Temari

I was leaning against the wall in Shikamaru's guest room, my mouth open and in a slight curve, eyebrows risen and just couldn't believe the way he was eyeing me. Oh dear god. I have never seen that look on his face.

For some reason I didn't feel harassed or anything like that. Sometimes I used to get this ugly feeling when some old dirtbag eyed me like I was a piece of meat. Hell, even my ex was way too straight forward about this and his "compliments" how sexy I am made me feel somewhat unsafe rather that attractive. But that stare… It looked like he wasn't controlling himself at all. Like he couldn't help it. When that guy ever loses his control? Never! Gosh. What is happening here? And question number two – was this a good idea to stay at his place? Even for a short period? But I can't deny that I actually liked that look. Or, more precisely, the effect I had on him.

I got dressed and opened the door. I decided to play this little amusing game. It was fun receiving attention in this innocent way, from the guy who's clearly trying to hide it and fight it. Even though I couldn't completely understand myself. That is, why would I want to do that?

Shikamaru was still sitting on the sofa, this time his eyes were fixed to the book. I walked past him without saying anything, went behind the mini bar to the kitchen and opened the fridge.

- Oh god, I thought it's going to be empty. Did you buy all that before me coming? Who are you and what did you do to Shikamaru I knew? – I asked with horrid expression on my face.

He didn't even look at me and said:

- No, it's always full. I cook a lot.

Okay. Well now I was sure he's avoiding to look at me. He's in fact fighting. And probably feeling embarrassed. And this will be fun. Thinking that, I smiled amused.

I set out to prepare some dinner for us. I already behaved as if I've felt at home, doing what I wanted. I figured he won't mind. Though I would have done the same even if he minded. While I was making food, he was still sitting with a book so I had plenty time for myself to think about the chat with Choji.

He told me Shikamaru looks very cheerful today. And when I asked what he means, I found out many things I still find hard to believe. About the relationship he had with Ino, how they broke up and how he still hates her. How he gets tragically drunk if she's around when they go out and how difficult it is for him cope with life. It looks like everything started with Asuma's death and keeps worsening slowly. He's still lazy guy for sure, but instead of being careless his mind is now really troubled.

And since Choji and Ino are living together now he feels like he's slowly losing his best friend and can't help him so much. Choji reassured me that Ino has indeed changed a lot and is regretful about what she did to Shikamaru. I didn't ask even though I was very curious, but I was getting already too much information from where I was not supposed to be getting it and I felt bad. Also it seemed Choji assumed I knew at least a part of it.

All of this gave me some mixed feelings and sudden realization of how we all have changed and grown. We started seeing life as it really is: harsh and ugly. Some of us might be getting all right with it, but I know I wasn't, even though I'd drown myself in work and pretend everything's fine. And now I knew I wasn't the only one having troubles.

Suddenly I felt affection towards Shikamaru and a strange feeling of wanting to take care. Sure I did that many times while raising my brothers, but this was very different.

Now I understood the source of a glimpse of sad look I saw in his eyes in the morning. He had the same eyes now, staring blankly into the same page for some time now, and I was sure he was not actually reading his book.

I was finishing the supper and it smelled nicely. I really felt I've put a lot of my heart in it, as cheesy as it sounds. I boiled up some water for tea and called him to the table.