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12- Spaceball Ricochet
"There's a new spell I want to learn," Severus said casually the next morning when they were heading to have breakfast in the Great Hall."Perhaps you could help me practising?"
"Tell me about it later," Raven whispered, elbowing him discreetly because Dumbledore was watching her. The headmaster smiled at her but she didn't feel comfortable under his scrutinizing glance, so she averted her eyes. Perhaps it didn't sit well with him that she had sought the comfort of another Slytherin the night before, instead of talking to uber-grandfather Dumbledore and listening to his words of wisdom. She almost chortled at that. Probably she wouldn't feel so sardonic about it now, had he ever shown true concern about her welfare after his precious Gryffindors had once more hexed her into the infirmary. But no, then he had told her outraged mother that it had merely been an unfortunate prank, over and over again.
Not many students stayed at Hogwarts during the Christmas break. In fact, their number was so little that there weren't even house tables in the Great Hall but just a big one set for all of them and their teachers.
Great, she thought sarcastically as she sat down next to the headmaster of all people, that's just what I bloody need right now, and almost instantly she wished to have skipped breakfast. After all, she could have sneaked into the kitchens again later to have a snack with the house-elves. At least their presence was far more tolerable than the recent, being under the supervision of Mister Twinkling-Blue-Eyes. Or having to watch Professor Walrus snorting into his tea. Fortunately, she was still quite stuffed from her last night's detour to the kitchen, and she didn't even have to feign appetite since it was perfectly agreeable for a young witch- who had just lost her aunt and uncle due to tragic circumstances- to not have any.
Raven drank a cup of coffee (not a good idea) and nibbled at a slice of buttered toast, hoping this charade would end soon. Why pretend that Hogwarts stood united when in truth in was all a farce? Did anybody- did the headmaster himself- actually believe in that absurd theatre he seemed to be so fond of demonstrating?
She was glad when it was finally over and everybody could go back to their respectable common rooms. The castle was already suffocating her, and yet less than twenty hours had elapsed since her return. Then she cast a brief glance at Severus and knew why she had returned at all- it was because she had longed to be with him and, in the end, that had been a good decision. His friendship was the most precious thing to her.
The magical sky in the Great Hall held the promise of a lovely day outside the castle's walls, bright and sunny but chilly. Raven suggested to take a walk around the lake and Severus agreed.
For a little while she was the happiest witch in the whole wizarding world. Hogwarts wasn't really that bad when there were hardly any students around, especially no Marauders, and she could be with the boy she fancied.
Of course, Severus had not forgotten about the spell he wanted to practise and later, when they were back in their common room, he brought up that topic again.
"It won't hurt, will it?" Raven asked, turning big blue trusting eyes on him.
"No," he was quick to assure her, although it had been a very unpleasant feeling when the Dark Lord had invaded his mind.
"You're not going to hang me upside down in the air by my ankles again?" Now she was referring to one of his latest inventions- Levicorpus- which had become a very popular spell recently, after he had used it on Potter verbally, shouting out all his anger and frustration. The Marauders had sort of adopted it and made it their trademark spell, enjoying it tremendously to see someone dangling in mid-air.
"No," Severus flashed her a wry smile and stared into her eyes, focusing on the spell.
His eyes are amazing, Raven thought, so dark and so intense...
Then he aimed his wand at her and mumbled the incantation."Legilimens."
It was a strange feeling but not totally unfamiliar; it reminded her of Auror Moody and his magical eye that had looked at her- into her- as if he could see straight into her head. Severus was doing the same now, only less discretely since Moody hadn't aimed his wand at her, hadn't spoken an incantation... hadn't pushed her that much. She shuddered, feeling very uncomfortable, vulnerable and somewhat exposed...
In her mind's eye she saw glimpses of recent events rushing by... the dead bodies of Drusilla and Horatio... Mad Eye Moody telling her about the decision of Auror headquarters that they had filed the case and couldn't do anything... she in her room, listening to ... Marc Bolan sitting cross-legged on stage, strumming his guitar... book after book I get hooked every time the writer talks to me like a friend. What can I do, we just live in a zoo, all I do is play Spaceball Ricochet...
Her trip back to Hogwarts, so full of anticipation to see Severus again...
NO! She knew he could see all of that and she didn't want him to see more. Although she liked to share her thoughts with him, he was betraying her trust now. If he dug any deeper, he would find out about her feelings for him- and she had to avoid that. He wasn't to know she was in love with him as long as he was in love with Lily Evans. She would only make a fool of herself since she was painfully aware of the fact that she couldn't possibly stand a chance against her...
So Raven slammed down her mental barriers- until then she hadn't even known that that was possible and was therefore surprised by the strong reaction it caused.
For the fraction of a second she saw two red, reptile-like eyes staring at her, then Severus was flung backwards by a strange force and crashed into some chairs, lying there motionless for a moment. Immediately, Raven hurried to his side and bent over him worriedly.
"Sev! Sev!" She yelled, patting his cheeks. "You alright?"..
"Aye," he grumbled as he opened his eyes to shoot her a perplexed look.
Raven breathed an audible sigh of relief while continuing to fuss over him.
Impatiently, Severus slapped her hand away and jumped to his feet, eyeing her with weird curiosity. "When the hell did you learn Occlumency?"
"Occlu- what?" She had no idea what he was talking about.
"Occlumency. The art to counter Legilimency, defending the mind against magical intrusion and-"
He felt her flat hand connecting to his cheek and clutched it in surprise, not really believing that Raven Lestrange had actually just slapped him.
"Don't you NEVER EVER- do that to me again!" She shouted, glaring at him with furiously sparkling eyes that made Severus take a step backwards. "I thought we were friends!"
He swallowed hard at the hurt in her voice, but all he could offer was the rather lame sounding, "Well, yes, we are..."
"But Sev, real friends don't go snooping through the other one's mind!" Raven heaved a sigh and reached out to gently touch the cheek she had slapped in a fit of anger and frustration, mumbling softly, "I'm sorry," because she hated how things had developed. "Real friends talk to each other. If you want to know anything, all you have to do is ask and I will answer. There's no need for such a... trick."
"It's called Legilimency. It's a spell and not a trick."
"That's not the point, Sev."
He knew she was angry and probably hurt because he had invaded her mind, but he was still too excited about how well it had worked, so he hardly listened to her complaints. All he could think of was how very effectively she had defied him, which led to only one conclusion. "You must be a natural Occlumens."
Raven rolled her eyes. She sat down on the nearest sofa and patted the empty space next to her as an invitation for him to take a seat. "Alright, tell me all about it. "
Severus didn't need to be told twice. While he recited his knowledge of the Mind Arts, he couldn't help noticing how very different things were with Lestrange in comparison to Lily, who undoubtedly wouldn't have spoken a single word to him for a long, long time had he dared to invade her mind. Well, Raven was definitely more impulsive- she had slapped him, she had yelled at him, but she was sitting next to him now, listening to him. There was a spark in her eyes that didn't speak of anger but of interest, the spark of curiosity. Her inquisitive nature had won over.
After Severus was done with his elaborate synopsis of the Mind Arts, there was only one last thing Raven was wondering about, especially as she recalled that fleeting moment of red, snake-like eyes staring at her just before she had pushed him out of her mind- or his spell had backfired on him, or whatever. She was almost certain now, that at this very instant, as brief as it had been, she had taken a glance at a memory of him... and that Voldemort guy. Probably they had met at the Malfoy wedding. Although Severus had told her about the wedding, he hadn't gone into details- which wasn't even necessary to draw a conclusion now, given that the Slytherin dunderheads, Mulciber and Avery, had not been beating around the bush about having met the Dark Lord. True, they had tried to keep their voices low when they boasted about the great honour that had been bestowed upon them, their pimpled teenage chests swelled with pride.
"So you met him." It was a statement, not a question.
"Who?"
"Don't take me for a fool, Sev. I'm talking about Lord Voldemort, of course."
He had the decency to not look her in the eye when he nodded, yes. A cold shiver ran down Raven's spine. She had never bothered much about the political ideas of Slytherin house, had thought them... well, just the ideas of idiotic supremacists. But how far would they go to keep their blood pure? Were the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters just a political party or a gang of terrorists, of cold-blooded murderers? The name alone alluded to the latter.
This wasn't good. No, not good at all. But she wouldn't judge her friend now, nor would she accuse him of making the wrong choice; she simply didn't know enough about Lord Voldemort. She had to find out more about him and his organisation.
In her conversation with Severus she soon noticed that he was actually more interested in learning Occlumency- the art of shielding his mind against magical intrusion. Did that mean the Dark Lord used Legilimency on his potential followers?
Of course, Raven could have condemned the Mind Arts in general now. She could have called it an evil thing that only Dark wizards and witches would use. But that simply wasn't the truth. She knew that Mad-Eye Moody had used Legilimency on her, she recalled the feeling, and she knew as well that Dumbledore had tried it, too. A famous, respectable Auror and the current headmaster of Hogwarts. Gryffindors. The supposedly very, very goody-two-shoes of the wizarding world. The brave ones that had been born with a moral compass...
She stole a glance at her friend. If he really though it the most brilliant thing in the world to join the ranks of Lord Voldemort for whatever reason- she knew he very much disliked his Muggle father, but his aversion couldn't possible go as far as to hate every Muggle just for the sins of his father- however, then why would he want to shield his mind against the magical penetration of his leader? The only plausible explanation was that he didn't trust him with his feelings, his thoughts, and that was a good thing. A very wise notion.
Raven decided that she had to help him with that. Of course, she didn't have any real knowledge of Legilimency or Occlumency, but apparently her defensive skills had impressed him. Severus wanted to know how she'd done it.
"Well," she shrugged, "I'd had it with you snooping through my mind, so I simply kicked you- literally- out of my head." It wasn't that simple, though, and hers was definitely not the most elegant, let alone the most unobtrusive tactic. "I'm wondering," she continued thoughtfully, "if somebody is invading your privacy and trying to figure out your innermost thoughts- wouldn't it make more sense to show him what he wants to see? I mean, instead of giving him a mental kick in the arse?"
"Indeed." Severus was impressed- that was exactly the right approach, so hers was a good idea. Provided, of course, you had a capable sparring partner to practise with. He glanced at Raven, pondering how he should propose that idea to her.
"Alright, then." To his surprise, she seemed to know immediately what was on his mind and was even willing to acquiesce to it, but then she set the rules. "I agree to help you with that- under one condition. When I say stop, you will stop at once. No more pushing, no more dragging. Just end it. Do I make myself clear?"
Severus agreed; he thought it was a good arrangement.
They called Pinkie for a late night tea in the Slytherin common room and enjoyed the silence, the absence of their house mates. Next day, all the students would be back to Hogwarts, and then everything would be back to usual.
For a short time it seemed as if Lily, Severus and Raven could revive their old friendship, but in fact they had already grown apart too much. So it was more like a truce, disregarding the animosities between their respectable houses to celebrate both Severus' and Lily's birthday in perfect harmony.
Severus received an owl from Lucius Malfoy but kept quiet about it, not showing Raven the slightest glimpse of it during their Mental Arts training sessions, and she didn't push him either.
Lily's birthday was at the end of January. Severus gave her a pretty scarf that matched the colour of her eyes, and she truly looked very beautiful and happy as she kissed his cheek to thank him. Raven felt a stab of jealousy because he had such a rapt expression on his face. Of course, he longed to have more than just friendship with Lily, but even the friendship they had stood on wobbly feet.
It made Raven sad to see him craving so much for what he would never get. There was such a hunger in his eyes when he glanced at Lily- as if she was the only one who ever cared about him. But St Lily-on-the-pedestal did not care. At least not in the way he deserved. She didn't even consider him as possible love interest, because to her he would always be the little boy with unkempt hair and mismatched clothes living in an unfortunate neighbourhood. And Lily treated him like a stray dog begging for affection- she'd pat his head and wash her hands thoroughly afterwards.
She didn't deserve him, Raven concluded. Most of all, Lily didn't deserve being raised on a pedestal by Severus, not if she was too blind to see how very wonderful he was.
Instead, she told Raven about the boys she thought cute. Pretty boys, popular boys. Dazzlers, like Ewan McFarlan and Marvin Bode. Still not getting how much Severus cared about her because he had not yet filed a petition for being Sorted into Gryffindor, because he kept on hanging around with those dreadful Slytherins that were his house mates.
Although Lily was quite a bright young witch, she failed to see that getting along with his house mates was essential for a half-blood to survive in Slytherin house. Or perhaps she actually believed that Severus could have persuaded Dumbledore to put him into Gryffindor.
Of course it pained Severus to see his precious Lily flirting with other boys- Valentine's Day was approaching, so naturally she wanted a date. And, as popular as she was, there were many possible candidates queuing to get her attention. Even Potter possessed the audacity to ask her out, but fortunately she turned him down, still thinking him an arrogant toerag.
Severus was pleased to hear that. It bugged him tremendously that his worst fiend was prancing around his best friend like a prized peacock during spring display, puffing himself up, showing off with his Quidditch skills. Luckily, Lily was way too clever to fall for such a poser.
What he didn't know, though, was that although Lily considered Potter an arrogant toerag, she thought him quite an attractive one.
In the end, after Lily had successfully turned down Potter's proposal, she decided to go to Hogsmeade with her giggling Gryffindor girls so they could have lots of girl talk and a few rounds of Butterbeer. She asked Raven if she would like to join them- Lily was such a good person, she couldn't stand the idea of anyone having to spend Valentine's Day all on their own.
"It will be fun," she said.
Raven very much doubted that. First, there was nothing she could talk about with Lily's friends, absolutely no common interest, since she was neither interested in wizarding fashion nor did she read Witch Weekly. And second, she didn't like Butterbeer. What other kids thought the height of cool only made her gag. Lily should have known that.
So Raven declined politely. She really wished she had a date for Valentine's Day. A real date, so that Lily wouldn't have to pity her and hence feel obliged to invite her. Besides, she wouldn't mind to snog someone. Preferably Sev, but since that wasn't an option and she wanted to spare herself another fiasco like last year's 'date' with him chasing after Lily, she now kept her eyes open, looking for a possible alternative. Sort of a substitute crush.
She was a young, modern 20th century witch. She lived in the seventies, she believed in emancipation and women's liberation; she wanted to have fun. And although she didn't believe in the spirit of '68 and their dogma that one already belonged to the establishment if he or she slept with the same person twice, she nevertheless believed in her right to gain experience.
Of course, she would have favored to gain experience with Severus- lots of experience. Alas, he was fixated on Lily. Life was such a bitch
Although she kept looking for someone else to stir her interest, chances were low. Most of the older boys of her year or above still remembered her being called 'Fat Crow' by Potter and his Marauders. It didn't matter that she was quite a handsome young witch now, she had her reputation and besides, she was a Slytherin. Which meant she was unpopular- a persona non grata- and therefore not datable. And it certainly didn't help either that she was hanging around with Severus Snape so often.
Her fellow house mates, however, were racist morons, the by-product of centuries of inbreeding that almost even failed at spelling their name right. If only they were attractive! After all, Raven was looking for someone to snog and that meant they wouldn't even have to talk much, let alone about political matters. Avery didn't look too bad, but there was a cold and mean glint in his eyes, therefore he was unkissable. The little Black was quite cute but much too young.
It was so frustrating! Mind, Raven wasn't looking for a Prince Charming, a white knight on a white horse that would sweep her off her feet and ride with her into the sunset so that they lived happily ever after. No, all she wanted was to have a little fun- until Severus finally realized that she was a girl and available.
But having fun at Hogwarts wasn't easy. Why wasn't there a boy like Miguel, her summer holiday flirt for the last two years? And wasn't it ironic that only Muggle boys seemed to give her the attention she thought she deserved? Sometimes she really missed him- sweet Miguel with his big brown eyes and cappuccino skin, tousled dark hair in the evening breeze, son of a Majorcan fisherman. He smelled of pine and the sea, and unfortunately he was very far away now. Well, and probably he'd run very, very fast if he ever found out she was a witch. Those Spaniards were so very Catholic, it wouldn't sit well with him.
The morning of Valentine's Day, Raven wondered how daft and clueless the usually quite intelligent Severus Snape could be. For an instant her heart had beaten faster because he had actually suggested to go to Hogsmeade together- before he mentioned that he was to meet Lucius Malfoy there.
Of course she hadn't expected a date. She wasn't stupid, she knew he still hoped that one day Lily would come to love him. And she wished she had the heart to tell him that that was just wishful thinking. Perhaps just as illusory as the hopes she still held up high.
But aside of that, Raven was also a tad worried because Lucius Malfoy was not to be trusted. On the other hand, it seemed to be typical for Severus to seek company of influential pure-bloods. He really had a serious problem with self-esteem if he thought he needed the likes of Malfoy to find his place in wizarding society. But what bothered her most was Malfoy's obvious association with the Dark Lord. She sincerely doubted that he and his Death Eaters were merely a political party, and she also doubted it would do Severus any good to join them or even spend too much time with them- although that was just a gut feeling she didn't have any proof for.
What can I do about it? Raven pondered at breakfast. She couldn't chain herself to Severus' leg and throw away the keys. No, that would be quite counter-productive, since such an attitude would merely land her in the same position as Lily, who was always so eager to shout 'evil!' and blame him for doing wrong. Raven had to be more clever and come up with incontrovertible facts; she had to find out all about that Voldemort guy.
Her thoughts got distracted when Sirius Black came prancing into the Great Hall, wearing Muggle clothes. And not just any Muggle clothes, not in the mismatched way most wizards wore them if they had to, but he actually looked quite fashionable with his tight-fitting jeans and an old, grungy leather jacket.
Later, as they queued to leave the castle in order to proceed to Hogsmeade, Raven couldn't resist to brandish her wand and fling a light stinging hex at his bum, given how delicious it looked in those jeans. Blame it on teenage hormones that he appeared dashing and almost provokingly rebellious to her.
To her surprise, he didn't hex her back but turned around with a winning smile that didn't even falter upon noticing who had just magically slapped his buttocks. If possible, it brightened even more... until he elbowed Potter, telling him much louder than necessary that apparently the Fat Crow had taken a great fancy to him.
Potter glared at her, Pettigrew chuckled almost hysterically as if Black had just cracked the greatest joke ever, while Lupin was once again absent. But they didn't do anything because Professor McGonagall was watching them closely, and even the infamous Marauders didn't possess the nerve to hex fellow students under her stern glance.
"What's the point of that?" Sev hissed at her, once they were outside the castle walls and heading towards Hogsmeade.
"Ah, just a little Stinging Hex," Raven replied nonchalantly, not showing how easy it was to develop just the tiniest of a secret crush on Sirius Black. Of course he was a moron. But handsome. And he would be even more appealing if only he kept his big mouth shut. Then he might actually be quite kissable... on the other hand, fancying him was probably just as hopeless a case as it was to be in love with Severus, so she gave up the idea as soon as it had occurred to her.
They were on level with the Forbidden Forest when Raven suddenly stopped dead in her tracks, almost instantly forgetting about Sirius Black and boys in general. She grabbed Severus' arm. "Look!"
She pointed into nothingness. Specks of white, wet, thawing snow in front of a dark line of trees that marked the Forbidden Forest. There was nothing to be seen that could have piqued her interest,
nothing unusual.
"What?" Severus hissed impatiently; he didn't want to be late for his meeting with Lucius Malfoy- certainly the prestigious pure-blood had better things to do with his precious time that waiting for a dallying teenager.
"Can't you see them?" She whispered excitedly, pulling at his sleeves. "There! Thestrals!"
It took Raven a moment to finally realize that indeed he could not see them, since Thestrals were only visible to those who had already seen death. Oh, but they were such amazing creatures. Not exceptionally beautiful in the common meaning of the word, but decidedly unique in their appearance- black bodies, skeletal and reptilian alike, with dragon wings. A morbid mixture of beauty and horror. Some skinny foals of almost charming ugliness were frolicking in the snow, and she really wished she could share that sight with him.
An idea struck her and she turned to face him. "Look at me," she offered, opening her mind to him.
They had practised the use of Occlumency and Legilimency on a regular basis ever since the beginning of this year, and were both quite apt already at passing information that way.
Raven concentrated on the scene in front of her, and through her eyes, Severus could actually see the Thestrals. The ghost of a smile flitted over his features as he stared mesmerized at the macabre beasties and the way she saw them. So full of wonder, although they weren't pretty- not like unicorns or some of the magical creatures that Lily was fascinated with.
"I have to leave now," Severus said, sounding almost guilty because he had enjoyed the walk from Hogwarts to Hogsmeade with Lestrange, and in particular that very special moment she had shared with him, seeing Thestrals. But Lucius Malfoy was already waiting for him, he noticed upon leaving High Street and turning around a corner to where the Hog's Head Tavern was located.
Although Malfoy was trying to be as unobtrusive as possible as he stood in the shadows of the tavern, he was decidedly not an inconspicuous person. He would always stand out with his long silver-blond hair and the posh, expensive robes he was wearing.
"Severus, my friend," Lucius greeted him. "Glad you could make it."
"I apologize for being late," Severus offered immediately, but Malfoy wouldn't hear any of that.
"Nonsense," the pure-blood drawled as he checked his watch; it was golden and adorned with many tiny sparking diamonds. "You're perfectly on time. By the way, who was that charming little witch?"
Severus looked around, then he realized that Malfoy must have referred to Raven Lestrange. But before he could answer, Lucius continued.
"Do you fancy her?"
"Er.. we're just study partners." He didn't say friends because that was none of Malfoy's concern. Severus knew Lestrange disliked Lucius Malfoy and he appreciated it very much that nevertheless, she had not tried to talk him out of meeting the pure-blood. So, probably he was even doing her a favour if he didn't mention their friendship to the elder wizard; he wanted to avoid her being dragged into the spotlight of Malfoy's attention.
"Very well, very well," Lucius smirked as if he didn't quite believe his young friend- although he had absolutely no clue whatever was going on in the boy's mind, since his expression was blank, almost inscrutable. "Still waters run deep, eh?" Lucius chuckled slightly now and patted Severus' shoulder. "Anyway, I'm pleased to see you're not hanging around with that Gryffindor Mudblood anymore."
Severus was wise enough to not rectify that.
"Now, my friend, are you ready for a trip that will change your life?"
Yes! Severus thought, his life could definitely use a change for the better, and so he accepted Malfoy taking him on a Side-Along Apparition trip to... wherever...
What had he expected? Without much doubt, a secret hideout in the middle of nowhere, a lonely hut in the highlands, a forlorn cave by the sea- any remote place in wizarding Britain where he might meet the Dark Lord again. And he was prepared for that. He even anticipated it.
Most definitely he had not expected Lucius Malfoy to take him to Diagon Alley, the far end of it. They stood outside a two-storey building; a discreet sign next to the door read, Madam Marguerite's.
Severus glanced surreptitiously at his companion, who seemed to be a regular patron of whatever this place was, given how the two doormen greeted him. They bowed deeply and let him pass.
Inside, it was very dim... only a few candles were burning, spreading a cosy light with a somewhat reddish hue. A matron, dressed in red robes, welcomed them. She looked quite pretty, despite the fact that she was old enough to be Severus' mother, and she talked to Lucius- whom she called 'Lord Malfoy'- in a quiet, pleasant voice before she glanced at Severus and offered him a warm, friendly, and very welcoming smile.
He smiled back as good as he could, while wishing he had managed to overhear what they had been talking about. That moment, a waitress carrying a plate of steaming asparagus and some mussels walked past them and disappeared through one of the many doors. Was this a restaurant? And if it was, why was the attending witch wearing so... so- well, so very little clothing? Her transparent robes revealed more than they hid, and then the friendly matron ushered her two newest guests through a door into a room that looked like a bar, and there were even more scarcely clad girls- or witches- attending to patrons sitting in dimly lit niches.
Severus' eyes widened. He noticed that occasionally... or actually, quite frequently... one of the mostly male customers of Madam Marguerite's rose to follow one of the girls to- wherever. Probably to some upstairs rooms.
After realizing that, it didn't take Severus long to come to the conclusion that Lucius Malfoy must have taken him to a very exclusive brothel as a belated birthday surprise.