Previously on The Years Of Decisions 19: Over And Over Again
"Tell me something I don't know Albus." Severus practically shouted. "The difference now is that Harry will be with his mother. You have said over and over that Lily's Old Magic will protect him from harm. Therefore Harry will be safe as long as he is with Janna."
"What part of this do you not understand Severus?" Dumbledore shouted equally loudly. "Harry was safe under Lily's magic. Lily is gone. I stripped all that away when I transformed her into Janna. The only Old Magic spells which remain are the ones pertaining to Evans blood."
Severus sputtered, but had no rebuttal. He couldn't access any Old Magic. Now Dumbledore was telling him neither could Janna. This changed the tone of everything.
Severus balked at this information. How could he take his wife and child away from where they were safe? If Harry wasn't under any kind of protection while he was with Janna, he was looking at a dead wife and child. There had to be something else.
"Has it sunk in what I'm trying to convey Severus? Do you now understand? No matter how formidable a wizard you are. You alone will not be able to protect Harry?"
"So far," replied Severus. "You've disclosed all that will go wrong. Perhaps now is the time to reveal your big plan for what can go right."
"It fairly simple Severus," Dumbledore answered softly. "You and Janna will remain here at Hogwarts. Have another child. Have two. But you will leave Harry to me. History shall remain as it is. This is what must be done.
Well here we are. Thank you to those who have read, reviewed and favorited this story. I appreciate every comment. Severus, Janna and Jacob's story is by no means over. I am just closing this period in their lives.
The Years Of Decisions: Chapter 20: The Painful Years
All sorts of thoughts were running through Severus' head as he continued to sit across from Dumbledore. The Headmaster was the cause of all this. Severus wanted to be angry with Dumbledore, but there wasn't any use. For once Dumbledore had it right. As much as he would like to make Janna happy by bringing Harry into their small family. It just couldn't be done without everything coming to a bad end.
Severus wasn't some soft hearted wizard who was going all crumbly. He was only maintaining his composure for Janna's sake. A half grown child who had only heard about James Potter being his father wasn't a challenge he wanted to take over. Severus really couldn't miss a relationship he'd never had. The hard part would be to get Janna to see the truth.
He and Janna were pregnant. They should just move ahead from here.
Harry was their child, but he wasn't. He had spent eleven years under the impression his mother was Lily Potter and his father James Potter. There would only be so much he and Janna could reveal to him. Then the most obvious conclusion for Harry would be to think the world had gone mad around him. It was better left alone.
/*/
Severus stared at Dumbledore who was intently writing something on sheet after sheet of parchment.
He had been in Dumbledore's office longer than he had anticipated. It was past time for him to get back to the rooms to have another discussion with Janna.
Clearing his throat before speaking, Severus let Dumbledore know what he was thinking. "This is one of those few occasions where we agree on something. I am willing to give up all claim to my son in order for Janna and I to be able to move on with our lives. I may sound callous, but I have thought it over. This decision will be best for everyone involved."
It was Dumbledore's turn to clear his throat. "Everyone involved? You are well versed in keeping secrets Severus. It should be easy for you to move forward. I'm quite sure Janna will not agree. She is now aware of Harry and will not willingly give him up. What will you do about that?"
"That's the question Albus. Isn't it? My wife is pregnant. I will try my best not to upset her. I'll have to make her see the truth. Janna is intelligent. I'm certain she understands all that is going on. She just doesn't want to face giving up her first born. She and I will come to terms. I'm sure of it. I'm just not sure of what those terms will be. I'll speak with you later."
"Severus." Dumbledore called out.
Severus turned back to face Dumbledore. "What is it Albus?"
Dumbledore stood and came around his desk to stand in front of Severus. "I do not think it is a good idea for Harry to be granted early admission. He will turn up on September 1st with all the other first years. I'll send him a note. Please advise Janna of my decision. On another note. There seems to be quite a bit of activity going on at Malfoy Manor. I'd like you to find out what's happening with our slippery friend Lucius Malfoy. I don't want to be blindsided if I can help it. That's all. Get back to me when the Harry situation has been resolved."
"So. We are back to where we started. Please remember I am not your child Albus. Flinging orders at me is not the way to get anything accomplished. Address me correctly or don't address me at all. I will check on Lucius, but I doubt there is anything of interest going on there. Unless you call one of Narcissa's tantrums interesting."
Without waiting for a reply, Severus flounced out of the office muttering as he went.
/*/
The gall of that wizard huffed Severus as he took the stairs three at a time. There will come a time…
"Talking to yourself Severus? Are you unwell or is it just a case of having just left Albus' office?" Minerva McGonagall asked jokingly.
Severus nodded at the Transfiguration Professor not quite raising a smile. "You've been around me for far too long Minerva. If you'll excuse me, I'll be getting back to my wife."
Minerva stood there watching as Severus hurried away thinking he and Albus were like oil and water.
/*/
Janna who was waiting patiently when Severus returned to their rooms stood up to hug her husband. "You've been gone for quite a while love. The Headmaster must have had a lot to say. Has he convinced you to desert our son?"
Severus wrapped his arms around Janna without replying to her question.
Janna recognized her husband's reticence and dug in further. "Answer me Severus. Please. Has Dumbledore convinced you to throw our son to the wolves?"
"There are issues Janna," replied Severus as he kissed her on the forehead. "We are not deserting our child. Dumbledore has vowed to take care of Harry."
"DUMBLEDORE," screamed Janna pulling away from Severus. "You would have Dumbledore take our places? Are you agreeing to this in order to save your Death Eater reputation? You would give up your son so you can remain a putrid Death Eater? Do as you will. I am not deserting my son again. Harry needs a mother. He needs to be taken away from those pitiful excuses of human beings. If you will not help me, I will do this on my own."
Severus stepped forward to pull Janna back into his arms. "You have misunderstood love. The last thing I care about is my reputation. There are other things at work here. I want to keep you and Harry safe. I can only do that if we step away from Harry."
An emotional Janna raised her voice even higher. "Have I not made myself clear? I will not step away from our son. I want to go see him. I want to tell him who I am. Now Severus. I want to go now. I also want to bring him back to Hogwarts with me. This is what I plan to do. Will you accompany me or shall I be going alone?"
Severus slumped down on the side of their bed pulling a hysterical Janna down with him. He rubbed her back trying to bring some calm to the situation.
Janna was in early pregnancy. The last thing he wanted was for her to get so emotional she'd cause harm to herself and the baby.
Allowing Severus to rub her back as well as pull her to him did not diminish the tears falling from Janna's eyes. "I can't forsake Harry. Not again Severus. Please help me get our son."
Severus tried to explain, but Janna would not listen. She didn't care about the Dark Lord or his followers. She didn't give a shite about anything except getting Harry.
As much as he loved his wife. There wasn't any way Severus could go along with what she wanted.
He kept trying to calm Janna, but she was full out hysterical. It was at that point Severus realized he was out of options. He would do what needed to be done.
Asking Janna one last time if she could see herself accepting the terms he and Dumbledore had set forth and receiving another hysterical response. Severus prepared himself.
He kissed Janna on the top of her head and called out. "Legilimens. Obliviate."
/*/
For perhaps a half second, Janna gazed at him with a look of surprise on her face before falling into a slump in his arms.
Severus picked up his wife and laid her gently down on the bed. It was done. He had cherry picked all memories of the son she could never have. And now that he had Obliviated those memories. It was the son she would never remember.
/*/
Severus laid down beside Janna feeling like a complete bastard. He has Obliviated his own wife. Even though he had done it with the best intention, the reason didn't make him feel any less despicable. Even the fact Janna would never know he had removed the memories didn't help. He was a bloody traitor to his wife and wouldn't soon forget it.
Severus ran his hand over Janna's stomach. They were going to have a child. A child which would be accepted into Wizarding society without reservation. That's where their new life would begin.
Feeling listless over what he had done. Severus laid down beside Janna and fell into a restless sleep.
/*/
When Severus informed Dumbledore of what he had done, the Headmaster had commiserated with him while deep down he had cheered Severus' decision.
For Dumbledore, this one decision allowed the Wizarding World to settle back onto its correct axis. Harry was now his to groom.
/*/
On Friday 8/2/91, Janna woke up her normal, happy self. Pulling Severus on top of her she whispered romantic things in his ear.
Happy that everything had fallen into place. Severus removed the rest of their clothing and proceeded to take Janna up on the very things she had whispered in his ear.
When they were finished, they bathed, dressed and headed to the Great Hall for breakfast with the professors in attendance.
/*/
Severus knew he had not failed in his Legilimens and Obliviate on Janna. He was a master of Legilimens and Obliviate as he was a Master of Potions. But he was still a bit wary of what would happen if someone mentioned Harry Potter.
He needn't have worried. During the course of conversation, Harry's name had come up several times. Most professors were excited to have the child who stopped Voldemort coming in as a First Year. Janna had continued to chat amicably showing no interest in the boy other than him being the so called savior of the Wizarding World. She had even offered the hope that Harry would land in her First Year class.
A feeling of exhilaration enveloped Severus as he caught hold of Janna's hand under the table. Janna had then turned her brightest smile on Severus as she gripped his hand back.
Her simple smile caused Severus' heart to beat so wildly he felt it would come out of his chest. He had to stop himself from leaning over to kiss her on the lips.
He hadn't leaned in to kiss her was because he had an image to maintain. The school year was about to commence. He didn't need every gossip in the room shouting about how Severus Snape had softened since he got married. He definitely did not want to lose the ability to scare the shite out of the bloody miscreants who walked through his classroom door.
Otherwise he would have snogged Janna senseless in full view of whomever.
He had loved her through the years they couldn't be together. They were finally where they should have been all those years ago. Together. By this time next year they would have a new baby. Setting aside the return of the Dark Lord. Their path to the future was now completely clear.
/**/
The month of August found Janna back to her charming, happy self as she set about setting up her classroom for the coming school year. She also found time to lend a hand to Minerva, Septima and Bathsheba as well.
Although she was glad to help out a fellow professor, Janna made excuses when Quirinus asked for her assistance. She didn't much like being around the creepy DADA professor.
Severus had smiled to himself when Janna shared her thoughts about Quirrell as he found the idiot creepy as well.
/*/
The month of August was also busy for Severus. He had gone to check out the goings on at Malfoy Manor as Dumbledore had asked.
There was a small problem, but nothing to do with the Dark Lord.
Severus listened as Lucius explained his predicament. He had then found himself caught up in some bloody nonsense regarding Bellatrix.
Somehow Bellatrix had gotten a message out of Azkaban. She claimed to have news of the Dark Lord and threatened to kill both Severus and Lucius if they did not immediately go looking for her master.
A furious Lucius had not taken the threat lightly. He had used his minions to report Bellatrix. Three days after sending the note, Bellatrix had found herself moved to the deepest, darkest part of Azkaban.
The guard she had Imperiused to get her note out became a casualty as well. The Azkaban guards were rough and uneducated, but took pride in their ability to handle the prisoners. Since the guard could no longer be trusted to stand up to the prisoners. The other guards had handed him some Azkaban justice of their own.
At the end of the Bellatrix conversation, Lucius clapped Severus on the back assuring him that everything had been set right. The two wizards had then shared several brandies as they discussed private matters.
As Severus was leaving, Narcissa approached wishing him a good day.
Severus who still wanted to throttle the arrogant witch simply nodded in her direction and continued his stride to the front door.
Lucius who had witnessed the interchange from the study door rolled his eyes at Narcissa before stepping back into the study closing the door behind him.
/*/
By late August, Severus had been able to talk Janna into taking a weekend getaway. "You are in early pregnancy and deserve the time away. I want to know you are relaxed when you meet the incoming group of dunderheads."
Janna had giggled as she grabbed her husband. "I happily accept your invitation. However I believe it will be you who acquires the dunderheads. My students will all be well behaved, intelligent witches and wizards."
/*/
Their time away from Hogwarts turned into a very pleasant, sexually charged mini holiday which served to bring Severus and Janna even closer. Their happiness knew no bounds as they prepared to enter the new school year.
As happy as they were. On the evening of August 31st Severus winked at his wife before pulling on the dour, hateful façade he would wear in front of his students.
Janna's only response had been that he remember to leave that façade at the door to their rooms.
Kissing her gently on the forehead Severus had answered. "Of course my love."
/*/
While Janna and Severus were discussing facades. Hagrid had already spirited Harry away from the Dursleys and was escorting him around Diagon Alley picking up all his school needs.
The boy who had grown up with Muggles had been astonished when half the customers in a place called The Leaky Cauldron greeted him by name as Hagrid stood by beaming.
Harry had tried to question Hagrid while they had a bite to eat. The half giant had been quite tight lipped referring most questions to some unknown person Harry could only think to be Professor Dumbledore.
Once Harry entered Diagon Alley proper, he was further astonished by the magical shops and the items they had for sale.
Harry had so many questions he was ready to burst. Each time he tried to question Hagrid the half giant had hurried him along.
While Harry was in Olivander's Wand Shop Hagrid had stepped away and returned with a belated birthday gift. A very large and very beautiful snowy owl. Harry had almost been reduced to tears over such a magnificent gift. Even as he wondered what he would do with the bird.
/*/
When Harry and Hagrid finished all their shopping, Hagrid had handed Harry his ticket along with instructions on where and how to board The Hogwarts Express.
Hagrid also reminded the young wizard to pack everything he had purchased in the trunk he would find waiting in his bedroom.
Harry wanted to question Hagrid about how a trunk got into his bedroom. Hagrid simply put a finger alongside his nose and gave a short answer. "It's a gift from Albus Dumbledore."
All Harry could do was nod thinking that the Headmaster probably did the same thing for all new students who had grown up with Muggles.
Harry and Hagrid parted at the train station. Harry headed for Privet Drive while Hagrid headed for…. Harry didn't know where Hagrid was headed because he was gone when he turned back to wave a last goodbye.
"Now that's just odd." Harry muttered before entering the train station.
/*/
As a normal part of first day, Hogwarts was abuzz with activity. The Hogwarts Express had arrived and Hagrid was in the process of leading the First Years to Minerva McGonagall for sorting.
Harry had met several wizards on the train as well as an overbearing witch who had appeared at the very end of the journey.
Harry liked the wizards called Draco Malfoy and Ron Weasley. He didn't much care for the wizards called Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle. They reminded him too much of his cousin Dudley.
During the sorting Draco Malfoy had whispered to Harry he hoped to see him in Slytherin House.
Harry didn't know one House from the next so he had simply nodded.
Ron Weasley heard what Draco Malfoy whispered to Harry and had been quick to set Harry straight about wizards who belonged to Slytherin House.
By the time Harry's name was called he was sure he wanted to be in Gryffindor House. And that was what he told The Sorting Hat. The Gryffindors had all cheered when the Hat announced Gryffindor.
Draco Malfoy had rolled his eyes in Harry's direction.
/*/
Severus found himself staring at the son he couldn't claim. He was staring so hard it had made Harry uncomfortable.
Harry turned to the boy sitting next to him and asked why Professor Snape was staring so fiercely.
"Stay far away from him. He's a miserable git to everyone." answered Percy Weasley.
With this new piece of information, Harry decided not to mention his birthday visit from Professor Snape and Professor Southway. Percy obviously knew more about the Professor than he did.
By the time Harry turned back to the Head Table, Professor Snape had turned away.
Harry had also noticed that Professor Southway wasn't paying any special attention to him. Harry was gutted. He had felt a bond with her and had looked forward to seeing her again. Now it seemed his first assumption had been correct. She had only been nice to him because her position called for her to be nice. Nothing more.
/*/
Dumbledore had asked Severus for a private word after the students were dismissed. He wanted to see how his Potions Master had held up after seeing his son sorted into Gryffindor.
Severus had been blunt. "No need to worry Albus. I knew there was a fifty - fifty chance the boy would be sorted into Gryffindor. Perhaps a green eyed, male version of Lily will do better in Gryffindor than in Slytherin. I believe his being sorted into Gryffindor is best as we've already laid everything out in stone. We've agreed Harry Potter has nothing to do with me and I cannot have anything to do with him. As far as the Wizarding World knows. I do not have any children….yet. Our decision allows Janna and I to move forward without distraction. Thank you for your concern. If you'll excuse me. I'd like to collect my wife."
/**/
That had been September 1st, 1991.
In April of 1992, Severus and Janna Snape were blessed with the birth of a son. Fifteen minutes after his birth Janna and Severus were marveling over the fact their child had been born with a head full of reddish hair and brilliant green eyes.
Neither mother nor father was worried. They were aware that magical babies usually settled within twenty four hours. If their son remained a red-headed, green eyed boy after twenty four hours, then they would worry.
By the next morning the baby's features had changed. He now sported a head full of black hair like his father and the piercing blue eyes of his mother. Even though the change in their child had been dramatic, Janna and Severus were ecstatic their child now resembled them.
As he watched Janna coo over their child. A fleeting thought passed through Severus' head that he had quickly cast aside. But not before thinking that Dumbledore had interfered with a child of his once again. Then the thought was gone.
/*/
In the Headmaster's Office, Dumbledore dropped heavily into his chair. Turning to Fawkes, Dumbledore spoke remorsefully to his most loyal friend.
"It had to be done Fawkes. Leaving the child with red hair and green eyes would have caused nothing but problems. We couldn't have two children at Hogwarts who resemble Lily Potter. What I've just done was done for the greater good.
Fawkes jumped off his perch. With a soft scream he landed on the desk in front of Dumbledore. Wizard and Phoenix gazed at each other eye to eye. It was as though they were sealing a vow to forever keep the secret of what Dumbledore had done to Severus and Janna's second child.
As the Muggles often say. The rest is history.
/*/
Janna and Severus doted on their black haired, blue eyed son. While Severus spent every possible minute with little Jacob. He went out of his way to stay away from Harry. Especially after hearing the little dolt proudly bragging how his father had been a very powerful wizard and a gifted seeker as well.
That had been the first and last time Severus Snape allowed anything about Harry Potter to cut him. As far as he was concerned, Harry Potter could bask in James Potter's limelight for the rest of his life. The die had been cast. Severus wanted no part of him.
Severus remained true to his word. He hadn't felt anything when a troll nearly killed Harry on Halloween. Nor had he felt anything at the end of the first year when Quirrell went mad and attacked Harry.
Severus had made a vow to protect Harry. But the vow had been made to protect him against Voldemort only. Anything else would have to handled by the spirit of the great James Potter.
/*/
And for the next several years that's the way things had remained. Severus doting on Jacob while giving Harry the sharp side of his tongue every chance he could.
During those years there were more and more rumors that Voldemort had returned but was biding his time for some certain event. It was also whispered that the certain event revolved around Harry Potter.
In 1994 Dumbledore was so certain that Voldemort had returned he called Severus to duty. Severus did his due diligence quickly finding out The Dark Lord had returned and was after Harry. The word among the Dark Lord's followers was he had to kill Harry in order to regain full health.
Dumbledore put Harry under full protection refusing to let him leave the security of Hogwarts unless he was going to Privet Drive. This type of seclusion worked well until Harry was kidnapped by Voldemort during the Tri-Wizard Tournament.
Dumbledore had immediately called Severus to full duty.
This was also when Severus and Janna began to have disagreements. Janna did not like Severus being gone so often and for so long. Often only returning to Hogwarts in time for classes. Not only was she afraid for his safety. She was afraid for the safety of herself and their son.
Janna was aware of what was going on in the Wizarding World and the part her husband had to play. Knowing didn't change the fact she wanted Severus home with her and Jacob.
They began to argue so frequently Severus was reminded of his relationship with Lily.
In the Spring of 1996, Janna and Severus had their worst argument yet. Janna couldn't understand why Severus still had to work so hard even though Dumbledore was gone from Hogwarts.
Severus was as aggravated as he'd ever been when Janna got right in his face.
Did Janna think he wanted to be away from her and Jacob? Was she really that dense? Severus moved to walk away from Janna pushing her with his shoulder.
Janna screeched as though he had hexed her with his wand. "You fucking…. You lowdown… You. You."
Janna was so angry she couldn't get out an entire sentence.
Severus realized what he'd done and had immediately tried to apologize, but Janna wouldn't hear it.
"That you would push me is unthinkable. That you would push me while I'm holding our son is unforgivable. Leave us alone Severus. Go find those people who have become more important than you wife and son. Go." she shouted over her shoulder locking herself and Jacob in the bathroom.
Severus spent the next fifteen minutes trying to apologize through the bathroom door to no avail finally grabbing his outer robes and slamming out the door.
A semi hysterical Janna expected Severus to be gone when she came out of the bathroom, but became more hysterical when she found he really wasn't there.
This time there wasn't a Dumbledore to interfere. There wasn't anyone to change her mind. These thoughts ran through her mind as she sat Jacob on the bed to summon their belongings.
She quickly wrote a note to Severus.
Severus,
Your actions this morning made me realize that Jacob and I have become nothing more than insignificant specks to be pushed aside. I will not stand still for your indifference any longer. You are now free to solve all the problems of the Wizarding World without ever having to check on a wife and son. I hope you manage to save the Wizarding World. If not, the loss of two people you profess to love and who love you will have been for nothing.
Please do not look for Jacob and me. We've had enough of this Wizarding World.
I don't think I'll ever stop loving you, but I've had enough of you not loving me.
Goodbye Severus
Janna.
Janna left the note on the desk in Severus' study where he was sure to find it.
/*/
Five minutes later, Janna had her and Jacob's belongings packed and was on the way to the front gates. Janna made it all the way to the front door before realizing she should advise Dolores Umbridge of her intention to leave Hogwarts.
Janna sent a hasty note of resignation to the foul Dolores Umbridge. Then she had taken a last look around the front hall.
Hogwarts was the place she had met Severus. The place they had fallen in love. The place where they had made their son. The place where she had found out who she really was.
/*/
Jacob reached up to wipe away the few stray tears rolling down his mum's face. His mother was crying. He didn't understand what was going on. Where was his father? Jacob wanted his daddy to come home to make everything better. Then he too began to cry.
The carriage Janna had ordered was waiting for them at the front gates.
/*/
By the time Severus got home that night tired and frustrated. Janna and Jacob had already begun the journey which would take them far away from Hogwarts and the Magical World.
Severus was anxious to see his wife. The frustration of chasing behind the Dark Lord while working for the Order was weighing heavily on him. Unfortunately, he had taken his mood out on the people whom he loved above all else. He had acted like an arse to Janna and Jacob that morning. He now had to make up for his abysmal behavior.
Janna and Jacob usually had study time in the evening. They should have been in the study. But they weren't.
Severus looked in the bedroom calling out to Janna. "I am home with an apology on my lips."
No answer.
Severus was puzzled. Janna took Jacob to dinner with her every evening, but dinner was long over. He traced his steps once again and landed back in the study.
He saw the note.
Severus picked up the note becoming fearful of what was written inside. He read the note three times before the implication became clear.
Janna had left him and taken their son. She wished him well and asked that he not look for them. She had given up on him and the Magical World as well.
/*/
Severus had absorbed the contents of the letter, but could not comprehend the meaning. Dropping the letter back down on the desk he flung open the door rushing to go in search of his family.
Severus searched the school from top to bottom finding nothing. Although his frantic manner had managed to frighten students and professors alike.
Once he realized Janna and Jacob had left the grounds. Severus strode to Hogsmeade to question anyone he thought might have had contact with his wife.
No one in Hogsmeade knew or had seen anything. For the first time in his life, Severus was at a loss for what to do next. Janna and Jacob could be anywhere.
Severus couldn't even ask the ousted Dumbledore for advice as he didn't know his whereabouts either.
/*/
Severus continued to search for his wife and son in between carrying out his duties, teaching classes and participating in Order business.
He found nothing pertaining to his wife and child.
Severus fell back into his loveless life of desolation and misery. Wherever he went he made sure to keep an eye out for any signs of his family. Always to no avail.
/*/
Harry Potter was becoming famous within the walls of Hogwarts. The more famous Harry became. The worse Severus became.
By April of 1998 just before the Battle of Hogwarts, Severus had become a miserable excuse for a wizard living day to day in the hope he would get to see his wife and son one more time.
In May of 1998 during the Battle of Hogwarts, a jealous Voldemort had set Nagini on Severus. Severus was severely wounded and on the verge of death.
When Severus managed to open his eyes, he imagined Janna was looking down on him.
Although Severus knew he was dying and probably hallucinating. He reached out to try to touch the woman he loved.
Hallucinating or not. Just before he felt himself being pulled into the blackness of either Apparition or death. Severus felt soft skin under his fingers.
Janna had come back for him.
Severus, Janna, Jacob and Harry will see you in the Epilogue.