Shikamaru

I said goodbye to Ino and opened the door for her to leave. After that I turned around and hurried to my room, grabbing a pack of cigarettes which I rarely smoked, hidden in the bottom drawer of my night stand. I frantically searched for my lighter or matches but for some reason I couldn't remember where they are. I sighed, and decided to go to Temari's flat – what I should have done an hour ago anyway.

I knocked at her door and she opened them. I could see she was confused, but I was even more so and didn't even try to hide it.

- Hey. Do you have a lighter or some matches? – I asked, and she was somewhat displeased after hearing me out.

She headed towards the kitchen and grabbed a box of matches, as I followed her, took the matches from her hand and went straight to the window, opening it wide. I noticed how my fingers were trembling while I was trying to light it. I had trouble doing that and wasted at least 3 matches until I finally succeeded and inhaled a smoke deep in my lungs. With the corner of my eye I saw Temari eyeing me closely. She didn't say anything and I was grateful for that. I propped on the window pane, closing my eyes and leaning my head into my hands. I just had one of the most unnerving conversation in my life and couldn't even dream I would be so stressed during it and afterwards. Only now I realized how much hatred I was keeping inside me and I hoped now it would seep away after all these years. Even in this stress I already felt some relief.

Temari's gentle hand on my shoulder woke me up from my thoughts. I let go of my cigarette which was almost burning my fingers and turned my head towards her. Now her face was worried, yet she didn't say anything, only offered a plate with chocolate cake. I couldn't help but smile. I took one piece – it was still warm – and it was the tastiest chocolate cake I ever had, even with a taste of a cigarette in my mouth staining it. I grabbed another piece, wandered towards the sofa, and fell on it, sighing heavily.

After a while Temari placed the cake in front of me along with a cup of coffee. I looked at her thankfully and I really felt better simply by being at her place. She managed to soothe me without saying a word and I had to admit I valued that greatly.

- Do you know what happened between us, Temari? Between me and Ino? – I asked, sipping my coffee and feeling more and more relaxed.

- I know that you've been together, broke up and avoid each other no matter what since when. – She answered calmly while taking a place on an armchair in front of me.

Simply looking into her concerned eyes felt good. I felt as if I was sitting with a person who could understand me completely. Maybe I was right?

- About three years ago we started dating. She was into me for quite some time and was really pushing while I simply went with the flow. Almost everybody from my friends were getting into relationships and I started feeling like an outcast in that way so I agreed to go out. At first it was all right, we'd go for a walk or watch a movie together. We both knew each other most of our lives as our parents were close friends, so it felt safe and not too weird. I wasn't really attracted to her but I sincerely thought that would come with time and maybe I was just slow in all this romantic stuff. Knowing me, wouldn't be too surprising, right? – Temari smiled a little. - However I didn't really feel any motivation towards that relationship, so pretty much everything was in her control and I just didn't fight it. To me it always felt like something was missing, something was not right, and I guess eventually I just understood she's not for me. I couldn't maintain any romantic relationship feeling this way, so I proposed we break up after three months. She was furious. She went crazy. She started breaking stuff in the room and screaming and crying and I didn't even flinch – I kind of expected that to happen. So then she started provoking me. Nastily. She told lots of unpleasant stuff about me and the way I behaved and then she began insulting people I love. She said Choji was stupid fat loser, only hanging around with me to get attention from the girls. She started talking shit about my parents. Then she said I was acting like a little miserable kid, still mourning Asuma like he was my daddy, while he never really cared about me and probably thought I was boring, like everybody does. Then I knew that I could never hate anyone more that I hate her. I lost my temper and started shouting back at her, trying to kick her out of my house. That moment my parents came home and she ran down to them crying, stating that I dated her just to use her. – I glanced at Temari shortly and saw her eyes wide in shock. – Luckily my parents knew me and her too well to believe that. So this is how it all ended.

- I'm sorry to hear that, Shikamaru. – she said with her emphatic eyes fixed on me. – That's not how the first relationship should be.

- Yeah, well… Life happens.

She paused, doubting if she should ask something.

- Go ahead. – I encouraged her and she seemed somewhat surprised that I noticed.

- How come Choji is with her after everything she did to you and told about him? It's a bit weird…

- That's the thing. He didn't know… I never told him.

- Why not?

- Because the day after I broke up with her, he came to my place and confided to me that he had a crush on her for a long while, but kept it secret because he knew Ino liked me. I felt revengeful for Ino and back then I really wanted to harm her in some way, but at the same time I did not want to hurt Choji by telling him what Ino did. I was sure he was hurt enough to watch us dating. He is such a wonderful person and I know he deserves the best, but I also know he's able to change people and I guess I was hoping that she can be be changed into a better person with his help. And it turned out I was right. Choji was at my place yesterday, and today Ino came. She apologized for what she did, she told how regretful she was and how guilty she felt every time she saw me even after all these years. It seems she's much more mature now and she and Choji loves each other a lot. She respects him and it really feels like she sees things much differently now that they are together. – I took a sip of coffee as my mouth went dry after such a monologue. – So that's the story about me living with hatred for the last 3 years and a story of almost losing my friend. And what you saw in the morning was the first step to try to get rid of that hatred. I think I'm doing this mainly for Choji – he told me he can't stand being ripped apart between the two of us all the time. And I guess after what happened I owe him that much.

- That's pretty fucked up… - Temari frowned a little and I started laughing at her reaction. Any other person would probably try to say something soothing and she was simply being Temari. I had to admit I loved it.

She smiled back at me and offered:

- Want me to fix some lunch for us?

I nodded. She was being nice and I felt like I could use some niceness towards me today.

After eating we chatted carelessly for a while, arranged some plans for the lessons, starting next week, and I helped her with the plans for Suna Academy. We were working slowly but it felt like simply hanging around with a friend, relaxing.