A/N: Previously, I've posted all of my one shot/ficlets as separate stories but I'm gonna try to post them all together from now on and see how that works.

Prompt from CastleFanficPrompts: Castle catches Beckett crying in the bathroom and she tells him its because she knows that he blames her for the car accident that killed their son. She blames herself too. Then she tells him she's pregnant.

Kate had taken a half day to pick their three-year old up from preschool since Castle was out-of-town on a book tour. They stopped at a stoplight and little Gavin was in the back seat just talking to himself and Kate was talking to Ryan on the phone, he was updating her on the suspect they had in interrogation.

When the light turned green, she pushed on the gas and proceeded through the intersection but didn't see the SUV speeding toward them from her right.

Next thing she knew, she was waking up in her upside down car. "Gavin!" No response. "Gavin, baby!" No response. She tried to maneuver herself so she could unbuckle and go to her son. "Mommy's here, I'm coming baby." Once she got herself unbuckled, she crawled into the back and was horrified by the sight. Her little boy hanging from his car seat. Still. So still. Blood rushing out of a gash on his forehead. She yelled for help through her tears, uncontrollable sobs that shake her entire body. She stroked a finger over his tiny hand, the other going in front of his mouth to feel for a breath. Nothing.

The paramedics arrive and Kate shields her little boy's face as they break the window to get to him. "He's not breathing." She managed to get out.

The paramedics tried to reassure her as they started taking Gavin out of his car seat and the car. Once he was out, they helped Kate out and tried to get her checked out but what mother would leave her son like that? She shook out of the paramedic's grip and raced toward the ambulance they brought Gavin to. She just watched blankly, through silent sobs, as they tried to revive him but when she heard one of them say, "time of death, 12:49pm," she lost it. She jumped in the ambulance and picked her son up. Sobbing as she cradled his limp body to her chest like her life depended on it, versions of "no," "not my baby," "I'm sorry," finding their ways out of her mouth.

Later they found out, the drive of the other car suffered a stroke behind the wheel.

(...)

It had been three months since the crash and things were just as hard as that day, a different kind of hard but hard nonetheless. Their marriage was slowly deteriorating before their eyes and neither knew how to fix it.

"Castle, I miss him too! You are not the only one hurting!"

"No! But I wasn't the one who brought this on! You were the one talking on your cell phone with our child in the back seat!"

She blames herself enough. She doesn't need him to remind her. "And you don't think I know that!? You don't think I go over that every second of every day!? I should have died in that crash not him!" And then she was retreating to their bedroom to deal with her grief alone, the way she's always handled death.

(...)

She's sitting on the floor of their en suite bathroom, clutching her knees to her chest, sobbing as she waits for the timer to beep on her phone. This can't be happening. They've barely spent two weeks in the same bed since the accident. This can't be happening. This cannot happen. Then her phone beeps and she has to face whatever the test says. She stands up, wiping at her eyes and takes a short step to the counter. A little blue plus sign is staring back at her and she drops to the floor again, her back leaning against the counter, sobs consuming her. She grabs Castle's shirt she slept in last night off the floor and shoves it in her mouth, not wanting Castle to hear her. She doesn't know how to tell him. But seconds later the door flies open then closes a little before it opens again.

"Kate? I thought you'd be at work."

She just hoped he'd go away and not notice the little white stick sitting above her head. But to her dismay, he does notice it. He takes a few steps in and picks it up, staring at it like he doesn't believe what he's seeing. She still doesn't meet his eye. "I'll...I'll make an appointment for this week."

"To make sure?"

She looks up at him, her brow furrowed. "No. To terminate."

He looks down at her, shock clear on his face. "Why would you do that?" He moves his eyes back to the test he still holds in his hands.

"How are we supposed to raise a child when you blame me for losing Gavin? You can barely look at me."

He know what she's saying is true, but he will not lose two children. He will not give up the opportunity to make things better with his wife. He sets the test back on the counter before sitting next to Kate and crossing his ankles together. "It's been a tough 6 months."

She chuckles at that. "That's the understatement of the year."

He turns to look at her and finds her already looking at him. "You're not going to terminate." She turns away from him and leans her head against the cabinets. "I think...it's easier when there's someone to blame." He waited for some sort of response but continues even though he doesn't get one. "I can't blame the guy with the medical problems and Ryan didn't know you were driving so the only logical person to blame was you." She nods at that. It was her fault, she should have paid more attention. He moves his hand to her chin, guiding it so she looks at him. "I'm sorry. I know you blame yourself too but you can't."

She turns away from him again and looks straight ahead. "We can't stay together just because I'm pregnant"

"No we can't." He says it almost matter-of-factly and it scares her that they won't stay together. "But we can try like hell." A soft smile plays across her lips as she looks back at him.