Previously on The Years Of Decisions 16: The Story Must Be Told
Severus took Janna's hand which he kissed while staring into her eyes. "All is not as it seems Janna. Until your conversation with Sybil Trelawney, everything was fine. However that gossiping, mad cow gave you information which upset a delicate balance. That balance may have been further upset by the procedure Dumbledore performed this evening."
"This sounds very intriguing. I can't imagine anything Sybil said to me upsetting any kind of balance."
"I intend to explain. It's a long, circuitous story that started back in 1979. I promise you will know everything when I'm finished."
Janna could tell by her husband's somber tone that what she was about to hear would not be good. What she couldn't figure out was what it had to do with her.
Janna pulled her hand away from Severus repeating his words back to him. "Since this will be a long, circuitous story. We should move to the sitting room where we will be more comfortable."
"As you wish my love," answered Severus following Janna from the kitchen area.
Once they were settled on the couch, Janna pulled her feet under her, gazed at her seemingly uncomfortable husband and gestured for him to begin.
"Tell me your story Severus. I'm ready."
The Years Of Decisions: Chapter 17: Finally
This wasn't something Severus thought he would ever have to do. Yet he sat gazing into the stormy eyes of his wife debating how much he should disclose.
Severus decided he would go all in. He would tell Janna his entire story. He didn't want to lose her, but he didn't want to keep anything from her either. Moving close enough so he could stroke Janna's hair. He began.
"I've told you this all started in 1979, but it started even before then. The Muggle you met today Petunia Evans Dursley is Lily's sister. I met them when I was nine years old. I fell in love with Lily the first day I met her."
Janna squirmed. Severus began playing with her hair in hopes of keeping her calm.
"Lily was Magical where Petunia wasn't. Petunia was jealous of Lily and tried her hardest to turn Lily away from me. It didn't work. Lily and I became as close as a male and female could be. We looked forward to attending Hogwarts hoping to be sorted into the same House. However, fate intervened. Lily and I were sorted into rival houses which made it impossible to be together. She in Gryffindor. Me in Slytherin."
Janna hugged herself as though she was cold. "A Gryffindor Slytherin relationship," she replied somewhat sarcastically. "Not much hope there."
Severus tried to gauge the thought behind Janna's remark., but her face had become a mask so he continued. "Even though we were in rival Houses. We both figured some place down the line we would be together. As the years passed, Lily and I took different paths. I decided to align myself with those who were interested in dark magic. Lily took the path which stood against dark magic. For several years we tried to make a go of it, but it didn't work out. We parted for good the night before my graduation. Immediately after graduation, Lucius who was my mentor sent me out of the country where I spent a year in training."
"Ah! Lucius." Janna sniped. "I should have known." Then she fell silent allowing Severus to continue.
"When I returned to London, I found out that Lily had married James Potter who had been my bitter enemy throughout all my years at Hogwarts. I was outraged Lily had married him even though she and I could never have married. I distanced myself vowing never to speak to her again. However, there came a time when dark forces wanted Lily and her husband injured. Even though I loathed her decision to marry James Potter, I didn't want to see her harmed. It was at that time I approached Lily to warn her of the threats against her life."
Here Severus paused. His next words had to be delicate as he and Lily had done the unthinkable. They had shite on Lily's marriage vows when they made love. The aftermath was even more convoluted. They had made a baby.
"Lily and I made a terrible mistake. We had a clandestine affair. The result of our coupling was she became pregnant with Harry. Lily was overcome with guilt over what we'd done and told me never to contact her again. I didn't. At least not until the dark forces of which I spoke earlier were once again after her. This time the Dark Lord meant to see Lily, James and Harry dead. I confess I didn't care if they hurt James or the child. I wanted to save Lily. I did not learn Harry was my son until well after you came here to teach. Things in my life being what they were left me with no other recourse than go to Dumbledore for help. For a price, Dumbledore promised he would save not only Lily but James and Harry as well. He did try to save them, but the Potter family put their fate in the hands of a wizard who betrayed them. In the end, even as powerful as he is. Dumbledore could not save them all."
Janna sat up a little straighter trying hard to hold back tears. "I know Dumbledore saved Harry. I know James Potter is dead. That just leaves Lily. Is she still alive then? Perhaps somewhere in Albania? Somewhere you need to be every other day. I guess I finally understand. When you climb on top of me. You are wishing it was Lily sharing your passion. The witch you've loved all your life. When you leave me. Is that where you go? To her? You could have told me you've never gotten over Lily instead of whispering things in my ear meant for her. What about Harry? Is she so scared for her life she won't come back to Britain to insure her son is alive and well? And I thought…"
Janna was rocking back and forth full out crying. "And I thought Lucius was a piece of work. It seems you and your little group of friends have him beat. You and she are both despicable. If the love of your life is still alive, I suggest you go be with her. Perhaps you and she can rescue Harry from the Muggles like proper parents would."
Severus knew this might happen, but he still couldn't stand to hear his wife talk this way. "I love you Janna. I'm telling you this because I don't want any secrets between us. Please don't give up on me."
Janna ignored Severus and continued talking as though he hadn't spoken.
"Most of this is my fault," said Janna still sniffling. "I chased you when you made it clear you didn't want me. I forced myself on you. Even so, you have used me in an abominable way Severus. You could have remained your hateful self. You could have continued to give me a wide berth instead of pretending I had suddenly become interesting. I feel like an absolute fool."
Severus moved as close as he dared trying to put his arms around Janna, but she pushed him away. "Please don't Severus. There's no need for you to pretend any longer. It seems I have always been and will always be a second fiddle. You may think that's fine, but I don't. I will check with Dumbledore to see if he can get another professor on short notice. I do not plan to stay at Hogwarts nor do I plan to remain your wife."
"Sweetheart please," Severus pleaded as he went down on his knees in front of his wife. "This is not what it seems. I love you. Please don't even think about leaving me. I'll do anything. Please."
Janna stood up stepping around Severus. "There's nothing for you to do Severus. You've done enough. There is one thing I will share with you. I am almost three months pregnant. I was waiting until after you settled your business with Albus and Lucius to tell you. I made reservations for Friday in that lovely little restaurant where you asked me to marry you as well. I wanted it to be special when I shared the news. Now it doesn't matter. Now you know. I will speak to Dumbledore immediately and I will also be moving back to my Magizoology rooms this evening. If it can be worked out, I will be out of Hogwarts before mid August rolls around. You've hurt me beyond anything I'd ever imagined Severus, but I think you've made me stronger. I will never put myself in the position of chasing a wizard who doesn't want me."
Severus reached out to Janna, but she sidestepped him once again.
"Please do not touch me Severus. Go touch the witch you've loved all your life. I don't want to seem a sore loser, but this is my opinion. If Lily was any type of witch, she would come out of hiding and see to her child….and her paramour. Goodnight."
/*/
Severus sat with his face in his hands. In his worst nightmare he wouldn't have thought things would turn out like this. But how had he expected Janna to act? He had just disclosed quite a bit of vile news without being able to tell to give the entire reason. He had stepped all the way in the shite without a way to get out.
Severus was losing the woman he loved as well as the second baby they had made together. He could sit there feeling sorry for himself or he could go straighten everything out and get his wife back. If the entire truth was what it took to stop Janna from leaving him and Hogwarts, then that's what he would give her. He wasn't going to lose her. He would make Dumbledore help put things right. Janna would have to see Dumbledore's memories.
/*/
Dumbledore was surprised by the soft knock on his door. Using his uncanny abilities he recognized who was at the door.
"Please come in Janna."
Dumbledore stood and came around the desk as soon as he recognized the state Janna was in. He led her to a chair in front of his desk. Dumbledore waved his hand and a pot of tea landed on his desk. Setting a cup in front of Janna he waited for what was to come.
"Thank you Albus. You may not be this kindly when I explain my reason for being here. I need to resign my position as a Hogwarts Professor. I am hoping you will be able to find someone on this short notice. It is imperative that I leave the school. I will be leaving my husband as well."
Albus Dumbledore was caught off guard. "What is this all about Janna? You love teaching. You love Severus as he loves you. What has happened?"
Looking forlornly at Dumbledore Janna voiced her thoughts. "I don't want to cast stones Headmaster, but I'm very sure you are aware of what this is all about. You've known Severus longer than most. You know his feelings for Lily Evans. I am also quite sure you know Harry is his child. Severus made me aware of these facts tonight. I do not intend to remain in his life while he moons over a witch who hasn't the courage to return to England to check on her child. The whole thing is vile Albus. I don't want any part of it. Will you be able to help me?"
Albus sat back down. In seconds, visions of what must have happened flashed through his mind. Severus had been good to his word. He had obviously explained some things to Janna. Obviously those things had greatly upset her.
Before he could go any further, Albus had to find out just how much she had been told. She obviously hadn't been told about the muck up he made with her spells.
/*/
When Janna finished her tea. Dumbledore poured her another. This time he surreptitiously added a small bit of Veritaserum to the cup. Dumbledore didn't like drugging Janna, but he had no choice.
Several minutes later Dumbledore was listening to Janna pour her heart out. She was devastated by what she thought was Severus' infidelity and betrayal. She was having the hardest time with the fact Severus had been intimate with Lily while she was married. She made it quite clear through her answers that she hated Lily. Perhaps even close to hating her husband as well.
This has become a total clusterfuck thought Dumbledore as he listened to a sobbing Janna reveal she thought Severus was still having intimate relations with Lily. Then had come the bombshell revelation which brought Albus out of his chair like a shot. Janna was pregnant but still intended to leave Severus.
Striding across the room, Dumbledore whispered a few words to Fawkes watching as his cherished defender flew away. He had then returned to his seat behind the desk.
Janna commented on Fawkes. She thought he was beautiful. Then she had questioned her Headmaster about her request. "Will you be ale to find another professor to replace me in a months time Headmaster?"
"I will try Janna. However I don't think even I will be able to pull it off. I will probably ask Sybil or Minerva to take over your classes until I can find someone."
Dumbledore was more than sure that saddling other professors with her duties would not sit well with Janna. And he was quite correct.
"I can't allow that Headmaster. The other professors will have more than enough to be getting on with. Please don't even consider Sybil. She will have incoming students screaming to get home to mum. Maybe a better solution would be if you discontinued Magizoology classes altogether. It is a soft subject which can be replaced with one of several other subjects."
Dumbledore smiled briefly at Janna's comment as Sybil was the last professor he would ask to step in anywhere. "I wouldn't call Magizoology a soft subject. Your students have learned quite a bit about the lives of Magical Creatures. It is a complement to Care of Magical Creatures. Your students would miss you."
"Thank you for your compliments Albus. It is a bright spot in an otherwise dismal evening. Please see what you can do. I will now go move my things to my former rooms as I do not intend to go anywhere near Professor Snape."
/*/
As if he had been summoned, Severus came through the door. Glancing between Albus and Janna he knew the Headmaster hadn't been able to change Janna's mind about leaving.
At the sight of Severus, Janna made to leave the office without saying anything to him. However, Dumbledore asked that she remain for a few minutes more so they could work out the kinks.
Without giving Severus so much as a glance, Janna took a chair in front of the desk. Severus settled into a chair farthest away from his wife glancing at her from the corner of his eye.
/*/
When Severus and Janna were settled. Dumbledore glanced between them before speaking. "Severus. I've been made aware of certain things which have gone on between you and Janna. Your wife has requested to be let out of her position. Hogwarts would lose a fine professor if I let that happen. I do not want to see her go. Janna has also shared some personal news. Congratulations on her pregnancy. I cannot stress enough that this is the time when a husband and wife should be growing closer not pulling apart. Is there no way to settle your differences? What can I do to help?"
"This feels like an ambush." Janna replied angrily. "You on the one side and Severus on the other. For me, there isn't any way to settle this other than what I plan to do. My husband has a paramour who even though he is married still entertains him. But why would that be a surprise? They've done it before."
"I do not have a paramour nor am I in anyone else's bed. I am being wrongfully accused Janna. I love you."
"I will not stay here to listen to this shite," Janna shouted rising from her chair. "You've told me how you love Lily. You've told me she is still alive. You disappear every several days. Do not change your story because we are in front of a third party."
Severus pleaded with Dumbledore with his eyes as if to say, please do something.
Dumbledore stood and came around the desk to stand beside Janna. "Please indulge me for a few minutes more. I have revelations which should clear up this entire matter. Will you hear me out? If you are not satisfied with my explanation, I will find your replacement and help you move as well. Just a few more moments is all I am asking."
A sobbing Janna agreed to remain for a few more minutes telling Dumbledore there wasn't much he could say that would change her mind.
Dumbledore conjured a handkerchief which he handed to Janna before leading her back to the chair she had so recently vacated.
Severus sat quietly with his hands in his lap to prevent inflaming Janna any further hoping this would all come to a good end. He didn't want to lose his wife or baby.
/*/
Janna wouldn't look at Severus as Dumbledore moved about the room evidently making preparations for what he was about to show her.
This was not the way Severus wanted to see things play out. He would have been happy if he never had to see these particular memories again. But, if he ever wanted Janna to trust him again he would have to stand by as she watched her own transformation. The trembling in his hands was uncontrollable.
Severus knew that after Janna viewed the memories. They would need to have a discussion. After that, Janna would have to make a decision. She could remain safe as Janna Southway Snape or she could choose to be returned to her natural body. If she chose to be Lily Potter, there were only so many things that could be done. The first would be to get Harry and leave England for parts unknown and far away. If any Death Eater or Dark Lord follower got wind that Lily was alive, they would hunt her and Harry down killing them without hesitation. They hadn't been able to get to Harry because he was under certain protections at a location unknown to them. Once Lily and Harry were out in the open, Severus didn't even want to think what might happen.
Then there was himself. He would also have a hard decision to make. Whatever name she went by or what body she was in. Janna/Lily was his wife. Harry was his son. He had another child on the way. He would never let his family walk away alone and unprotected. Would he be able to walk away from this life he had worked so hard to achieve. For his wife and children, he was sure he could.
Severus knew if he chose to walk away from his life as Severus Snape, Death Eater and Hogwarts Potions Master. Albus Dumbledore would have a lot to say. Severus had made a vow to assist Dumbledore. Unless Albus revoked the Unbreakable Vow, it wouldn't matter if he ran away with his wife and children. He wouldn't have long to live.
Severus thought for several seconds before coming to a conclusion that might be satisfactory to all involved. If Albus would agree to revoke the Unbreakable Vow, he would suggest they be allowed to leave now and bring Harry back if Voldemort ever resurfaced.
/*/
Severus looked up when Albus cleared his throat. The Headmaster was looking directly at Janna as he began to speak.
"Before I show you this Janna. I want to share some information. There was a terrible accident. Lily, James and Harry were attacked. James was killed and Lily was severely wounded. Severus was able to save Lily from certain death and I took care of the rest. When we realized that the dark forces would never let up if they thought Lily survived, I took measures. What you are about to see may shock you. It may even seem unreal. Let me assure you the memories are my own. They are a true record of what was done."
"Please just get on with it Headmaster." Gesturing to her nose Janna told Dumbledore she had heard enough about Lily to last a lifetime.
Severus glanced at his wife getting nothing in return except a roll of the eyes.
/*/
Dumbledore showed Janna the Pensieve explaining its purpose as she examined what looked to her like a bowl. He advised Janna there were two ways to view memories, three dimensional and immersion. He told her for their purpose they would be using the immersion system. Dumbledore then instructed Janna to breathe normally and stick her face into the Pensieve.
Janna stuck her face into the Pensieve ready to be sucked choking and flailing into a watery netherworld. Instead, she found herself in a small room. A room which looked suspiciously like a Hogwarts room. A room in which the Headmaster was moving quickly about gathering supplies. There was an unconscious red-headed witch lying on the bed who could be none other than the fantastic Lily. Once Dumbledore had all his supplies together, he sat on the side of the bed. Whether Lily felt his presence or she woke up on her own Janna couldn't tell. What she did see and hear was Lily cry out for Severus and Harry. At the exact moment she spoke, Dumbledore cast a spell which put her to sleep. Then Janna watched as her Headmaster cast spell after spell on the sleeping witch. When he stepped back, Janna Southway was lying on the bed and Lily had disappeared.
Janna was so surprised at the scene before her she jerked her head out of the Pensieve and began backing across the room with her voice rising to a scream.
"What is it I've just seen? What have you done to me?"
"Janna. Please sit down and I will explain."
Ignoring both Dumbledore and Severus. Janna continued to back towards the door. "What do I have to do with her?"
Severus jumped up out of his chair and took Janna in his arms. She didn't resist. Instead, she laid her head on his chest and sobbed into his robes.
Severus threw caution to the wind. He kissed her hair and whispered that he loved her and would always love her.
His words seemed to bring Janna back to reality. Then the moment was lost as Janna pulled away from Severus heading for the door.
Dumbledore was tired as well as fed up and it showed as he spoke sternly to Janna. "I suggest you take a seat Janna. You agreed to hear me out so that's what I expect you to do. You've had your say about leaving Hogwarts and your husband. Let me have my say. The memories I have shown you are private. I have only dragged them out because you have made several incorrect assumptions and will not listen to reason. You wanted answers. Well here they are. So please sit down and let me explain."
Dumbledore's tone stopped Janna short. However she was feeling as feisty as her Headmaster. "What have your memories to do with my life? I recognize sleight of hand when I see it. Because I respect you Albus I will sit and listen to your explanation. But don't think for one minute you have intimidated me into doing so. Explain what I have just seen so I can get on with my life."
/*/
Dumbledore softened his stance as he offered Janna and Severus a cup of tea. They both declined. Dumbledore poured a cup for himself. Over the cup rim he watched his two professors fidgeting before him. He needed both to compose themselves. Without a second thought, Dumbledore waved his hand causing an infusion of scented air to fill the room. Dumbledore watched as Janna and Severus began to relax. He was ready to begin.
What he had to say would change Janna's life as she knew it forever. She had a big decision to make. Would she choose to continue on as Janna or would she choose to return to being Lily? Either choice would most certainly bring consequences.
Before opening his mouth Dumbledore asked himself why he hadn't just said to Hell with it all a long time ago. Gellert would have been glad for his company.
/*/
"I don't mean to leave you sitting there anticipating what I have to say." Dumbledore said with a grimace he was trying to pass off as a smile. "I'm simply trying to figure a way to show myself in the best possible light."
Severus tensed up at Dumbledore's words. No matter how many times he screwed up, Dumbledore would forever try to present his misdeeds in the best light. Severus sat there growling to himself. He could happily throttle the man without a second thought.
Dumbledore was aware that Severus was at the end of his patience. As much as he respected Severus as a man. He was bloody tired of the hateful, hostile wizard he had become of late.
Folding his hands in front of him, Dumbledore jumped straight into the story.
"On October 31st, 1981, Voldemort attacked the Potter family in Godric's Hollow. James was killed outright. Lily was severely wounded while Harry somehow produced an extremely strong burst of magic which defeated Voldemort and saved his own life as well. Severus arrived in time to bring Lily back from the brink of death. However, due to certain circumstances, Severus could not be found in Godric's Hollow. He left Harry and Lily in my hands."
Janna glanced at Severus then turned her face back to Dumbledore.
Albus continued. "As word of Voldemort's death spread. His supporters went mad. I knew Lily and Harry would never be safe as long as any of the Death Eaters were free so I put Harry with Lily's relatives where he would be safe. Lily was another matter altogether. I finished healing her, but I couldn't allow her to walk around where any Death Eater could easily kidnap or kill her. So I took measures. I was called to the Ministry to testify in front of the Wizengamot where I told them Lily had not survived. That's how it went down on the record. The memory you viewed is a record of what I did to keep Lily safe."
Janna remained silent for a very long minute before finding her voice. "What is this Headmaster? Do you take me for a fool? You show me some mucked up memory and I'm supposed…."
"What I have shown you is a true record. I made a decision to keep you safe. I did what I thought best." Glancing over at Severus, Dumbledore explained further. "In hindsight I realize I could have done other things to keep you and Harry safe. Your husband has not let me forget my decision from the day he learned you were alive."
Janna walked over to Severus, bent down in front of him and rested her head on his lap. "I feel as though I'm going mad," she had sobbed. "Tell me who I am Sev."
Severus ran his hands through Janna's hair as he gently whispered. "You are the witch I have loved all my life."