This is the story of Severus Snape.
All things Harry Potter belong to JKR. Nothing but the story line belongs to me.
Rated M for language, subject matter some may find offensive and romantic interludes.
Previously on The Years Of Decisions 1: Hogwarts Secrets
As Severus walked out the side door, he had ripped off his graduation robes and had thrown them to the ground. Out of the corner of his eye he caught Avery and Mulciber do the same thing. They had laughed and clapped each other on the back on the way to the gate.
Avery stepped through the gate first giving Mulciber the chance to comment, "We were of the mind you would let the Mudblood slut turn your head. For a bit, it seemed as though you would choose her over the Dark Lord. Good choice then mate. Let's get to the meeting."
Severus had been caught off guard at Mulciber's words, but had laughed them off. "A Mudblood wench is only good for one thing, if you don't count killing her. I've gotten that one thing so what more is there?"
Mulciber guffawed. "You said it Severus. What more is there?"
Severus thought he and Lily had kept their relationship well hidden. Obviously they hadn't hidden it well enough. Like Potter, his mates had probably known all along.
Severus felt a small pang of regret. He had just referred to Lily as a Mudblood again, but what else could he have said? Severus Snape was going to be a Death Eater and had to toe the line and even though it meant giving up Lily, that's what he would have to do.
The Years Of Decisions: Chapter 2: Lovers, Orders and Another Secret
Severus glanced around the meeting room and for the first time in his life he felt he was where he was supposed to be. He was among those who considered him their equal. More importantly, he was considered one of Malfoy's boys and that carried some weight as Lucius Malfoy held a very important position in the hierarchy of those who followed the Dark Lord. Severus was even more enthused as it was he who held the highest position with Lucius, the others being acceptable choices.
As Severus glanced around the room a second time, Lily crossed his mind and for that quick second a feeling of loss coursed through his body. His lovely Lily. The witch he would never have. Then Lucius was addressing him and Severus had snapped to attention with a quick answer on his lips.
They were being sent away. Even though they had just graduated, Severus along with the other Death Eater trainees were being sent to Bulgaria for training. Lucius made it clear that he expected great things from them and where Severus would be charged with seeing that everything went as supposed.
Severus had felt all eyes on him as he was being given the top spot and returned each glance with a smug look of his own. He would be in charge and they were to follow his orders.
"I do not plan to keep you tied down," said Severus. "We are going to Bulgaria to practice our art and become proficient in those things which we will use to bring down anyone who opposes us. We will learn well and make Lucius proud, but with that said, I will also mention I will not tolerate any foolishness."
Mulciber, Dolohov and Avery looked quickly at each other. Severus Snape, the wizard who chose to fuck a Muggleborn was going to be in charge, but none dared question either Lucius or Severus only nodding in agreement.
"Well said Severus," Lucius replied. "We are finished here so get on with it."
So straight from graduation the group was sent to Bulgaria where for the next two years they were allowed to run rampant before being called back to London by the Dark Lord.
/*/
One of the first things Severus heard when he returned to London in mid summer 1979 was that Lily had married James Potter. The next thing was that the Potters and the Longbottoms were part of a vocal group which had been trying to thwart the Dark Lord at every turn and he was considering taking measures against them.
Initially, Severus had been pissed off to learn that Lily had actually married the Potter coward and in a fit of pique had vowed not to lift a finger in her defense should the Dark Lord really go after her. As far as the Longbottoms were concerned, they meant next to nothing to him so Severus cared little that the Dark Lord had them in his sights.
Severus remained angry with Lily until the day the Dark Lord sent for him. "I have a job for you. The Potter's, Longbottoms and a few others believe they are smarter than me Severus. They are recruiting wizards to stand against me and they have set ambushes for my younger Death Eaters. They continually try to defy me and I'm beginning to lose patience where they are concerned. I have more pressing matters which need my attention, but you will keep watch on them for me. Right now they are just annoying little nothings, but if they step out of line one more time, you are to get rid of the lot and while you are at it, I want to know what Albus Dumbledore is up to."
/*/
No matter how angry Severus was with Lily or how he referred to her in Death Eater company, he did not want to see her dead. Never dead. She was the only witch he'd ever loved and if not for the fact of birth, she'd have already been his wife. He was very careful to keep his mind closed around the Dark Lord, but he made a mental note to get to Lily to warn her.
Severus went about his duties as he had been ordered and one night skulking around the Hogs Head, he had become privy to a strange prophecy about the Dark Lord given to Dumbledore by some old crone. He had been caught and thrown out of the establishment, but not before realizing the prophecy meant trouble for the Dark Lord.
Severus had gone directly to the Dark Lord and reported what he had heard. The Dark Lord had been pleased with Severus and had raised him to almost as high a position as the older Lucius Malfoy.
Though Severus was receiving accolades from the Dark Lord, Lily was still on his mind so whenever he was alone he tried to figure out how to get to her.
/*/
Lily and James Potter were usually together. Severus had watched them from afar, but never had the chance to get her alone. He had studied the couple and it seemed that something was off. James didn't hold Lily's arm when they walked and neither did Lily seek James' arm when they were together. This was supposed to be a couple in love, but it seemed more like two people in a relationship who didn't want to be there. Lily smiled and interacted with Sirius Black more than she did with Potter. The more Severus watched, the more convinced he became that one of the two wanted to be somewhere other than in the marriage they were in.
On one occasion after seeing them together, Severus thought, you got what you asked for Mrs. Potter. How does it feel? It must be so much better than being….. Severus hadn't finished his thought. It wasn't Lily's fault they weren't together. He had made the choice. He had chosen the Dark Lord.
Severus' chance came one day in mid October when he saw Lily alone. She had just parted from the Longbottom woman and had stood looking around as though waiting for someone. Severus had apparated to an alley close to where Lily stood. He had stepped out, touched her arm and immediately apparated them to Spinner's End.
Lily had her wand out as soon as they landed and would have hexed him good and proper if he hadn't thrown up a shield. When Lily realized it was Severus, she had lowered her wand….and smiled.
Severus let down his shield and strode across the room to….to …to what?
Lily stepped back. "What are you thinking Sev? I'm a married witch."
Severus stopped in his tracks and spit, "Yes, that's right. You are married to the wonderful James Potter. Are you not? Is the scoundrel still chasing after Bettye Macomber when you aren't watching? How could you have married him Lily? Even the dog Sirius Black would have made a better husband than Potter."
Lily growled, "Stop it Sev. You're being mean and spiteful. James chose me to be his wife and he hasn't seen Bettye Macomber since Hogwarts."
Severus replied, "My name is Severus. You are the only person I've allowed to call me Sev, but that was before you decided to marry Potter. As far as Bettye Macomber goes, I find it hard to believe you don't know she finds herself under the oh so excellent James Potter several times a month."
Lily bristled at his words, "What James does is none of your concern. Telling tales on him will not change anything. If you are so upset with me and James, why am I here? What do you want Severus?"
Severus turned his back so he wouldn't have to look into her beautiful green eyes. "I took a great risk to find you and tell you that the Dark Lord is watching you, your husband and the Longbottoms. He has said you are to be killed if you keep trying to undermine him. I am the one he has chosen to keep an eye on the four of you and I am to kill all of you if any of you step out of line again."
Lily screamed as she sank to the floor, "You are the one who will kill me? Why didn't I see this coming? The great Death Eater Severus Snape has been charged with killing me. Well kill me then Severus. Do your job. Kill this Muggleborn and be done with it."
Lily was sobbing as she finished her tirade.
Severus turned back to the witch he loved, walked over to pick her up off the floor and wrapped her in his arms. "Stop crying Lily. I've told you this to make you aware of what is going on. I'm trying to keep you from coming to any harm, but you must stop whatever you are doing against the Dark Lord. Let someone else play the hero. I'm asking you to step aside."
Lily continued to cry. Severus was not a stupid wizard and he'd known Lily since before Hogwarts. Something else was wrong.
He lifted her up and carried her over to the couch. "Look at me Lily. Tell me what's wrong."
"It's a mess Sev. James has always had his suspicions about us and one day he made me admit that you and I dated at Hogwarts. After my admission we had a fierce row in which he accused me of messing about with the filthy Slytherin bastard and how he was the cuckold for taking used goods. He was so angry and scary that day. I think the only thing that prevented him from hurting me was the appearance of Sirius and Remus at the door. Neither Sirius or Remus commented on what was going on, but they had taken James away from the house. After that, James turned cold. I'm not sure he loves me anymore. On top of our marriage problems, I hate we are involved with this Order of the Phoenix thing. I know it sounds like treason, but there are so many wizards and witches who hide away and won't lift a finger. All the fighting has been left up to little more than a dozen of us who are dying while others are hiding. I'm a brave witch Sev, but I'm already tired. All I ever wanted was a safe, peaceful life with a wizard who loved me. I could have married you if I wanted to be hunted by Death Eaters."
Severus had blocked out almost everything after Lily said, I don't think James loves me anymore. He reached out to move her hair back from her face and snapped. "If Potter isn't treating you right, leave him and then leave the country. I'll help you. I'll go with you. We can be together."
Lily laid her head on Severus' shoulder. "It's not that simple. When I married James, it was for life no matter what came about. Your suggestion has come two years too late. My life is here. I can't just up and walk away."
Severus kissed her on the top of her head. "Yes you can Lily."
"I've missed you Sev. Even though I'm married to James, I sometimes want to vomit during those few times he touches me. I know he's seeing a witch. He comes to me smelling of a perfume. Even after a shower, he smells of her perfume." Then she had burst into tears again.
Severus growled, "I'll kill that tosspot myself. The Dark Lord will not have to do it."
Lily was crying in earnest now and Severus lifted her face and kissed her. Lily wrapped her arms around her first love and kissed him back.
This was all the invitation Severus needed. He put his hands in her long, red hair and covered her mouth with his. Lily reached out and began to stroke him and his dick hardened at the touch of her hand and he groaned, "Lily, my love. We have started something and I don't think I can control myself."
Lily moaned against his chest as he spread her legs, reached inside her knickers and used his fingers to draw liquid from her pussy which he then put to his mouth. He threw the front of her skirt to the side and began to pull at her knickers, but Lily stopped him.
"Sev, we can't do this."
Severus groaned again, "We can and we will. You were mine before you were his. You loved me before you married him. Do you want me to stop Lily? Do you really want me to stop? Tell me now while I'm still in my right mind."
Lily whispered, "I want you to make me feel like I'm back in fifth year without anything other than transfiguration homework to concern me. Take me back to the time when the future had yet to be determined."
Severus waved his wand and widened the couch as he mumbled, "If that is your wish, close your eyes and I will make it so."
Lily held tightly to Severus and he had her undressed in a matter of seconds. He was so aroused he fumbled at buttons trying to get out of his trousers. Severus made love to Lily in his robes.
As soon as he had pushed into Lily she began to moan his name and tell him how much she missed him. Her words and her thrusts drove Severus to heights of passion he hadn't felt since he had been with her at Hogwarts. He pounded into her and Lily raised up to thrust back into him. They were so wet Severus had to lift Lily's legs to remain inside her. He felt her tense up and come three times before he withdrew himself from her.
After they finished, he had slipped off her blouse so he could suck her perfect breasts. It had been such a long time he couldn't stop. Severus went from one breast to the other until Lily was ready to receive him again.
Afterwards, as they laid side by side, he told her something he had only whispered in the darkness of the Alchemy rooms. "I love you Lily and I always will."
Lily snuggled into him and closed her eyes as Severus raised up on one elbow to gaze at her.
She opened her beautiful green eyes and sighed, "We were meant for each other Sev. I think we both knew that from the first day we met at the swings, but your bloody master came along and changed everything." Then she had closed her eyes.
Severus watched her while he thought about her words. Had it ever been as simple as marrying the witch he had met at the swings? He didn't think so. From the day he was born to an abusive father and a weak mother, it seemed that his path had been ordained. He would always attach himself to the side with the power.
Things had been bright between he and Lily right up until they turned eleven and started at Hogwarts. Then they had been sorted and truth be told, the first crack in their friendship began to form. He had been sorted into Slytherin and she into Gryffindor and the die had been cast. He couldn't visit the Gryffindor common room to sit with Lily nor could he take her out on dates or sit with her at lunch or out in the yards because their houses had always been at odds. He had been a Slytherin and she had been a Gryffindor. They never had a chance. Not with the state of the wizarding world.
/*/
Severus who had learned to always be on guard would not let himself fall asleep. He had to stay prepared, in case. He ran his fingers through Lily's hair and continued to watch her.
Severus let Lily sleep for an hour before he kissed her awake. She had been ready for him again and they had made love twice more. Finally, the time he dreaded had come. It was time for them to get back to the real world of Mrs. James Potter and Severus Snape, Death Eater.
Lily left the room to wash up leaving Severus sitting there on the couch without trousers and his dick hanging down. When she came back into the room, Lily had one more surprise. She kneeled down between Severus' legs and took him in her mouth. Severus threw his head back and began to move in time with Lily. He groaned as he climaxed and watched as his liquid dribbled from her mouth.
Severus had grabbed her and removed the knickers she had so recently put back on. He licked and sucked until she was screaming. She had come, but Severus continued licking until all the throbbing had stopped.
While they laid there catching their breath, Severus again raised up on his elbow and kissed her mouth. "You've never taken me in your mouth before. Thank you Lily."
Lily smiled. "I figure that this is the last time I will ever get to be with you. I don't want you to ever forget this Muggleborn witch."
"I remember every minute of every time we were together. Leave him Lily please. You belong to me. We belong together. I'll see that you get to the States or Canada and we can be together."
Lily smiled as she touched the face of her first love. "I can't Severus. I have already broken my vows by being here with you. It doesn't matter what James gets up to. I am his wife and should carry myself in the proper manner. Today got away from us, but it can't happen again. I married James when you didn't want me and I will remain with James."
Severus paced the room. "Don't you dare say I didn't want you. I've always wanted you. I won't let you go back to him. I won't. He doesn't deserve you."
Lily didn't answer. She adjusted her clothing and with her back turned to Severus stated, "I love you Severus, but this cannot happen again. We have made our choices, now we have to live with them. Thank you for the warning. I will find a way to pass it on, but we are the saviors of the wizarding world and we'll never stop fighting against Voldemort. What will be, will be." Without looking back, Lily had walked out the door and apparated away.
Severus returned the couch to it's normal size and sat down to savor the hours he had spent with Lily. Once he pulled himself together, he had apparated to the Dark Lord's headquarters to pick up his orders.
The Dark Lord did have another set of orders for him. Important orders. Severus was to secure a teaching position at Hogwarts with the ultimate goal being one of spying on Albus Dumbledore. Severus felt pride in the fact the Dark Lord had chosen him little knowing it was his delivery of the Prophecy which precipitated all that was to follow.
/*/
Four weeks after her meeting with Severus at Spinner's End, Lily Potter realized she was pregnant. She never failed to use contraceptive charms with James because they had agreed not to bring a child into this uncertain world. As hard as it was for Lily to admit to herself, she knew the baby belonged to Severus. It was the only time she had sex and did not use the contraceptive charms.
Lily vowed that Severus could never know. If he ever found out she was carrying his child, there wouldn't be anything that could stop him from claiming her and his baby including killing James. She had made the mistake and would deal with it in her own way.
Lily sighed to herself. "My mother always said, "One lie begets another" and mother was so right. I find myself in the unenviable position of having to lie to my child about his father and to my husband about his son. It is my most fervent hope that at some point I will be able to tell my child the truth about Severus and let him make his own decisions, but I have doubts that will ever happen. One thing is certain, I will only ever tell one other person about Severus and I will have it down in the books that my husband James Potter is the father of my child.
And Lily had pulled out quill and parchment to write to Albus Dumbledore. Albus had told her numerous times to come to him if she needed help. Lily needed help and Albus could fix almost anything. Surely he could help her keep her secret.
Thank you for reading. Reviews are welcome.