As night began to fall on the group, Sam and Ryder had started a fire in the centre of the site whilst Jake and Puck had arranged logs and rocks for people to sit on so the whole group gathered round the massive blaze.
They had been telling stories about the last few years and singing songs with the accompaniment of Puck or Sam's guitar, the whole time Quinn had not once taken her eyes from Rachel. Over the evening Quinn had seen just what Rachel had become since they'd last met, she'd recognise those walls anywhere as she was usually the one with them up. Her face remained a perfect stony mask for the rest of the day and it broke Quinn's heart.
"Ok guys I don't know about you but I'm gonna hit the hay." Puck yawned, several people nodded and hummed in agreement. Rachel wordlessly got up and went back to her tent. Brittany looked to the group apologetically.
"Sorry guys, I guess she's just tired; it's been pretty non-stop lately, it's a miracle she's managed to get a break long enough to come here."
"Well we didn't expect anything else from Rachel 'Diva' Berry; I mean who are we for her to want to spare time out of her busy schedule. She's not the only one who'll have to give up commitments to be here, the tour me and Marley are meant to be on has been pushed back, Jake has had to miss an audition, so has Santana and that isn't even counting that Ryder, Tina, Sugar, Sam and Joe are all missing two week's pay to come and she is the one who thinks she's the one sacrificing enough to justify barley even talking to anyone?" Kitty complained, obviously not amused by Rachel's antics.
"That's enough, Kit." Marley ordered softly but with a pointed look. Kitty immediately stood down, nodding so as not to upset Marley.
"No, she's right. Everyone is sacrificing something to be here, and if she thinks she's better than us because she made it on Broadway then she's wrong; all this security was for the actual A-listers here, like me, Quinn, Kitty, Marley, Unique and Zizzes! She has no right to act like this! If she didn't want to be here then no one forced her!" Santana yelled, accidentally letting some of her pent up anger out.
However what no one, other Quinn, seemed to notice that Rachel had come back into the circle with her wash bag. "You're right, both of you, I guess I'll leave in the morning." Her voice was cold, devoid of any hurt or emotion at all. She spun around and stormed back into the direction of the tent.
Quinn wasted no time in chasing after her, she'd be damned if she let her slip through her fingers again.
"Rachel!" She called out, running after the petite girl. When she reached her she grabbed her arm and spun her around. "San is going to kill me for chasing after you anyway so you might as well talk to me."
Rachel didn't appear to appreciate the joke, glaring at Quinn instead. "You know she's right. They're all just annoyed at me for proving them wrong, they all thought I'd never get where I am and my being here is just a reminder of their mistake. Now get off me before I scream for the security!"
Quinn shook her head and led her to the river so she didn't get lost later on. "You're wrong Rach. Everyone knew that you'd be on Broadway; your name was in lights before you were even born, but the question was that whether it would be you on that stage or some unrecognisable diva who wouldn't even acknowledge us if she saw us on the street. They aren't annoyed because you proved them wrong; they're annoyed because you proved them right even after they believed you could make it. Everyone changes Rachel but it's unhealthy to try to be someone else entirely."
"Who are you to say who I am? Because your some shining example of a changed woman? Because you, for once in your god damned life, aren't a mess? You said it yourself, Quinn, everyone changes; you have, so I don't know why you think it's any of your business if I do!" Rachel yelled, showing emotion for the first time, unfortunately it was anger.
"I haven't changed!" Quinn replied, beginning to become infuriated. "I just stopped hiding! It's exhausting to constantly have to guard yourself from the people you love, even though I was right to on a few occasions. I've been trying to get better; so I can live properly again, so I'm not a mess; it still hurts, but I can deal with it now. So I know what it looks like to wear a mask, what it feels like to be faced with a wall; so I know that I'm not talking to the real you right now, I'm talking to the person you think it's safe to be!"
Rachel scoffed and released her arm, instead grabbing Quinn's wrists and pushing her up against a tree, effectively trapping her. "I couldn't care less about your pathetic life story, in fact it sickens me just how self-pitying you are. You say you've sorted yourself out but here you are; still blaming the world for your own mistakes. You have a perfect life Quinn, you always have, Daddy doted on you; gave you everything you could ever want. That was until you exposed yourself as the manipulative slut you are! And what? You hit a rough patch in college and go punk for a few weeks in high school and you're suddenly some fragile broken thing?" Her voice was quiet, though dripping with venom as its words consumed Quinn.
Somehow the smaller girl had managed to open every wound she had. She couldn't help but glance on the scars on her wrist before casting her eyes downward. Rachel had followed her line of sight and noticed the scars, she gasped and let go; clearly regretting her outburst. "Russell Fabray wasn't the doting kind actually. He was more of the controlling type. You learn that at an early age, you know? Violence is control. Control over Mom, Fran and myself. At first when things got out of control for me I'd lash out at others, dweebs and people who intimidated me. Until junior prom when I slapped you and you had that look in your eyes; the same look my mom had around Russell, fear. After that I started inflicting things on myself." Rachel stepped away from the girl as if her admission had been toxic.
"I- I didn't mean," She trailed off when she saw Quinn's broken eyes meet hers. "I'm sorry." She blurted out, eyes wide.
"Don't be, you weren't to know. Just stay for the first week, yeah? We move into the chalet after that with Artie and Zizzes. Please?"
Rachel knew she could no longer refuse anything from the beauty, so she hung her head in defeat. "Ok, just please don't try to talk to me again. I don't want to hurt you Quinn, but I'm going to do just that if you keep trying to push me." She looked up to see something she hadn't expected to see again, she saw Quinn's walls go back up. She immediately felt awful for tearing open her heart just to say she didn't want it, she was about to back track when Quinn cut her off.
"Ok, fair enough. I wasn't planning on any of this anyway, I just figured I might be able to get some sense into you. How arrogant to think that you might even care a fraction as much for me as I do you. Don't worry, this is our last conversation." She spun on her heel and made her way back to the camp.
"Quinn!" Rachel called after her but it was no use, she had already gone. Rachel sat on a nearby rock and finally allowed herself to cry, she knew Brittany or Kurt would come soon and she didn't want to be weak in front of them. So she tried to control the shaking sobs that threatened to erupt from her body.
Quinn managed not to cry until she was well out of hearing range. She hadn't realised just how much Rachel could still affect her. When she heard footsteps approaching the tent she suspected Santana or Puck, perhaps even Kurt but it was in fact Kitty's face that emerged from the shadows.
"I'm afraid we're sharing tonight." The younger girl explained, sitting herself down next to her. "Mars got angry about what I said about Rachel so she said I'd have to swap with someone else because she wouldn't be sleeping with me. Santana volunteered because of something to do with being her mentor or some shit so we're stuck together."
Quinn laughed and bumped her shoulder. "Sounds like someone's whipped." She joked, chuckling when the younger blonde glared at her.
"I wasn't the one chasing after Rachel a while ago." Kitty noticed the other woman's mood change at the mention of the diva. "Sorry, I don't pay attention to what I'm saying sometimes. Everyone knows something went down between you two; Puck, Santana and Britt all wanted to chase after you but Kurt told them you had to sort stuff out on your own." She paused, waiting to see if she'd be told to drop the subject since the last thing she needed was to upset someone she's been forced to share a tent with. "Did it work?" She asked, testing the waters.
"We talked, if that's what you mean. I got the closure I needed, but not in the way I wanted. I convinced her to stay the week but I honestly don't know if I still want her to, she said some things to me that I'm not sure I can get over. It's like she pulled every trigger and didn't stick around to pick up the pieces."
Kitty couldn't help the small smile because of the fact that her former idol was now confiding in her. "I don't know the details of your past, even amongst the glee club you're still shrouded by myths. By the way I so need to get a hold of your PR because they've got half of Lima genuinely confused as to whether Beth even happened. But from my experience it's not what you do to a person that judges if you can be forgiven, it's how you try to make up for it. You know what happened between Marley and I back in high school, and I never forgave myself for it. I tried so hard to build up that trust, to prove to her that I was just scared and I thought that if I ruined her then my feelings would go away. But if I'm honest, seeing her so vulnerable after she fainted, I could only love her more. Of course after that I just down right ignored her, until I finally realised that the only way to relieve any of these feelings was to vent them into making her happy. When we joined the group we only got closer, until she decided to ask me out. The fact is that if she hadn't forgiven me for what I did then we wouldn't have gotten anywhere, I don't know maybe you should be talking to Marley about this instead."
Quinn shook her head resolutely. "You know that's like exactly the same as what I did? I mean I did some pretty cruel stuff to her back then. The slushies, the names, everything; I just needed to get her away from me. After that I pretty much followed your line of thought, the whole making her happy thing. The only thing is we drifted apart after High School, she was in love with Finn and I knew he'd make her happy so I just let go. Until one night when I visited her in NY, she was just so unhappy; she thought she could never be loved, so I kissed her." Quinn heard Kitty's sharp intake of breath. "She didn't feel the same. But I guess she got her revenge in the end." She looked down and away from the other girl, desperate to forget the whole thing despite herself.
"No." Kitty's voice was stern in its comfort, forcing itself into the older girl's attention. "You've made mistakes, so has everyone but you can't let people hurt you because of it. You apologised to her, to tried to make things right; what I was trying to say before is that it's how hard you try to be forgiven that swings whether you should be. Not what you've done. And honey what you did was child's play compared to what I did to Mars back then, you were scared and you tried to make things right so please don't beat yourself up over that. You kissed her with the best of intentions, it's not your fault she doesn't feel the same so don't think that can be her excuse."
Quinn nodded with a shadow of a smile, "Thanks Kitt. You know I'm glad we managed to get past the whole idolising thing, even if we did end up doing the exact same thing." She bumped the smaller girls shoulder light-heartedly.
"Sorry Quinn but I don't remember getting pregnant, becoming a punk or being paralysed." Kitty joked, momentarily worried she'd pushed too hard again but was relieved when Quinn laughed as she turned around and got into the tent.
"At least I haven't left my girlfriend alone with Santana 'lady killer' Lopez in a tent." Quinn ducked her head out the tent to whisper in Kitty's ear. "Rumour has it, she's a sleep groper."
Kitty squeaked indignantly as Quinn dragged her into the tent. After half an hour or so of trying to get to sleep Kitty was still awake, in turn meaning Quinn was too.
"Hey, I was kidding about Santana. She won't try anything with Marley, she only goes for blondes. I should know." Quinn tried to reassure the girl and was rewarded with a laugh.
"First of all, ew why the hell would you go there? Please tell me you're not still or you were going to in here." The girl sat up with a start. "Oh my god, you already have haven't you?"
Quinn burst out into hysterics at the other girl's assumption. "No! Were you not paying attention to the whole Rachel conversation? It was ages ago, like Mr Schue's wedding."
"Phew, it's still gross though. Anyway the reason I can't sleep isn't because of that, it's because Marley and I have shared the same room if not bed since graduation. Even when she made me sleep on the couch, it was in the same room so I never felt that far away from her. Plus This matt doesn't feel like it's cushioning anything!"
Quinn laughed and put her arms around the younger girl. "What are you doing?" Kitty questioned, feeling odd in someone else's hold.
"Trust me, it'll warm you up and make you feel less lonely. I can guarantee San is doing the same for Mars anyway because the chances are you guys both feel the same, you'll be back tomorrow night. Just try and relax, ok?" Quinn explained.
Kitty nodded and felt herself loosen a bit, she soon drifted off to sleep with Quinn following behind. It was nice to hold someone without the expectation of anything other than comfort. She and Santana used to but they hadn't had a sober sleepover since high school, so it was a pleasant change to be able to bask in someone's warmth without the dread of the morning after.
Even if that someone was really just pining after somebody else.