This is the story of Severus Snape.
Previously on The Years Of Decisions 15: A Day At 4 Privet Drive
Janna and Harry had gotten through the entire book. Harry was a fairly quick study. As they tied up the ends of the meeting, Harry thanked her for his first ever birthday cake. He also asked if it was likely the Headmaster would let him visit the school before September.
Janna truthfully told him she didn't know as it would be up to the Headmaster alone. She reminded Harry about owls telling him she would owl him with an answer either way. "If Professor Dumbledore agrees, there will be another wizard who will come to see to you. He is a very large wizard, but don't be afraid. His name is Hagrid. He is kind and gentle and will see to all your needs. If the Headmaster does not agree with our suggestion, we will see you on September first."
Severus who had come back to the kitchen remained standing by the door added a few last comments. "You are not a slave Harry. Do not let these blighters treat you like one. You will hear from us very shortly one way or another."
Reaching out to shake his son's hand, Severus told Harry his bedroom should be ready for him and wished him good luck in the coming school year.
When Severus stepped back, Janna stepped forward. Severus was not the type to hug anyone (except her). Janna on the other hand felt very comfortable hugging Harry. "It's been a pleasure Mr. Potter. Continue to read over the book and the pamphlets I've left for you. I want you to be ready for September 1st. Walk us to the door. Won't you?"
Harry was sad to see the only two visitors he'd ever had leave. "Please thank Professor Dumbledore for thinking of me. I'm happy to have met you both. If I live to see September 1st, I'll see you then."
As Harry led Janna and Severus through to the front door, Severus lowly whispered. "You'll live son or someone will die. You have my word."
The Years Of Decisions: Chapter 16: The Story Must Be Told
Neither Janna nor Severus felt very good after leaving Privet Drive. They had to leave a defenseless child in the hands of monsters.
Janna didn't have any knowledge of what had gone on before so she couldn't even begin to fathom why the Headmaster would leave a vulnerable child with those despicable Muggles. In her opinion, there wasn't any reason good enough to have done something that ill advised. The Headmaster could disavow any knowledge of how Harry was being treated, but the onus was on him to have checked to make sure the boy was living well.
She liked Harry. He was an appealing child.
/*/
Severus began ranting as soon as their feet hit the ground in front of the Hogwarts gates. "Albus has done it again. Instead of….." To finish the sentence would have given too much away. As it was, he would have to sit down with Janna to try to explain why he hadn't mentioned Lily. He didn't know yet what he would say or how much he would say.
Suddenly Janna stumbled. If not for Severus catching her she would have hit the ground.
"Careful love. You could have hurt that lovely backside." As Severus touched Janna he became concerned. "What's going on? You have the shivers again. I'm taking you to St Mungo's."
Janna spoke softly as Severus picked her up. "I just need to lie down. I guess today was a little more stressful than I realized."
Severus was beside himself. "I don't care to take risks with your health. We are going to St Mungo's."
"There's no need for that Severus, said an agitated Dumbledore who had seemingly appeared out of thin air. "Please take Janna to your rooms."
"Get out of my way Albus." Severus snapped raising his voice. "It is past time for me to have my wife looked at."
Dumbledore wasn't in any mood to be defied and responded roughly. "Get your wife to your rooms," he growled back at Severus. "Replace her clothes with a loose gown. I will be right behind you."
Severus rolled his eyes at Dumbledore but did not argue. He didn't want to upset Janna who was pleading with him to calm down.
"What's going on Sev?" asked a bewildered Janna. "Put me down please. I feel weak, but I can walk."
"Something is making you ill. If it's all the same to you my love, I'd rather carry you. We'll get there faster. Dumbledore will look at you and hopefully put everything right."
/*/
Severus hurried Janna to their rooms where he did exactly as Dumbledore had asked. As soon as Janna was situated, Albus knocked softly and came through the door as if he'd been standing outside waiting. Without a word, Dumbledore waved his hand putting Janna to sleep.
Severus huffed, but Dumbledore frowned holding up a hand for silence. Moving quickly to the bed Dumbledore advised Severus what he was about to do might be painful for him to watch. He might want to step out.
"The only way it will be painful is if you can't rectify your errors," snapped Severus. "That's my wife. I won't be going anywhere."
"Have it your way Severus, sighed Dumbledore in resignation. "I plan to strip away all the spells and recast them one by one. I believe I simply got ahead of myself when I first cast the spells. However this time there is no hurry. I plan to take my time and take every precaution as well."
"Well isn't that fucking nice of you Headmaster," said a furious Severus who had begun to pace the floor. "You're going to take your time? It would have been a hell of a lot better if you'd taken your time the first time around."
"I concur," answered Dumbledore submissively not wanting Severus to explode entirely. "But now is not the time to argue semantics. Please take a seat. Do not distract me. Most importantly. Do not speak. It may not seem so, but this is a delicate procedure."
Severus was full up with Dumbledore's sleight of hand and wanted badly to go toe to toe with him. But as Dumbledore had revealed, he was about to perform a very delicate procedure on Janna which needed his full attention.
/*/
The first half of the procedure went well with Dumbledore speaking out loud at every turn. He was now at the point where he would strip the last of his original spells.
"No matter what you see Severus, please remain calm. There will be a period of perhaps a minute when all spells will be stripped away. I will then…"
Suddenly the witch lying on the bed cut across Dumbledore and began to speak.
"Sev. Oh Sev. You're here. I'm so sorry. I should have told you the truth. James is not Harry's father. You are. I planned to tell you, but Voldemort… Did he kill Harry? Is our son dead?"
Severus knocked over the chair as he jumped to his feet. "Lily!" There lying on the bed holding out her arms to him was Lily Evans Potter in all her red headed glory.
"Lily," gasped Severus as he moved towards her.
Dumbledore immediately held up a hand warning Severus away. "Leave the room now.
Do not touch her Severus. Do not engage her in conversation. She cannot be allowed to hear your voice."
Ignoring Dumbledore, Severus moved closer to the witch he had lost years ago. "Lily. Harry is alive. I know he is my son. How could you have put that imbecile Potter down as his father?"
Lily dropped her arms back down by her sides. "I'm sorry Severus. I did what I thought best. Don't hate me."
Both men watched as a wave of shivers similar to what Janna had been experiencing ran through Lily's body.
"SEVERUS PLEASE!" Shouted Dumbledore. "You have no idea what you may have done. We are dealing with a malleable essence. Your interaction may have been impressed into the fragile psyche which will become Janna. I trusted you to remain seated and quiet. Your presence may have ruined it all."
With a quick wave of his hand, Dumbledore put Lily into a deep sleep after which he threw up a barrier between Severus and Lily. As loathe as he was to admit it. The interaction between Lily and Severus would roll over into Janna when he replaced the spells.
A faulty spell had allowed the essence of two witches to exist in the same body which of course was not plausible. Dumbledore understood the concept of Corporeal Interference. He just hadn't ever seen it. Such a small misstep had caused such a very big problem.
Dumbledore wiped his brow. He never should have allowed Severus to remain in the room while he performed the procedure.
/*/
Severus drank in the entire picture of the red headed witch whom he had loved all his life. This was the real Lily. In the flesh. He wanted to touch her. He wanted to hold her. He wanted to run his hands through that lovely mane of hair. His body was speaking for itself. It was almost as though he could feel Lily's hands running down his back, laughing in his ear calling him Sev.
Severus fell back into his chair trying to clear his head. He was leering over a witch who would disappear in a few minutes never to be seen again. No matter what he wished or hoped. Her life as Lily Potter was over. Lily had to disappear once again to make room for the witch he loved and married and who loved him in return. The witches were one and the same, but Severus was being pulled apart. He'd always love the real Lily, but he loved the Janna persona as well. One and the same except…..
Severus held his head in his hands. Dumbledore and his schemes. All this down to Dumbledore and his schemes. Dumbledore had set things in motion by changing Lily to Janna in the first place. The die had been cast. Janna was now a real person in the Wizarding World as well as a professor at Hogwarts. There wasn't any way Dumbledore could make Lily reappear and Janna disappear without admitting he had broken numerous Wizarding Laws. Even if they decided to bring Lily back, she and Harry would immediately become targets for the Death Eaters. Dumbledore's circle had completed itself. All this could have been prevented if Dumbledore hadn't wanted to prove he was something akin to the second coming of Merlin.
Severus stepped away from the barrier and left the room. He needed privacy. There was only one person in his entire life who had seen tears in his eyes outside of his so called parents. That's the way Severus Snape would have it remain.
/*/
By the time Severus returned to his rooms, Dumbledore was just finishing up. Instead of the red headed Lily lying on the bed. His blonde wife was lying there once again. Severus was happy to have his wife back yet he still missed Lily. Especially her lovely, red hair.
As Severus gazed at his wife, numerous thoughts ran through his mind. He had a beautiful wife, but his thoughts were still on Lily. When had he become this waffling tub of shite?
It occurred to Severus that Dumbledore had purposely allowed him access to the room during the procedure knowing how he would feel seeing Lily. It also occurred to him that Dumbledore couldn't control him any other way so he had chosen to hit him in his heart. He had allowed Dumbledore to bruise him. That was unacceptable.
Janna had helped him become somewhat outgoing and accepting. Perhaps too much so. He had allowed himself to be blindsided. Right then Severus made a decision. He would be caring and loving to his wife. For the rest, it would be back to the Severus Snape of old with Dumbledore first in line.
/*/
The procedure was finished. Dumbledore stood over Janna for a few minutes before gesturing for Severus to step outside with him.
"Severus. I should never have allowed you to remain in the room. Although I knew Lily's body would appear, I never thought she would wake or be lucid enough to recognize you. She should never have been able to address you. My only explanation is that you and she have always been and will always be magical soul mates. I couldn't have stopped it, but I should have been prepared for it."
Severus remained silent for several seconds before commenting sarcastically. "Your fault again then Albus? You have single-handedly ruined Lily's life and Janna's as well. Has my wife emerged from your fix unscathed? Will Janna be healthy once again or will I have to carry her to St Mungo's every other day? I stand here thinking of the ways to kill you Albus, but I have no wish to be incarcerated in Azkaban. I'll hold off until I see how it all turns out for my wife." Walking a few steps away, Severus turned back to Albus. "I am sorry I spoke to Lily. I was taken by surprise when she spoke to me. Had I known there could be consequences I wouldn't have uttered a word."
"Severus," remarked Dumbledore plaintively. "You must know none of this was done on purpose. I would not harm Lily or Janna for all the Galleons in the magical world. This was an unforeseen error."
"An un-fucking-foreseen error?" Severus snarled lowly in case Janna had wakened. "You call this bloody mash up an unforeseen error? An unforeseen error is giving cold cereal when you should be giving oatmeal. Twisting one psyche between two witches is much more than an unforeseen error. It was duplicitous. It was arrogant. And it was wrong. No matter what you say Albus. It was not done for the Greater Good. It had everything to do with your ego. So do not stand there offering a mea culpa as though that makes it right."
"Be reasonable Severus."
Severus was beyond furious as he answered Dumbledore. "Reasonable? I'll be reasonable when someone finally censures you. When someone finally brings you to your knees."
"I've been patient Severus," said an infuriated Dumbledore. "I'm aware of what you are going through, but enough is enough. Don't think for one minute I intend to stand by and listen to your vitriol. I am not one of your filthy Death Eater companions nor am I easily intimidated. I will tell you one last time. I made a decision which I thought best for everyone. If my spells had held up, you would be lying quietly next to Janna thanking me for your second chance. For what it's worth, I believe Janna will have another set of issues. Lily issues. You caused this when you spoke to her. This time some of the blame is down to you."
Severus closed his eyes and took a very deep breath. "She will have issues and they are my fault? I wouldn't have expected anything else from you Headmaster. Someone else has to be the blame or the cause. As always you are an innocent bystander. You should work on a new response Albus. That one is getting very old."
Dumbledore glared at his Potions Master. He knew Severus to be a formidable opponent, but not as formidable as himself. Dumbledore was not about to back down, but he would back away to give Severus time to cool down. "Until you come back to your right mind Severus. I suggest we have as little to do with each other as possible. Whatever is going on between us personally. You have orders that call for a job to be done. Do that job and refrain from acting like a first year student who has been given detention."
"You're quite correct Albus," snarled Severus as he moved closer to Dumbledore. "I do have orders. There is a job to be done. I'll owl you my latest results because I cannot stand to be in your presence any longer. One more thing. You have put my son in a position where he is lucky to have made it to age eleven. It may not be today or tomorrow, but you will answer to me for that if nothing else."
Albus turned on his heel and swept away with out another word. As Severus had had enough of him, he had had enough of the Potions Master.
/*/
Albus Dumbledore was in an absolutely foul mood when he reached his office. Severus had gotten under his skin. The problem was everything Severus stated was true including his remarks about Harry.
Professor and Headmaster Albus Dumbledore had mucked up what should have been an easy task for someone of his ilk. He was now faced with an irate Severus, a possibly weak and ill Janna and a hero who was lucky to have made it to his first year at Hogwarts. Unfortunately, every bit of it touched Severus Snape in some way.
At this point, the only thing Albus was sure he could fix was Janna. If it came down to it, he would have to remove her from the equation entirely. Even saying this to himself sounded foul. He was contemplating something so heinous it far overshadowed the things he had done with Gellert all those years ago. It even overshadowed his plan to turn The Boy Who Lived into The Chosen One.
Dumbledore sighed. The Chosen One really wasn't a chosen one. That was all his doing. It was true Harry had somehow caused the downfall of Voldemort, but he wasn't the only wizard who could kill Voldemort once and for all. Any powerful wizard or group of wizards who met certain criteria could kill Voldemort. However, the Wizarding World needed a hero they could get behind. Circumstances dictated he use Harry. That was something he couldn't ever let Severus know. He couldn't let anything get in the way of his plans. Severus would calm down. He always had.
Dumbledore began pacing the length of his office.
"Hrmph," said Phineas Nigellus Black the most outspoken of the portraits.
Dumbledore swung around to face his tormentor. "I am not in the mood Phineas. Do not aggravate me with your rubbish. There are important things to be done. I do not have time to listen to a diatribe from you."
"If the things are so important young Merlin, why aren't you doing them?" Phineas taunted sarcastically. "From where I sit, you aren't accomplishing anything other than wearing a hole in the floor covering."
A furious Dumbledore grabbed the portrait from the wall throwing it roughly across the room eliciting gasps from several of the other portraits.
"Well I never," shrieked Dilys Derwent.
"Have you lost your mind Albus? Pick that man up," huffed Armando Dippet in his most scholarly voice.
"That was uncalled for Dumbledore," shouted Everard.
Then they all began speaking at once.
Dumbledore was too incensed to hear any of it. "SILENCE."
All the hanging portraits fell silent. However, each and every one was shooting withering glances in Albus' direction.
"Albus," called a tight voice from over in the corner. "If you've finished your unbecoming display of temper, I would like to be returned to my place on the wall. I would also like for you to repair this unsightly tear you have caused."
Dumbledore straightened his robes. "My apologies Phineas. It was not my intention….."
"I appreciate the apology Albus, but it isn't necessary. I should mind my words when speaking to you. You never have been the type of wizard who answers to anyone except yourself. Repair me please. I will then take my unwelcome countenance to my portrait in Grimmauld Place where I am allowed to say anything I choose."
Dumbledore drew his wand. With a quick wave he repaired Phineas back to new.
And good to his word, Phineas walked out of his portrait without a backwards glance.
/*/
The room remained silent as Dumbledore made his way back to his desk until Dilys spoke in a soft voice. "You've made mistakes before Albus and you've fixed them. Why should this be any different? Do what is necessary and get on with it."
"If it was only that easy Dilys," answered Dumbledore roughly as he rose from his chair and headed for his rooms. "If it was only that easy."
/*/
Severus sat beside the sleeping Janna holding her hand. He did love her. How could he not? What worried him most was the consequences of his actions. As much as Severus blamed Dumbledore, he was the one at fault. If only Dumbledore had explained why he should remain quiet and out of sight instead of springing Lily on him. He had exchanged conversation with her. Now it was wait and see. Had their conversation been indelibly embedded in a bare psyche to be remembered when Janna woke up?
Severus agonized in silence waiting for Janna to open her eyes. He finally undressed and climbed in beside Janna pulling her close. Sighing softly, Severus leaned his head back to stare at the ceiling. It was so much simpler when all he had to worry about was being a Death Eater.
Severus must have dozed off because he opened his eyes to find himself nose to nose with his wife. Startled, Severus sat up so quickly he dislodged Janna who had been leaning on his chest.
Reaching over to pull Janna back across his chest he kissed her forehead. "How are you feeling love?"
Janna laid her head down as if she didn't want to look Severus in the face. "I feel a bit dizzy."
Severus pushed her hair out of the way to kiss her ear. "That should pass with a bit more rest."
"I also feel weak. Has Dumbledore sorted this thing out? I don't want to be crumpling to the ground every five minutes. So far, the shivers haven't come back. That's one good thing. I'd be a madwoman if I had to walk around shivering and crumpling to the ground."
"Do you feel up to some dinner? If you like, I will have something brought up. Perhaps we can discuss bringing Harry to Hogwarts before September 1st."
"Harry." The name rolled wistfully off Janna's tongue as soft as a breeze. "There are things swirling about in my head. It's as though I've inherited memories I know nothing about."
Severus paused letting her statement sink in. "Janna, sweetheart. I promised Dumbledore an owl. I'll do that first. After I send the owl, I'll order dinner. Then we'll talk. There are things you need to know."
Watching as Severus stepped into robes, Janna closed her eyes. Large red writing flashed beneath her eyelids. "Is Harry your son with Lily?"
Severus froze in the middle of buttoning his robes. He deflected Janna's question by suggesting she take a soothing shower before dinner and they would talk after.
"She used to call you Sev. How I know that I'm not sure. But I know. I think I would like a shower Severus." Janna remarked as she headed to the bathroom closing the door behind her.
/*/
All kind of thoughts ran through Janna's mind as she showered. Where they were coming from she did not know. The thoughts felt so true. Severus and Lily obviously had an illicit affair while she was married if Harry was his son. Severus Snape had shagged another man's wife and gotten her pregnant. Janna covered her eyes allowing a few tears to fall. Janna didn't know what was happening to her. Severus was her husband and she loved him. How could she even think such things?
/*/
Severus sent an owl to Dumbledore explaining the results of his visit to Albania. He also stated that he and Janna would like Harry to visit Hogwarts before the start of term. After sending the owl, Severus went down to the kitchens to order dinner.
Halfway to the kitchens, Severus decided to question Dumbledore. It was very quiet when Severus stepped into Dumbledore's office. The normally boisterous portraits were as still as death. The office was empty so Severus addressed Everard directly. "Where is the Master of the Universe Everard? I need to speak with him."
"Good evening Severus," called out several of the portraits opening eyes that had remained strategically closed until that moment.
"He is in his rooms Severus," answered Everard sadly. "Knock on the door."
Severus nodded as he strode over to Dumbledore's door.
Dumbledore swung the door open. "If you've come to antagonize me further, I suggest you walk away. And walk away quickly. The time for dancing around each other is over. I will not hesitate to use my wand to keep you away."
"Then we are both going to die Albus because I do not intend to stand here while you salve your conscience by getting rid of me."
"Oh for Merlin's sake Severus. Just come in. What is it you want?"
Still aggravated beyond belief. Severus got right to the point. "I am going to explain certain points to Janna. I will not allow her to remain in the dark any longer. There are thoughts haunting her which I believe to be the residue of your procedure. I do not want to lose her. I'm telling you this as a courtesy, nothing more. What I do want to know is what I should expect when I disclose certain facts. Will Janna have any side effects?"
Dumbledore stared at Severus. "Of course there will be side effects. The result may be the demise of one or both witches. Janna knows herself to be Janna Southway. There's no telling how she will react if you tell her she is Lily Potter and must remain in the body she has. It will exacerbate the problem further. You will be disclosing this information at your own risk and hers."
"Thank you was all Severus said as he left Dumbledore's rooms heading for the Hogwarts kitchens.
/*/
Janna was sitting on the side of the bed waiting for Severus when he returned. They looked at each other. In that moment, they both knew something had changed. Until they discussed it, neither would know exactly what it was.
A wary Severus set the dinner down on the table in their kitchen area wondering if he would have to disclose much more than he had hoped. There wasn't any way to know how Janna would take what he had to tell her.
Sighing deeply Severus called Janna to the table.
/*/
The warm, loving Janna had disappeared. In her place sat a witch with something on her mind. Janna remained silent even as she served them both. Severus was left to open the conversation. His food went untouched on the plate as he cleared his throat several times.
"If there is something you wish to tell me Severus, tell me. I'm listening."
Janna's demeanor caused Severus some anxiety. The conversation hadn't yet begun, but Janna already appeared to be in distress.
"Janna my love. You seem out of sorts. Are you still unwell?"
"For the moment my health is not an issue. However, my mind is another matter. Albus didn't want me taken to St Mungo's. It was my assumption he knew how to clear up the problems I was having. It seems he may have cleared up the shivering and crumbling to the floor, but has left me with a mind full of thoughts which aren't my own. You were there. What has that man done to me?"
Severus took Janna's hand which he kissed while staring into her eyes. "All is not as it seems Janna. Until your conversation with Sybil Trelawney, everything was fine. However that gossiping, mad cow gave you information which upset a delicate balance. That balance may have been further upset by the procedure Dumbledore performed this evening."
"This sounds very intriguing. I can't imagine anything Sybil said to me upsetting any kind of balance."
"I intend to explain. It's a long, circuitous story that started back in 1979. I promise you will know everything when I'm finished."
Janna could tell by her husband's somber tone that what she was about to hear would not be good. What she couldn't figure out was what it had to do with her.
Janna pulled her hand away from Severus repeating his words back to him. "Since this will be a long, circuitous story. We should move to the sitting room where we will be more comfortable."
"As you wish my love," answered Severus following Janna from the kitchen area.
Once they were settled on the couch, Janna pulled her feet under her, gazed at her seemingly uncomfortable husband and gestured for him to begin.
"Tell me your story Severus. I'm ready."