Previously on The Years Of Decisions 17: Finally
Albus continued. "As word of Voldemort's death spread, his supporters went mad. I knew Lily and Harry would never be safe as long as any of the Death Eaters were free. I put Harry with Lily's relatives where he would be safe. Lily was another matter altogether. I finished healing her, but I couldn't allow her to walk around where any Death Eater could easily kidnap or kill her. So I took measures. I was called to the Ministry to testify, which I did. I told the Wizengamot Lily hadn't survived and that's how it went down on the record. The memory you viewed is a record of what I did to keep Lily safe."
Janna remained silent for a very long minute before finding her voice. "What is this Headmaster? Do you take me for a fool? You show me some mucked up memory and I'm supposed…."
"What I have shown you is a true record. I made a decision to keep you safe. I did what I thought best." Glancing over at Severus Dumbledore explained further. "In hindsight I realize I could have done other things to keep you and Harry safe. Your husband has not let me forget my decision from the day he learned you were alive."
Janna walked over to Severus, bent down in front of him and rested her head on his lap. "I feel as though I'm going mad," she had sobbed. Tell me who I am Sev."
Severus ran his hands through Janna's hair as he gently whispered. "You are the witch I have loved all my life."
Oh, what a tangled web we weave
When first we practice to deceive.
Sir Walter Scott
The Years Of Decisions: Chapter 18: Tangled Web
"The witch you have loved all your life." Janna whispered softly. "If this is all true, I understand now what you meant. I had begun to hate Lily for reasons we have already discussed. Now I find out I was on the verge of hating myself."
Severus reached out to pull Janna to her feet and steer her to a chair. "You now know the facts. I apologize for not being able to reveal Albus' secrets, but for your safety that's the way things had to be. Had you not grown suspicious of me, I do not think you would have learned about your other self."
Janna was speaking normally, but her mind was running amuck. She hadn't ever heard of this type of magic. "This is all so strange. The visions and thoughts that kept running through my mind were obviously Lily's thoughts. Not knowing the entire truth, I felt betrayed because of what was being fed to me. I was decimated by the fact you loved Lily so much you…"
Janna cast a glance in Dumbledore's direction. She had been poised to say she was decimated by the fact Severus had made love to a married woman. Buy it was just something she couldn't say in front of the Headmaster. Even though he was probably well aware of the fact.
"I'm sorry for doubting you Severus. There was just so much I didn't understand. There's still so much I don't understand. Is there any more I should know so I can digest it all at the same time?"
Severus took Janna's hand as he began to speak. "Dumbledore kept the fact you were alive from me for years. Initially when he told me Lily hadn't survived I didn't believe him. I had looked into her eyes. I had saved her from certain death. But as time passed and I could not discover any deception on Albus' part, I had to resign myself to the fact Lily was gone."
Janna squeezed his hand and Severus ran the back of his hand across her cheek as he continued to speak.
Severus stared at Dumbledore as he continued the story.
"Then I was introduced to you Janna. Although your actions and mannerisms brought visions of Lily to mind, I thought it was just me. You looked nothing like Lily. You are built differently. You have blonde hair. It didn't make sense you would remind me so much of her. The truth is you frightened me. I find it repulsive to say now, but I treated you badly and kept my distance for the reasons I have just revealed. Then Dumbledore showed me this memory along with others. It was then that everything I had been experiencing began to make sense. Unbeknownst to me, he had set it up so you and I could have a chance at life together."
Dumbledore began to speak but Janna cut across him. Something she would never have done before this night.
"I don't mean to cut you off Albus, but there is something very important I need to know because I don't understand. If I am Lily's alter ego, do I really exist? Where did you get a body for me? Is everything I know about myself a lie?"
Severus could see that Janna was working herself back up to a full blown anxiety attack. He couldn't blame her. What witch gets up in the morning and finds out she is a shadow of another witch.
In order to calm Janna, Severus asked her to sit back and let Dumbledore explain the finer details. "No matter what transpires here tonight or what you learn, I am in love with you now and forever. Please sit back and listen to what the Headmaster has to say. Would you like another cup of tea?"
Janna smiled at her husband. "I'm as calm as I can be in light of this disclosure, but I will listen to Albus. I will have a tea if you will infuse it with a bit of brandy. I'll need some additional fortification."
"Tea with brandy it will be," said Severus assuredly as he stood to walk over to the teapot.
Dumbledore supplied the brandy and Janna soon had her cup in hand.
/*/
As Janna demurely sipped her tea with brandy, Dumbledore gathered the thoughts he would present to her. This situation of his own making had created so many extraneous ends he wasn't sure it would ever get straightened out. Sighing heavily, Dumbledore began what promised to be a long, convoluted explanation about the existence of Janna Southway Snape.
After clearing his throat several times and receiving a glare from Severus, Dumbledore faced Janna.
"The truth Janna is that you and Lily basically exist in the same body. I used magic of my own making to change the physical attributes of Lily Evans Potter. There aren't two of you. It's one witch magically enchanted to be someone else. Look at it this way. You are Lily Potter in disguise. Janna Southway did not exist before ten years ago."
The cup in Janna's hand began to clank ominously as she whimpered at Dumbledore's words.
Severus went to comfort his wife, but remained where he was when Dumbledore held up two fingers and shook his head.
Dumbledore watched as tears welled up in Janna's eyes. There really wasn't anything he could do for her. Neither he nor Severus had been given a choice. Janna had come to her own incorrect conclusions and been ready to walk out on Severus and Hogwarts as well. She wanted the truth. That's what he planned to give her.
Dumbledore continued in a more soothing voice. "The times were turbulent Janna. Voldemort had been destroyed and Death Eaters were running rampart throughout London looking for Lily and Harry whom they had decided were expendable. From what they had heard, Harry had destroyed their master. They planned to kill mother and son on sight which I could not allow to happen. Lily and I used Old Magic to keep Harry safe. I also cast what is called a Mother's Spell. Also Old Magic. The restriction on the Mother's Spell was it only protected Harry and Lily for the first year of Harry's life. As you might know, Voldemort attacked the family after Harry had turned one, but the Old Magic kept him from being killed. In fact, the magic enabled Harry to repel the attack to the extent he destroyed Voldemort. Lily was severely wounded during the attack and would have died if Severus had not come to check on her. Severus literally brought Lily back from the dead."
Janna glanced over at her husband then turned her gaze back to the Headmaster waiting expectantly for him to continue.
While Dumbledore paused, Severus added a few bits of information. "I've explained most of this to you Janna. The only thing I couldn't mention was the tie that bound you to Lily. Albus mentioned how badly Lily was wounded. It was even worse than that. Had I arrived several seconds later, Lily would have been gone. This fact was the reason Albus was able to convince me Lily had died. I think we've come full circle. You now know everything there is to know about how we got to this point. Do you understand all you've been told?"
"As unbelievable as all this is, I understand what has been done and why," she replied in a wavering voice. "What I need to know is what options are left for me? My life consists of information made up for the occasion. You've obviously given me memories which were plucked out of the air. I'm Lily but I'm not Lily. I'm certainly not Janna Southway Snape. That witch doesn't exist. There wasn't any life in Ireland. There wasn't anything. Currently that would make me… Just what does that make me? Am I a phantom? A ghost? What should I call myself?" she asked her voice rising hysterically as she broke into heart wrenching sobs.
Severus pulled her into his arms kissing her forehead. "You are a full blooded, beautiful woman whom I love with all my heart. This is simply a stumbling block. Albus and I will figure it out. I have an idea, but I preferred waiting until you were in a fit state of mind to hear it."
"There's no need to wait. I'm in the best state of mind I'll be in for a long time to come. Please explain your idea."
Still sitting at the desk, Dumbledore raised both eyebrows at Severus wondering what he was up to. He had ideas on how to turn things around as well, but the ideas would now have to wait until after Severus spoke his piece.
/*/
Severus was about to explain himself when there was a soft knock on the door. All three heads turned to see Minerva McGonagall standing in the doorway.
When Minerva realized she was interrupting a meeting she greeted the three and apologized for her intrusion.
Both Severus and Janna greeted their Transfiguration Professor.
Waving away Minerva's apology, Dumbledore invited her to step in. "Come in Minerva. We do not stand on ceremony in this office. What can I help you with?"
Minerva advised the Headmaster she was there to start setting up classrooms for the coming school year and would be available if he needed her.
"Thank you Minerva. I'm glad you've turned up early. There is a personal matter I would like to discuss with you. Please see me tomorrow morning."
"Alright Albus. I'll see you then."
Then turning in Janna's direction, Minerva addressed her directly.
"Professor Southway. May I ask your help? If you have some free time over the next few days, I could use your help sorting the used books. The rest of the professors will be arriving within the week. I'd like the books in place before they arrive. I won't intrude any longer. Shall we discuss the matter tomorrow over lunch?"
"Of course Minerva," Janna answered quietly. At the moment, there is a matter I am trying to get resolved. But I will be happy to help."
Janna's depressed tone of voice caught Minerva by surprise. Usually the Magizoology professor was a bundle of energy. Minerva hoped the matter Janna was trying to get resolved wasn't anything serious.
Minerva thanked Janna and wished everyone a good night before leaving the office.
/*/
Dumbledore too had heard the despair in Janna's voice and wanted to put off the rest of what he had to say until the next day. "You seem overwhelmed Janna. Shall we continue this conversation at a later date?"
Janna turned red in the face as she tried to refrain from crying. "I am overwhelmed Headmaster. How can I not be? The last thing I want is for you to stop your explanation in mid conversation. I WANT MY LIFE BACK!" she shouted shrilly. "I want my life back." This time she couldn't hold back the tears and began crying softly into her hands.
Severus was treading a fine line between anger and despair himself. He wrapped his arms around Janna softly whispering words of encouragement into her ear.
Dumbledore watched as Severus comforted his wife. All he could think was how could everything have turned out so wrong. He waited for Janna to calm down so Severus could get on with his suggestion.
Janna nodded at Severus to show she was ready to listen. In return, Severus gave her hand a quick squeeze before revealing his idea.
"Albus, I have no doubt you will point out the flaws in my theory. I will put it forth anyway and we shall discuss it seriously. Janna has asked where does she go from here. My thoughts are simple. Instead of keeping the memories separate as you have been trying to do, merge the memories together. Meaning change nothing on my wife. Simply mesh Lily's memories with the memories Janna has now. Initially, it may be difficult for Janna to reconcile two sets of memories. However, once she gets acclimated to the additional memories, I believe things will sort themselves out. After all, both sets of memories belong to Janna now. I'll be there for her and we would work it out together. Perhaps I've oversimplified, but you Albus are the self proclaimed, most powerful wizard in the world. You should be able to do it without a problem."
/*/
When he finished speaking, Severus sat back waiting for Dumbledore to critique his suggestion. This hadn't been Severus' first choice of suggestions. For a fleeting second his choice had been to change Janna back to Lily once and for all. Then his common sense had kicked in. There wasn't even the most remote possibility of Lily lasting more than a week. Even under his protection. The Dark Lord's boys would not hesitate to avenge their master.
Then there was Harry. If Dumbledore brought Lily back, no one would be able to stop her from getting their son. And that would open a whole new set of problems. Severus could imagine Lucius and Narcissa's reactions when they found out his wife was actually a Mudblood. No matter how much Severus would have liked to have his red head again. It just wasn't feasible. No. His first choice would not work.
Severus glanced guiltily at Janna glad she wasn't versed in Legilimacy. His first thoughts were not something he would want Janna to know about. He loved Janna and would never hurt her. Ever. But the thought about Lily had crossed his mind. If they were to get this sorted, he would have to stop thinking of Janna and Lily as two separate entities. There was only one witch and he was married to her.
/*/
Janna sat quietly gazing at her husband. Severus made it all sound so simple. What frightened her was Dumbledore. He hadn't offered any opinion, good or bad. To Janna, that was not a good sign. If Severus' idea had merit, shouldn't the Headmaster be adding his thoughts and comments.
She was tired beyond belief. Things had been thrown at her she never thought possible. Perhaps the shock was wearing off and with it had gone her strength. All she wanted now was for life to go back as it was before all the revelations.
As Janna sat there waiting for either Severus or Albus to speak she was suddenly overcome by thoughts which didn't make sense.
Sirius once tried to get familiar with me and I had to put him in his place.
Who the bloody hell was Sirius? Then another thought.
I long for the times Sev and I shared in the Hogwarts Alchemy rooms.
What the bloody hell is going on? Hogwarts didn't teach Alchemy neither did it have any Alchemy rooms. Before Janna could come to terms with those few thoughts, several others replaced them.
It is better for Peter to be our Secret Keeper. Sirius is sometimes unreliable.
Severus called me a Mudblood!
Harry took his first steps today. Remus, Sirius, James and Peter were acting like fools. They about scared Harry to death with their goings on.
Keeping secrets has been the downfall of many a good witch.
Janna felt herself getting hot. She loosened her robes at the throat which didn't help. She felt as though she was burning up. Janna stood and managed to call out to Severus before collapsing to the floor.
/*/
Dumbledore and Severus rushed to Janna. Severus picked her up even as Albus transfigured one of the chairs into a couch. Severus laid his wife down and loosened the neck of her robes even more.
"Janna love. Wake up." Severus called as the placed a wet cloth conjured from a napkin across her forehead.
"She's burning up Albus. I need to cool her down."
Severus ran his wand from the tip of Janna's head to her feet whispering words to spells of his own making. The spells cooled Janna down for several seconds then the heat returned hotter than before. Severus recast his spell. This time he made it stronger than before. The spell cooled Janna down for a longer period of time, but once again the heat returned.
"Do something Albus. My strongest cooling spell is not enough. Pull something out of that famous hat of yours. Do it now. Janna is burning up."
/*/
Dumbledore drew his wand and came to stand beside Janna. "Now is the time we make our decision Severus. I believe Lily is trying to get back to her body and has come back stronger than ever. This of course would be the result of you talking to her during the procedure. She wants her life back. Since Janna did not have the opportunity to hear me out neither of us truly knows what she wants to do. However, self preservation is inherent in us all. Wouldn't you agree?"
"Of course I agree Albus," shouted a distraught Severus. "But while you stand there philosophizing my wife is turning to ash. Cool her…..please. We can argue semantics after you've seen to her."
Albus waved his wand over Janna and her skin which had been bright red returned to a more normal color.
Severus kneeled beside Janna taking her hand in his. "Thank you Albus. Janna is my life now. You have given us this second chance. I will not let it slip away. You have my permission to merge the two personalities leaving Janna as she is. I'm sure Janna would not want to give up her life as she knows it. No matter what body she is in, my wife and I will have the best of both worlds. We will have the partner Merlin meant us to have."
/*/
Dumbledore gazed at Severus over his glasses. He had come to the realization that the Lily persona had tasted life and would not give up trying to exert her influence over Janna. It had been a worry for him when Janna wasn't aware of what was happening to her. She was now informed and the need to keep the personalities apart no longer existed. Severus' vision was one of the visions he would have presented. The only difference, he had to let them make the decision on their own.
Dumbledore's second vision was dire. He had been amenable to letting Janna leave Hogwarts to go off on her own knowing she probably wouldn't come to a good end. Truthfully, Dumbledore was glad he didn't have to speak it out loud. Although his decision would have been for the greater good, it would surely have caused him to lose a friend, colleague and Potions Master. Perhaps at the end of a wand. Dumbledore knew he couldn't afford that. He needed Severus. His plan for the Wizarding World revolved around Severus….. and Harry.
/*/
Severus' brusque tone brought Dumbledore out of his reverie. "You have my decision. Why are you standing there like a mute Albus? Get this done once and for all so Janna may begin to heal."
Dumbledore snapped back at Severus. "Let me set some rules Severus. Since you are unlikely to do as asked. You will not be allowed in the room. You will not be allowed to see Janna for at least three hours. You will get your mind off what is going on here and back on your duties. Have I made myself clear? There isn't any more room for slip ups. If anything goes wrong this time, it may be the end for Janna."
An angry Severus got nose to nose with Dumbledore growling in his face. "You dare tell me I could cause the demise of my wife? Let me tell you this Headmaster. If anything, and I mean any bloody thing befalls Janna while you work on her, I will have nothing left to live for. That would be very bad for you. So, you may lay blame on me if you wish. Just know. If Janna dies, I am coming for you."
Dumbledore sighed as he used his wand to move Janna into his inner chambers where he could work in private. He felt the trepidation slide through his body. Severus had hit on one of his hidden truths. If Janna had continued to be a distraction, it was his intention to let her slip away under the guise of a failed spell. Now with everything settled, that would not be necessary and Severus would never need know.
"You threaten me so often Severus I've become immune. Please leave me now so I can work on your wife."
With robes billowing out behind him and snorting as he went, Severus strode to the door.
"Severus. A moment." Dumbledore called after his Potions Master.
Severus turned back to glare at Dumbledore. "Speak Albus. Speak. You are wasting time."
"During the next three hours, you may want to think over what you and Janna intend to do about Harry. The child is very important to the Wizarding World. Claiming Harry as a son may not be the most prudent thing to do in these times. Especially for a Death Eater. You will need to steer Janna in the right direction."
/*/
Severus closed the door with a snap. Dumbledore infuriated him more often than not, but this time he was correct. It would be impossible for him and Janna to lay claim as parents on the Boy Who Lived. Even if we came up with a plausible explanation for taking Harry in, I am a Death Eater posing as a Potions Master and vice versa. Harry Potter cannot become part of our lives.
/*/
In his anger, Severus was moving down the stairs so fast he almost bowled over Professor Quirrell who seemed to be meandering about without a firm destination.
"S-S-Severus. W-W-what a surprise. I-I've come to get my classroom set up. Only one month to go you know. H-How has your summer holiday been?
"Quirrell," snapped an irritable Severus as he glanced at the nasty looking turban on Quirrell's head. "What is that thing on your head? If you are you trying to make yourself look like a clown, you've succeeded. Out of my way."
An angry frown passed quickly across Quirrell's pale features as Severus sped past. Glaring at Severus' back as the Potions Master walked away, Quirrell softly whispered a prophetic remark. "My master gave me this turban. You'd better mind yourself Mr. Severus Snape or you might find yourself at my mercy."
Quirrell took a few steps, but was stopped by a low voice in his ear. "You think too much of yourself Quirrell. Severus Snape would be a formidable enemy. Now get to your rooms and take this ridiculous turban off so I can breathe. We have less than a month to plan a welcome for that nasty, Potter brat."
"Yes master," Quirrell answered softly and submissively as he quickly set a path to his Defense Against The Dark Arts rooms.
His was a hard master.
/*/
Severus reached his and Janna's rooms and immediately began to pace. If Dumbledore mucked up this procedure, it would be the end of everything warm and loving in his life. He would be back to Severus Snape, lonely Death Eater. Having been lucky enough to have married a loving witch, going back to lonely Death Eater was out of the question.
Severus brought Janna's nightdress up to his nose. "It's a simple procedure my love. You will come through it," he said speaking quietly to himself. "I'll repeat the promise I offered all those years ago. If you choose to leave here so we can be together as a family, I will take you and our son as far away from here as possible. You have my word."
/*/
The procedure on Janna had gone extremely well. She was resting comfortably and would be opening her eyes at any minute.
Dumbledore stood by the window waiting patiently. He had given Severus a time frame of three hours because he needed time to talk to Janna alone. He had to make her understand how important it was for Harry and Severus to remain at Hogwarts. While he wouldn't disclose the specifics, he planned to tell her a few of the more salient points.
Dumbledore felt it was his duty to keep the family close to him. Knowing how much Severus loved Janna, Dumbledore was sure he would abide by any decision she chose to make about their future and that of their son. He couldn't afford to leave her decision to chance. He had to turn Janna to his way of thinking.