All things Harry Potter belong to JKR. Nothing but the story line belongs to me.
Rated M for language, subject matter some may find offensive and romantic interludes.
Previously on The Years Of Decisions 4: What's Done Is Done
Severus bristled. "I remember our contract Albus. I am a Master Occlumens as well as a Master Legilimens. There is no reason to imply otherwise. If or when The Dark Lord reappears, I will be ready."
"Spying on Voldemort is not all that is required of you. Lily's son will be entering Hogwarts in a few years and as much as it pains you, you agreed to watch out for him as well."
The mention of Harry Potter angered Severus. "I have not forgotten all our vow entails. I will look out for the boy, but do not think I'll do it willingly. My concern was for Lily not the spawn of James Potter. In addition, I have an excellent memory so don't presume you have to remind me of my duties every other day."
Dumbledore snapped back. "Do not test me Severus. I will remind you as often as I think necessary. When Voldemort returns, your petty differences with a child who has done you no wrong will pale beside what your Master has planned for him. Leave me now Severus as your remarks have become tedious."
"Be well aware Albus that I have no Master," Severus growled on his way out. "I just have two devils who vie for my attention and just so you know, I am as tired of this tedious conversation as you."
The Years Of Decisions: Chapter 5: Making Amends
Dumbledore continued to call Severus to his office off and on to remind him he should be keeping his ear to the ground regarding Voldemort and the Death Eaters who had escaped the clutches of the Ministry and every time he was called to see the Headmaster they ended up in a clash of words because Severus was following up and resented being summoned. He hadn't heard anything of value. What was he supposed to do? Everything he heard was a what if, a maybe or complete denials until Severus began to notice some peculiarities of Muggle Studies Professor Quirinus Quirrell.
Severus reported his suspicions to Albus who listened with a mild interest and ended up suggesting that Severus keep a closer watch on Quirrell but commenting that he was too timid to have anything to do with the Dark Arts. Severus hadn't argued with Albus because he agreed and all he was working with were theory and suspicion.
Severus did watch Quirrell and from time to time intimidated him just for the hell of it. He found certain things Quirrell did unseemly, but nothing concrete enough to bring to Dumbledore. And then the school year ended and a new year began.
/*/
In 1989, Severus began to hear what he considered concrete information regarding The Dark Lord. There had been some kind of conflict in Albania that had all the earmarks of Voldemort arising. Severus took the information to Dumbledore and was not surprised to find Dumbledore was aware of the news and had discreetly sent people to Albania to look around. They had come back empty handed, but reported that there was definitely something going on in the deep woods of Albania.
A few weeks later in June of 1989, Severus heard that Quirrell was going on a two month sabbatical to Albania. Professors were allowed to go anywhere they chose during the summer break so it wasn't out of line. The only problem was that Albus had plans for Quirrell which should have been discussed beforehand, but with Quirrell ready to set off immediately at school year there had only been time to advise the former Muggle Studies Professor he was being assigned the DADA classes when he returned. Quirrell had been fine with that and it was a seemingly content wizard who left Hogwarts in search of ….. knowledge.
Quirrell's journey brought him into the sharp focus of both Albus and Severus who discussed why Quirrell had chosen Albania when there so many other places he could visit. From then, it became Severus' main task to keep track of what Quirrell got up to.
/*/
As the school year 1989-1990 moved on, Severus watched Quirrell and his foolish, newly acquired turban closely. The timid wizard who had left Scotland in June had returned with somewhat of a backbone. He had even stood his ground the several times Severus tried to harass information from him.
During this time, Dumbledore made some strategic moves. He was now sure Voldemort was trying to return by any means necessary and had immediately contacted his friend Nicolas. After a heated discussion, Dumbledore had walked away from Nicolas Flamel with the Sorcerers Stone which he immediately placed in Gringotts for safe keeping. Dumbledore had then sent orders to Hagrid that he should keep an eye on the unicorns protecting them at all costs and report anything suspicious. That was all Albus could do for the time being.
Hagrid had questions, but the orders came directly from Albus Dumbledore so he had done exactly what was requested. He kept a good eye on the unicorns.
/*/
Since Janna's class and rooms had been moved to the fifth floor, Severus saw her much more than he had before, but they still didn't interact much so it had taken two or three times of seeing her before he realized something was off. She seemed to have lost her glow. It certainly wasn't his business, but Severus did wonder.
For Valentine's Day 1990, Severus and Janna along with Professor Flitwick had been selected as chaperones for the dance. Severus tried to remain on the outer edge of things to remain clear of the Mazizoology Professor, but part way through the night she had sought him out for a chat. Severus was caught and stood his ground as Janna approached.
"Lovely party isn't it Severus. The sixth years have outdone themselves decorating."
Severus' breath caught in his throat. Janna had pushed her hair back off her face and in doing so the smell of her hair wafted under Severus' nose. Then she had put a hand on either side of her head and used both hands to push her hair back.
Severus automatically stepped back because Janna had just used one of Lily's favorite mannerisms. It had been Lily's habit to run both hands through her hair at the same time and she had done it so frequently Severus had begun to tease her about it.
The scent, the mannerism. It seemed as though someone was playing their little joke on him and Severus didn't like it.
Severus hadn't answered Janna and she questioned him. "Have I angered you again Severus?"
Then Severus had a mad thought. The thought was so mad Severus felt foolish thinking it. However it was all down to Dumbledore and Severus knew anything was possible if the Headmaster chose to make it so.
Glancing at Janna Severus had finally replied. "You have not angered me Miss Southway and yes the students have done a decent job decorating the Great Hall. They should do as well with their studies."
"Smiling, Janna asked Severus to pass her a cup of liquid refreshment and as he handed it to her their hands touched. Janna thanked him and turned to survey the room. She hadn't felt anything, but Severus had felt…..something. The thought which had earlier crossed his mind was back. He wouldn't be able to leave the Hall until the dance was over, but his first stop was going to be the Headmaster's office.
/*/
Severus stood by as the students left the Great Hall growling if they dawdled. Finally the Hall was empty except for himself, Filius, Minerva and Janna. Severus spent several minutes getting the Hall back to normal before excusing himself.
/*/
Severus had been in the thick of things for a long time and was an accomplished wizard. He knew what could be done as long as the wizard was powerful enough and Dumbledore was that powerful and more.
With every step Severus took towards Dumbledore's office he had became more sure that someone had tricked him and that someone was Albus Dumbledore. Severus snorted as he climbed the stairs to Albus' office. He would wring the truth out of the old man if necessary.
Severus made his way to Dumbledore's office in record time knocking sharply and opening the door without waiting for an invitation. Dumbledore was standing when Severus opened the door looking as though he expected someone.
Severus stepped into the office and waited.
"I had a feeling you would turn up Severus," said Dumbledore as he invited Severus to have a seat while pulling out his Grand Pensieve.
Before dropping in the memory Dumbledore remarked, "This is the first of three memories I think you should see. If you cannot remain calm, this is the only memory I will show. Give me your word Severus that you will keep yourself under control? Do I have your word?"
Not sure of what he would be shown Severus nodded. "Get on with it Albus."
Haltingly Dumbledore volunteered, "This first one is my memory Severus. Do not think badly of me. I did what had to be done."
Severus looked into the Pensieve and feeling himself being drawn into the memory suddenly found himself back in 1981 and watched as his Pensieve self prepared to apparate away from Godric's Hollow the night he had saved Lily. He saw Dumbledore walk in, pluck Harry out of his cot then grab Lily. Severus watched as Dumbledore apparated Harry and Lily to a small room which appeared to be somewhere within Hogwarts. Dumbledore cast several spells over Harry which Severus didn't recognize and therefore couldn't discern what Dumbledore had done because the child remained just as he had before the spells including the large gash on his forehead.
The next scene showed Dumbledore handing Harry over to Hagrid with orders to guard the child with his life, get him to his relatives home in Surrey and wait for him there as he would be along shortly.
The memory changed and Severus found himself back in the small room with Lily and Dumbledore. Albus checked her over and performed the small acts of healing needed to bring her back to complete health.
Suddenly Severus found himself back in Dumbledore's office. "She's alive. I knew it. Where is she Albus? Where is Lily?"
Dumbledore raised his hand for quiet as he poured the next memory into the Pensieve. "These are Lily's memories. They will be hard for you to see, but I ask again that you remain calm. I need your word Severus or we cannot proceed."
Severus was trembling, but gave his word.
Dumbledore stood before pouring this memory into the Pensieve. "I will leave you alone to view this memory Severus."
Severus looked into the Pensieve once again. This time he saw himself and Lily at Spinner's End and trembling uncontrollably he watched as they made love and as Lily took him in her mouth for the first and last time. He relived their time together and their bittersweet parting. Then he watched as weeks later Lily went to the healer and found out she was pregnant. Severus watched as Lily cried and got out quill and parchment to write a letter to Dumbledore. The scene changed and Severus despaired as he watched Lily tell James they were pregnant.
Dumbledore seated himself back behind his desk.
"What have I just seen Albus? How is this pertinent to me? What does Lily's child have to do with me?"
Dumbledore gazed at Severus before answering. "Can you not think of any reason Lily would be crying over what should be joyous news? You have figured most of it Severus. Shall I go on? This is another of my memories."
Severus nodded his head and rasped, "Proceed Albus."
The last memory was dropped into the Pensieve as Albus beckoned Severus to step up.
They were back in the small room where Lily appeared to be sleeping. Severus tried to touch her, but it was a Pensieve memory and his hand had gone right through her. He watched as Dumbledore used powerful magic to change Lily into someone else. Dumbledore changed her body and her hair and her eyes. Suddenly Severus was looking at Janna Southway.
Severus ripped himself out of the memory and fell back into the chair. Janna Southway was Lily. So many things became clear. The scent. The mannerisms. The attraction Janna seemed to feel for him. It all began to make sense.
Severus sat motionless speaking stiffly. "Am I to believe that Lily's child is my child? Is that what you were showing me?"
Dumbledore handed Severus a letter and remained silent while Severus read it and then read it again. Lily had written:
Dear Albus,
I have no where else to turn so I am turning to my mentor. I have done something unspeakable and I'm afraid more than one person will suffer for my folly.
You, of all people know how Severus and I felt about each other, but when it became clear he was determined to join those who follow Voldemort, I broke up with him. I broke up with him Albus, but I never stopped loving him. Be that as it may, I am married to James and have broken my vows.
Severus and I met at Spinners End and as a result, I am now pregnant with his child. I am writing to ask that you help me protect this secret. Severus loves me Albus. If he ever found out James was raising his child, he would go mad and probably end up killing James or perhaps even me. I don't want to hurt James or Severus nor do I want my child to be born a bastard. Therefore, I'm asking you to support my decision and protect my secret.
In the future when I'm stronger and my child old enough, I hope to tell my son about his real father with Severus' permission, of course. At that time, I will take the lumps I'm sure will come. For now, let this be between us.
With affection,
Lily
Severus looked up at Dumbledore and furiously asked, "You think it alright that I have lost the witch I love and the son I never knew about? You think this right or fair? Have you played Merlin yet again Albus? Everyone has had to dance to your tune for a very long time and you've always portrayed it as being for the greater good. Have you not? It is no matter to you who dies, is cast aside or just left lying in the dirt. If Albus Dumbledore has said it was for the greater good, no one ever questions any of it" and jumping up shouted. "YOU HAVE ROBBED ME OF MY LIFE."
"Stop being melodramatic Severus," replied Dumbledore. "I'm showing you this now so you will know. You still have a chance at life. Choose what you want to do and do it. I had choices to make and I made them. I needed to keep everyone safe. You know as do I that Voldemort has his ways and will someday return. In addition, even though he was caught at the scene, I have my doubts that Sirius Black is the guilty wizard who gave Lily and James over to Voldemort and massacred those people which leads me to believe the real villain may still be out there waiting to be reunited with his master and willing to have another go at Lily and Harry. If I had left Lily and Harry together, it would just be the same over again. Voldemort would come back, find them and kill them. As far as your son goes, there's not much I can do there. Lily chose to put James Potter down in the books as his father and we cannot change that. In case you don't realize it, you cannot tell Lily, excuse me, Janna any of this. This has to remain as it has been written down."
Severus' semi calm demeanor cracked. "How dare you stand there and tell me what I can and cannot have or what I can and cannot do. Lily is alive and I will have her. You've seen to it that eight years in which Lily and I could have had together have been lost. I will not stand here and debate my life. Lily is mine."
Dumbledore sighed as he sat down behind his desk. "I had hoped you and Miss Southway would come together without my assistance. That was not the case so I took a few measures, but your stubbornness wouldn't allow you see any of it. Sit down Severus. We have things to discuss."
Severus reluctantly sat facing Dumbledore and listened yet again to the wizard who would manipulate things to his way of thinking. "I cannot stop you from trying to court Janna since you now know she is really Lily, but I must insist you keep everything I've shown you in confidence. Janna can never be a mother to Harry as you can never be a father to him. It's done. You should concentrate on what is in front of you. Janna Southway is written down as a pureblood witch. She will be safe if you two marry and Voldemort does return. Do not waste time on what you lost Severus. Move forward and concentrate on what you have found. Another thing. In a few years, your son will arrive at Hogwarts as a hero, but he is being raised by Muggles and will have no idea what's what. It will be hard, but I ask that you help protect him from his enemies and he will have them just by being who he is. I need you to promise me this Severus because there may come a time when Harry's life depends on it."
For several minutes all that could be heard in Dumbledore's office was several of the portraits clearing their throats.
Then Severus had broken the silence. "You have mapped out my life better than I ever could. You saw to it I didn't have a wife. You saw to it I couldn't have my son. You GAVE my son over to my worst enemy and then gave him over to Muggles. I understand some of it Albus. I am a reformed Death Eater and I evidently don't deserve any of the niceties life has offered others. What I don't understand is how you can now suggest I take under my wing the son Lily kept from me and you gave to James Potter. He'll have grown up doting on that imbecile. What shall I be Albus, his long lost uncle?
"I'm not suggesting anything Severus. I'm telling you. No matter what has transpired, you are his father and need to protect your son. And don't sit there and tell me how much you love Lily then turn around and make disparaging remarks about the choices she was forced to make. You were a Death Eater. You had made your choice. You know if you and Lily had run away together there wouldn't be any place you could go where Voldemort and his group wouldn't have tracked you. Deserting your post would be tantamount to slapping Voldemort in his face. To your Master, any deserter deserves death. And if he found you with Lily? That's a thought I choose not to entertain. What was she to do? She had no other choice."
Severus bowed his head and lamented, "No matter what James Potter was doing it was wrong of us to copulate that day, but I loved her and wanted her so much. It doesn't change anything, but I asked her to go away with me even before she was pregnant. I wanted us to go to the States or Canada. I begged her, but she refused me and turned back to Potter even though she knew he was being unfaithful. Yes Albus, we made our choices, but I tried to correct mine and Lily still turned me down."
"We can go back and forth all night Severus, but nothing will change. The time for you to have asked Lily to go away with you was the day you realized you loved each other. Any day after that was too late. I will not sit here and apologize for what I've done or what Lily had to do. You know Janna's real identity so don't make the same mistake twice. If you want her, I have laid her before you. Now if you'll excuse me, I have other business and you more than likely have parchments to mark."
Severus stood and was halfway to the door before growling. "We have made a vow. I will protect the boy if I must, but don't for one minute think I will entertain any conversations about the great James Potter. Do not forget it is Lily's wish that at some point in time he be told about his real father and it can only be done with my permission. We will revisit this in the future. Let's first see what kind of son I have. Goodnight Albus."
/*/
For the next several days, Severus had been in flux. Even his students had noticed, but not one dared comment or even admit they noticed a difference. Much to their chagrin, even though their Professor seemed out of sorts he did not fail to give loads of homework. Seeing the look on their faces made Severus feel a bit better.
Two days after his conversation with Albus, Severus was still sitting at his desk long after classes were over thinking about what he and Dumbledore had discussed. He had a son. No. He and Lily had a son. Actually, he and Janna had a son and that was the reason he was still sitting at his desk. So much had been lost because he had taken the wrong path, but as much as he ranted Severus realized it had all started to go wrong when he chose Lucius Malfoy's little circle instead of choosing life with Lily.
Then his thoughts had turned to Harry. He wondered if he and his son would have any kind of connection. But as Dumbledore had said, all was not lost. He and Janna could start a life…. without their son.
Then Severus thought about Janna. How could he even begin to get close to a witch he had rebuffed for the last six years. If she was still going out with the wizard she met on holiday, he'd have to find a way to end it. He hadn't yet figured out just how he could do it without being obvious or being told by Janna he had lost his chance. Just thinking about Lily, rather Janna, had put him off his game. Whatever was to be done, would have to be done in the correct manner.
Then an idea had taken shape in his mind. He would…. He didn't have to do anything. Janna was standing at his door looking perplexed.
"Hello Severus. Pardon my intrusion, but Professor Dumbledore thought you needed my help with something. So what is it I can help you with?
Severus stood up and invited her to have a seat which she had taken without hesitation and then sat quietly waiting for Severus to inform her of just what he needed.
Severus sighed and looked into the face of the witch he loved. "Before I ask any favors Miss Southway, I want to apologize for my lack of manners. I am a solitary man and oftentimes I act in a manner unbecoming a human being."
Janna had laughed. "I've seen my share of solitary men. Oh my. That came out wrong. I haven't had any share of men. Somehow I don't appeal to many wizards. I think I'm too forthright. The wizard I was seeing accused me of being a surface witch. I didn't know what he meant until he finally exploded. He seemed to think I made the appearance of enjoying our time together, but was really only marking time waiting for someone better. We had quite a row about that. I'm sorry Severus. I'm talking too much."
Severus assured Janna she wasn't talking too much. "I believe it is I who hasn't been talking enough. Suffice it to say, we are colleagues and I should have treated you as such. If you don't think it too forward of me, I would like to call you by your given name when we are on our own time."
Janna smiled so brightly her entire face lit up and Severus had to look away to keep himself from seeing Lily sitting in front of him.
"That's acceptable to me Severus. Does this mean you have forgiven me for my faux pas? I want to assure you I meant no harm and I have regretted my actions every day after as it put us on the wrong foot from almost the beginning. So, what is it you need from me?"
Severus had to quickly cast about to come up with something he could ask without looking like an arse. Damn Dumbledore. He could have given some warning.
Finally Severus remarked, "It isn't that important. I was thinking we could present a combined class. I would like to show my third years how some of the ingredients we use come from magical creatures."
Janna smiled again. "That would be wonderful Severus, but will you need me or do you just need a sampling of my creatures?"
"I'll need you," Severus quickly replied. Then realizing how that comment may have sounded, Severus followed up. "What I mean to say is that I will need your assistance if you are available."
Janna blushed deeply. "You may not have meant it that way, but that's the best compliment I've had in a long time. If you give me some idea of what you'll need, I'll have them ready. You are more than welcome to stop by my classroom to see what I have as well. I look forward to working with you."
Severus stood as Janna stood and bid her good night as she walked out the door. After she left, he had taken several deep breaths to calm himself. He smelled Lily and his body was in agreement. For the first time in a very long time, Severus Snape found himself with a Lily Erection which is what he called it when he got hard in her presence. Severus allowed himself a small smile as he thought how Lily would hit him across the arm growling that a Lily Erection was the only kind of erection he was allowed.
Locking his doors, Severus stepped into the shower, closed his eyes thinking about sex with Lily and took care of his erection by hand. It might sound farfetched to some, but Severus normally ignored an erection by thinking hateful thoughts which always managed to soften his dick.
In the past, he thought it disrespectful to Lily to be stroking his dick and calling out her name. Now that there was a possibility of him getting back with the witch he loved, it didn't feel disrespectful at all. It felt amazing.
Severus was still angry that Dumbledore had taken the steps he had, but was also truly thankful to get a third chance with Lily. Severus caught himself. He had meant a first chance with Janna.
Thank you for reading. Reviews are welcome.