Dick in yo face! That's exactly what the two teens felt as they finally made it to the date Kenny had spent most of the week planning (when he wasn't at work or trying to figure out the best way to protect his sister from a date that ended up being his girlfriend's brother). Just a big, huge flaccid dick, dangling right in their face. It was awkward and silent as they trekked up to the back side of a building Hunter was unfamiliar with, and they were both fairly certain that they could never look upon their homeroom teacher again. To make matters worse, they were hot and aching all over from running from that bathroom as fast as their legs could carry them, stitches forming in their sides as they gasped for breath. If it hadn't been for the strong chill moving in over the town, they both probably would have collapsed on the way.

"Where..." Panting between breaths and more upset than before that she had listened to the request to dress nice, Hunter huffed as they straightened themselves up just outside the door. Call her crazy, but it was definitely the back door, but to where, she couldn't quite guess. "Are... we...?"

Kenny wasn't exceptionally proud of the location itself, but he was pleased that taking the back roads and jumping a fence or two had paid off. "Where we need to be."

Seriously, that was all she was going to get out of him? Trusting that this wasn't going to end up the scene of a gory murder, the girl had still been raised better than to just enter some shady local. "Yeah, no. This is..." Attempting without success to find a nicer why of saying it, there was no alternative. "I don't enter doors without knowing where they'll lead."

"But you will enter a closet without knowing if the lock works?" Now he could laugh at the situation, since he had since been fully acquainted with the details.

Frowning, Hunter swatted at his shoulder. "Hey, what kind of a person stops to think about that kind of thing going in?! Fuck! And you wouldn't be laughing so hard if you were claustrophobic and confined like I was!" Technically it was being buried alive, but the fear was so intense that it transcended ordinary limits.

The door opened just as they made to approach the chipped wood, and three of their classmates joined them outside. Butters was dressed in a rather nice suit with a silk bow-tie the color of a plum, and the other two were considerably less fancy; Kevin Stoley was in Star Wars cosplay (young Obi-Wan edition), and Cylde was being cleaver in a dated tuxedo t-shirt. While it was easy enough to see that Butters would agree to help just about anyone and Kevin probably didn't have a lot to do on a Friday night, the inclusion of the school football star was a baffling mystery.

Ushering them inside - acting as if the three of them hadn't just been about to bail - Butters lead the way to a pair of plastic tv tables shoved together in a corner. Covered with thinning towels stolen from different hotel rooms, the logos long since updated, the tables had been set with bowels of canned spaghetti and a small cooler had been put between the two, the ice at the top beginning to melt already. There was a small origami rose in a dixie cup on one of the tabletops.

Going to examine the paper flower, Hunter pulled it out of the empty container and held it in her hands, finger tip brushing the crisp edge. "Did you fold this?" Kenny watched her admire the craftsmanship of his gift, unsure of how this was going to go over with her. He nodded. "It's beautiful - I always wanted to to learn origami."

Clyde knew that people all had different tastes, but this? It was a dumb piece of crumpled paper! And was Hunter wearing a skirt?! Man, that guy was the strangest dude that Clyde had ever met, and he whispered that opinion to his fellow pirate, standing back as Butters pulled out the seats. "Who in their right mind thinks this was a good date?"

Kevin had to agree to some degree. "I still can't believe that they would want to eat in a place where doctors vacuum out unwanted babies. Or that I'm missing a three hour marathon of the original Star Trek for this."

Alarmed by that statement on a number of degrees, Hunter looked around the room once more, seeing that this was in fact some kind of a doctors office. The romantic setup had really distracted her from the rest of the room, the gleaming white instruments tucked beneath sterile linens. "Is this an abortion clinic?!"

Not his idea of a romantic time either, the blonde shrugged in a semi-apologetic manner. "The Unplanned Parenthood was the only place that would let me do this for you."

As if she could be mad after hearing something like that, the cleaver bastard. Still didn't change the fact that it was creepy to think about how many babies had been sucked out of their mother's wombs in this room alone. "Well that's completely disgusting, and probably breaking at least a dozen health codes, but what the hell, you went through all the effort of putting this together." Taking her seat, Hunter put the rose back in the cup, smiling across the table at her boyfriend, not missing the whisper that Kenny had only got everything, but they had put it together. "Besides, it could be worse."

Involuntary, Kenny snorted at that. "How could this date get any worse?"

"I could be here with someone else." Scooting closer, the girl reached across the table and placed her hand where he could grab it, if he so desired. Matching her smile with one of his own, Kenny placed his hand over hers, happy to know but also not caring that three other people where there to witness the moment. "Not anyone could handle being propositioned in the bathroom like that, or anything else that's happened tonight. It takes a special kind of man to deal."

Expecting the answer to be 'no' even before he asked the question, Kenny was still hopeful. "And get a special reward? Just because you don't want to-" He made a funny waving slash across his throat "-doesn't mean that we can't still have some fun."

She shook her head, not looking any shade of remorseful. "It is true that he was mistaken about my sense of integrity, but he was right in that I have to respect myself. In other words, I don't care how blue your balls get, I'm not going to blow you."

Ouch. All of the guys in the room could feel that arrow, and that made them so much more happy that they weren't the two weirdos on the date. Seriously, that was so incredibly fucked up to just blatantly put out there! Clyde wondered if Hunter wasn't a chick, since no woman could ever know how incredibly painful that fate could be... But no, Hunter obviously was a fellow dude, or why else would he be on the basketball team with them?

Can't blame a guy for trying, but you can blame a dumb bitch for embarrassing him in front of his friends and teammate. But she knew that, so she had to throw him some kind of a bone so he didn't lose his man card... "We can figure something out." Giving Kenny a look that told him that this next part was only for the sake of being on display, Hunter went on, "If you want, later we can do that thing you wanted me to do. The one involving the honey and feathers."

Appreciating the gift she had given him in turn, Kenny built on her foundations. "No, no, I was calling you Hunny, and I was talking about leather whips, not feathers. I guess I had the blindfold too tight over your head." So what if the guys thought that they were the biggest freaks in the sack when they all thought that he was calling all the shots. And really, in a lot of ways, he was, since Hunter was like a lost little lamb under his tutelage...

Yeah, whatever it was he was talking about here, she was so never going to do that...

So out of everyone (not in the core group), Clyde's the one to piece it together? Nice. But seriously, this has got to be one of the most fucked-up dates ever. The only thing more deranged than the date itself is probably the fact that they're enjoying themselves. Well, it's like he told Karen a few chapters back - flow is good, no matter the topic. Buy yeah, I probably shouldn't be writing at like three in the morning...

I do not own South Park, that's all on Matt and Trey, but I do own Hunter and the rest of the Bloodworth clan!