself around the place. I think when I was little, I may have visited once, for a brief period of two weeks at the least. It's hard to say, we literally went everywhere. I didn't book into a hotel, because I didn't want to leave a record. It didn't matter if I left an alias name under it, it would still leave a mark.

I felt like I was back at the beginning, picking the locks on Iemitsu's base for information. I had to wake up and smell the truth in the days, weeks, months and years that passed from that incident. I bettered my skills and I was determined not to get caught again from that incident. Every time I was caught, I'd punish myself. I'd aim for a higher goal, go bigger than I've ever gone before. I was aiming for this and so I said to myself, as I entered the perimeter that I wouldn't stop this time.

There was a toll booth man at the bottom entrance of the skyrise building, probably one of the tallest in the city. Typical. Reading a newspaper, smoking a cigarette. Dreaming of a world away. He was thinking of how it would be nice to go see his children once today in school, because since the divorce he'd had a tough time in a custody battle. All I did was play a recording off of Youtube while sitting in a nearby alley, so that he wouldn't see me. And it worked. He left his post just long enough so that I could slip past. I wore tight clothing, darkest black I could find. Security cameras were everywhere, so I had to act fast.

What I got from Verde was like a second christmas. My backpack was full of the home-made explosives, but they were brilliant. They could break up into smaller pieces, they could be detonated at different times with one remote, it was awesome. I didn't leave every piece down in the basement level. No, this area had vital support beams and while I left one on each beam, I saved some for when I got to a lab.

Never, I told myself, think of the Tokyo Tower incident, use the elevators. Not only are they monitored, everything always is, they are controlled by cables and electricity. Both are flimsy and the stairs are a much easier and safer option, though they are vulnerable to being ventured into one time or another by employees.

I had the option of going up or going down. When I got inside and passed the administrative area, the realisation hit me as a plan of the building was stuck onto a cork board. A whole subterranean level lay below the surface of the building. I calculated that the possibility of the labs being down there was pretty high, though I was going to go down there anyway, because after all of this, I was to destroy everything.

The lighting was terrible. It was obviously clear that someone with no design taste created this space, because the walls were cement. I could see parts of the ground still and crates were lying everywhere. I could hear people moving, talking, joking about how the Miami heat would beat the Lakers in the playoffs. (Coming from a girl who lived in California, oho. No. Not a chance.) I did my best to hide behind everything I could, until I reached a room on the end, opening it with a clearance card I stole from a man at a vending machine.

The room made me feel like I was back in high school and I wondered what it would be like to study again. I couldn't remember the last time I had been in a classroom. The room was dead quiet but I could hear approaching footsteps outside, and hid in the darkest corner while the employee came in. He had some coffee, by the smell of it, and sat down at the farthest desk, logging into the system. That's when I grabbed him into a chokehold, and held down the pressure till he stopped moving.

Employee number three-two-four worked here in the cryogenic lab, working on fetuses and removing any possible bacteria that could lead to infection or death of a subject. I didn't like the feeling of the hairs standing on my arms when I read in further, speaking to myself outloud.

"Employee number three-two-four has worked here for a number of years and has been in the same unit for the entirety of his job. It doesn't look like they accept anyone from the outside until one kicks the bucket."

I clicked on the file named BMS, further going into another file that retained dockets of purchases and records.

"It's recorded onto the computer that they're planning to continue Doctor Marchelli's work in the area of human cloning. It's unknown if they've been successful or not, -" I kept clicking the files, only to end up being kicked out because I didn't have a high enough clearance." -because of electronic reasons, but I shall copy all I can onto a thumbdrive."

It was big enough, anyway. Way way bigger than anything you could buy in stores nowadays. Due to the nature of what I felt they were diving into, I had a suspicion that the anagram stood for Black-Market something. If it was, then I certainly wouldn't feel guilty about the unconscious man lying on the floor being killed. I really didn't have any emotion to those who thought that it was a safe thing to play with cloning.

I checked the floor layout again, deciding to go to one of the higher up floors. That's where the negotiations and the workers who were more of the business side of things were held. Getting up there took me a good twenty minutes and I stopped at each floor, sticking an explosive behind a beam that was on the bottom of the next flight of stair. Nobody would see it, if they weren't paying attention. I know five years ago, I certainly wouldn't have, I would have focussed on keeping my breathing under control, wondering why I wasn't taking the elevator.

Floor twenty seven held the accounting managers and the consultants, two groups of people that should never mix together. I completely waltzed past that floor, jumping to stick a bomb to the next floor's roof, and continued climbing. But someone had come out the upstairs floor and my mind thought cigarette break, so I quickly went into the consultant floor, hiding behind a cabinet of files. There was still five floors above my head till I hit the roof. But I stayed on this floor to explore a bit more. Maybe I could find something about my black market theory,but I stopped when I saw an area of the floor that was outly more fancier than the other rooms, with a gold plaque on the door with the name Alexander Carcani - Board Director and CEO of Giovanni Limited - on it, underneath, a notice to go to the front desk to book a meeting and his office hours. This was the man that Bermuda wanted alive.

My stomach dropped in the most awful way, resonating an awful tingling sensation in my feet. I didn't know any Carcani's - the name sounded from a romance language, but maybe not Italian, but Alexander was an english name. I didn't know any Alexanders, but I definitely knew of an Alex. I should. After all, that's the name of my brother's father. I had to act quickly, so that I couldn't be captured by the cameras. I stuck to the walls, kept my head down and picked the lock quicker than I'd ever done before. I closed the door behind me and exhaled, sitting against it. I was in.

It was lavishly furnished, books behind a well made leather chair that sat behind a wooden desk. A great view of the city, the water's edge could be seen glistening the moonlight. This was the office that I assumed to come here every day. His computer was still humming, foolishly still left on. That meant he left, planning to come back. So I waited and it wasn't long till I heard the door click open, and my memory swearing at itself. I'd forgotten to lock it again.

We both recognised each-other all the same, and both drew guns.

~o0o~

We're so close to three hundred. May I kindly ask that we reach that goal before this story finishes? I can now say that we have three chapters to go, including the Squalo surprise, which may include Al. But now that you know his secret, things may seem different when he says things. *Cries* I'm so excited to reveal even more to you guys! GEEESSSUSSS. YOU'LL FLIP.

Replies:

Zuta-Chan: Yes! I didn't want her to die right there! That would be sad for everyone and I would suck as an author if I left it there!

Wiki: You're indeed right.

My-Name-is-Alice: Yeah I know right? I debated a girl, and then twins, but then I told myself no. But I'm glad Sammy's here. Took me ages to find the right name, almost called him Alfie at one point. (And then thought no, reminded me too much of Al's name.)

Viper's girl: Oh heck no! That would suck ass! I hope you got over it, because I was wondering where you got to.

Excited,

Verdigurl.