Thorin Oakenshield was snug in his bed, deep in slumber. His ears did not notice the sound of his bedroom door opening and closing, no, he was too wrapped up in dream land. His bed dipped as a sleepy minded hobbit commenced to snuggle under the covers with the kingly dwarf. Arranging his body so that Thorin was spooning the cuddly Bilbo.
The presence of the hobbit was treated within Thorins dream, which happened to be about his faithful mount, Minty the pony.
In Thorins dream he was riding his pony, cantering through a green meadow. While in his sleep, the dwarfs hands found Bilbos hips and grasped them, his loins grinding into the hobbit as he dreamed of riding in the saddle.
Bilbo cave into the grinding, his mind still fogged from inebriation.
"Faster Minty!" Thorin spoke in his sleep, his pace quickening as he in reality was dry humping Bilbo so wildly the blankets were sliding off the joined couple.
Thorin dreamt of riding his noble mount to the stables, dismounting gracefully as he went to unbridled the mare he was so very fond of.
"Who's the fastest, strongest pony? You are! Yes you are my pretty pony! My pretty Minty!" He talked sweetly to his pony, running his hand over her beautiful flaxen mane.
As he dreamed of doing all that, Thorin was in reality stroking the hobbits hair, murmuring praises into Bilbos ear. With his head so near Bilbos hair, his nose breathed in the overpowering odor of alcohol.
Dreaming, Thorin smelled Minty's mane and caught the same alcohol scent. "Minty! What has happened to your mane? Have those nephews been bothering you again?" He questioned the mare. Wait a minute! Minty's mane would never smell like alcohol...
Thorin awoke from his dream, his eyes taking in something very unusual. It appeared he was staring at the back of someone's head. The dwarf looked down to see his legs were inner twined with this unknown person! He reached and turned the body to stare at the sleeping form of Bilbo!
"Hobbit!" Thorin gasped, pushing the body of Bilbo away from him, watching the hobbit hit his head on the night stand against the royal bed.
"How dare you sneak into my room and cuddle in my bed! Get out! Out!" He roared, pushing and shoving the body until it rolled off the bed and onto the hard stone floor.
Why wasn't Bilbo awakening when Thorin was loudly yelling at him to leave? Thorin, now standing above the passed out hobbit, gripped the neck of Bilbos shirt and began to drag his body toward the door. The dwarf set Bilbo outside his bedroom door, kicking the hobbit angrily in the rear end, before leaving the hobbit out in the cold hallway. The nerve of that hobbit!
Wait a minute! This could be Thorins chance to get back at Bilbo for his sponge bath nonsense! The way that hobbit had acted, Thorin bet that he could get the unconscious little trickster in trouble with other dwarfs around the mountain! And Thorin knew just who to start with first...
Gloin had argued with Thorin about having the fastest pony in the stable, which was a horrid lie! Thorins Minty was the best of the best, much faster than that snail of a pony Gloin rode.
It was time for Gloin to have a little 'accident'. Thorin went outside his bedroom, the hobbit was still laying there limply. The dwarf hoisted up Bilbo, lightly carrying the unaware hobbit towards the room of Gloin.
His foot steps were silent as the grave as Thorin trod inside the slumbering Gloins chambers. Noticing a chair at the end of the bed, the dwarf king placed Bilbo upon it, propping him up to look normal. Once the hobbit was in place, Thorin quietly snaked over to the snoozing dwarf. A razor was retrieved from Thorins pocket and he skillfully began to shave off the eyebrows of Gloin.
Holding back laughter at seeing the oddity of a no brow Gloin, Thorin placed the closed razor in Bilbos hand. Tiptoeing out of the room, he slide outside the door, scooting along the stone wall before making a random loud noise.
It worked, for he could hear Gloin awaken with a yell, then some fumbling was heard within the room.
"Master Baggins?" Gloins voice was heard as Thorin waited for the dwarf to notice the razor in Bilbos hand.
"What's that in your wee little hand?" Gloin spoke to the unresponsive Bilbo.
From Thorins view, he could see a light within the room now. A loud growl came from the vocals of Gloin.
"I'm brow less!" Gloin roared, apparently he had looked in a mirror at hearing those words. Thorin chuckled quietly as he watched Bilbos body throw from the room, his ass bouncing off the floor before coming to a halt. Ah, revenge was sweet tasting!
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Bilbo was walking the halls with Fili and Kili when he noticed Gloin in the distance.
"Gloin!" Bilbo waved, noticing something was off about the dwarfs face the closer he got.
"By Durin! Look at Gloins face!" Kili pointed and laughed, his brother Fili beginning to giggle along as well.
Gloin glared, though it was hard to tell without having eyebrows to watch. The angry dwarf held an axe in his hands, "See something funny, did ya?" He questioned, daring the young dwarfs to laugh more and see what happened.
Fili and Kili clammed up, noticing a angry crazed look in Gloins eye.
"What ever happened?" Bilbo inquired, getting a heated look and a growl from the armed dwarf.
"You nasty trickster! As if you don't recall sneaking about my chambers and shaving off my beloved brows! I'd skin ya right here right now if you weren't Thorins special companion!" He poked the hobbit with a stony finger into Bilbos chest.
"But Gloin! I was sleepwalking! Whatever I did it wasn't on purpose!" Bilbo tried explaining, his words falling on deaf ears.
"Lies! I'm not a fool, Bilbo. I've nothing more to say to the likes of you!" He harrumphed as his legs began to march past the trio.
"Goodness Bilbo! You really did have a busy night!" Fili commented as they watched the pissed Gloin walk away.
"Where in the world would I have even gotten a razor? I could have cut him while doing that in my sleep! Something just isn't right about all this nonsense." Bilbo spoke, his mind wandering to what else could explain his strange actions.
"You know, I haven't seen your uncle all day, any idea where he might be?" Bilbo questioned the nephews. Perhaps Thorin would have some helpful advice.
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The Hobbit belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien