Katekyo Hitman Reborn

My Fate is Certainly Uncertain

Chapter 45: Drowned

Warnings: Just a warning, but there's meant to be a warning here.

[Written to: Defying Gravity - Lindsay Mendez ]

~o0o~

His coat gleamed in the dark, as black as it was. When he strode, it gave off a varnished light, a fine material that must have been shiny of something, woven deeply in between the crevices. With a brown mop of receding hair, the barrel of his revolver caught the light, aimed right at my head. Eyes were locked, and I kicked the door shut with my foot, leaning back, barely missing the first shot that was fired. It grazed my shoulder and I moved to kick him, but he jumped. For a large man like himself, he could move quickly, quicker than I had anticipated. While three bullets were put into his body, he fired four more, and those I couldn't dodge. I couldn't bare to cringe in the pain that they brought. I didn't have time, nor the willingness to stop right then. My determination and the shock that my body was going into prevented me from thinking anything else.

He cackled, and grabbed my hair. I couldn't stand him touching me. My memories, of the night came flooding back, without any warning and I snapped. My shield protected me, as if I was a child, lashing out at him viciously. I huddled into a ball, trying to control the pain, so that I could stand.

"Fucking bitch!" He yelled, cursing as the mouths snapped whenever he came close. "I'm going to kill you! You...You should have died a long time ago!"

"Fuck you!" I screeched, pouncing on him, attacking his face with my bare hands. Blood was already on my hands, but I wasn't prepared to stop. "I hate you! I hate everything you've done!"

The ground shattered beneath both of us, jarring downwards.

"Shit!" I sweared, reaching into the back pocket. I'd accidentally set off the bombs!

I kicked him once more before sprinting for my life. I had to get out, now that the building was starting to collapse. The support columns would have gone now, the steel rods that they implant into the ground before they built the structures, shattering. This was a prototype bomb, so I wasn't sure how hot it would get, or how quickly it would spread, but I guessed that it was pretty damaging, judging by all the glass that was falling outside, and how the floor kept shaking. I wondered when it would drop beneath my feet. I couldn't let that happen.

The large man was fast on his feet. I could hear him yelling after me, as I sprinted up the stairwell, three steps at a time, lunging up. I had to get out, so that the Vindice could get their fucking recordings and all of this could be over.

"PHILLIPA!" He roared, and I ran out onto the roof, stumbling. My gut was bleeding, a hand covering it, trying to stop anymore from escaping. My first aid kit was in my bag. But that was in his office. Fuck.

"It's over!" I yelled, running to the edges of the roof, swearing as I spotted the guardrail. They usually placed those there to stop the jumpers, but this was a private building, so I wondered why he would put them on there. This place was corrupt.

"You can't escape!" He laughed. "This place, this is your resting spot! Can you feel it? Can you feel your nerves building up, strangely, unreasonably swinging at certain emotions? You're a failure!"

"What do you mean?!"

"Your kind!" Alex spat. "You kind was meant to build the destruction of this world! Everyone of your kind heard voices! They were paranoid out of their minds! You ever wonder why your mother ran away with you and your brother, thinking that people were chasing you?!"

"They were!" I hissed. "I SAW them come into the house! We fled because it was you! Don't TELL ME I'M INSANE!"

"But you're not denying it, are you. You're not denying the voices, or the corruption. Even if you escape today, your ending won't be happy. You'll become even more distraught. Everything will end. It's been your fate from the start!"

"Shoot."

He hit the ground before I could do anything. He was dead right after, from his own gun. I looked over to the door, from behind Alex, to see a blond man, standing staunch. And yet, he was crying. My eyes were sore, but I knew who he was. I couldn't deny those eyes.

"Mason…." I whispered, smiling bitterly. "I found you…."

"You shouldn't have come." He sniffed, struggling to talk, hands in his pockets, cigarette smoking in his mouth. "I…"

"I'm sorry….." I said. "I'm sorry this has happened, but we need to go."

"I can't. It's my fate to remain here."

"That's silly!"

"I can't." He said again, shaking his head, tears streaming. Heavy bags under his eyes, evident of his sleepless nights. "You abandoned me, left me for dead, left me with a monster like him" Ash from the cig fell onto the corpse ". I can never leave. They tell me I can't."

"Don't listen to those voices!" I told him, holding out a hand. "We can go home, together! You have a family waiting, please! We can work this out, you don't have to be alone. I'm sorry I left! I'm sorry I made a mistake!

"I'm sorry."

A just in a heartbeat, in the stumble of my feet, he shot his own brains out.

I caught him before the smoking revolver fell onto the ground, the cigarette blowing away in the end. My wounds opened up more, but I didn't care. I didn't, I couldn't.

"Mason, Mason!" I whispered, holding him in my arms. "Baby, wake up!"

Those eyes weren't going to open for me, and that mind was only going to say sorry forevermore, because that was the last thing he said.

I couldn't see anything else, when I hugged him tight. I didn't want to feel anymore. It hurt too much to bare.

"Ms Marsh."

I pulled my wailing face to see Jager, towering above, in all his shadows. I felt the building start to sway.

"Leave me." I said.

"Your mission is over. We're here to return you."

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I held Mason closer, unable to believe that they were wanting to leave him here. I couldn't do that. I wasn't going to do that again!

I was forcibly moved, teleported away, landing on the shores of the west coast, wailing a soggy mess. My head was pounding now, unable to receive thoughts. I lied there, not caring that Jager was watching, not caring if world passed, if time stopped, if everything ended. It would nice if the last one happened, but I couldn't see it. I only saw Mason's grown up face and the pain I cause. That was on my head alone. I was a terrible sister.

Like a viking, we burned him at sea, just off the shoreline. I wasn't able to take him back and they convinced me that the best thing to do when I got back home was to act natural, as if nothing was wrong. But I couldn't this time. I was….unable to see myself like that, because now, I didn't have what I wanted. Nothing was worth it anymore, so I didn't eat anything on the way back.

I made sure no-one saw my stomach. Dino assumed I was still sensitive about wearing sexy things because of the pregnancy incident.

Apparently, I just looked tired to everyone back home. I told them that I had a hard time with Fran, not his fault, just the adventure we went on, and decided to take a nap while everybody was gone. Dino and Sammy were visiting Reborn in Japan, since the Vongola wanted to see him and Reborn wanted to show him off to the other Arcobaleno. Jenny was at the shops, hoping to make her world famous trifle, thinking that it might cheer me up. I accepted her enthusiasm with pleasure, only to find it sour in my mouth. Everything that I ate tasted like sadness.

So I went into the bathroom, and locked myself in. I felt tired all the time, and I looked like it too. I stood there, wondering what was it that drove me all these years. The thought of supposedly protecting my brother? No, I don't think that really was. It was hard to think of anything else, when the voice kept talking.

"Why do you think you were so determined on nothing else?" It asked, as I studied the heaviness of my hair. Those eyes were dead, and like a curling snake, it coiled in the air. I vividly remembered, right then, of a similar circumstance, where I was in the kitchen. But that was for a brief moment and I only remember looking up. "He was right, you know. You. Your mother and brother, they're all the same. You're so determined, because it's in your genes. How else were they going to control an army."

"Stop." I whispered. "I just…"

"We never were meant to end up like this! Being free, no! By a change made by one woman, a whole entire race is almost dead. Two remain. No, not even two. He's right, you know. WE cannot escape this time."

"THEN WHAT DO I DO?!"

"End it."

"Are you crazy?" I asked.

"Are you? Really, think about it. You said it yourself, none of this would have happened, if it weren't for your mother! If you take yourself out, our son will live a normal life! He won't go through the pain of generations! He will be fresh!"

That made sense, to me. Maybe I was never in my right mind to begin with. Maybe I had some sort of depression, or psychosis. I didn't care for those things.

The bathroom was always kept stocked. It wasn't like we, Dino and I, could go out to the drugstore and buy medicine, even if it was only for a cough. That would be compromising to our safety, so the shipments were always checked. I've always had trouble sleeping. Dino knew that, from the times he was punched in the face or gut while I was having nightmares. I felt a little safer though, seeing him whenever I woke up. I swallowed more painkillers and sleeping pills than I could count. I just kept gulping, drinking water, swallowing, repeating, thinking that I could finally stop this, finally be free of what I caused, to not feel guilt or this hollowness.

Nobody had come home yet, when I came back out.

I was tired, so I slipped into bed and closed my eyes.

~o0o~

"Put it over there!"

The family was loving, years, but sometimes they were a little awful at moving furniture. Samuell decided that it was time to clean up the room. It had been a month after his father's death and only week since he moved into his parent's room. Though he wondered if it was right to call it that, since it hadn't been used in years. His father moved everything to another room, rumour had it, after mother's funeral. And you could see that it hadn't been opened either. Dust was everywhere, and the room to the side was still filled with his nursery gear. This was the first to go, because honestly, what twenty five year old needed a rattle when he had to take care of just under five-thousand men?

The room was blue, his favourite colour. It was pretty funny, how it was like that, because that was his father's favourite too. No idea why was that, to him, but a dusty picture frame caught his eye on the wall.

She looked so young and happy. A larger than life smile, eyes crinkling and red licker lips that could have men from miles around turn their heads. She was holding a baby, him yes, in a small inflatable pool in the back yard, in summer. His father didn't talk much about her, so most of what he knew was from his grandfather, Reborn. Quite sick now, but the old man still kicked his ass now and then. Downright scary.

That was the first thing to go. His father must have taken her death very hard to leave everything like this. He heard stories. Screams, a tragic funeral, mysterious wounds that were never explained. Every now and then, he'd see what went on too, in the minds of others. Nobody knew about it though. He kept to himself, especially when he was around his grandfather.

But that's where he found it. An aged, white envelope taped to the back which read; "To Dino."

Samuell had never seen this writing before. He knew his father's well, since he had to go through all of his paperwork when he took over as boss. He sat down in the rocking chair that stood by the dusty window, and opened it. His father couldn't, so he did it for him. The man had been harsh, but he was loving as well. He loved his only son with all his heart, because that's all he had.

"To Dino, or whoever opened this.

As I sit here and write, contemplating what on earth I'm about to do, I'm stricken with this odd fear I've been having. I've never said this before, about my family, but I wish it never happened. I wish I hadn't fallen in love with the most beautiful guy I could imagine, who truly deserved a better, less selfish woman than me. I really did want a normal life, but I don't think I was ever in for that. Being born into a somewhat chaotic mafia world does that to a person, yeah? Tsuna would agree.

I don't know when you will be reading this, if you even do. Tomorrow, I'm going on a mission that I've been waiting my whole life for, and I'm scared. This fear I have, it's for Sammy. I worried that they'll come after him too. I think they're the ones that tried to kill me when I was birthing him. I hope he's doing okay. I never expected to have children of my own, because I was terribly afraid of what would happen. But I am so lucky that you gave me that chance, that with what time I had with him, was the happiest I had been since my mother's death. And I'm glad she's not around to see him. What's in the past has happened and I don't want to worry about it anymore. I'm leaving tomorrow, so please forgive me. This mission will let me be free. I can be with my family, and not worry anymore.

I'm writing this, incase the Vindice don't go through with their deal. Go find them, if they haven't and punch that Jager for me. I trust that they keep to their word, though. So, we'll see.

Dino. I have so much to say, but I can't write it all down. You wonder why I'm distant and it's not because of you. You wonder if I was cheating, and I wasn't either and I am troubled. I've always been that way, but please, I'm writing this so you don't hold onto that hurt that I have for so many years. It's terrible, the way I dealt with it. I don't even think Reborn knew the extent of this driving force. So I want you live. Basically, I want you to be free of blame. Don't hate Sammy, if I don't come back. I don't know what the future holds. I may come back a different person, I don't know, but LOVE him, please. We saw the future, and I KNOW you did too, even if you weren't there. And I saw what I did, and hated it. Cause I caused you, my love, such pain. So please, forgive me. I love you to the sky and back, infinity.

All my love to Sammy as well, and Reborn.

And tell Tsuna to get a girlfriend already, if he hasn't.

Love, Phillipa."

The page shook in his wavering hands, as he read through the handwritten letter. The room was quiet, but he was breathing heavily. This was the first love he'd heard from his mother, something he yearned for as a child.

But this was big. He'd heard of the incident with the Vindice, from Reborn's recount of the days when he was a baby. A baby who was a hitman! Who would think?

Samuell stood, and and left the room excitedly.

He had to see his grandfather.

~o0o~

It's been a year. Probably even more than that since I started this story. Next up will be a special chapter to do with you know who, but that will take me a little while. In there, I'll say my goodbye thingy. :D Sorry these took so long to write.

No replies this week! I'm super tired and strangely sick while it's bloody hot outside!

Lots of hugs, my emotional lackeys,

-Verdigurl