Chapter 32: In which Shelagh discovers the truth, and Patrick gets some home truths from Tim.
Do you know – I love Tim, he is so much fun to write – I don't often have his little smart-arsey comments and pearls of wisdom, so when I do pop him properly in a scene it's great fun!
After chapter 31's quite wide time span covered, this chapter takes place all in one night – and incudes some stuff that you may find familiar from the TV series … it is a very dialogue heavy chapter again – but I'm the chatty type - so!
Thanks for your lush reviews, they're brilliant – and I'm very pleased that you are all so intrigued and enjoying the direction the story is taking. Please do continue – if you like what you read … or if you hate it - I'm not fussed!
This chapter – has no song (Sorry)
Enjoy
"I spoke to Jenny today … she rang me and told me that you were upset … and what you thought, thought that I was doing."
"Oh."
"Shelagh -"
"Well?"
"Shelagh, I am not having an affair, I would never … could never cheat on you."
"So – what have you been doing? All those evenings sneaking off?"
"I … right, Shelagh – I'm going to be completely honest with you – but you have to hear me out."
"Right."
"I have been with Lila. Lila, Marcus Langworthy and Jonathan Broughton. They've been helping me out."
"Helping you out? So … so you and Lila aren't …?"
"No. No love – not in a million years! Me and Lila have had an arrangement for the past fortnight – me, Marcus and Jon are helping her get through her F1 exams – she wants to move to the University of Manchester, but they'll only take her if she retakes her F1 exams."
"And you couldn't tell me that?"
"I could have told you that … but that's not everything. I'm helping on her Dad's request – because he thinks that I did have an affair because … well because I told him that we had."
"But … but you haven't?"
"No. Not with Lila and not with anyone else! We told her father that we – that is, me and Lila, were having an affair … which he thinks is why I failed her. He thinks that I'm being honest and in return for getting Lila back on track he's going to drop the inquiry, it's all just so I could get my job back … for you …"
"And this is what you thought I wanted? Lies and … deceit? You think for a second that this was what I'd want?"
"I was stupid, I know – and I didn't think of how it'd look to you … I didn't think."
"So now, I've gone from feeling like you were making a fool out of me, to knowing that you've made me look like a neurotic fool."
"Love -"
"Don't love me Patrick!"
"I can't help it."
"No I meant … don't … don't call me love."
"Sorry."
"Stop apologising. I can't … have too much of a go at you I suppose, I mean … I can and I will … but I shouldn't. I suppose you haven't been having an actual affair. I just … just trust me Patrick."
"Yes lo- uh – yeah."
"I'm serious, you married me Patrick – you made that particular decision … and … just trust me. You know if you had told me all of this a fortnight ago I wouldn't have minded, it's a sensible plan but now … now I just feel like an idiot! Because suddenly all these awful thoughts I've been having seem really stupid and I feel stupid. I'm … I am going out for a run and when I come home … and when I come home I want you to have a very large cup of tea of tea ready for me."
"You wouldn't prefer a massive glass of wine?"
"No. No … no because when I talk to you later on I want you to know that whatever it is that I say to you … it isn't because of the wine, it's because it's what I think and feel and that's it."
"Right."
"Right."
"Shelagh … I do love you."
"Yeah."
Patrick checked the clock in the living room for the fourth time in as many minutes, Shelagh had been gone for four hours now and the foggy autumn weather was encroaching along with the semi darkness of the city. Even on her long distance runs that took her through the park and around the area until she would come home soaked with sweat and rain and covered in mud didn't take this long, every time he told himself that she was fine and that she had just taken a break or had taken a longer muddier detour he instead pictured her hit by a car, fallen in the dark of the park or in the back of an ambulance with no-one beside her who knew her. As the clock hit 10pm he took a final look out of the window at the now total darkness save the street lights and the drizzle that was starting to run down the panes of glass he made up his mind at last, standing up he jogged quickly upstairs and after knocking briefly he walked into Tim's bedroom.
"Get your coat – we're going out."
"Why?"
"Because I say so."
"No – I mean why are we going out now?"
"It's Shelagh."
"Is she alright?!"
"I don't know – but … she hasn't come home from her run."
"Right. I'll come now."
"Good lad." Running back downstairs in his socks, Patrick pulled on a pair of shoes and his faded brown coat, checking the pockets for his car and house keys. The thud of Tim jumping down the stairs as he pulled on a hoody made him tut without thinking. "You're going to go through that floor one of these days."
"My Dad's a doctor, my step-mum's a nurse … I recon I'm safe!"
"Smart-arse, right, let's go." The pair walked briskly through the fine rain towards the car parked half-way down the street, with them both safely clicked in Patrick started the engine and pulled out,
"Hang on Dad, where are you going?" coming to a stop at the end of the street Patrick turned slowly to his son.
"I don't know."
"Well … where was she running?"
"I don't know."
"But she always says!"
"I don't bloody know! … Sorry … sorry."
"Oh God – have you two had another row?"
"What?"
"Dad – you're really mean to Shelagh all the time, and so you're always having rows."
"I'm not mean to her Tim!"
"Dad … you think me and Shelagh don't talk? That big pharmaceutical dinner a few months ago, Shelagh didn't want to go, she thought you were ashamed of her and then you made such a big deal out of being proud of her so she went. You know she was really upset when she had to move here, she said to me that she doesn't fit in here … but it's your home, so she did. She's really scared that she'll lose you because she doesn't fit in with you."
"She told you that?"
"Well … I made the last bit up – but only because she was saying other stuff and I kind of inferred that bit … She can't talk to the neighbours because they're all yummy mummies and posh blokes … she feels out of place and you don't help. She loves you – but she's had to make all the changes, and you haven't."
"That's it - the estate, she'll be at the estate … She's gone home"
"Good idea." Said Tim, nodding firmly as his father made a sharp left turn and drove along the damp road in silence,
"She really told you all that?"
"Yeah – but I'm making it sound like this was all one big heart to heart, we just have little chats every now and then."
"She never said any of it to me."
"Because she loves you, and doesn't want to hurt you. Hey - do you want me to lean out of the window and shout 'Stop Shelagh stop! My Dad loves you and he's a pillock!' if I see her?"
"No I do not – leave the talking to me, and keep your head inside the car – I haven't got time to take you to A&E tonight." rounding the familiar road to the Powell estate Patrick slowed his car and drove around the out skirts of the entire estate.
"I feel like a kerb-crawler."
"You didn't bring your wallet so it'd be a very disappointed prostitute."
"Tim … I worry about you sometimes. Right – she's not around here, I'll drive through – she might be inside." As the car pulled into the estate, Patrick found his minds mapping system still recalled the labyrinth of the collection of tower blocks, he stayed slow, peering out of the steamed up windscreen,
"Dad! There's a woman over by that wall in running stuff and I think it's her!" breaking Patrick opened the car door and stepped out. The drizzle had stopped but the faint fog remained making the air damp and the chill entered every pore, the woman beside the wall turned at the sound of the car door slamming and for the first time he saw her face, her hair damp half plastered to her head, half flying free.
"Oh God – I was so worried." He said, reaching out a hand and pulling her in-towards him for a hug, for a moment he thought that she wouldn't touch him but she didn't resist, although she didn't hold him tightly and her grip loosened long before his. "Never – ever, do that to me again."
"I will though … because I'm not yours."
"I know, and I love you – despite your disregard for your health or safety … Did you work out what you wanted to say to me? While on your wander?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"No – I mean, I'm … not even cross or angry. I just don't understand why you couldn't tell me the truth."
"Because I'm an idiot."
"No – I don't want you to say what you think I want to hear, I want to know truly and honestly."
"Because … because I didn't want to hurt you, I know how much you hated Lila and I thought that you might over react and try and stop me … and I knew that this was the only way that I could get my job back and my life back on track – and win you back too."
"Right. So that's … that's that."
"Well … what does that mean?"
"It means that you've been honest. And I'm happy about that."
"So?"
"So nothing Patrick, you've been honest and I'm pleased … and I probably would have over-reacted if I knew … and I'm obviously pleased that you're not sleeping with Lila. And I think … Jesus … I think that you should invite her round."
"Invite her, Lila Morgan, to our house?"
"Don't make me say it again Patrick, it hurt enough the first time. She's pretending to be your mistress … so I think I probably should … because you know, she's got you by the balls now – so I want to make sure that if you hold up your side of the bargain, she will as well. I uh … I promise not to scratch her eyes out."
"Or kill her with a blunderbuss?"
"I can't promise that."