Well, I'm sure I know what you're thinking right about now. You're thinking...WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME! I know...I know that I have been remiss in my duty to this fic. But, I can assure you I have a very good explanation. I was about halfway done with this chapter in mid February when I decided I hated it...and started ripping it apart, redoing it. On President's Day, my mom suffered a heart attack. Three days later, she had triple bypass surgery. Since then, I've been somewhat preoccupied with her recovery from the surgery, as well as other health issues she's having. Add into that the fact that the same week my mother was going through everything, my job ended and I was rendered unemployed. Somewhere in all of this, my writing mojo was lost in the never ending shuffle. Eventually, I found it again, but it has taken a while. So, if this chapter is sub~standard, I apologize ahead of time. We've only got a couple more chapters to go in this fic, and I'm hoping it flows easily for me :)
Now, on to the business at hand: Twilight, it's characters and situations, do not belong to me. They belong to the very lucky Stephenie Meyer, who I hope realizes the depth of her good fortune and is thankful for it every day.
Ok, a refresher: When last we visited Bella and Edward, it was Christmas. Bella was in Forks, and Edward was in Chicago with his family, having just found out the hard way that he's a daddy. He left Bella in a very bitter way, and while hurt by his actions, she soldiers on, sending him a very sweet gift. Edward himself tried to make amends with Bella, and had Alice hide something special for her to find on Christmas. Meanwhile, Edward went to a party against his better judgement with Victoria, which turned out to have been hosted by an old school mate of his. Somehow, he manages to allow himself to be led astray, causing a rift with his parents~his mother in particular~that takes him a while to mend. But Christmas is a time for miracles...
Please enjoy...
Chapter 34: Psycho Therapy
"So is she having another party?"
"Nah, I think it's more that her mother just didn't want to be home alone tonight. And since I was going to be alone too, they asked me to come over too."
"Charlie's working?"
"Yeah. Apparently New Years Eve is a pretty busy night in Forks."
"I'm not surprised."
"Me either."
"So, who else is going to be there?"
"Angela's going to come because Ben and his family went to his aunt's in Seattle this week."
"Oh, that should be fun. Is Lauren going to be there?"
"No. She made sure everyone knew she had a date with Jacob."
"Jacob? Jacob Black?"
"How many Jacob's do you know?"
"Blech. I know he's your friend, but Jacob is just…ugh. He's infuriating!"
"Kinda like Lauren is..."
"Then it's bound to be a match made in heaven to be sure!"
"Jake thinks he hit the lottery."
"Sure…she's tall, blonde and easy!"
"Two of your favorite people dating…this could get good."
"Ugh. Speaking of favorite people, is Mike going to be there too?"
"Oh gosh, I hope not. His name wasn't mentioned. I mean, who the hell wants to start their new year off by looking at that fucking tool?"
Alice let out a loud, unladylike laugh, knowing the answer to that question. "Hey, is Mrs. Stanley going to make those little meat pockets again?"
"Alice," Bella sighed, "those are frozen hors d'oeuvres. Even you could make them. Hell, I made them on Christmas."
"Oh. My. Gosh! They are so yummy! I need to get them. I'm actually salivating right now thinking about them!"
"Ask your mom to get some at the grocery store," Bella smiled and laughed. The very thought of just how much food tiny Alice Cullen could ingest made her shake her head in amazement.
"I should ask her. I'm sure the store is still open. Maybe Edward and Jazz can go pick some up for me!"
"You do that."
"Jazz!" Alice screamed into Bella's ear. "Can you and Edward go to the store and get me those frozen appetizers that we had at Jessica's?"
Bella could hear Jasper's low voice in the background.
"You know which ones. The meat ones. And those little hot dogs in the puffy pastry stuff….Thanks, baby."
There was an audible smack as Alice's lips met Jasper's and Bella rolled her eyes. It was all so easy for Alice and Jasper. She felt suddenly envious of her friends.
"So, anyway," Alice was back to conversing with Bella, "I'm totally excited for the concert! I have to thank Charlie for thinking of me."
"Yeah, that was a pretty amazing present, I have to say. He really hit one out of the park."
"I can't wait! A weekend in Seattle with you! We are going to have so much fun…unless…"
"Unless what? Unless my dad puts a damper on it?" Bella chuckled.
"No…Charlie's totally cool in my book, Bella. You know I think he's the awesome. I meant, unless you'd rather go with Edward."
There was silence on her end of the line as Bella thought about what Alice said. Go with Edward? At one time, that idea would have been a no brainer. But now? Now that he'd rejected her? Now that he'd tossed her to the side when all she wanted to do was be there for him? Be there to offer him comfort in his time of need? The note and gift…the note in particular had been something to consider…but she just didn't know. Not yet, anyway.
"It's three months away, Alice."
"Still, I can't wait. Unless…you know."
"Yeah, I know, but let's not think about that. New year, new…well, new everything, ok?"
"We're starting over, Bella. It's like a do over. You'll see. It will be a fresh start for everything."
"Uh huh. We'll see. So, what are you guys doing tonight? Going out or something?"
"Nah, we're all staying in since we're flying back to Washington tomorrow. Edward's still sort of under house arrest for that little stunt at the party anyway."
"I still can't believe he was that stupid," Bella shook her head.
"My brother…well…I don't have to tell you how my brother is."
Bella fingered the sparkling charm as it dangled from her wrist. "Yeah…I know all too well, Alice."
Edward slammed the door of the Mercedes.
"I can't believe Dad made Jenks drive us to the grocery store," his breath came out in white puffs with his words.
"I dunno, Edward. I could get used to being chauffeured around," Jasper wore a wide grin, shoving his hands deeply into his jacket pockets as they made their way into the store. Jasper grabbed a shopping cart on the way.
"It's not like we don't know how to drive, Jazz! He just did it to keep an eye on me."
"Edward," Jasper stopped walking and grabbed his brother's arm. "How many times have you driven around here?"
"I…I haven't actually…" Edward's voice trailed off as he looked down at his feet sheepishly.
"That's what I thought," Jasper smirked. "Now, how about you tell me what's really bothering you." He started walking through the store in search of the frozen foods.
Edward slumped along behind Jasper. "I don't know…"
"Sure you do," Jasper turned down the frozen food aisle. "We both know. Edward, you have to talk about it." He stopped walking and turned to face his brother. "What are you afraid of?"
Edward stared into Jaspers steely blue eyes and swallowed hard. It was such a simple question…but it was one that had no simple answer.
"It's not a hard question, Edward," Jasper continued softly. "Just…just tell me how you feel. What are you afraid of?"
Edward swallowed hard, his mouth suddenly dry. He twisted his jaw and thought. Finally he sighed. "Everything. I'm afraid of everything, Jazz."
"Everything?"
"Yeah."
"Now, I think everything is overstating it a little bit, don't you? Why don't you say what you really mean?" Jasper walked slowly down the aisle, the cart squeaking in front of him, as he looked each case up and down, hunting for Alice's appetizers.
Edward thought for a moment, knowing his brother was right. He drew a deep breath and whispered his fear. "I'm afraid Bella won't take me back."
"She'll take you back," Jasper said assuredly as they reached the end of the frozen foods aisle, coming up empty handed. "Fuck all…did you see any of those things?"
"I…I wasn't really looking," Edward shook his head. "What makes you think she'd take me back? You don't know how horrible I was to her."
"Oh wait…there's another freezer case here at the end." Jasper wheeled the cart around the end of the aisle.
"That's called a header back at the Thriftway," Edward smirked. He missed his job and hoped that it was still waiting for him when he got back.
"Here they are! Look at this! All these little boxes of frozen meat love!" Jasper sounded giddy as he stood facing a glass doored freezer case stacked high with the frozen savories that Alice salivated over. "And look! They're on sale! How many boxes should I get?"
"I dunno…how many can Alice eat?"
"Oh, I think she ate like, two boxes by herself at the Stanley's."
"Get four? I…I don't know. How many are in each box?" Edward pulled a box out of the freezer and looked at it. "Forty. Um…get six? If we don't eat them all, the Jenks' will enjoy them."
"Sounds like a plan. And that way, Alice won't bitch that we didn't get enough," Jasper took the boxes as Edward handed them to him and turned the cart, heading for the check out counters.
"So, what makes you think Bella will take me back?"
"Alice says she will."
"So?"
"So? So?" Jasper stopped walking and looked at Edward. "Do you live with us? Do you not know your sister?"
"Of course I know my sister," Edward huffed.
"Then how can you even question it? You know Alice is always right." Jasper pushed the cart in line behind a wide, middle aged woman in clingy white leggings and a too short top. Her black thong was clearly visible under the tights. He glanced hopefully at Edward to see if he'd noticed, but his brother was lost in thought.
"And besides," Jasper nudged him with his elbow then raised an eyebrow in the direction of the white legged woman. "Alice has been talking with her on the phone all week."
Edward's eyes widened and he couldn't help the grin that appeared on his face. "So…she told Alice that she would take me back?"
"Oh, that I don't know," Jasper averted his eyes when the woman turned to grab The National Enquirer from the magazine rack next to them. "She never tells me what they talk about. I just know they talk for hours."
Edward looked up, scratching at the stubble on his chin. "Should I talk to Alice?"
"She won't tell you anything, you know that. She's your sister, but mister, she's loyal to Bella a hundred and ten percent."
The woman in the white leggings was swiping her credit card now, and Edward noticed what she had purchased. A six pack of Coors Light in cans, a box of Hot Pockets, a large bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, a bag of Fritos, a container of onion dip and a package of Oreo Double Stuff. He suddenly felt bad, because it occurred to him that this woman was probably going to be spending New Year's Eve alone. He watched her as she wheeled her cart away and slipped back into a long, dowdy black down coat that was loaded with what could only be cat hair, noticing the dark roots growing on her messy bleached blonde hair. When she turned, he saw the bags under her eyes. She'd been crying, too.
He sighed as he watched her grab her bags from the cart and, with shoulders slumped, slink away into the cold Chicago evening.
"Aw Jazz, that poor woman."
"Yeah, you'd think she'd have some fashion sense living in such a metropolitan area, huh?" Jasper dropped the boxes onto the belt.
"She's going to be alone tonight."
"Maybe her clothes scared her boyfriend away."
"No," Edward shook his head. "She'd been crying. She's alone. Someone…someone recently broke her heart."
"You think?" The cashier quickly scanned the frozen treats and took the money Jasper offered.
"Yeah. She had a really expensive wallet…like that purse Alice has."
"Louis Vuitton?"
"Yeah. She's not like, a WalMart person or anything. She's…she's alone with no one to love her." Edward felt sudden empathy for her. He'd been on the path to alone himself, except that his family wouldn't allow it.
"Well, I hope for her sake that's not true and she's just having a bad day or something," Jasper grabbed the bags and the brothers began to head to the exit. "No one should be alone and sad on the holidays." He threw his arm around Edward's shoulders and smiled.
As they walked to the car, they noticed the woman getting into a new Mercedes SUV.
"I bet her husband left her and the kids," Jasper mused as they got into the car that Jenks had kept warm for them. He opened the door and motioned for Edward to get in first.
"Prick. That's why women think we're all assholes," Edward sighed as he slid across the seat.
"Call her." Jasper pulled the door closed and Jenks pulled out from the parking space.
"What?"
"Call Bella and wish her a Happy New Year."
"You think I should?"
"Yeah, I do. She unlocked the door with that voicemail and the bit of texting the two of you have done. It's your turn to push that door open a little more now."
"Oh, Alice won't tell you what she talks about on the phone with Bella, but she tells you about my voicemail?" Edward shook his head.
"She was excited. She said all the pieces were moving into place." It was starting to get dark in Chicago and the streetlights reflected off of new fallen snow as they drove.
"All the…what? Why does she talk like that? All cryptic and witchy and shit? It freaks me out when she does that." Edward ran his hand through his hair.
"I know. Sometimes she gets that far away look in her eyes and I have to admit, I do get a little scared. Hey, look at the lights on that house."
"What the hell do the Chicago Bears have to do with Christmas?"
Edward lugged the suitcase up the stairs and dragged it into his parent's bedroom. Just how much had his mother packed for her few weeks in Chicago? It felt like she had somehow managed to cram her entire closet into one Louis Vuitton suitcase. He grunted as he picked up the heavy bag and laid it on the bed, pausing to take a deep breath and brush the hair off is forehead.
It had been a good week for him. He had managed to fix his relationship with his mother and had Alice there with him to be his anchor and hold him steady on the numerous occasions that he'd wanted to kill Victoria. He was starting to feel like his old self again and he had to admit that it felt good.
Of course, that voicemail had only helped his merry mood.
He had made Alice check her phone no less than twelve times on Christmas day, but, sadly, Bella hadn't contacted her in any way about the gift, and by the time he was ready to go to bed, he had all but given up on Alice hearing anything from her at all. Perhaps, they had guessed, she hadn't found the small box yet. Maybe Alice had hidden it a little too well. He had stayed up long after everyone else had gone to bed on Christmas night. On his way up to his bedroom, he stopped to check in on Alec first, as he slept soundly in the little room across from the master suite that Esme had set up for him, and then dejectedly made his way back to the warmth of his own childhood bedroom.
He hadn't even noticed his cell phone on the bed until he pulled the covers back and it fell to the floor. Only when he picked it up did he notice that he'd missed several calls and had two voice mails.
From her.
Bella.
She'd gotten his gift.
And with the gift, she had no doubt read his note.
At first, he'd been afraid to listen to the voice mail, fearful that she would be telling him exactly where he could shove his gift, right along with his note.
And it took him quite a while to decide whether or not he should listen. So he had seated himself in his soft Cubbie's blue chair, staring at his phone, reading the times of each missed call over and over, and debating with himself whether or not he was strong enough to hear what she had to say.
Eventually, he wore himself down, and hit the voicemail button, lifting the phone to his ear with a trembling hand, mentally preparing himself for the verbal berating of the century.
"Edward Cullen! You have one hell of a nerve, you selfish son of a bitch! I'm sure you know exactly what you can do with your fucking note, but in case you are as stupid as you seem to be, let me tell you in no uncertain terms…."
Bella's soft voice snapped him back to reality.
"Um…Edward…It's...um…me…ah…Bella…uh…ah, fuck…"
Click.
The second message began to play.
"Hey…Edward…it's…it's me…um…Bella? Yeah…Bella. Um…shit…can you ignore that…the other message? I thought I could delete it but I guess you can't. I don't know. It's technology and I'm not that good at technology…" she let out a sigh. "Anyway, um…I guess you know why I'm calling…" There was a pause before she breathed his name softly. "Edward…" She sighed again. "When are you coming home?"
He closed his eyes, breathing in deeply. Home. She wanted him to come home. He had sat in his chair, replaying the message over and over until he'd fallen asleep with a smile on his lips to the sweet sound of Bella hemming and hawing and sighing into is ear.
It had been the perfect ending to the most perfect Christmas. His most precious Christmas gift being the one he had received from Bella. When the time had come for him to pack up the life he'd brought with him to Chicago and head back to the life he'd left in Forks, he had wrapped the silver frame in a mountain of tissue paper and then again in a soft, old tshirt before slipping it into his backpack to carry onto the plane, ensuring the rough baggage handlers didn't break it on the return flight. The flight that would bring him home. To Bella.
If he was being honest with himself, as was his New Years resolution, he would have realized that the simple fact she had been so thoughtful in her choice of gift~hell, the very idea that she'd thought of him at all for Christmas after the way he had treated her over Thanksgiving~should have told him she still cared for him. But, he had been dense and lacked clarity on Christmas day, being too overcome with emotions. With his mother. With Alec. With Alice. With his fear that Bella wouldn't accept his gift at all. It all became clear that night, though, with a few stuttering words left on a voice mail.
She had accepted his gift. She had realized what the real gift was…and in hearing her words, he knew that her framed photo of him with Alec wasn't her real gift to him. Not at all. Her real gift was her forgiveness. Her real gift was asking him to come home. It was a gift he knew he didn't deserve, but he greedily held it to his heart as tightly as he could.
The sound of the front doorbell startled him back to the here and now, back from his memories, and he smiled slightly, hoping that maybe, just maybe, it was Bella at the door. Bella, who he knew had been texted by Alice the second they landed at SeaTac. Maybe, he hoped, she couldn't wait until school the next morning to see him.
He had followed Jasper's advice and called Bella to wish her a Happy New Year. It was much better than the few text messages they had exchanged after her Christmas voice mail. It was more personal…more…right. Just hearing her voice made him feel like he was home already. It was warm and comfortable, but not as warm and comfortable as her words had been. Words that spoke to him of hope and a future…something he thought he had left behind when he had boarded that plane headed to Chicago. He had thought that he would never have that hope again. But now, he had that hope. The hope for a future with Alec…and maybe…with Bella.
He checked himself in the mirror in his parent's bedroom and tried to fix his unruly hair. If it was Bella, he wanted to make sure he looked as good as he possibly could.
The blood curdling yell he heard made him realize that it couldn't possibly be Bella at the door. His heart pounded in his chest as he ran out into the hallway and heard it again. It was Alice.
"DAAAAAAAAAD!"
Edward ran down the hallway and took the steps two at a time until he came to a sudden stop at the bottom of the staircase in the main foyer. His father was standing in the open doorway with Jasper next to him, while his mother and Alice stood behind them, Alice's arms defiantly crossed over her chest. For a moment, he was confused…until he heard the visitor's voice.
"I swear to you, we're not here to start any trouble. I promise, Carlisle."
"Then why are you here?" Carlisle crossed his arms over his chest, standing defensively in front of his family. Jasper stood at his side, arms stiffly at his sides.
Edward felt his stomach drop to the floor. It was Emmett. And where there was Emmett, rest assured there was Rosalie. He stepped forward and went to stand next to his father, on the other side from Jasper. He set his jaw and stood firmly with his hands on his hips.
"We're here to…well…" Emmett sighed and looked Carlisle in the eye. "Rose wants to set things right."
Edward let out a snort and his father's hand came up, motioning him to be silent.
"Look," Emmett continued. "I don't expect you to welcome us back with open arms, but, Carlisle, you've always been the fairest man I know. Won't you at least offer us the opportunity to try and fix this?"
Carlisle sighed. "You want a chance to apologize?"
"Yeah," Emmett nodded.
"Rosalie wants to apologize?"
"Yeah, she does. She feels terrible about everything that's happened."
"Since when?" Alice scoffed from behind her father.
"Shush, Alice. Let Daddy handle this." Esme wrapped an arm around her agitated daughter, pulling her tightly against herself.
Carlisle looked at his two sons who flanked him, then turned around to his wife, eyes searching.
"Darling?"
Esme looked at her husband. "You know how I feel about my children, Carlisle, whether or not they feel the same way about me."
"But Mom!" Alice protested loudly. "After what she did to you and...and Edward you're going to let them come back?"
"Alice is right," Carlisle nodded his head, a grim look on his face. "While the family was ripped apart by Rosalie, in the end, it was Edward and you who bore the brunt of her attacks."
"You have my answer, Carlisle. Maybe we should get Edward's input?" Esme looked at her son, who stood with brows furrowed.
"Edward?" Carlisle put a hand on his son's shoulder. "What do you think? Do we let Rosalie come in and try to explain her position?"
Edward looked at his father's face, searching for the answer, even though he already knew it. He looked back at his mother, who smiled softly at him.
"No, Edward! Don't do it! Say no!" Alice was emphatic. "You know her! She'll never change! She'll lie and cheat and nothing will change!"
Esme tightened her grip around her daughter's shoulder. "Alice. It's Edward's decision."
Alice wrenched her shoulder out from under her mother's arm. "No, it's not. This entire family suffered under her reign of terror! I know I went along with some of it, and that's my fault. And I know that you and Edward suffered the most from her abuse, but really…we were all her victims." She rubbed her hands over her face. "And…and letting her back in is just…it's too easy. It's just too easy for her." She crossed her arms over her chest and set her jaw.
"Alice," Jasper pulled her into his arms. "Remember how you used to tell me how we shouldn't be mean to Edward? How we needed to be friends with him?"
She nodded.
"Well…maybe we need to finally listen to you? Maybe we all need a little forgiveness for the way we've acted the last couple of years?"
"Jazz," she clasped his hands in her own, "I know you're right. But I don't think she deserves to just be able to say she's sorry and we all act like nothing happened. She tried to ruin Edward's life! On purpose!"
"No one's saying that's what's going to happen, Alice," Carlisle spoke this time. "But, I like to believe that my family is made up of fair and compassionate people who are willing to offer the benefit of the doubt, as well as the opportunity at second chances. The very least we can do is, well, listen to her." He looked at Edward. "That is, if Edward is willing to?"
Edward studied his father's face with furrowed brows. "And what if her apology isn't enough?" His voice was soft. "What if she's not really sorry for what she did? Just for being kicked out of the family? Kicked out of a good lifestyle?"
"Well, once we listen to what she has to say, then we'll have a family meeting before any decisions are made." Carlisle understood his son's apprehension. "Does that sound fair to you?"
"Yeah," Edward nodded. "It does."
"Edward!" Alice pulled away from Jasper and grabbed Edward's hands. "Please!" Her voice begged him. "Think about this! Look at all that she's done to you! Look at all that she's cost you!"
Edward looked at his sister's desperate face with quite understanding. "Yeah, I know what she's cost me, Alice," he said in a soft voice. "But I also know what I've gained. I promise we'll discuss it before any decision is made, just like Dad said." He turned to look at his mother. "Mom? You've been her victim as well. Are you sure that you're ok with this?"
"Yes, Edward, of course. With everything that's happened, Emmett and Rosalie are still my children." She took a step forward and wrapped her arms around Edward's waist. "Emmett, why don't you bring Rosalie into the living room?"
Emmett had stood silently in the doorway while his family debated on letting them in. Not that he could blame them, after all of the problems that Rose had created. For his part, he had simply gone along with whatever Rosalie had done, not because he had wanted to, but because it had been easier. He was as much at fault as she was, and it was all due to his own lazy spirit. His face broke into a familiar, easy smile at Esme's words, and he leaned forward impulsively to plant a kiss on her cheek.
"Thanks, Mom." As soon as the words were out, Emmett was halfway to the small rental car that Rosalie sat in, saying quite prayers.
From the kitchen, Edward heard Alice's cell phone ring. Greenday. He knew it was Bella. Alice ran down the hallway to get the call and suddenly Edward felt very foolish for being so quick to accept Rosalie's request. After all, she was the reason Alice's phone was ringing with Bella's ringtone and not his own. He listened hard as he moved into the living room with the rest of the family, pausing in the doorway in a failed attempt at gleaning some sort of information from the frenzied hushed tones he heard his sister talking in.
Edward sat on the sofa, between his mother and Alice, while Jasper leaned against the fireplace and his father stood by the door.
Emmett and Rosalie sat nervously in the two chairs across from the sofa.
"Thank you so much for allowing me this opportunity, Esme. I…I can't begin to tell you how grateful I am for it." Rosalie spoke with a shaky voice. It was easy to see she was nervous and, from her red, swollen eyes, that she'd been crying.
Alice snorted from her place on the sofa and rolled her eyes. Esme gave her a look.
"Emmett says that you have something you would like to say to us, Rosalie?" Carlisle walked slowly toward the sofa with his hands shoved casually in his pockets. He leaned against the armrest closest to his wife.
"Yes, I do, Carlisle." She said softly as she nodded her head. "I would like to apologize to everyone for all of the terrible things that I did. Things I did to this family." She stopped, dabbing her eyes with the crumpled Kleenex she held tightly in her fist. "I did things that were horrible. And I did them to people who…who opened their home and their hearts to me. I'm a terrible person, and I just want you all to know how sorry I am for what I've done."
She took a deep, shaky breath and continued. "Esme, I am truly sorry for what I accused you of. I know that it was never, ever true. But…I…I…," she took another deep breath and closed her eyes, as if looking for strength. Emmett took her hand in his, holding it tightly.
"Go on, Babe. You can do it." He whispered to her encouragingly.
She nodded and opened her eyes, looking at Esme directly. "I knew that there was never anything inappropriate going on between you and Edward, and yet, I went ahead and told that lie. And I told it simply because I was jealous of the two of you."
"Jealous?" Esme's eyebrows knit together. "Whatever could you have been jealous of?"
Rosalie looked at Esme. "I was jealous of your love."
"Our love? I don't understand, Rosalie." Esme shook her head.
"You and Edward were so close…in every way, you were his mother and he was your child." Tears started rolling down her already red cheeks. "You were a family~all of you. And one more time, I was on the outside, looking in."
"Rosalie," Esme's voice was soft. "I'm so sorry if anything that I did made you feel like an outsider. That was never, ever my intent."
"I know that now." Rosalie sniffled and Emmett handed her a fresh tissue from a folded up wad he produced from his jacket pocket.
"When you first came to us," Carlisle began, reaching down to take his wife's hand, "you were so distant. We were almost afraid to go to you, to be parents to you, Rose. We decided to wait until you came to us. But that never happened. By the time we moved to Seattle, Emmett and Jasper joined our family and things had snowballed out of control. Then the accusations started…and I didn't know what to do."
"So you took it out on Edward, which was exactly what I wanted to happen." She dabbed at her eyes. "I wanted Edward to suffer because I had suffered for so long myself. Unless you're in foster care, you can't understand what it's like. Edward never had to go through what the rest of us did. Edward always had it so easy. He went from one loving house into another."
Edward sat silently, stunned by her words.
"Rosalie," Esme spoke gently. "Edward was half the age you were when he came to be with us. It was a very different kind of transition, for him and for us. But, by the time we adopted you, Edward was, well, he was our child, as was Alice."
"I know that. I mean, I know that now. But then? Then I just hated him because he had everything I ever wanted. And I wanted him to know pain like I knew. Pain like we all knew." Rosalie started to sob. "I wanted him to know what rejection felt like, and I wanted to punish you, Esme, for loving him more than me."
"But, why did you take it out on just Edward? Why not on Alice as well?" Carlisle was curious now.
"Because," a deep sob wracked her body. "Because, whether you realized it or not, Esme, you favored Edward over Alice."
Esme felt tears welling up in her blue eyes. She turned and looked at Alice, sitting on the other side of the silent Edward. "Alice, is this true? Did you feel I favored Edward over you?"
Alice shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. "I don't think I felt that way. I mean, Edward was here first. He was already part of the family I joined, you know? It's only natural that he'd be more comfortable, more…part of it all, I guess?" She grabbed Edward's hand and looked at Rosalie with a saddened face, her voice quiet. "I'm sorry, Rose, if you felt like an outsider. But, I never felt that way at all. Edward and I, as close as we are, well, we are two very different kinds of people with very different needs. Edward and Mom have always been close in a way that's quite different from the way Mom and I are close. I'm sorry that you misunderstood that to mean Mom didn't love me as much as she loves Edward, because that's just not true. Mom loves me just as much. She loves us all the same."
Jasper had quietly moved over to stand behind the sofa and rubbed her shoulders slowly as she slumped back against it. He nodded his head in agreement with what Alice had just said.
"I remember one of the first things Alice said to me when I came here." His lips twisted into a slight smile. "She told me that the two most awesome people on the planet were Esme and Carlisle Cullen. And that I should be thrilled to be a part of this amazing family. But then, she said that Edward was the third most amazing person ever…but that he was hers and hers alone." He laughed. "For some reason, that bothered the hell out of me. I mean, I had fallen for Alice the very first time I laid eyes on her, so I know now it was just jealousy. But, after a while I realized that Edward wasn't a threat to me like that, so I was able to enjoy being his brother. But then…things sort of changed and it was just…easier, you know? It was easier to just go along with it all." He shook his head. "I've apologized to Edward a thousand times for what I was part of, and I know he's forgiven me. I just hope he and Mom can find it in their hearts to forgive you too, Rose, so that we can just go back to being a family again."
The room fell quiet as Rosalie sniffled and dabbed at her red eyes with a new tissue, Emmett's beefy had gently rubbing her leg.
Finally, the silence was broken.
"So, you think I had it easy?" Edward spoke barely above a whisper as Rosalie looked at him, surprised. "You think that I never felt the pain of loss or of being rejected?" He tightened his grip on Alice's hand. "Well, Rose, you thought wrong." The expression on his face hardened. He let go of Alice's hand and stood up, pacing quickly in the space between the sofa and the coffee table. "I know damn well what rejection feels like. I know what it feels like to think the one person in your world who you thought you could count on abandoned you. Just…just passed you off to someone else like…like a football. To some strangers…to people you met once or twice and who brought you gifts. People who seemed really nice and who treated you great, but who were, at the end of the day…strangers just the same."
"Edward…" Esme's hurt voice was silenced by a quick squeeze of her hand by her husband.
"My parents were…well, what I remember of them…they weren't always there. They had…distractions, which I know you know all about. Sure, my mother made sure I was well fed and clean. I was always dressed nicely and I got off to school on time every day. But…for love? For love it was Grandfather. Grandfather is the one who sat me on his lap and read to me. Grandfather was the one who helped me with my homework and took me to Cub's games. So, when I was suddenly living with him because my parents mysteriously disappeared from my life? I was happy. But that doesn't mean I didn't hurt from the thought that my parents~the people who were supposed to love me~just left me. It hurt. It still hurts. It hurts even though now I know why they left me…that the drugs were more important to them than I was. That's a hurt that will never, ever go away. Not now, not ever. No matter how much my grandfather loved me, or how much Esme and Carlisle Cullen love me. That is the hurt I live with, day in and day out, Rosalie. And it hurts to my soul."
He stopped pacing and stood still, his body shaking as he balled his fists at his sides, trying to compose himself. "But then," he began, "suddenly, Grandfather, the person who did love me…who always loved me…he…he just kind of dumped me off with these strange new people and that was it. I'd be living with them...these…very kind…strangers." His face grew distant as he remembered how he felt all those years ago. "Of course, I would visit with my grandfather, and things were exactly like they had been. But then…then I'd have to go back to the stranger's house to live. And I could never, ever shake the single thought that kept me awake many nights back then. What had I done to Grandfather that was so horrible it made him get rid of me? Was I so bad that he didn't want me to live with him anymore?"
The room fell silent once more as he stopped talking and dropped back down onto the spot on the sofa between his mother and his sister with a heavy sigh and closed his eyes. He ran his hands through his hair, twisting his fingers through the bronze threads and tugging hard. Alice reached up and gently pried his hands free, pulling his head down onto her shoulder. She softly combed her fingers through his hair, knowing the calming affect the movement had on him. Edward closed his eyes and sighed.
Esme cried quietly as Carlisle held her hand. She looked at Rosalie. "So you see, Rose," she began in a weak, understanding voice. "We all have our pain…and we all live with our pain. You were never unique in that, sweetheart. For Carlisle and I, that pain was the fact that we had so much love to give, and yet, we were never blessed with a child to lavish it on. So we adopted all of you, hoping that you would love us as much as we loved you."
Rosalie had stopped trying to dry the tears that were cascading down her face as Edward had spoken.
"I'm so sorry Mom." Her voice cracked. "Do you think that you and Edward can ever find it in your hearts to forgive me?"
Ok, we'll end it there...evil, I know. I'm hoping to get the next update out much quicker than this one. Again, my apologies for the long wait.
Please let me know what you think & send me a review. I have NO idea if this is going to show up in the light gray it's typing in, or how it even ended up like this in the first place. as you can see...I'm still pretty much a mess...then I wonder why, out of the 100+ resume's I've sent, I've gotten 3 calls: 1 to tell me I'm over qualified. 1 to tell me I'm under qualified. And Aflac to tell me I should sell insurance for them. *sigh*
Thank you for your patience and for reading my little story. I really do appreciate each and every one of you =D