I wish you all a Happy New Year!
Thanks to Alabaster Princess and hypnotic ink.
Disclaimer: Not mine, lyrics from T Rex
23- Ride a White Swan
The Three D's were important in Apparition- Destination, Determination and Deliberation. You had to be completely determined to reach your destination, but that was not Raven's problem when they had their final lesson, the very one that would decide upon failure or success. Severus had already made it and she certainly didn't lack the required determination to follow him, wherever he went. Even if it was just up that hill on the outskirts of Hogsmeade.
Move without haste but with deliberation... yes, she could do that. After all, she was determined.
Without Splinching herself, she reached her destination. Alas, she didn't land quite as elegantly as she had planned to. Instead, she knocked Severus over, surprising him with the full force of her impact as she pinned him down to the ground with her being sprawled all over him.
Now, what a sensational landing! she thought sardonically as she popped herself up on her elbows and glanced down at him, breathing a stupid, "Hi, Sev!"
Although the situation was absolutely awkward, she nevertheless enjoyed being that close to him. He smelled so nice and he was warm... and slender. Was he really so thin she could feel his bones? Except, it wasn't a bone, she realized then. He was... happy... to see her. Or it was just a natural reaction of his body... a very nice reaction. And she had almost thought he was immune to all witches that weren't Lily Evans. Well, apparently not.
She was in no hurry to get up, and he didn't push her away as they stared at each other for a long moment. His eyes were so beautiful, so dark and mysterious like the Black Lake in the moonlight, and his lips... well, they looked absolutely inviting and she wanted to taste them, to kiss him...
How absurd! They hadn't even talked those past weeks, not since that night out in March. Of course, they saw each other every day in class and at meals, and naturally, they exchanged the usual pleasantries, but they hadn't really spend much time together like they usually did.
He was avoiding her. Probably he was just trying to hide from his friends that he had been out with her, in fear they could find out about his true allegiance, and that he was no Death Eater material, even if he made them believe so.
Raven knew he was acting very clever, playing a dangerous game. He had to fool everyone in order to go his very own way, and she was rooting for him because he did it so well. Nevertheless, she missed him terribly and his lips looked so very tantalizing...
Severus was taken aback by the way his body was reacting to hers and wished he just could. stop. that. Because it was... inappropriate. He didn't love her. But his treacherous body didn't care- it desired her. Her body was so soft, so womanly and and yet firm in the right places. Her eyes were dark blue like summer skies, gazing at him.
Their eyes locked.
She was thinking that his lips looked kissable and wondered what he would taste like.
Well, her lips were decidedly more tempting. He was aroused by her proximity; she was so close...
"Oi, Snivellus! Stop molesting innocent witches with your greasy paws!"
Potter!
Severus let out a frustrated grown although he was almost relieved about the interference- otherwise he might have actually given in to his fatal yearning and kissed Raven, betraying Lily.
"Get off of me," he hissed, pushing Raven aside while fingering for his wand. But she had already jumped to her feet, brandishing her own wand. There wasn't anything innocent about her...
"Oh!" Potter grinned when he realized that it was just the Fat Crow atop of Snape. "Never mind. Although it's sick to see two slimy snakes copulating in the grass."
"Who's copulating?" Black inquired as he made elegant landing, having Apparated sharply at his friend's side. Then he spotted Snape and Lestrange. "Oh dear," he exclaimed, flashing Raven a benevolent but at the same almost pitiful smile, "I never thought you were that needy, Lestrange! But don't worry, if you are so desperate to get laid, I know a cosy place to see to your needs. And in the darkness of a broom closet it doesn't even matter you're a Slytherin."
"Who's the desperate one here, Black?" Raven asked with a sophisticated arch of her brow as she walked past him, her head held up high. She walked down the hill, back to their Apparition Instructor in order to get that scrap of paper that would testify her skills in his class and allowed her to Apparate once she was of age.
"What's wrong with her, Prongs?"
"Dunno, mate," Potter replied, "Must've got to do with the fact that she's Slytherin scum."
"Alright. Alright..."
"Padfoot, you know you can easily find more suitable girls."
It was disgusting to hear them talk about Raven as if she was just a piece of meat to them, and Severus wanted to hex them for badmouthing her. Instead, he set out to follow her down the hill, thinking she had reacted quite cool actually- when all of a sudden Lily popped up out of thin air, looking absolute radiant with her wind-swept mane of red hair.
"I made it! I made it!" She squealed in adorable delight, jumping up and down- just like the excited young girl he had come to love.
He stopped to watch her. Alas, she didn't spare him a single glance as she beamed at Potter of all people.
"See, " he said in a conceited tone, "I told you so, didn't I? I just knew you wouldn't fail Apparation, because you are a truly gifted witch." His voice dropped to a low, seductive whisper. "Probably the brightest of our times, Lily."
Severus felt the urge to vomit at so much sweet-talk; it made him sick. Especially when Lily seemed to fell for Potter's words, glancing at him with shining eyes.
"Why, thank you James." Flirtatiously, she batted her lashes at the guy who used to be an arrogant toerag to her only one year ago- but apparently that had changed; she actually seemed to like him now.
And that was a very big blow to Severus' ego. He wanted to hex Potter for taking away the only girl he loved, but he couldn't do that with Lily around. She wouldn't appreciate it. The Apparation Instructor from the Ministry wouldn't either.
Heaving a sigh, he turned and walked down the hill to join Raven, trying not to think of her lips.
Contrary to her, he got his Apparation Licence handed out straight since he was already of age. It didn't please him as it should have since there were too many things bothering him.
Severus knew for sure that he loved Lily, and only Lily. Raven was just a good friend to him; probably his only real friend. Nevertheless, his body responded to her in a way that wasn't acceptable- so much about Black reducing her to a piece of meat; he wasn't any better himself. Although, he would never openly announce he wanted to shag her in a broom closet. That was so very, very ... low. Even to Marauder standards.
He was proud of her sophisticated response to Black's offending offer. Any other girl would have been flattered for having attracted the dubious attention of dashing Sirius Black, but fortunately not Raven Lestrange.
Weeks passed by like fair-weather clouds on a clear spring day. May came, the temperature was rising and so was Raven's mood because her seventeenth birthday was approaching. Outside the castle, the nature was exploding in fresh shades of green that seemed to get richer and richer every days; flowers were blossoming everywhere.
Raven loved that time of the year. It just made her sad she couldn't share it with anyone. After that encounter up the hill, Severus had gone back to avoiding her and was hanging around with the likes of Mulciber and Avery instead. He was the Half-Blood Prince again.
Although she knew he was merely playing a role to keep up pretence, there were times he was doing it so well she feared she might actually lose him to Voldemort. But then there were also these rare moments he would seek her presence (usually late at night when all the others were asleep) and he was her Sev again, the boy she had come to love. In those moments she worried even more about him.
Sometimes, they talked. Most of the time, though, he simply seemed to tolerate her being around, silently brooding over... whatever. Often, she felt very lonely and then, all of a sudden, he would surprise her with a gesture of friendship, like pouring her a cup of coffee, knowing she was like a zombie without her daily, early morning dose of that brew.
The morning of her seventeenth birthday came. Raven was of age now, but strangely she didn't feel any different; even her reflection in the mirror didn't look any different.
Nobody seemed to care anyway.
Severus walked past her on his way to breakfast, listening to whatever bullshit Avery and Wilkes were telling him. Not sparing her a single glance. And it didn't get any better. Her mother's owl arrived while Raven was sipping her coffee, but a Ministry owl beat was faster and dropped an official looking letter in her scrambled eggs.
Oh great, she thoughts, being of age starts just brilliant, and with pointed fingers, she fished a Licence to Apparate out of her food, stowing it away in the pockets of her robes. Then she focussed her attention on the family owl.
It carried a card with her parent's best wishes for her birthday and a strange key on a silver chain, but no explanation what it was good for. She turned it over in her hands and decided that its size spoke against it belonging to a Gringotts vault- besides, it looked too modern. But it wasn't a car key either.
All in all, it was quite frustrating. Of course, Raven wasn't expecting any expensive presents with her parents moving to Las Vegas and all the mess, but leaving her so clueless about that key was just not fair.
Severus walked into the Great Hall that morning, laughing over a joke Mulciber had just cracked- although it was neither funny nor intelligent, but never mind- when he realized that there was something he might have missed. He couldn't quite put his finger on what it was, so instinctively, he glanced over to the Gryffindor table, to where Lily was sitting. Immediately he lost appetite due to the sickening way the eyes of his most adored witch seemed to be glued to Potter's mouth, listening attentively to every word of nonsense he spoke.
Arrogant toerag indeed, he huffed, why does she give him a second (third, fourth...) chance if she wasn't willing to give me any at all? Desperately he wondered what had caused him to reconsider his decision and not join the Dark Lord. Voldemort promised power and recognition- why was he so daft to throw away a chance like that?
But then herecalled all the horrible pictures of genocide Raven had shown to him, and his eyes wandered from the Gryffindor table to that of his own respective house, just in time to see two owls struggling for air supremacy. The first one looked formal, from the Ministry perhaps- and then it suddenly dawned upon him.
It was Raven's birthday today, her coming of age!
Oh no! Severus felt deeply ashamed for having forgotten that. He simply had to be more attentive when it came to the people he cared about, few as they were, and Raven had proven to be a fairly tolerable person to be around throughout the years. So what was he to do now? As great as magic was, he couldn't make a birthday present appear out of thin air.
"Congratulations, Lestrange."
How did he find out? Raven wondered as she gingerly shook Regulus Black's hand. "Um... thanks."
"Now that you're of age, you will certainly throw a party?"
She almost laughed out loud. "Yeah, sure, I already invited Moaning Myrtle. Would you like to join us in her favourite bathroom for a dive in the toilet and some moping?"
When he glanced at her in bewilderment, she tried to make her point more brusquely. "As you might have realized, Black, I'm not very popular and therefore there won't be any party."
"But you..." He fell silent as he averted his eyes from her face to let his glance wander further south.
"It's so kind of you to notice I have tits- congrats on your astute power of observation- but that isn't spectacular amongst witches, and it certainly doesn't make me any more popular than I intend to be; so if you were hoping for free drinks tonight or getting intoxicated on my expense, I must sorely disappoint you."
Regulus Black bristled indignantly. "Merlin, I was only trying to be nice, but you're just as anti-social a git as Snape is."
"Why, thanks for the compliment." Raven chirped happily as she walked away, rolling her eyes. Why was it that always the wrong boys realized she was a girl, when she wasn't interested in anyone but Severus? Who hadn't even wished her a happy birthday yet.
Sometimes she really hated her life.
Not for very long, though, since Sev would never cease to amaze her.
He thought about it all day- he had to do something or she would forsake him just like Lily had done, and he knew he couldn't stand that. But what could he do to please her, to placate her?
Although he didn't care about her like he cared about Lily, she had nevertheless become a dear friend to him- as insufferable as she was sometimes- and the idea of losing her was a very scary one.
So he watched her throughout the day, trying to think up a strategy how he could possibly get back in her good books again, while failing to come up with the most simple solution- to give her a hug and say 'happy birthday.'
Instead, he kept following her around like a stalker, and he very nearly had a fit of jealousy when that preposterous little Black boy simple did what he should have long done. Fuming inwardly at the nerve of his fellow house mate, who couldn't keep his eyes off her cleavage. It was disgusting, inappropriate... just as much as his very own thoughts had been the other day when he had almost kissed her, because her lips had looked so inviting and his body had reacted to hers (not for the first time) in a way that had nothing to do with friendship. And yet, he wasn't romantically interested in her. He loved Lily, always Lily.
Enough of that, he reprimanded himself, still thinking of a way to placate Raven before she decided to have enough of him. And then finally came up with a clever idea no pure-blood idiot like Black would ever consider.
Music was Might.
He would give her what she missed most at Hogwarts.
She smile happily when he sent her a note to meet him at Barnabas the Barmy's after dinner, so she almost ran up there to see him pacing nervously in front of the hidden door to the Room of Requirement.
They hadn't come here since the night of the John Peel session some month ago.
"Hi Sev!" Raven was about to throw her arms around her friend and hug him, but he held up a hand to stop her while focussing on what he wanted the room to appear.
The door opened to them and Severus released the sharp breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding when he heard some obviously Muggle music coming from a wireless. Everything was just like he intended it to be.
Her face, however, seemed to fall.
Severus didn't know that the high falsetto voices of the Bee Gees would always made her cringe, so he wondered what he'd done wrong now. To ease the mood, he produced a bottle of red wine from the pockets of his robes and handed it to her.
"I... um... I'm sorry I don't have a... proper... birthday present for you."
"Oh Sev," she sighed as she sank down on the sofa, making herself comfortable as the next song was much more to her liking, "don't worry about that."
Raven hadn't even expected him to buy her a present, because he never did. Her birthday was always after Lily's, so usually he was already broken at this time of the year, having spent his last Knut to buy her something she didn't know to value anyway.
"You know, I'm glad we're finally spending some time together..."
"I cannot spent as much time with you as I wish!" He gruffly cut her off. "I have to- you know I have to keep up pretence."
She took a sip of her wine; it was elf-made, from Spain, and it tasted of sun-blessed grapes growing on rich red soil. "I'm aware of that, " reaching out she took his hand to give it a reassuring squeeze, "and I'm not angry with you, Sev. I understand why you're acting the way you do, that you have to get on with your house mates and pretend you agree with their ideals so Tom won't figure out you're trying to fool him. I just... well, sometimes I just miss you."
He arched a quizzical brow at her as he also drank a sip of wine. Although he disliked booze because it reminded him of his father going nuts, he nevertheless considered a good glass of wine acceptable on special occasions.
"Well, um... I'm here. I never went away."
Merlin, he was so clueless sometimes! Raven thought it cute and smiled at him while the radio was playing a sentimental love song.
"Don't ever go away," she whispered, then she cleared her throat and said, "Please be careful, Sev. I know you're only sort of dabbling with the Dark Arts, using spells and curses you created that aren't Ministry approved, and there's nothing wrong with it as far as I'm concerned. But... don't get me wrong, I'm not crying evil... it's just- well, I'm slightly worried.
"I'm worrying about you because, probably, there is an even darker side to the Dark Arts than we are aware of; a side that turned the once handsome boy Tom Riddle into the disfigured featured of Lord Voldemort... and I don't want you to become like him."
"You don't want me to become powerful and respected?"
"I want you to be respected and loved, Sev; not feared and looking gruesome."
He snorted at that, and she wanted to tell him how very handsome he was to her, but she feared he would snort again, not believing her at all. Besides, he was still in love with Lily Evans, who was so much prettier and also more popular than her, and she really didn't want to hear any of that. Not on her birthday.
The radio was playing a T Rex song now.
...Ride a white swan like the people of the Beltane
Wear your hair long, babe you can't go wrong
Catch a bright star and a place it on your fore-head
Say a few spells and baby, there you go...
He's really a weird guy, that Marc Bolan, Severus thought as he listened to the music while contemplating his conversation with Raven. It seemed to him as if she might actually consider him... well, not gruesome to look at. He knew though, that he was definitely not a looker. At least not in the common sense, not like the Malfoys and Blacks and Potters of this world. He wasn't as posh and decadent as Lucius, not as casually handsome as Black, and certainly not as athletic as Potter, the Quidditch champion. He was just a lowly half-blood from the dunghill of Spinners End... he wouldn't be loved for that. Therefore he had to make himself a reputation. He had to become a powerful wizard and...
Raven squeezed his hand again- he hadn't noticed she was still holding it until he stared at their entwined fingers; it was a nice feeling. He glanced up into her smiling face and detected a slight frown as though she seemed to know exactly what he'd been thinking about.
"Don't you want to be loved just for being yourself?"
Dear Merlin, she really was a bit naïve today, wasn't she? Did she ever look at him? He simply wasn't the being-loved-for-being-himself type of guy, as it was plain to see. He had nothing to offer and that's why Lily didn't love him...
...Take a black cat and sit it on your shoulder
And in the morning you'll know all you know, oh...
'I think you really should reconsider your relationship with her.'
Wear a tall hat like a druid in the old days
Ride a white swan like the people of the Beltane...
Was he hearing voices now? True, the Muggle had said Raven was a pretty one- and he was right with that. But what did he know about love to suggest that Severus should consider his relationship with her? They were friends. Best friends even, and he treasured that a lot. But to believe there could be more was just... absurd.
Because... well, because she was pretty, and no pretty witch would fall in love with him of all people, even if he wanted her to. Which he didn't... or did he?
He recalled the way her body had felt when she had knocked him down during their last Apparation lesson, how his body had reacted to her landing right on top of him, and how tempting her lips had looked... but he shoved those thoughts aside because she wasn't Lily, and it almost seemed like betraying the feelings he had for her when fantasizing about kissing Raven Lestrange...
...Ride a white swan like the people of the Beltane
Wear your hair long, babe you can't go wrong...
Severus was glad when that song ended and the wireless was playing something else.
The school year was slowly drawing to its end; there were only a few weeks left before the exams and the summer holidays. And since they always had a new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher every year, Raven was already beginning to miss Professor Steel, the most competent one so far. Nobody could top her, and she wished the American Auror would stay for at least one more year, but apparently that was not an option for Alice Steel.
Instead, she made it unmistakably clear that one year at Hogwarts was decidedly enough for her, even though she tried to prepare her students as good as possible for the months to come.
In one on their last lessons, they were talking about Dark Creatures again, summing up ways to characterise and defeat them.
They talked about Grindylows and all the lower magical creatures, but also about the Undead- ghouls and zombies, vampires, the differences between an Inferius, a ghost and a poltergeist. Raven, however, was much more interested in werewolves since she hadn't manage to figure out the mystery of why the Marauders weren't afraid of their werewolf friend. Unfortunately, she hadn't learned that much about werewolves yet. Skipping through her notes she realized that she didn't even know how to one either, so she raised her hand.
"Yes, Miss Lestrange?" Professor Steel called her up.
"Um, I must have forgotten to write it down," she said innocently while glancing surreptitiously in Lupin's direction, "since I can't seem to find any notes on how to kill a werewolf."
It was fun to see Lupin flinch, blanching visibly, while his Marauder friends were skidding nervously in their chairs. Raven smirked.
Professor Steel arched a curious brow at her. "Well, of course there are certain spells, but they are too advanced and therefore not suitable to teach in sixth year. So you haven't missed taking notes; you will just have to wait until Auror training."
Lupin released a barely audible sigh of relief.
"But," Professor Steel continued, "it is true, though, that most of the methods described in Muggle literature are indeed effective."
"Like silver bullets?" Raven asked, enjoying how uncomfortable Lupin and his friends were feeling at this topic. Severus was smiling ever so slyly.
"Indeed."
"Bullets? Isn't that what Muggle fire from their cannons?" A Slytherin girl chimed in.
"Well, Miss Crabbe, a silver cannonball would definitely take out any magical creature and blow it to pieces, but it would be terrifically expensive. Anyway, we were talking about bullets as they are used in modern Muggle firearms..."
"I don't believe Muggles capable of killing a magical creature as mighty as a werewolf," Mulciber interjected, sneering at the very thought that Muggles could possibly be of any threat when they didn't possess any magical powers at all.
Professor Steel, however, begged to differ. "Do not underestimate the will of all human beings to stay alive, Mr Mulciber, as the human nature in general is prone to come up with things to ensure just that; and Muggles are very imaginative."
Most of the Slytherins laughed at that, but they fell silent again when Professor Steel continued with her lesson. The American Auror knew how to exercise control over her students; she had long earned their respect- even that of the Slytherins- due to her exceeding knowledge of the Dark Arts. Although they seemed to think that Defence was a waste of time when they were keen on learning the Dark Arts instead
A bell chimed, marking the end of class, but the students waited for their Defence against the Dark Arts professor to dismiss them properly, usually by assigning a pile of homework that made them groan with frustration. Not today, though.
"Please read again chapters twenty to twenty-three in your textbooks and give me a short summary," she said, watching the students file out of the classroom before she stopped Raven from leaving. "Miss Lestrange, may I have a word with you, please?"
"Professor Steel?"
"Since we're alone now, Miss Lestrange, you might as well tell me all about your sudden interest in werewolves."
"I... um, I merely feared I missed to take notes of something that might be relevant in my upcoming exams," Raven replied evasively, but she should have known that that just wasn't enough to please Professor Steel.
"Miss Lestrange, we both know that this is not the only reason."
Raven couldn't possibly tell her, and probably she had said too much already. After all, she wasn't to know that one of her fellow students was a werewolf since Dumbledore had decided to keep that a secret. But the teachers would know, of course, and if she ever did as much as to indicate that she knew about it too, all the blame would be on Severus because he had had to promise Dumbledore to not tell anybody and... well, he hadn't broken his promise, hadn't told her anything... and yet she knew.
"I can't tell you." Raven, insisted stubbornly.
"Don't you trust me?"
"I do, but..."
"I see," Professor Steel wasn't stupid and she wasn't slow on the uptake either; you had to be able to read between the lines if you want to be successful as an Auror. "Is it because you know something you are not supposed to know?"
"Well, I think that's probably one way of putting it. But nobody told me about it."
"A clever girl could have figured it out all on her onesies."
"Um... yes... indeed."
"Don't worry, I won't run to the headmaster and tattle. Dumbledore doesn't have to know everything, given that he is keeping his own secrets and I do not agree to all of them; he's not impeccable in his decisions."
Raven released the breath she had been holding.
"Ah, I guess I'm beginning to understand now... when I started my teaching career at Hogwarts last summer, I heard of an incident that happened some months earlier. Allegedly, Mr Potter saved a fellow student from danger-"
Raven snorted contemptuously.
"Merlin's hairy bollocks!" Professor Steel exclaimed as the scales fell from her eyes.
"Indeed." She glanced at the Auror, wondering if she should stake it all on one card and use this opportunity in order to find out why Potter and his cronies weren't afraid of a fully-fledged werewolf. "Professor Steel, is it somehow possible to tame a werewolf?"
"Decidedly not. Never. They will always be wild and dangerous beasts, ready to kill any human being that comes close to them."
Raven had already expected that answer, considering of what she had learned about werewolves. But there was still that one mystery she hadn't resolved yet. "It doesn't make sense. If I told you that there are people who aren't scared of meeting a werewolf at full moon, what would you say?"
"I'd say they are either utterly foolish or suicidal?"
"Here's to hoping it's the latter and that they'll succeed, but I shouldn't put my hopes up too high," Raven mumbled scathingly.
Professor Steel placed a hand on the girl's shoulder. "There isn't much I can do about it, I fear, although the Board of Governors should be informed." She noticed Raven flinching and hurried to add, "But I won't do that. No doubt Dumbledore will find a way to coax them into drawing the curtain over the whole affair, and in the end you're the one who's in trouble.
"I wish I could offer a more satisfying answer to your question, but at the moment I can't. I can only advise you to stay inside the castle at full moon. Keep to the rules and avoid any risks. When I'm back home, I'm going to peruse my private library, and if I find anything useful, I'll send it to you. We will keep in touch, Miss Lestrange."
Raven smiled at that; the American Auror was her favourite teacher and it was comforting to know that she just wouldn't vanish for good, that she actually wanted to stay in touch. It made saying goodbye so much easier.