Bofur was a fairly level headed, understanding dwarf. He wasn't usually the type to get angry when something upset him, he was more likely to become sad and emotional. Last night, something very wrong had happened to Bofur, and he was now currently walking the halls of the Lonely Mountain with a depressed look on his face.
Bilbo and Thorins nephews happened upon the dwarf, noticing the absence of his treasured hat before taking in the dwarfs mood.
"Bofur, what on Middle Earth happened to your hat?" Bilbo asked the down trodden dwarf. It was rare to ever see this fellow without his trusty hat on. Bilbo doubted the dwarf even took it off when bathing!
"Oh Mister Baggins, don't be so cruel, you know what happened to my...hat." His eyes were watering, he was close to tears now.
"But Bofur, Bilbo doesn't remember what he did last night! It's the truth!" Kili informed the uncertain dwarf.
"Come on, why don't you tell us from the beginning what happened." Fili spoke gently to Bofur, patting his back in reassurance.
"It was late, I always set my hat beside me on an end table before going to bed. So when I heard a grunting noise near me, I turned my head and saw Bilbo." He paused, face ghost like as he remembered the horrible evening. "I thought I was dreaming at first, I mean, what would Bilbo be doing in my room? But it wasn't a dream, for I started smelling something awful and watched master Baggins strain as he...as he." He paused to wipe his teary face, "Mister Baggins was straddling his ass over my hat! He soiled it unmercifully with his stinky hobbit shit and smiled the whole time!" Bofur began to bawl at finishing this sentence, Fili and Kili were in tears but not for sadness. They found the tale incredibly funny in a sick sort of way. Bilbo was beside himself on how to feel about taking a crap in Bofurs hat, let alone the feeling of realizing someone watched you take the crap in question. By Elrond this was embarrassing!
"What did, ahem, what did you do with your hat?" Fili asked, trying very hard not to laugh in the emotional dwarfs face.
"It's still there, on my end table. It smells so bad! I just, I just don't know what to do with it! My room stinks to high heaven now because of Bilbos accident." He cried out, blowing his nose.
"But what happened next?" Bilbo asked, feeling like a complete ass for hurting the dwarfs feelings.
"Next? I don't know. You sort of just pulled up your trousers and left my room, acting like it was just normal to take a load in any dwarfs hat and just walk away!" Bofur sniffed, looking at Bilbo morosely.
"Did you follow Bilbo? Kick him in the rear maybe?" Kili questioned, having controlled his need to laugh.
"No I didn't follow him! The hobbit just took a big turd in my hat, I wasn't going to see what else his bowels deemed a chamber pot!" Bofur wailed his answer, his eyes now reddened from crying.
"Listen Bofur, in my right mind I would never have done that to you. Please forgive me." Bilbo went to gently touch the sullen dwarfs shoulder, only to have the dwarf pull away.
"It's too soon, I need time to forgive you Bilbo. My hat was more than just a thing, it was a friend. A friend you just shit on! I need some space, Bilbo." He stepped away from the hobbit and dwarf brothers, walking off to another hall.
"Poor Bofur." Kili sighed as his brother and he watched the sad dwarf depart.
"I can't believe Bilbo would do such a nasty thing!" Fili shook his head, his eyes moving over to the embarrassed looking Bilbo.
"Well then, shall we move onto the next dwarf?" Bilbo tried changing the subject.
"What, so you can crap in his hat too?" Kili joked, making Fili laugh and Bilbo gasp and turn red. "Joking Bilbo, I mean what are the odds of that happening twice in one night?" Kili chuckled, starting to walk down the hall in search of more dwarfs to question.
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The Hobbit belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien.