Fuck my life side-ways with a 12-inch strap-on.

After the panic attack and bout with mortality, Hunter should have been over-the-moon that the school nurse found that both herself and Kyle would be fine so long as they took it easy for the next couple of days. It also should have been good news to report that the rest of the day had gone considerably well and that most of the attention was focused on straight-laced Kyle fucking around in the bowels of the underworld (so to speak). Sure, Cartman had tried to draw more attention to the fact that it was both Kyle and Hunter that had been discovered with their pants down - the truth was quickly lost in garbled rumors and extreme untruths - but for all any of them knew, Hunter was just a major whore, whereas Kyle was not. The point was, it should have been an afternoon of great celebration for the girl now that school was out and she was on her way home, and yet, standing outside of her house as she unlocked the front door, it was the exact opposite.

Ignoring the new kid for pretty much the rest of the school day, Kenny had seemed as if he had reconsidered the dinner invitation, which while one of those double-edged sword kind of moments, made rather a lot of sense. Hunter imagined that it couldn't have been easy seeing one of his best friends coming out of the closet with another guy, especially when the friend had iffy gender preferences. At least they were iffy to her.

At any rate, when the five of them disembarked from the school bus, Hunter watched Stan and Kyle walk off in one direction together, while Cartman immediately set off on the path for his own place. Turning on her heel with but a single glance back over her shoulder, she was downright astonished to see that Kenny had not turned in the opposite direction for his own home, but was following after her and Cartman. Did Cartman invite Kenny over at some point? Because after the apathetic way that he had treated her, she had assumed that their plans had been canceled.

Just before he had hit his own yard, Lil' Hitler had noticed that they weren't alone on the path. What a joy that had been. "Careful Keeny," even in high school, Cartman still put a strange emphasis on things, "Hunter might try to fuck you next."

Cheeks burning in a culmination of anger and embarrassment, Hunter snapped back. "I didn't do anything in the closet but talk!"

"Butt-talk?!" Laughing loudly as he stepped on to his property, Cartman took great joy in antagonizing his neighbor. "Yeah, I bet that's what you call it, you fucking little bitch!" Her short temper only made it that much more amusing for him. "So tell me, when you butt-talk, is that with your clothes off and his dick up your ass, or your dick up his ass?"

Incensed, Hunter made to sprint across the lawn so that she could scratch Eric's eyes out, but she was held back by a random coughing fit. The nurse said that that might last a while, but so long as nothing came out, it should be fine. Hunter had her doubts about that diagnosis, but thankfully for Cartman, she was too busy fighting for control to do anything to him. Once it had passed, he had already gone inside. Pussy. She'd like to hear him say that to her face... But whatever, she had more important things on her mind than to fret about some fat fucker - like what she was going to do alone with Kenny this whole time.

Fortunately for her, the boy too was thinking along these lines, only he actually had a clue as to what was going to happen. Following Hunter inside the house, he looked around briefly, noticing a small collection of photographs depicting a woman with long dark hair, one of which showed her holding a small newborn in a baby blue blanket, a small child with pink ribbons in her hair looking down at the baby. Did that mean that Hunter once had an older sister? Or...?

Hunter noticed that he was looking at the photographs on the shelf, speaking in a final sort of way that made it clear it was a subject not taken lightly in her house. "My mom. We don't talk about that."

So it was a long shot that he'd fess up about the girl in the picture. But maybe with time and enough charm, Hunter would come clean about what he was up to with Kyle. "Your house doesn't look like you just moved in."

"My dad brought us up here earlier in the week, and we actually spent the better part of it unpacking." Walking over to the closet, Hunter opened the door and reveled stacks of boxes still unopened. "He's planning on having his boss over for dinner soon, so he wants it nice now."

It was almost uncomfortable in such a tidy place, especially when he was used to the exact opposite. "Is the whole house this clean?"

There was no masking the snort, since her own room was a far cry from the rest of the house, and even in the hours since Kyle had left, it had become so much worse. "Let me put it this way - if this was Imladris, my room would be like the ruins of Khazad-dûm."

"Khazad-dûm?" A small smile passed over his face at the Lord of the Rings reference. "You played Lord of the Rings as a kid, didn't you?"

Only everyday. "A bit. Why, what were the big games over here?"

Well naturally there were different factions that played various things throughout the town, but Kenny only concerned himself with what he himself would play. "Lord of the Rings, Game of Thrones-"

"That one with all the wieners?" It was huge when she was younger, but that was a game that she didn't join in very frequently. "I never got into that one. Too much betrayal, and it started to mirror my life too much. You guys ever play superhero? I heard that there was a group of kids in Colorado that really stepped up during Cthulhu's reign, Coon and Friends, wasn't it?"

It had occurred to them that they were on the news, but he didn't realize that it was in areas outside of Colorado. "You heard of Coon and Friends?"

Like every girl in her age group at that time, she had had a crush on Mysterion. "Yeah, haven't you? Some of them were really popular with my classmates, and that was way away from here."

"I was in Coon and Friends." There were enough guys on the team to confide that much, and besides, if he wanted in to find out what Hunter's deal was, some sacrifices might have to be made.

Hunter's jaw hit the floor at that. "You...?!" Something dawned on her then, that the person the world had thought was the Coon really wasn't. "So wait, does that mean that the Coon really wasn't Bruce Vilanch? No shit." Well, it made sense that Cartman was the Coon, since he was such a douchcebag, and out of everyone in town, he had the body for it. "You mean that Cartman was the Coon? Eww."

Kenny wondered to himself why Hunter hadn't asked him who he had been in the group. Did the other boy already know, or at least suspect? "Don't you want to know who I was?"

Nodding ardently, Hunter really did want to know, but at the same time, she respected privacy. "Of course I do, but it wouldn't be right for a hero to go blabbing on about his secret identity. Super heroing is serious business."

Whatever this guy was hiding, Kenny realized that at heart, Hunter wasn't such a bad person. Maybe a bit hot-headed when rubbed the wrong way, but he seemed good enough.

Ok, here's the second part of a double post, and a fairly long explanation/message. First off, the opening line is a combination of quotes from the movies Balde: Trinity and Kick-Ass 2. I also drop in a reference to Hansel and Gretel - Witch Hunters. Personally, I've never seen Game of Thrones. Oh, and given all the media attention in his debut episode, it just seemed to me like Mysterion would be super popular. Although, I did consider making her crush be random and on Man-Squito. Or however you spell it.

I do not own South Park, that's all on Matt and Trey, but I do own Hunter and Avery!